Thursday (March 1st)

I had not seen Rain since the funeral and I was glad. I had also been saving up bits so I could leave Fluttershy's house. I just felt like a burden since we stopped mating. It felt weird to be around her and I did not like the way it felt. We also had not talked a lot since the funeral, even though it had been almost a month since. I still wanted to be with her, but something was stopping me from telling her and I did not know what it was.

I had been earning bits by doing odd jobs around the town. I still did not know where I would be moving to, just that it would not be in ponyville. I could not move back home either since there were too many memories of sister. I was at a loss even though I had been searching for almost a month.

Fluttershy was downstairs right now getting ready for the animals to wake up. I wanted to help, but it was not my place to help anymore. She was her own mare and I would just get in the way right now; but I did want to help. It did not feel right to let her do all of it.

After a long time, I decided to go downstairs.

I found Fluttershy trying to move feed bags, but was not doing very well.

I took a deep breath and walked over to her. Before she could say anything, I picked up the bag and grapped another one out of the crate that had been delivered a few days ago.

She smiled at me as I walked past her to the chicken coop. I did not know where the chickens went during the winter since they could not fly, but Fluttershy had told me during the fall that they would come back and were safe.

I walked into the little hut and put both of the bags on the top shelf so the chickens could not get them.

I walked back out and back over to Fluttershy, who was pulling out another bag of feed. Her supply was supposed to last four months, but it never did. She could not help herself if they asked for more.

I grabbed the other bag of feed and then one of the bags filled with manure for her garden.

I walked to the backyard and placed the last bag of feed with the others and then put the bag of manure in the storage shed. The bags were magically enchanted so none of the smell leaked out, which I was thankful for. Manure smelled really bad.

I walked out of the storage shed and back to the front yard. For the rest of the day, I helped Fluttershy sort out all of her supplies: medical objects, food that would not go bad until the end of next fall, gardening supplies and seeds, updated equipment, and a lot of other things that I had no idea how to use, what to use them on, or where.

By the end of the day, my whole body was really sore and I was soaked. Where she got the bits for all of these supplies, I did not know. Or why they all seemed to come together.

I took off my shirt and tried to dry myself off with it so I could sit on the couch. I was too tired to take a shower right now.

Fluttershy had gone into the kitchen to make a quick dinner for us. I did not know how she was no where near as tired as I was. She had done just as much as I had. She was amazing.

I shook my head. I should not be thinking like that. It only made my heart hurt.

She came into the living room a few minutes later with a tray filled with sandwiches and a pitcher of water with some cups.

She sat down without saying a word. I grabbed one of the sandwiches and bit into it. It was my favorite: cucumber, lettuce, and tomato.

"Thank you for dinner." I told her. It felt weird to eat without saying anything.

"It's the least I could do. Without your help it would have taken me all day to move just a few of the sacks." She answered.

"It would not be right for me to sit upstairs doing nothing while you worked hard outside. It would be rude of me as your guest." I took another bite out of the sandwich and swallowed.

"Light... are you... are you sure you want to leave?" She asked me.

"I think it would be best for me to leave. It hurts to see you. It makes me sad." I explained to her.

"It doesn't have to be like that, Light. We can still be together. I still love you, and from what you just said, you still love me. It doesn't have to end." She told me.

She put her hand on mine. I looked up at her.

"I know I made a mistake, I know I lied to you; but, ponies make mistakes, no pony is perfect. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I truly am. We can move past this, I promise." She told me.

I stood up and walked over to the wall, trying to calm down. I could feel tears in my eyes. As I was trying to get myself under control, I realized something.

"I am alone, Fluttershy. I have to be. It can not be any other way. First, mom and dad. Next was Rain. Now, Sister is gone." When I said Sister, I could not keep it back. The tears came. As I thought about it more and more, I noticed things had repeated in my life.

"Everypony leaves me. I did not have any friends when I was a foal, they did not like me. They avoided me. Rain was the only pony I could call friend and he hated me in the end. Sister left without saying anything to me just like mom and dad. They all left without saying goodbye." The more I talked, the more I realized just how pathetic I was. No pony liked me. They just put up with me.

My voice started choking up. "I... I do not want to feel like this again. It just hurts... so much. And it is tearing me apart."

"No pony ever seemed to like me to stay around. Sister loved me, but still... she did not even bother to say goodbye to me. She just... left." I turned around to face her.

"And you suffered through so much while I was here. I came into your life with no warning, scaring you in your own home. I broke your things, I made you bandage me up. I hurt you. I made you worry about me all the time. And for what in return? So I could lay broken in your home feeling sorry for myself. I made you fight with your friends over me. Made you take care of me. I am not good for anypony!" I was yelling by the time I was done.

I was so angry at myself for all I put her through, and how pathetic I was to everypony around me. How I must have looked to everypony, trying to be happy just to be happy. Not having to worry about anything. Not understanding anything. No wonder they hated me.

I galloped out the door, away from her, finding a new energy to keep me galloping. I was not good enough to even be around her. She was perfect and I was horrible.

I could see the moon above me, but I did not care. I just kept galloping.

I did not want her to ever find me, because if she could not find me, she could not be reminded of how terrible I was.