If Only

By Jeni Draco's Girl

Jeez…well, I'm not sure when the last chapter was up, but I hope someone's actually been wanting to read this…have been missing moonstorm's reviews, he's missed the last few chapters. So here we go…to recap, Jeni's had a fight with Draco, Emily knows the necklace isn't from Draco, and there's going to be a ball for Draco's 18th birthday and initiation into Deatheaterness. Whatever will happen next?

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It was almost a week after Jeni's fight with Draco and she still hadn't talked to him. Not that he hadn't tried, of course, but she just couldn't stand it. Henri had attempted to reason with her, but she wouldn't have it.

"Why can't you just listen to him, give him an opportunity to explain himself? That's all he really wants," Henri pleaded.

"Henri, please!" Jeni replied. "I don't want to have anything more to do with him. I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. He's the most insensitive, uncaring…" she trailed off. Henri tried not to smirk. He knew she didn't really feel like that. "He doesn't even care that my mother is dead. She didn't just leave me and my father – she was killed by his kind just days later," Jeni said, venomously. "And then Draco comes along, and proposes to take me into the 'lion's den', so to speak, without any regard for my personal safety. You can't possibly defend him for that!"

"But Draco and I can protect you! You wouldn't be in any danger!" Henri objected.

"That's very sweet of you Henri, and no offence meant or anything, but you and Draco against fifty adult Deatheaters out for my blood? You wouldn't stand a chance!"

"Jeni, don't you think you might just be getting a little too worked up about this?" Jeni scowled at him. "I mean, you can't be sure that they're all going to kill you just because your father had a little argument with Lucius, can you? The ministry would know it was them, they'd be onto them in a flash."

"That may well be, but I really think you're underestimating the danger," Jeni rebutted. "The point of this whole thing is to resurrect Voldemort, and the first thing Malfoy will want to do once they have the power they did last time is get back at the man who almost put him in Azkaban! I'm really hoping that this whole plan will fail miserably, but if it doesn't I don't want to be around when Voldemort returns!" Jeni was getting close to tears now, she didn't know what else to say to make Henri believe her. It was all made worse by the fact that their original plan had succeeded – Emily had been so angry at Draco that she'd gone to Henri. Now, however, Jeni was wishing they'd failed, especially after what had happened when she'd gotten the letter. Emily was more evil than Jeni had previously thought; it should be her, not Draco, who was being initiated.

Henri watched Jeni as all of this was going through her head. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, he knew that she cared about Draco, but there were other things too that he knew he wasn't aware of. Hesitantly he put his arms around her as she started to cry, more, he could tell, out of frustration and anger than anything else.

Jeni felt Henri's arms close around her, she wanted to push him away but her arms weren't responding to her thoughts. She felt as though both Henri and Draco had betrayed her. Char was in a different country, and she'd never been particularly close to her father, which meant there was no one she could talk to. As she sat there sobbing in Henri's arms, she wished she could have just had a normal life: with a mother, and a father who had a boring ministry job, instead of a dangerous one.

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Draco and Henri were at quite a loss as to what to do. It was just three days before the first Quidditch match of the season, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, and Jeni still refused to have anything to do with either of them. They didn't have much of an idea what was going on in her head.

"I think we're going to have to come to the conclusion that this is a girl thing, and we're never going to understand it," Henri said morosely.

"Maybe you're right," Draco replied in much the same tone. "I just don't know what it could all be about. I know she's upset with me for something, but what?"

"She obviously genuinely believes that her mother is dead. I know you tried to tell her otherwise, but there's not much use. It's all she's known for sixteen years, maybe she just doesn't want to imagine that her mother could be alive and not come back for her. Because then it would seem that she didn't love her, and if her mother doesn't love her, she may as well be dead."

"I just wish there was some other way," Draco growled.

"You know there isn't. She has to come to the ball, that's all there is to it. Once we convince her of that, the rest will take care of itself." At least, Henri hoped it would.

"And that's all we can do?" Draco asked, already knowing the answer.

"That's all we can do."

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The day of the Quidditch match, Saturday, dawned clear and bright, although it wouldn't have made much difference to Draco if it'd been grey and raining. It was now almost two weeks since the fight, two weeks since Jeni had last spoken to Draco, since he'd been able to kiss her… Now everything was darkness, days and nights dragged on and he didn't think he could stand it much longer. The thought of never holding her again, never seeing her smile at him or hearing her laugh was almost enough to make him want to just end everything now. Only two things stopped him from doing just that – hope, that she would forgive him, and the promise he had made back in August, before the start of his seventh year. He could never break that promise, although bringing her to the ball might result in him doing just that.

A few hours later, Draco stood outside the changing rooms, waiting for Henri. He finally saw him in the crowd of students surging across the grass to the quidditch pitch.

"I haven't seen her," Henri said when he finally managed to make his way over to Draco.

Draco swore. "Why does she have to be so God-damned immature!" he demanded.

"I think it's you who's being immature," Henri muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Look, she's perfectly within her rights not to come and watch, especially since her house isn't playing," Henri said, trying to calm Draco down.

"That may be, but I'm playing, and I want her to be here." Draco was obviously agitated.

"Alright! I'll go and find her. Just calm down a little, okay? You need to get the Snitch before Potter, after all." Henri turned and made his way back towards the castle.

Draco scowled. "Don't remind me," he grumbled.

Henri performed a quick locating charm which told him that Jeni was in the library. Maybe she wanted to be found, he thought to himself, otherwise she would have shut herself in her dorm where neither he nor Draco could talk to her.

Just half a minute later Henri entered the library, having sprinted from the entrance hall up two flights of stairs and down the corridor. He could see her sitting at a desk, completely alone, near a window from which she could see the Quidditch pitch. He smiled to himself. Perhaps she did want to come. He walked over and stood behind her.

"Look," she said without turning around. "I'm perfectly comfortable here, thank you very much, and I don't intend to return to my commonroom, so could you just-" Jeni turned around and saw who she was talking to. "Oh! Henri! – um, what did you want? You're not going to try and talk me into talking to Draco again, are you?" she asked, slightly flustered.

"No, not exactly," Henri replied. "Just try and talk you into coming to see the match. It would mean a lot to Draco if you-"

"No, Henri," Jeni said, cutting him off. "I can't come. Besides, I can see from here, I don't need to come out."

"But just think how much better you could see from out there!" Henri reasoned. "And you don't have any real reason to stay here – you can at least show that you've moved on. If you keep avoiding Draco like the plague, he's going to keep up hope that you miss him." Jeni stared at him. "Or something…I don't know. I just think you'd have more fun if you came out and enjoyed the game and got caught up in the atmosphere and all that. Help you forget about all this if that's what you want. We just want you to be happy, Jen."

"Well," Jeni wavered. "If you want me to come that much…"

"Great!" Henri replied. "Let's go. The game's probably started already, but unless Potter manages to get the snitch within five seconds, I don't think we'll have really missed anything."

"You don't think Draco could catch it this soon?" Jeni asked, still defensive. Henri smirked to himself. He did think Draco could do it, but he also thought that he'd be waiting for Jeni to see it - not that he told her this.

"Um," he replied, "It's just unlikely, you know, statistically and all that."

"Oh. I guess so. But that would also mean there's no chance of Slytherin winning, since I don't think they've ever beaten Gryffindor," Jeni said as they left the library. "So I think I'll just go back to doing what I was doing before, and watch the game from inside-" She turned back.

"No you don't!" Henri cried, seizing her by the arm. Jeni stared at him with alarm. "I mean, well, you should stick to your decisions. Come on, we're going out there."

Jeni was starting to think by now that there was something just a little bit wrong with Henri. Maybe Emily was really getting to him; she was possibly just a bit much for the guy to take on. Still, she sighed and followed him down the hall, outside and around the corner out to the pitch. They two teams were already up and flying, speeding through the air from one end to the other, constantly changing direction as the chasers fought over possession.

She could see Potter and Draco circling above the other players as Henri dragged her up into the stands. She didn't even notice that she was surrounded by Slytherins. Jeni couldn't believe that she had been prepared to watch this game from indoors. She had entirely forgotten the excitement of being at a match, feeling the wind as the players tore past, being deafened by all the screaming supporters.

Jeni was so caught up in the atmosphere that she didn't even notice that Draco had stopped in mid-air not far from her until Henri nudged her. He just sat there, staring pensively at her, until their eyes met and he zoomed off again. How rude, Jeni thought, ignoring the fact that she was suppose to be not talking to him and that he was in the middle of a Quidditch match. But all was forgiven when her stomach dropped as she saw both Potter and Draco simultaneously feint towards the ground. The whole crowd gasped as they raced, neck and neck, toward the Snitch which was hovering, almost cowering it seemed, at the base of a goal post. And then it wasn't. Both of the seekers pulled up, just feet off the ground, glancing around confusedly. It had been there only a second ago, so it couldn't have gone far. But the snitch wasn't reappearing, at least not for now, and so everyone's attention returned to the rest of the game, to find that Slytherin had just scored, again. Jeni could see Weasley shaking his fist at the Slytherin chaser, screaming that it was a foul. Madam Hooch, however, decided it hadn't been, and the game continued.

The score was Gryffindor on twenty to Slytherin on sixty, but no one was panicking yet. Most people had complete confidence in Potter catching the snitch, and the game had only been going ten minutes. Suddenly, Jeni saw it. The snitch was hovering right in front of the Slytherin stands. A few other people began to see it too, and started calling out to Draco. He finally noticed the huge ruckus going on in and saw the gold shimmer in the air. Unfortunately, Potter did too. They both turned sharply from their previous routes and shot over towards the spectators. Jeni realised all too late that they were flying straight at her. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see.

Potter pulled up before Draco did, because, as Henri later said, of his goody-goody conscience, he must have been scared of hurting someone. But Draco didn't have those kinds of inhibitions – he grabbed the snitch and screeched to a halt just inches before Jeni's face, almost kicking the guy sitting in front of her in the head.

"Hi there," Draco said.

Jeni opened her eyes stood up when Henri pushed her. She was understandably more than a little disconcerted. "Hey," she returned warily.

Draco just smirked. Then, in one smooth motion, he flew forward slightly, seized her round the waist and pulled her up onto the broom in front of him before turning and flying down to Madam Hooch to return the snitch.

Jeni was too surprised to even squeak.

"So," Draco said, almost nervously, as he turned away from the pitch. "How've you been these last two weeks?"

"Shouldn't you be back down there celebrating?" Jeni asked, ignoring Draco's question and temporarily forgetting that she wasn't talking to him.

"That's not important right now. You're what's important right now. We need to sort this out."

"Sort what out?" Jeni demanded as they flew through the window into the astronomy tower. Jeni remembered briefly the last time they'd been here. "There's nothing to sort out. Whatever it was between us is over, because you can't just accept, for some strange reason, that my mother is dead. You're just as insensitive and cold as I always imagined you to be. I guess this just proves that you should stick with your first impressions. I should never have pretended that you were any different than I thought you were."

"You don't understand," Draco pleaded. "It's not like that."

"It isn't?" Jeni hissed. "Then what is it like?"

"I can't tell you," Draco said quietly.

"So there's no decent explanation for all this? What do you mean you can't tell me?" Jeni was starting to get upset.

"You're going to just have to believe me," Draco said calmly. "What reason do you have not to trust me on this?"

"What reason? How about the fact that your father's a Deatheater, and you're about to be initiated and become one of them – one of the things that killed my mother!" Jeni cried. Her sight was becoming blurry with tears now.

"I'm not one of them!" Draco growled, stepping towards her, wanting to just hold her again.

Jeni pushed him away. "No, Draco!" she told him. "No – it's just, I mean…God, I don't know anymore." She sat down heavily on a bench. "It's just that everything's different to how it was before this year, and it all seems to be because of you, and I just wanted it to go back to how it was before so I thought if you weren't around anymore then it would all be okay."

Draco cautiously sat down beside her and tentatively put his arm around her as she started to cry.

"And I don't want to think," she continued, leaning against him, "That if she is still alive like you seem to think that she wouldn't come back and see me, because that would mean she didn't love me. I don't think I could stand that!"

Wow, Draco thought. Henri was freakishly good at knowing what girls thought.

"Look," Draco said quietly. "You need to come to the ball. I can't explain everything now, because that's not my place, but I promise you'll find out everything if you come. You'll be safe – we won't let my father find out who you really are, and everything will be okay. You'll see."

Jeni lifted her head and looked him in the eye, her face streaked with tears. "Promise?"

"I promise," Draco replied.

He had only intended to give her a little kiss, as he didn't want to scare her off again, but as he leant forward to touch his lips gently against hers, she slipped her arm around his neck and pulled him forward, pressing her mouth to his almost desperately. Draco responded by wrapping his arms tightly around her and crushing her against him. He could feel her, even through his Quidditch gear, and was so glad just to be able to hold her again, kiss her again.

Jeni pulled away suddenly. "God, you stink!" she said.

"Excuse me?" Draco demanded, all delicacy forgotten. No girl had ever told him that his kissing –

"I really think you need to go and take a shower," Jeni told him.

Oh, Draco thought. Right then. He stood and offered her his hand. "Let's go then."

She stared at it for a few seconds before she took it. Draco pulled her to her feet but still held onto her hand as he picked up his broom and they left the astronomy room tower. There was no way he was letting go of her again any time soon.

"About the ball," Draco began.

"What about it?" Jeni asked, trying to sound light.

"You are coming, aren't you?" Draco said, doubtfully.

"I don't really have much choice if I want to find out what's going on, do I?" she replied rhetorically.

"No," Draco said with a smirk, glad that everything was back to normal. "You don't."

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WOOT! Am done, finally. (I am a slow typer.)

So, what do you guys think? Hope that was interesting, please review and let me know!

Thank you to HANNAH, who is seemingly my only reader… and MELLY, my ETERNALLY WONDERFUL BETA!

So REVIEW! and HOORAY FOR FLUFF BUNNIES, aren't they just GREAT?

Oh, and finally, OMG! WHO LOVES THE 6TH BOOK! I can't believe that…and it…and everything was so…! Yes…am trying to avoid spoilers…obviously…but ! WOW!

Ok…am done…go review.