Guardian Angels.
Chapter Twelve.
A/N Trying to make the final push to the end and finish uploading the completed story, it's taken me longer than I expected as I realised once a story is finished I like to move on to write the next, and not chew over old ones, hence why I was slow in updating.
To those who have followed, read, commented, I thank you for taking the time and patience to wade through my rambling humble attempts at story writing.
After the battle had died down and the Tagorians taken into custody, Kathryn could heave a sigh of relief, it was finally over. Her shoulder ached and she felt drained, the past twenty four hours had caught up, her body cried out for rest and healing. She was greatly relieved to see Chakotay as he came striding purposfully towards her, concern evident on his face, she smiled at him hoping to disipate his worry, although knowing deep down she could not fool him no matter what she said or did.
Chakotay introduced Captain Jarden, who was eager to hear her adventures, but Chakotay cut the chat short saying his Captain should report to sickbay first and get her wounds treated before anything else was expected of her. She patted his chest gratefully, not having the energy for saying or doing much else. They agreed to meet again in an hour.
Once Kathryn received a clean bill of health from the Doctor she headed for her quarters and a good soak in the bath while sipping her soul reviving beloved coffee, finally beginning to feel cleansed and herself again.
The mopping up operation was completed once the reinforcements arrived from I.D.A. The Tagorians had surrendered immediatly.
The Captain, Chakotay, Shantari, Thalonious and Tulamina were all aboard the M.I.S.S. Alotte, having a grand tour of the impressive space station which was really a self contained mobile planet teeming with life, providing temporary and permanent accomodation to millitary and civilian personel. It was home, work place, training facility, scientific research centre and hospital, capable of dealing with battle casualties and natural disasters alike.
The starbase housed fourteen war ships and one hundred and fifty fighters, that were ready for launching at a moments notice, its self protecting weaponry and triple layer regenerative multyphasic shielding was formidable, a daunting task for anyone to take on in a battle if they were foolhardy or mad enough to do so.
It had a holodeck that could accomodate four hundred people at one time for training purposes and functions, several smaller ones for individual recreational use. Shops restaurants even an arboratum. It was all somewhat overwhelming compared to the small confines of Voyager.
Captain Jarden had invited the crew of Voyager to spend some shore leave on the base if they wished, while they waited for the dilithium and antimatter to be transfered. A day or so would not go amiss while they got to know their rescuers and what the I.D.A. was all about Kathryn thought.
Voyager would be travelling through their sector of space for the next year. The territory the alliance covered was vast and very diverse, it would be good to know who and what they could be facing along the way. The steller catography for the sector had been uploaded to Voyagers data base and Seven was already plotting a course.
Captains personal log supplamental.
After thoughts.
All's well that ends well.
It's a great relief that the cataclismic catastrophe planned and nearly executed by the Tagorians did not come about. It was an ingenious and daring plan, attempting to create a volcanic erruption to bury the planets small population in order to lay claim to it and its resources.
By saving the Bagothans, we have infact kept the status quo really. They are a warp capable race who have chosen not to do so. They chose to live simplistically and adapted to the some what harsh inhospitable planet that many civilisations had passed by, deeming it not worth populating.
The Prime Directive is all well and good, but is it ethicaly right to adhere to it one hundred percent, allowing innocent people to be slaughterd when it could be easily prevented. At the start of this journey I would have said yes but i think differently now after over five years in the Delta quadrant. To quote Captain Picard 'There are times when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders'.
This debate will be waged with Star Fleet when I get Voyager home. Until then I am not going to spend countless hours soul searching the rights and wrongs about the pros and cons, I'll leave it to the higher ups to decide and judge my actions when the time comes.
Tulamina and Thalonious are becoming united according to Bagothan tradition to share their lives as one. My crew and I have been invited for the ceremony which we look forward to with great pleasure and interest, especially Chakotay, he is in his anthropological element.
The whereabouts of Vazúl is unknown, but Captain Jarden stated that it was only a matter of time before he is brought before the judicators of the alliance to answer for his crimes. I very much feel that I have not seen the last of that fiend, nor contact with I.D.A. We face a long journey through their space and they patrol it meticulosly well, I have been assured. Captain Jarden was extremly proud and happy to explain about the alliance, how it came about, what it stood for. In many ways it has similar goals and ideals as the Federation, apart from the fact that they use augments to bolster their fighting forces, something I am uncomfortable with owing to the eugenics war on earth. It is one moral and eithical minefield that I wont go into now.
The Tagorian planets application for full membership of the I.D.A. has been temporarily denied while investigations are underway to find the culprits responsible for the invasion of Bagotha.
I recieved much chastisement from Tuvok and Chakotay, both in an official and friendship capacity after they had read my report. Their concern for my safety and wellfare was indeed heart warming if not somewhat over protective, going beyond the normal relationship of captain and senior officers i think .
Going against protocol led me into a great deal of trouble and a physical assult that I barely escaped from, a trauma that no one should have to go through. I still shudder as a cold chill passes through me when I think what could have happened if Tula had not shot the guard. The subject of rape is even to this day a taboo grey area. Star fleet accadamy do give it some attention during our self aware defense training and captivity course, but that was only the physical side of it, the psycological effect was ignored altogether.
Does the mental trauma of being tortured compare to being sexualy violated? Should they be approached seperatly and differently? Can trainers who have not been through any such trauma, prepare cadets well enough to have at least some idea of what they will have to cope with, if the worst does happen? I highly doubt it.
Getting over the pysical pain I think is easier than the psycological scars it leaves behind, no matter what situation caused it. Pain is inevitable, suffering is not. So it is how we see things that need to be strengthened as that determines the outcome of how we cope. Of course some people cope better than others, and that is part of officer training, to weed out the mentally weaker candidates who crumple under stress.
A captain must be able to function at full capacity, regardless of the circumstances and the situation, they are responsible for their crew and the mission, and cannot afford to break down under fire.
The gruelling three day captivity and deprivation training that tried to push us to the edge of exhaustion and beyond, to see how we cope mentally and physically, was an eye opener. Being denied enough food, water and sleep, threatened, bullied and interogated day and night, pushed to complete mental and physical agilty courses over and over, broke a few spirits along the way. No training can prepare you for the real thing of course, because they are not realistic when you know you wont be beaten or raped, it's just a matter of finding out how strong you are and where your mental and physical break point is.
I always thought of myself as resillient and strong, able to cope with anything, but now I am not so sure. How would I be coping now if i'd been raped? Should I be making contingency plans for my crew in the event of being incapacitated. I know Chakotay would do a great job getting Voyager home, and Tuvok will serve him well as a second officer, just as he helped and advised me over the many years we served together, even before entering the Delta quadrant.
Knowing how stubborn I can be I'd like to think that I have the good sense to accept help when i need it, if ever such a situation arose that threatened to impare my capacity as the captain of this fine ship and crew. Nothing and no one can hinder or get in the way of our journey home, not even me.
I also think back to that moment when I could have quite happily succomed to unconscious oblivion if not for the face and words of Chakotay drawing me back, giving me the strength to carry on the fight and not give in, he means more to me than I care to admit. I carry his courage devotion and support with me even when we are apart. He is the Yang to my Yin I don't think I ever had such a spiritual bond with Mark, if you can call it that, not very scientific I know, but then again, he is not here in the Delta quadrant for them to develop either and now I will never know what would have been, since he has married and moved on with his life while mine has in a way remained in limbo while stranded out here.
I do thank the gods, my lucky stars, destiny, fate, the Federation, the Delta quadrant even for bringing us together. I can't imagine this journey nor my life without him, he is my rock, my stable mooring from this ever encompassing storm, he has doubled our chances of getting home and I am gratefull to what ever helped our two paths to cross and become one. I know that what ever happens along the way he will always be there for me, with me.