Lux et Veritas

by knowhere

Literati. Rory, a college freshman, meets a confident adult Jess for the first time. What happens when the circumstances are changed? AU

18. Bygones

Lux et Veritas

Chapter 18: Bygones

Author: Knowhere

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Nothing.

AN: So, I wasn't really planning on posting quite this soon…but semester just ended and just thought I'd celebrate with the rest of you. So enjoy and I'll try to write some more before summer session begins in two weeks.

Lovely Hallon…thanks you as always.

Please note the fact that we've jumped forward in time

Summary: Literati. Rory, a college freshman, meets a confident adult Jess for the first time. What happens when they discover each other? Different backgrounds, attitudes, and behaviors. AU.

---

It's been six months and it feels like a new beginning. Winter's approaching again and the wind is picking up around me. Sitting on this cold park bench lets me have time to think. I see Adso running around, sniffing at the other dogs. It's our routine. After work, while it's still light, I take him out for a walk and we always end up here at the park. That way I can relax and he can wander around without his leash while I know it's safe. He enjoys it and I like not having to constantly walk around the sidewalks of a city that doesn't have enough grass for him to run on. The dog park isn't so crowded at this time of day. I never bring a book. I just watch him and let my thoughts wander.

I smirk seeing him go up to a smaller dog and bark a friendly greeting. The tiny Chihuahua yelps up at him and Adso's tail droops as he begins to back away. I whistle to him and he scampers back to me. Ducking between my knees, his wet nose is the only visible part of him as he crouches under the bench. Reaching underneath to scratch his ears, I chuckle. "You don't have to be friendly to everyone, you know. Don't take that shit from those smaller dogs." He sneezes and sets his head down on my left shoe.

"Hi, is this seat taken?"

I look up to see a pretty blonde smiling. I shake my head and scoot down the bench. "No, go ahead."

She smiles and takes a seat besides me. "I'm Jean."

I nod but make no movement to offer my hand to shake. "Nice to meet you."

"Is he yours?" She gestures to Ad who's finally come out from under the bench. He curls his body into a ball, lying half on my feet, half on the dry grass.

"Yeah." She reaches out to Adso and he backs away, tucking his body between my open knees. He's none too happy about the stranger and makes a noise in the back of this throat that sounds like a premise to a growl. I roll my eyes and make a face at him. "Sorry about that. The friendly thing comes and goes for him."

She smiles. "It's all right. I don't think he likes to share you."

I grin. "No. He's a stubborn dog."

"Mine's the lab over there. The golden one."

I following her pointing finger to see a light Labrador digging at the dirt. It's so light I'd barely considered it golden.

"Lady!"

The dog comes over and Adso instantly goes out to greet her, but immediately returns to my legs after their brief introduction. They're identical opposites. They're about the same height, though Adso looks a bit scrawny in comparison, but their coats are night and day. Adso's so dark he could be the other dog's shadow.

"This is Lady."

I nod down. "Adso."

"It's nice to meet you." Adso's sniffing the other dog and Lady appears to be happy to accommodate him. "So, you come here a lot?"

I don't move my head but my gaze travels sideways. Narrowing my eyes, I see that she's smiling. I'm not so out of practice to realize that she's flirting with me. "Yeah. Pretty much everyday."

"Me too. That's weird. I've never seen you before."

"Huh."

"So, what do you do?"

"Publishing."

"Magazines?"

I sit back on the bench. "Books. It's a small company." Adso nudges my leg with a ratty old tennis ball in his mouth, and I throw it out into the park without missing a beat. A flash of black runs by as he chases his ball.

She matches my posture. "You like to read?"

"Yeah."

She looks like she's searching for something to talk about. "Adso. That's an interesting name."

"It comes from a book."

"Why am I not surprised?" She looks over at me flirtatiously and it stirs something within me. It's been a while since I've had anyone look at me like that.

"The Name of the Rose. You heard of it?"

"Not really." She looks a little embarrassed and blushes a pretty pink. "Sorry, not a big reader."

I smile and try to make her feel more at ease. "It's good. You should pick it up sometime."

"Maybe I will." She pauses but keeps her eyes forward on the dogs. "So, what else do you like to do, besides read?"

I shrug and glance over at her. Average height, shoulder length blonde hair, strong cheekbones, and athletic body. "Not much. I'm pretty boring."

She turns and laughs. "That's new. I've never met a guy who openly admitted to being boring." She nods. "I like it."

I smirk and return her flirty behavior. "I have no problem being boring. It's actually pretty exciting to tell people that I don't do much."

She laughs at that statement. "Well, I think it's refreshing."

"What do you do?"

"I work at a PR firm downtown."

"Sounds interesting."

"It's all right. Lots of press releases and boring parties that are mandatory. Tomorrow I have this one for the opening of a gallery. I like art, but not enough to spend my Friday night on it."

I nod.

"But it should be pretty good. Open bar."

"Always a plus. Nothing says professional like getting drunk at a work function."

She giggles. "Exactly." She looks away.

Adso's come back, panting and out of breath from running around. Petting his head, he jumps up and sits in the empty space besides me. "Tired?" He licks my face in response. Getting up, he begins to stand precariously. "Come on, let's go home."

She stands as well. "Listen, the party's in Soho. You wanna come?"

Caught off guard, I bite my lip and stick my hands into my pockets. Fingering my keys, I falter.

"Um…"

"Open bar." She says it in a playful tone of voice.

I smile. "Thanks, but I don't think so."

"Oh." She looks down.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She smiles. "Don't worry about it."

I bob my head.

"Maybe I'll see you around sometime?"

"Yeah, maybe." I bend down to hook Adso's leash and tug gently as I nudge him back onto the ground.

---

"What? 'Thanks, but I don't think so?' What the hell is that?" Ben mocks me from across my desk.

I roll my eyes. "She wasn't my type."

"Was she a woman?"

"Yeah."

"Then what was wrong with her?"

I shake his comment off. "Shut up. Why did I even tell you?"

"Jess, it's been half a year. Almost. It's time to get back into the game."

"I'm busy."

"Yeah, so busy. You work all day, you come out with me and the guys maybe once on the weekends, but that's it. And I know you're not doing anything else."

"Oh?" I raise my eyebrow. "You're so sure?"

"Yes." He sighs dramatically. "You can be so grouchy sometimes. Maybe you don't need a girlfriend, but you at least need to get some ass."

I glare at him. "I'm fine."

"You are not." He points an accusing finger. "Jess, how long as it been?"

Incredulous, I shake my head. "I'm not having this conversation with you."

"I knew it. You haven't been with anyone." He politely leaves off the end of the sentence: since her.

I don't confirm nor deny his statement. "I'm not looking for anyone right now. There's no rush."

"Jess…" He speaks softly. "I thought you were over her."

My eyes are eagle sharp. "I am."

"Then what are you waiting around for?"

"Nothing."

"Exactly. So the next time some girl hits on you at the dog park, or wherever, take her up on the offer."

"Just get out, will ya?"

"Fine. But we're going to a bar this Friday and you're coming. No questions asked."

"Excuse me?"

"That's right. You heard me. Come, or you're fired."

"You're shitting me."

He shakes his head from the doorway. "Nope."

I run my hand through my messy hair. "This isn't happening."

"You're coming. End of story. And please make an effort to put on something nice, okay?"

I flip him off. He chuckles and closes the door behind him.

---

"Hello?"

"Jess, it's Mom."

I pick up my tea. "What's up?"

"How are you?"

"Okay. How's Dad?"

"Away on business again. Canada."

"Hm. What do you want, Mom?"

I hear rustling. "Can't a mother call her son without motive?"

"Sure. But you want something. I can tell by your tone of voice."

She laughs. "You're such a smart ass. Yes, I do want something. I want to have dinner with my family."

"Oh." I gulp down my Oolong tea. "That's fine. I can drive over this weekend."

"That was easy."

"Yeah, I'm a good boy." I don't add the fact that I'd do anything to get out of going with Ben and the guys.

"Why don't you just spend the weekend at the house? Come down Friday?"

"Yeah, sure. Why the hell not?"

"Language, Dear."

I roll my eyes. "Mom, I'm a grown man."

"You'll always be my little Jessie."

"Oh, jeez. Don't say that ever again."

She laughs.

"I'll see you Friday then."

"Okay."

---

I shut my car door and walk the short distance up the driveway. Adjusting my messenger bag on my shoulder, I ring the doorbell. Mom appears dressed up. "Hi Honey."

"Are we going somewhere nice? I thought we were eating at home."

"Oh, no. We're going out. Do you have a dress shirt with you?"

I look down at my Metallica t-shirt. "I guess. But I'm not putting on a tie."

She sighs. "All right. Go upstairs and change. Your dad is in his study." She rolls her eyes.

I chuckle. Turning around the corner, I knock once and open the door before he answers. "Hey Dad. Hard at work, yeah?"

He smirks. "Get in here, and let me kick your ass."

Sitting down on the floor, I pick up the other controller and set the video game back to the menu screen to add another player. "So, what's up with tonight? Mom suddenly miss me?"

Dad's eyes are glued to the flat screen and shrugs. "No idea. I was only told to be ready by eight. And I still have…" He glances over at the wall clock. "Seven minutes." He looks over at me. "Hey, you going to change your clothes?"

"Yeah, yeah. I have a button down shirt in my bag. Jeez."

"Hey, I could care less. You know that. I just don't want to hear your mother all night about how you wore a shirt with a bloody skull to dinner."

My figure on the screen dies in a fiery mess. "Fuck."

Dad cackles behind me. "Sucker."

"Damn it." I make a face. I glance over my shoulder. "It's sad that you win every single time."

"For you, or for me?"

"You. How many hours do you spend playing this thing?"

He smirks. "That's confidential."

I snicker. "Yeah, that's what I thought. And here I was accusing Mom of exaggerating when she said you lived in the den. But it's true, isn't it? You spend all your free time in here."

"When did you become the parent? I'm still your father." He leers. "Your father who just gave you a beating in a video game."

I open my mouth in reply when the door opens. "Jess, are you in here?" Mom peeks her head around. "Jess Warren Mariano, get dressed now! We have to leave in two minutes."

"Okay, Mom. Calm down."

"Jimmy! Would you please behave like a normal adult?"

Dad laughs. "Don't be mad, Babe. You can kick my ass tonight. I promise."

Mom tries to suppress her smile but is unsuccessful. Instead, she closes the door behind her. I look at him in disgust. "Gross, Dad."

He shrugs and pretends like nothing happened.

---

Fastening up the last button on my shirt, I run a hand through my hair. At the bottom of the stairs, Dad is leaning on the post. I stop on the last step. "We taking your car?"

He looks up at me. "Yeah, we'll take it. Lizzie, you ready?"

I smile but turn to hide it. Only my dad has ever gotten away with calling Elizabeth Danes-Mariano, 'Lizzie.' She doesn't let anyone else say it, because it's sort of my dad's nickname for her. Rarely does he call her 'Lizzie' in public. It's something he reserves for the privacy of our own home. "Yeah, I'm coming. All set?" She smoothes down the front of my shirt. "You look nice."

I smirk. "Thank you, Mother."

"Jimmy, do you have your keys?"

"Right here."

"Okay."

Climbing into the back of my dad's SUV, I feel very much like a kid who's out to dinner with his parents with nothing else to do on a Friday night. Sighing, I just roll down my window to let the breeze in. "So Jess, how's work?"

"It's fine Mom."

It sounds like she wants to say something else, but she falls silent instead. Dad has turned the radio to a classic rock station and we just listen in silence. Seeing the blur of outside cars go by, I speak up from the back. "Where are we going?"

"That Italian place we always go to."

"Oh."

"Jimmy, pull up to the valet." She points at the teenager standing by the curb. "I don't want to be late."

"Valet?" Dad whines. "But I hate having those kids in my car. They always pull the seat way up."

"Jimmy, just do it. We're five minutes late already."

"Mom, what's the big deal? I'm sure being five or ten minutes late won't cancel our reservation."

"It's impolite to have your guests arrive before you do."

"Wait, what?" I lean forward. "Guests?"

"Yes, I invited Luke."

I raise my voice. "You what?"

She turns around with a genuinely confused expression. "What's the matter? I said family dinner. I wanted to have dinner with my family."

"I thought you meant me, you, and Dad. Not Luke."

"What's the big deal, Honey?"

"Liz," Dad interjects. "You remember that Jess is no longer seeing Rory, right?" He's gentle, though his words are slightly condescending.

"Yes, I remember." She waves off the remark. "What does that have to do with it?"

"Dear," Dad stresses the endearment. "Luke is seeing Lorelai. Lorelai is Rory's mother."

"So?"

I watch the conversation bounce back and forth like a tennis match. "Well, Jess probably isn't comfortable seeing Luke."

"Nonsense. It's not like she'll be at the dinner. Only Luke." She turns and assures me. "Just Luke."

I huff and sit back, knowing that I'll be miserable by the end of the evening. Luke will probably be giving me the evil eye all night. Even though it's been almost half a year, I doubt he'll be too chummy with me tonight. "Does he know I'm coming?"

"I don't think so."

Dryly, I retort. "Great."

---

Mom and Dad are following the hostess with me bringing up the rear with a scowl. As if adding insult to injury, not only do I find Luke with a sour expression, but I also find Rory and her mother sitting down as well. Suddenly I'm not an adult, I'm a child who hasn't gotten his way. Roughly taking Dad's elbow, I tug. "What the fuck?"

He looks sheepish. "Sorry, Son."

Coming into their line of sight, she looks up and meets my eyes. They widen and she gets up right away. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Rory?" Lorelai looks confused but it doesn't last as she sees me.

Ducking away from my parents, I don't think. I just follow her. Her steps quicken and she's almost into the women's bathroom when I reach out for the door to stop her. "Wait. Stop."

In a flurry, her words spill out. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here. I didn't even know we were meeting your parents for dinner. Luke just asked Mom to come with him and then she asked me to go with her, and I had no idea…really. I just found out a minute ago that your parents were coming and Luke said that your mom didn't mention you. Not that I was asking, just…"

Amused, I nod along. "Is that so?"

Taking a deep breath, she stops. "I'm rambling."

"It seems like it."

"Sorry."

I smile down at her and we both notice that my arm's still blocking her way, too close. I'm almost touching her. Almost, but not really. I recoil and she backs up at the same time. I clear my throat in nervousness. This is the first time we've seen each other in six months. I never thought I'd really see her again. This has completely thrown me for a loop. When I'm caught off guard, sometimes I don't have a censor on my words. I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "You grew your hair out."

She looks taken aback. "Yeah."

"It's nice." I immediately wince. What the hell am I saying?

"Oh, thanks." She glances approvingly at my clothes. "You look…"

I smirk. "Yeah. Mom made me change."

She smiles. "Well, it suits you."

I shrug. "I feel stupid." I don't add the obvious that the feeling isn't connected solely to my clothes. I'm like a blubbering idiot.

"Well, you look good."

I take the time to check her out. Flimsy blue dress that dips low in the front, hair slightly curled at the ends, feet unmistakably out of place in a pair of low top Chucks. I chuckle. "Nice shoes."

She tilts one foot and looks shy. "I didn't have any nice shoes at home. Mom's feet are a little bit bigger than mine, so I couldn't borrow any. I was hoping no one would notice."

I nod. Nervously, I tug my fingers through my hair. "Happy Birthday."

She grins. "Huh?"

"About a month ago? Your birthday?"

Her eyes twinkle. "Yeah, you remembered."

"Of course." I tuck my hands into my pockets. "Go wild on the celebration?"

She shakes her head. "Nah. Not really. Just had a night with Mom. Movies, cake. The usual. It was nice."

"Yeah, I bet."

She shifts from side to side and glances back in the general direction of the table. "Maybe we should go back?"

I gesture to the women's restroom. "Don't you have to go to the bathroom?"

"Um, yeah." She ducks around my arm. For some reason, I don't move. Waiting for a couple of minutes I see the door swish open and her surprised expression. "Oh."

I don't explain the reason why I waited. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

It's weird walking side by side and not reaching for her hand. Even though I haven't thought about touching her specifically for some time now, I can't help but wonder what it would feel like right now? Is she warm or cold? Is her palm sweaty like mine are now? Would I still be able to feel her pulse at the base of her wrist? I remember a time where I use to stroke her pulse with the pad of my thumb. I almost reach out to pull back her chair, but I resist the temptation. Taking my place across from her, I avoid the others knowing looks at us.

Dad speaks up. "We've already ordered."

"Okay."

The waiter reappears. "What can I get you, Sir?"

"Uh, the linguini with the chicken."

He turns to her. "And for you?"

She glances at the menu, clearly not ready. "Same."

I avoid her eyes and I'm sure she's doing it as well. No one's speaking and I fidget, bouncing my leg up and down until Dad reaches over and places his hand briefly on my leg. He smiles, trying to calm me down. He looks around at the silent faces and speaks up. "So, Rory. What have you been up to?"

I narrow my eyes and glance up sharply at Dad. I know he asked just because he thinks I want to know. I glare at him, but am secretly thankful because I'm too afraid to ask her myself at this point. She starts at being addressed suddenly. "Oh, um…nothing much. Just school."

"Well, how's that going?" Mom gives him a weird look. Dad speaking up so much is out of place. I roll my eyes at his continued line of questioning for my benefit.

"It's fine. At least this time I know what to expect. Sorta."

"You still in the dorms?"

I whisper, "Dad."

He ignores me and looks expectantly at her to answer. She speaks softly. "Yeah, still there. Same roommate." I see her glance over in my direction. "I got a new position at the school paper." I look up to see her pointed remark. "I write for the political column."

I smile softly and she returns my gesture.

"That's nice." Dad looks over to Luke and Lorelai. "How's your inn, Lorelai? Were you able to fix the plumbing like you mentioned the last time we were there?"

The conversation picks up and the food arrives. I watch her pick at her food, and I stare at her more than I eat. I'm suddenly not so hungry anymore.

---

The adults are chatting off in the corner as the valet brings around Dad's car. Left with a seemingly air of privacy, I usher her by the small of her back. Brief contact, but it's enough to make my fingers tingle. "Hey, you okay?"

"I guess." She falters. "You?"

I shrug and echo both her statement and posture. "I guess."

She smirks. "Unexpected night, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." I take in the sight of her in the dim lighting. "Congratulations on the paper."

"Oh, thanks." She tucks her hair behind her left ear. "Yeah, I love it. Paris kinda gives me the evil eye once in a while…she wanted the position too. But you were right, I do enjoy it."

"Good. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." She beams up at my open expression. "Are you—" The ringing of her cell phone interrupts us. "Sorry. Hold on." She pulls it out and answers without looking. I make no movement to give her space while she speaks. "Hello?" She quickly glances up at me. I return her gaze with curiosity. "Yeah, I'm done. Um, sure. Yeah, that'll be fine." I strain my ears and can distinctly hear a male voice. My toes curl in my sneakers at the thought of another guy. I know we're not together but I still don't feel comfortable. "Okay. Yeah, I'll meet you there." She shuts off the phone and looks apologetic at me. "Sorry about that."

My face is emotionless. My walls are going up. "It's okay." My voice is casual, but it's heavy in implication. "Date?"

She looks stunned that I would ask. "Kinda."

I nod and contemplate my shoes. "Right."

"It's nothing—"

I cut her off. "Good luck with school."

She appears hurt. "Yeah, thanks. Good luck with your job."

I step aside. "Night." Joining my parents, I climb into Dad's car.

---

"You sure you don't want to stay the night, Jess?"

"Yeah, I have to get going. I couldn't get anyone to watch Adso. Plus, I just…"

Dad understands. "Yeah."

Stepping into him for a quick hug, I pull back. "Thanks Dad. For tonight, when you—"

"No problem." He pats my back. "Be careful. Call us when you get home."

I try to resist rolling my eyes. Guess the saying about no matter how old you are you'll always be your parent's little kid holds true. "Okay." I unlock the driver side door.

Pulling out of the driveway, I nod as Mom waves to me from the front porch. Turning onto the interstate, I stretch my fingers to turn off the radio. For once, I rather just think than listen to music. Tonight has been…unexpected? Crazy? What? I don't even think I know how to describe it. The phone's vibrating against in my pocket and I shift in my seat to pull it out. "Jess here."

"Hey." Her soft voice floats into my ear.

"Hi."

"Is it okay that I'm calling?"

I don't know how I honestly feel about that question. "Yeah."

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to me or not."

"Rory, it's not like that. Honestly." Seeing a nearby exit, I get off the highway and pull into the first fast food parking lot. Putting the car into park, I shut off the engine to concentrate on her voice.

"Well, the last time we talked—"

"I was angry."

"You had a right to be."

"Yeah, but I wasn't thinking straight."

"Can we talk, now? I mean, we didn't get a chance to talk at dinner. You free?"

I settle into my seat. "Sure."

"Are you home already? Or are you staying with your parents?"

"No, I'm driving home now."

"Oh, do you want me to call you later?"

"No, now's fine. I pulled over."

"Oh." She takes a breath. "How's Adso?"

It's predictable that we start of a safe neutral topic such as him. "He's good."

"Adjusting to the new surroundings?"

"There's a dog park around the corner from the apartment. We go there as much as we can. He likes it."

"He left a chew toy at my mom's house the last time he was there. The rubber tire."

"I didn't notice."

"I could send it to you, if you want."

"Uh, okay."

She's moving around; I can hear her over the phone. "What does he do during the day?"

I smirk at her concern. "He stays in the apartment. Sometimes I bring him with me to work. The guys are cool about it. Since it's only the five of us there's nothing to worry about."

"That's nice."

"Yeah." I scratch behind my ear in nervousness. "I thought you had something to do tonight." I can't seem to bring myself to say the word 'date.'

"No." She doesn't elaborate.

"Huh."

"Are you going home to," she hesitates. "I mean, do you have plans tonight?"

I see through her feeble attempts to be nonchalant. "No, just going home to Ad."

"Right."

"It's just me. Really. Nothing serious. I mean…" She trails off.

"Rory." I pause. "It's okay." I clench my jaw. "It's been six months. I mean, you don't have to hide the fact that you're seeing somebody."

If we were face to face, I imagine her face would be set in a grimace. "I know. But I'm not. Not really." I hear her suck in a breath. "You're not hiding, right?"

"No I'm not."

"So there is someone?"

"No, I didn't say that."

"Oh, right."

The conversation stalls and I run my hands idly across the dashboard of my car. "You still there?"

"Yeah." Her reply is subdued.

Speaking over the phone gives me a bit of comfort in the fact that I don't have to see her actual response. "I'm glad you called."

"Yeah?" Her response sounds slightly hopeful.

I assure her. "Yeah."

"I wanted to call you a while ago. I was looking for my copy of Pride and Prejudice and thought that maybe I left it at your place."

"Maybe." I don't add the fact that I have all her stuff in a box in the back of my closet. I haven't once opened it too look inside after that night I angrily threw everything in.

Our responses die down again. Her voice jolts me out of my thoughts. "You seem happy. Tonight, I mean. You seemed…good."

"Uh, thanks." I don't know what to make of that observation.

We're quiet again and it's getting awkward. "I guess I'll let you go." Her voice is an odd combination of fake enthusiasm and reluctance.

"Yeah, okay."

"Drive safely."

"Goodnight, Rory." I hang up the phone and toss it into my cup holder in the center console. Leaning back into the headrest, I close my eyes for a brief moment before composing my emotions and starting the car. Putting the car into reverse, I sigh and flip back on the radio, pushing the button for the cd player.

---

I don't bother turning on the light as I enter the apartment. Dropping my keys, cell phone, and wallet onto the kitchen counter I briefly ignore Ad as he hops off of the couch to come greet me. Rolling over and baring his belly for me to scratch, I bend down and concentrate on him for a moment. He runs off into the bedroom and returns, dragging his blanket between his teeth, signaling that he's ready for bed. I smile and turn to make sure the door is locked.

It's been a long night and I'm glad that I decided to come home after all.

Shutting off the bathroom light, I drop my jeans and shirt into the hamper and slowly crawl into bed. Adso pokes his head out from under the covers and flops down onto the other pillow. Turning, I ask, "You comfortable enough?" Shaking my head, I can't believe how much I let this dog get away with. He whimpers and I look up at the ceiling. "You'd never guess who I ran into tonight." I feel him getting over the covers and shaking out his body. Lifting my head up, I see him circle around several times before depositing himself at the foot of the bed. When he was a puppy he would always sleep next to me, but when Rory had begun to spend increasingly more nights with us, there was only room for him at the foot of the bed or the couch. Even after six months, he's still in the habit of getting out from beneath the covers.

I sigh.

---

Things have set into a pattern. I go to work, sometimes with Adso, and go home again at night. It isn't much, I must admit, but I do enjoy it. I like the predictability of my week, knowing exactly where I'm going to be everyday. I like the routine.

"We're picking up the food." I hear Tim shout from across the room.

Ben waves him away. "Yeah, thanks."

"Come on Buddy, let's go." Scott pats his thighs, trying to get Adso's attention.

Ad lifts his head from under my chair and looks up at me, almost in question. I shrug. "Go." He gets up with a wagging tail and Nate hooks on his leash.

"Hey, make sure you get extra sauce for me!" Ben gets up to pull some money out of his wallet while rushing to catch up with the guys.

---

"Dude, your dog is a chick magnet!"

I look up to see Nate and Scott comes in as Tim leads Adso by the leash. He jumps up happily onto my lap, licking my face, and I scratch behind his ears. "Hey."

"Seriously." Scott plops down into the chair. "We were walking him on our way to get our take out, which by the way, Dude, I think they might have screwed up your order. Sorry."

I rustle through the bags and wrinkle my forehead seeing a container of pork instead of chicken. "Damn. Did they at least give it to you for free?"

Tim rolls his eyes. "Well, I was in the middle of asking, but this one…" He elbows Nate. "Was too busy flirting with the checkout girl."

"Hey, did you see the ass on that girl?"

I snicker. "Well, if I have to pay for a wrong order, did you at least get a date?"

Nate shrugs. "No. She has a boyfriend."

Scott chuckles. "Yeah, right. Boyfriend."

"Anyways, like I was saying, your dog—Genius! We were walking back and he stopped to do, whatever. This pack of college girls were like, sucked into him. They were gushing and all that crap. Adso just took it all in and let them pet him."

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you using my dog to pick up girls?"

Tim smirks. "He's a goldmine. It's like a guy with a baby only your dog is even cuter than some babies."

I pet Adso as he settles himself by my feet. "Maybe you guys shouldn't walk him anymore."

"Hey, no. You can't do that to us." Scott begins to protest.

Nate chimes in. "You can't take him away from us."

"Yeah." Tim looks down at Adso. "You love us, don't you Buddy?" Ad barks, but doesn't make an effort to move.

Smirking, I shake my head.

---

The rain is freezing, curling my hair into tendrils that plaster to the back of my neck. Running a hand I slick back my thoroughly soaked hair. How the hell was I supposed to know that we were getting rain today? Adso is shaking his entire body, drenching everything inside the elevator as we approach the apartment. I groan. "Ad, no."

He doesn't listen. Instead he plops his bottom down to use a hind leg to scratch behind his ear. He's muddy as hell and getting increasingly dirty by the second. However impossible the notion seems. I took off work early to take him to the park and we ended up getting caught in the unexpected rainstorm instead. I shake my head at the horribly slow elevator. As it dings on level three, I stand off to the side to admit another passenger. She gives me a dirty look at she spies me standing there, clutching a muddy leather leash with an equally muddy dog who's now crouching between my legs at the sight of a stranger. I'm soaked to the bone and I shake my leg to try to distract myself. The doors finally slide open to our floor, and I step through, Adso tugging me behind him. Unlocking the door, I unhook his leash but grab onto his collar before he has the chance to charge off into my bedroom and pounce all over the bed. Holding onto him with one hand, I peel off my wet t-shirt with one arm, dropping it on the floor. He's squirming against me and I walk stooped down, keeping a firm grip on him. "Don't you dare move." I warn him.

He's misbehaving, purposely not listening to me as he continues to try to worm his way out of my grip. Frustrated, I bend down to pick him up between my arms, now muddying up my chest as well as my wet jeans that are clinging to me uncomfortably. Kicking closed the bathroom door behind us I deposit him into the tub and turn on the water to warm. He barks wildly at me, signaling his discomfort loudly. "Ad, stop it." He ignores me and continues to bark. I ignore him as well, getting onto the floor, kneeling outside of the tub to rinse off all the dirt and grim out of his fur. He's trampling in place at the water, splashing all over us. Whimpering as I continue to wash him, I almost slip into the tub. Shooting him an angry glare, he stops and stays silent as I finish. Not bothering to grab another towel, I take my own off the rack and wrap his body into. Doing my best to dry him off, I release him and wait for him to shake off the rest. Sighing, I know this is as best as I can clean him. "All right. Get outta here." I open the door and he charges out of the bathroom and into the living room, lying down on the couch to lick his paws.

I rifle through my dresser for a clean towel. Removing my jeans and boxers, I step into the shower, and turn the water on full blast. Scrubbing quickly, I finish in the shower and towel myself dry. Wrapping it around my waist, I enter my bedroom in search for clean dry clothes. I vaguely hear my cell phone ring and I turn to the nightstand but find that I must have left it in the kitchen from last night. Shaking my head, I ignore the ringing, knowing that the voicemail will pick it up anyways. I pick up my dark blue boxers but forego it for the black ones instead. I hear Ad's nails tinker into the room and to my vast amusement he has the phone securely between his teeth. He walks right up to me, nudging me to take it. I do. "Where the hell did you learn how to do that?" I laugh. "The guys at work, no doubt, yeah?" Those losers have been wasting their time at work teaching Adso all sorts of off the wall tricks. Just yesterday they spent an hour trying to get him to roll over. Adso just watched with a curious expression for most of the time, refusing to even lay down. I reach down to pet him and he smiles and snuggles into my legs as I sit down on the bed. Scratching his head, I answer. "Yes; Hello?"

"Oh." The caller is surprised. "Jess. Hi."

I stiffen but refrain from letting an edge cloud my voice. "Susan. Hi."

She breathes into the phone. "Hi."

Despite it all, I chuckle. "I think we've covered that."

"Yeah." She laughs. "I left a message for you a while ago."

"I got it." I don't elaborate.

She chuckles again, only this time I can tell it's directed at her. "I should learn to take a hint, shouldn't I?"

I grin at her self-deprecation. "Yeah, probably." She was always good at that; and it never failed to bring a smile to my face. I like people who are able to see their own faults and joke about it.

"God, when did I become one of those whiny annoying girls?"

I chuckle. "You were always one of those girls. You just didn't know it."

"Oh yeah?" I can imagine her rising to the challenge. "Why did you ever put up with it?"

"It was cute. It wasn't ever too annoying. You quit before you went full on bitch."

She laughs, a deep rumble in her throat. "Well, that's good. I think." Her laughter dies and so does the brief exchange of wit.

I hesitate. "What are you calling about, Susan?"

"I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry." She stops and then regains her voice. "I mean it. I know you probably think I'm lying or something. But…" She takes a deep breath. "I am. If I ever knew you were in a relationship, I sure as hell wouldn't have come all the way down. Really."

I take a deep breath and admit to her the truth. "I know. And I'm…sorry I didn't mention it. It just…well, you caught me off guard. You didn't want to be with me. And then you did. I didn't tell you because frankly, it was none of your business."

"I know." She concedes. "It wasn't. And I'm sorry if I might have caused any…trouble."

I snort. "Yeah."

She must have caught my disbelief. "I mean it, Jess."

I sigh, knowing she speaks the truth. Under it all, Susan is a genuinely good and caring human being. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that. In case, you know, your girlfriend got mad at you or something."

I wince but otherwise remain silent.

"I didn't cause anything, did I?"

I don't know whether to lie or not. Surely, this time, it truly is none of her business. "Doesn't matter now. We're…no longer together."

I hear her intake of breath. "I'm sor—"

I cut her off. "Don't worry about it. What's done is done. It's not your fault." Well, not entirely. She might have been a factor in the equation, but she certainly wasn't the cause.

My clipped statement must have warned her off. "I didn't mean to, Jess."

"I know." I move the conversation along weary of the subject we've been on. "So, how's the family, Susan?"

She lets me change the subject without protest. "They're good. I had dinner with them last week. Saw Katie. She asked about you, again."

I make a face. There are a few things I missed about not being with her. Susan has three siblings, one of which, the oldest, has a daughter—Katie. The little girl with golden blonde curls had taken to me and I couldn't help but like her as well. She had a brilliant smile, and even at the tender age of four when I knew her, she was a sharp as any bright child. She matched me wit for wit and would entertain me for hours with silly knock knock jokes while I laughed and let her sit on my lap. I'm not terribly fond of kids, but she's one of the few that I let touch my heart. She would beg for me to read her stories and for one Christmas I had bought her an armful of Dr. Seuss books. Her eyes had lighted with a twinkle that morning and Susan loved it that I got along so well with her niece. "How is she doing?"

"Good. She loves school. Comes home everyday with something new to share."

I nod. "Good."

"She misses you, Jess. Even though it's been a hell of a long time since you've seen her, she still asks about you once in a while."

"She was a good kid."

"Maybe…you could come along to see her sometime? In the future? If you want, I mean."

"Yeah, maybe." I glance over at the clock. I have a meeting with a new potential author for Dog-Eared in an hour. "I've got to go. Work."

"Okay, sure. It was nice talking to you again."

I don't want to say it back. It would be admitting something that I'm not ready to yet. "Bye."

---

Donning yesterday's jeans with a fresh t-shirt, I walk out of my room with my hair still wet from the shower. Adso trails my steps with a wagging tail.

"Hey Man."

"Jesus!" Grabbing at my chest, I jump seeing Ben perched on my counter with his legs swinging and his easy smile on his lips.

"Morning." He stretches out a hand to pet Ad.

"How the hell did you get in?"

"I have an extra key." He smirks.

I roll my eyes. "How did you get that?"

"The landlord gave me two sets of keys. I forgot to give you the other when you moved in."

Going up to him, I grab one of the bagels he offers. "Eight months ago?"

He shrugs. "I forget easily."

"Just give me the other key, will ya?"

Cheekily, he grins. "What if you get locked out? Then I couldn't help you."

Reaching for my mug, I toss in a tea bag and wait for the water to boil. "Just keep it and shut up."

"Huh. You're happy this morning."

I glare at him. "Long night."

He raises his eyebrow. "Oh yeah? By yourself or should I sneak out now?"

"No; not like that."

"Don't make me start up again with you."

"Yeah, yeah." I imitate Ben's voice. "Jess, you need a girlfriend. You need to get out there." Dropping the act, I turn to pour in hot water. "Just lay off of me, okay?"

"Fine." He takes a bite of his sesame bagel. "So, what happened last night?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, come on!" He punches my arm.

"Hey, I'll sue you for abuse in the workplace."

"We're not at work." He makes a face. "Don't tell me it's about her."

I shake my head. "No. That was a while ago."

"Good. It's been a long time now since you two were…" He gestures with his free hand. "Together."

"I know." My body language tells him not to continue. Taking a sip of my tea, I stay quiet for the moment.

"The hamster in your brain is running his wheel isn't it?" He ducks down to try to catch my eyes.

"I think about her less." I throw Ben off guard by my lack of sarcasm. "Actually, I don't really think about her at all."

He treats it normally. "It happens."

"It means I'm over it, right? Completely?" Conversations such as these have become commonplace between the two of us now. Every once in a while, we'll talk about things that don't have anything to do with work, publishing, or books. Ever since Ben forced his way gradually into my personal life, I've been giving up an inch here and there. He's used to it. And I'm internally grateful for someone like him. Someone I can call a friend.

"It just means you think about her less." He gestures with his hands.

"That's comforting."

"What can I say?" He bobs his head. "It means nothing until it means something."

I listen but don't react. "The other ex called." Even now, I feel weird using that word choice. Other ex.

"The blonde?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"She's left me a couple messages since, you know." Since Rory and I broke up. I only refer to her by pronoun. "Nothing of consequence. I picked up last night instead of the machine."

He stops chewing his bagel. "And?"

"And…" I look away as if I'm ashamed of even thinking it. "It was nice."

"Nice?"

I look at him again. His face is neutral. "Yeah."

"What happened?"

I brush him off. "Nothing happened. We just talked."

He hesitates. "Is this what you want?"

My eyes sharply connect with his. "I have a lot of history with her. I'm allowed to talk to her. I'm not looking to jump into bed with Susan."

"I didn't say that."

I sigh. "Then what are you saying?"

"Nothing." He hops off the counter. "I'm not saying anything."

I accuse him with a pointing finger. "You don't have to say anything."

"You're reading too much into it." He makes his way to the front door and pauses when he unlocks it. Turning back around he speaks up. "Be careful, okay?"

My eyes immediately look down on their own accord.

"You guys broke up for a reason. One break up isn't reason enough to get back together with a previous girlfriend."

"It isn't like that. With Susan, it's…we broke up because of distance."

"And with you and Rory?"

I wince hearing her name. "It was something else."

"You were in love, Jess."

I breathe in and swallow. "Maybe."

He shakes his head. "No, not maybe. You were."

"So?"

"They're different. Susan, Rory." He juggles his hands as he talks. "They're different women. One ex is not the other. Don't try to replace one with the other."

I lift my chin in defiance. "I'm not."

"Getting back together with Susan won't bring Rory back. You won't feel the same thing for her as you did for Rory."

I grit my teeth even though I know it's true. "I'm not looking to feel the same way again."

He rolls his eyes as he lets himself out. "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that."

Damn him for always getting the last word.

---

Unlocking the door, I step through.

"So this is where you live, huh? Nice. High ceilings. Lofty." Dad whistles and surveys the space."It's all right. I like it." I drop the mail onto the counter. "Give me a second, huh? I just need to change my shirt."

"I'm glad to see you finally doing something you enjoy."

I shrug off his compliment. Thumbing through the mail, I come across one bearing the Yale insignia.

"So, where are you taking your old man to dinner tonight?"

"There's a hot dog stand down the street." I joke with him.

He chuckles. "And then where are you taking me?"

I use my forefinger to swipe across the sealed envelope. Scanning through the letter, it's a basic invitation of recent graduates from the English department to a dinner with a guest speaker.

"What's that?" Dad appears by my shoulder.

I toss it down. "Nothing. Just some dinner at school."

"You going?" He picks it up to read.

"Nah. I don't think I wanna drive all the way there just for that. Plus, who cares? I left the school. I'm done." Walking my way towards the bedroom, I take off my sweatshirt and trade it for a nicer jacket instead.

"You should think about it, Jess."

I reappear, buttoning my shirt. "Why?"

"Networking. Meeting new opportunities. That sorta thing."

"I don't know."

He starts to move towards the door as I grab my keys. "Well, consider it. You never know when you might need a job. Plus, it's always a good idea to see what else is out there. And a free dinner isn't a bad deal."

"Alright. I'll think about it." Pocketing the invitation to read again later, I close the door behind us.

---

Dad looks bored with the lull in our conversation. "So, anything new?"

I shrug and take a bite of my pizza. "Nah. How's Mom?"

"Fine. She's doing this charity function thing." He makes a face. "I have to go. It's ridiculous, I tell you."

I smirk. "You love it."

His eyes widen. "I do not!"

"You love Mom." I roll my eyes.

"That's a given." He sighs. "Guess I have to drag out the penguin suit for it. It's some sort of auction thing. Whatever."

I reach for my soda. "Where you and a bunch of yuppies bid on a boat all in the name of charity?"

Dad chuckles. "I don't get you, Son. People could very easily call you a yuppie as well, you know that?"

"Then I'll kick the shit outta them." I snicker.

"That's my boy." He takes another slice. "Plus we don't have a boat."

"Only 'cause you think it would make you look like a sellout."

"My dad had one. I just can't. It'd be saying that I fell into the long line of Mariano men."

I chew slowly. "You say it like it's a bad thing."

"Hey, you know I'm the black sheep. Every Mariano man is supposed to go to either Yale or Princeton or Harvard."

I smirk. "I know. You went to California, went all hippie for a while: sex, drugs, and rock and roll, right?"

"I deny every part of that." He has a smug expression dancing across his features.

"Are you saying that I fell into the line of Mariano men?"

"You?" His face is alight with a smug expression. "My son who got into fights, kicked out of several private schools, and all that?"

"It was a phase."

"One that cost me a fortune." He smirks and there's no doubt that I'm my father's son. "So proud of you, by the way."

"Yeah, yeah." I break eye contact and dig into my pocket for the invitation I previously shoved in there. "Speaking of Yale…"

"Just go. Spend the weekend at home with us. Your mother misses you."

I sigh, knowing that it's true. I just spoke with her on the phone two days ago, promising that I'd make it down in the near future for a visit. "Okay, I guess."

---

Going casual, I forego the tie and let the collar hang open. Not entirely in jeans a t-shirt, I had least made the effort in putting on dress slacks and a nice shirt. Suddenly I'm glad that I did. Everybody else is in full on suits and they eye me as I enter without a jacket or a tie. Casting some a dirty look in return, I head over to the bar. There is lot of people here tonight, and the large auditorium is filled with at least twenty large circular tables. Sidling up to the bar, I decide to start with something simple. Catching the bartender's attention, I nod at him. "Screwdriver, please." He nods.

Drink in hand, I settle onto one of the bar stools. Not one for mingling or networking, I just turn to survey the crowd. On the side, in my peripheral vision, I spy a familiar figure. Looking both out of place and determined not to seem so, I take in the sight of her. She's dressed simply in a black dress that dips low and clings to her curves. Taking a gulp of my drink, I get up, my feet seemingly leading my body on their own accord. Approaching her, I watch as she observes the other guests. "Graduated already?" I smirk at her surprised expression. "I do believe tonight is only for alumni."

She's shocked but recovers quickly with a shy smile. "I know. I'm covering it for the paper."

"Are you expecting a political demonstration or something? 'Cause I seriously think it might make tonight much more interesting."

She giggles. "No, I'm doing someone a favor by writing this article."

I nod and let silence come over us. We both people watch for the moment and I'm pleased to discover that our pause in conversation is comfortable. "Do you want a drink?" I shake the ice in my glass.

"Uh, sure." She innocently peers into my glass. "I'll have what you're having." She shrugs.

I tilt my head and give her a sly smile. "Yeah? Here." I offer her mine.

She takes a drink and suddenly she backwashes into my cup. "Ugh."

I chuckle.

She hits my forearm. "Why didn't you warn me?"

"You said you'd have what I was having."

She glares. "I thought it was orange juice."

"It is."

She rolls her eyes. "Minus the incredibly strong vodka." She hands me the cup and looks sheepish. "Sorry, I kinda…"

"Spit back into my cup?" I chuckle.

She laughs. "Yeah."

I take it anyways. "It's okay."

She turns to face me fully. "I didn't think you'd come to something like this. You're not one for Yale functions."

"I know. Dad convinced me. Plus, I'm visiting my parents this weekend."

"Oh, that's nice."

Our position off to the side gives us an air of privacy. Some other guests mill past us, searching for their seats or speaking with other recent grads. I lower my voice. "It's nice to see you again, Rory."

She ducks her head but I know she's smiling. "You too." She nervously tugs on her dress, which only serves to pull the neckline down a fraction. I glance down and look away with a cough. She looks back up at me. "So, how are you doing?"

"I'm good. Normal, you know. You?"

"Just school. The paper and all that. It keeps me busy."

"And your classes?"

"They're good." She shrugs a lazy shoulder. "They're…whatever. It's school."

I smirk. "Where's the girl who got excited about shopping for yellow legal pads to take notes on? Don't tell me you're already jaded about school, so soon."

She laughs and blushes. "I can't believe I ever told you that. I still like school. It's just my entire life these days."

I narrow my eyes at that last statement and prod the subject. "Doesn't leave you much time for a social life?"

"Not really. I go out with my suitemates once in a while on Fridays, but not much other than that." She causally answers my questions.

I'm about to inquire more, but the sound of my name jerks my head up. Spying a former classmate, I nod politely at the approaching figure. He comes up with an easy smile. "Mariano. You're looking well."

"It's nice to see you Thomson. How's it going?"

"It's good. As well as can be expected. I got a job here, locally. Working my way up. Punching in the numbers." He laughs and checks himself when he notices Rory at my side. "Hi. Phillip Thomson." He offers his hand.

"Sorry." I nod between the two of them. "Phil, this is Rory Gilmore. She writes for the school paper. She's here covering the event."

I can feel her stiffen at the formal introduction. I ignore it. "Rory, Phil."

She smiles. "Nice to meet you."

"You too." He turns as he sees someone else out of the corner of his eye. "Excuse me. It was nice seeing you Mariano."

"Take care." I shake his hand. I chance a glance over at her, noticing her annoyed expression. "Something wrong?"

"Nope." Her tone is short. "I better go interview some people for the article."

She starts to walk away and I reach out to grab her arm. "Hey, wait. Where are you going?"

"I just told you."

I let go. "No, you told me some bullshit lie and now you're running away. What just happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just need to do my job."

I roll my eyes at her attempts to get away. "All right. Interview away. I'm a guest."

"Someone else, Jess." She looks increasingly irritated.

"What? I'm not good enough?" I smirk and push her buttons. "Come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm apparently just a student who's covering the event. So I better do it." She's mocking my words from earlier.

"You're joking, right?" I look over at her incredulous. "You're pissed because of what I said to Thomson?"

She suddenly realizes the absurdity of the situation and drops her annoyed expression. "No, I'm just…I don't know."

"You are here covering the event. What was I supposed to say?"

In a flash, she's irked again. "You could've made the introduction a little more friendlier."

Ah. That's where it is. "And what should I have said?"

"You could've said I was your friend or something."

And now I realize that all along it's not the introduction that has gotten under her skin. Our easy conversation from earlier has unnerved her. She doesn't know what it means and it throws her off. She's always one to like clear and definite labels on everything from cards to binders to relationships. "Would you have liked that I called you my friend?"

"Not if you don't mean it." She grumbles.

I step closer, ushering her into the shadow behind a particularly large decorative plant. Calmly, I lean into her. "Rory, what is this about?"

Bravely, she matches my gaze. "It's been a while now, Jess. Why can't we be friends?"

"And why is it so important to you that we're friends?"

"I've always been friends with my ex-boyfriends."

Eyebrow raised, I find it amusing. "You're kidding. That can't be true. Can it?"

"No. Well, maybe not close friends. But at least there are phone calls and such. I've never had an ex-boyfriend who suddenly disappeared from my life."

I wince. Even though I was with her for almost a year, there are still things that I'm only beginning to find out about her. I always thought it was curious that she didn't have a lot of friends. For a girl who's pretty and easygoing, I always found it slightly off center for her not to have more friends. And now it dawns on me, she doesn't make real friends easily. Just as I invested a year with her, she also used that time to cultivate a relationship with me and even though we're not together anymore, she feels robbed of a friend. I rub my forehead and take a sip of my drink. Only when the liquid is in my mouth do I realize that she had spit back into my cup. Refusing to let a little thing like that get to me, I swallow, determined not to let too many of my cards show. "I don't think I've ever been friends with an ex-girlfriend."

"Really?"

I chuckle humorlessly. "Yeah. What a pair we make, huh?"

"Yeah."

I pause. Friends? What a crazy idea. "Okay." I surprise. "Friends. You're right. It's been a while."

"Just like that?"

"Look, I'm tired of being angry at you. And in all honesty, I'm not anymore. You had your reasons and I had mine for breaking up. It wasn't entirely fair of me to pin it all on you. It wasn't all you. And it wasn't just me. It was the both of us."

She nods. "I shouldn't have dumped it all on you at that moment. I'm sorry about that. But…I really do feel like it was the right decision at the time. I just don't think we wouldn't have worked with all that distance between us. Amongst other things."

She's referring to the things that I kept hidden from her. She's right. No matter how much I allowed her into my life, there were certain things that I kept from her. And I know it didn't help in the end. "I know. Maybe it was better to break up when we did. Instead of waiting and fighting all the way to the end, right?"

"Guess so." Catching me off guard, she throws me a smile. "Friends?" She offers her hand to me.

I take it, curling my fingers around her smaller palm, feeling the heat passing between us. I don't let go. Staring at her, I take my time to really look at her. Cheeks are flushed, perpetually so, it would seem. This girl always appears to be embarrassed and blushing at every small thing. I smile. Her hair is curled around her shoulders, skimming down past her shoulders. From my vantage point, I can see the tiny freckle nestled at the curve of her breasts where the front of her dress dips down. The smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose stands out, free from the coverage of makeup. Finally releasing her hand, my fingers move on their own accord, brushing some hair out of her eyes. I hear her intake of breath. Something inside surges and I recoil. "Friends."

---

The path is dimly lit before us, and I shove my hands into my pockets to keep warm. "You don't have to walk me all the way."

I brush off her comment. "Don't mention it. It's late and dark, besides, what kind of a friend would I be if I let you walk alone?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Are you mocking me?"

I chuckle. "Sorta. I still can barely wrap my brain around that: Friends. I don't know. Is it weird that I've never been friends with an ex?"

She shrugs. "Probably not. It doesn't seem like the norm."

"Well, always a time for firsts, right?"

"Yeah."

"So," we continue walking. I struggle for something to say. I don't know how to separate friendly from flirting now that I'm no longer angry with her. I've accepted our distanced relationship and I don't know what the boundaries are. "What do we talk about?"

She bites back a laugh. "What do you talk about to your other friends?

"They're all guys at work. So I doubt we can talk about the same things."

She giggles. "Maybe not."

Not knowing what to say, we walk the rest of the way in silence. Listening to our steps, I watch my feet. Coming up to her dorm entrance, she turns and I watch with an expecting expression. "What?"

She shakes her head in amusement. "It just seems like you're waiting for an epiphany to hit you or something. The concept of friends isn't entirely that foreign to you, is it? Like you said, we were friends during, if not before we were together."

Without thinking, I mutter, "Yeah well, we also had sex during that time. Though I hardly think that's acceptable now."

She laughs out loud. "Probably not a good idea if we want to remain platonic friends. At least we're not yelling at each other anymore."

I lower my voice. "I don't want that."

"Me neither."

"Well, goodnight." Out of habit, or whatever the hell it is, I lean down to brush a kiss on her cheek. Pulling away with a shocked expression, I see that she matches me. "Sorry. Don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay." She stumbles over her words.

Taking an unsteady step away from her, I can't help but notice that familiar scent of her, or the shaking feeling in my gut. Oh, god, what is going on? Smirking, I choose humor as my defense. "Guess I'll have to get used to the friends thing, yeah?"

She offers a forgiving smile. "Yeah."

I nod. "Take care of yourself."

"You too."

I watch her back as she gets into the building. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I walk slowly towards the parking lot.

---

I turn the corner, spying the deli. My phone vibrates and I reach into my front pocket to produce it. Noting the familiar Dog-Eared number, I flip it open. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Hey." Ben's voice comes through. "Tim changed his mind. He wants turkey on wheat instead."

Dryly, I retort. "What a shocker. Is he certain that's what he wants?"

He chuckles. "Yeah."

"Okay."

In the background, I hear Tim yell, "No mustard, Jess! I'm allergic."

Ben comes back on. "I'm sure you heard that."

I roll my eyes. "God, now I'm the gofer of the group." The call waiting beeps. "I have another call. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

"Okay."

I press the button. "Yeah?"

"Hey Jess."

"How's it going, Susan?" There are been a sporadic smattering of calls passed between us. Each of them leads to nowhere dangerous and never for longer than half an hour. We've used these phone calls to get to know each other again, all without assumption. It's been a nice lesson in teaching me to be friends with ex-girlfriends. Maybe Rory had a point in this whole being friends things. Who said you can't be friends when sex is removed out of the relationship?

"Oh, not much. Work. Hey, remember the book you got at that rummage sale a long time ago? It was a first edition. Was it Hemingway?"

I wrinkle my forehead at the weird line of thought. "No, it was Gatsby, why?"

"Who wrote it?"

"Fitzgerald." I open the deli's front door and the air conditioner hits me. "Why the sudden interest? Don't tell me you're reading it."

"Well, I was hoping I wouldn't need to." She hedges.

"Why?"

"I'm doing some research for this campaign I'm working on, and I was told to read it. Apparently we have this idea for all the Roaring 20s stuff. But you know how I'm with reading…"

I'm suddenly reminded of Tim and his relationship with mustard and assorted nuts. "Still allergic to reading?" I snicker. "Roaring 20s, huh?"

"Eh, it's a long story. But I was hoping you could just fill me in?"

"Help you cheat?"

She laughs. "Since when did you become so honest? I seem to remember hearing stories of you copying the entire periodic table to the inside bottom of your shoe to pass chem."

I smirk. That's a favorite story of Dad's to tell. "And if you remember, I got caught and suspended from that boy's academy."

"What do you say, Jess? You're my last hope. Seriously."

I sigh. "Yeah, okay. I have some free time tomorrow." It'll be the first time I've seen her since she showed up at my apartment more than nine months ago.

"Thank you. I owe you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll call you when I'm done at work."

"Okay, see you."

---

All day I've been anticipating what will happen with I see Susan tomorrow. Sitting in front of my television with Jay Leno across the screen, I pick up my phone. I wait as it rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey Jess." She pauses. "Huh, a call from you. To what do I owe this pleasure to?" She's mocking me.

"Come on. I call you."

"No you don't. I call you. You answer."

I scoff. "Well, at least I answer. I never let you get the machine on purpose."

"Suppose it counts for something, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

There's a brief lull. "So, why are you calling me at…past midnight?"

I grimace. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Oh no." I hear shuffling. "Don't worry. I'm up studying. Paris is driving me nuts."

I chuckle. "The Nazi never changes does she?"

She laughs. "Nope. She's complaining that my music is too loud."

A vacant memory flashes across my vision and I chuckle. "Like the time you blasted your ipod and she came charging into the room?"

She groans. "You mean when she caught us making out? Yeah, she still shields her eyes when she hears loud music coming from me."

I falter at the implication that she might be with another guy. No matter how okay I told her it was a while ago, I still don't like it. "Um, yeah."

"Anyways." She perks up as she tries to change the subject. "What's up?"

"Just…thought I'd call you." To clear my conscience? What am I hoping to achieve? I can see Susan; she's just a friend. And it's not a date. I'm helping her, that's it.

She doesn't answer right away. "I know you, Jess. You're calling because of something." She's serious. "What's going on? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay." She drags out the word, not believing anything I just said. "I might be coming to New York."

"Yeah?" I turn off the television.

"There's a conference. My professor told me that it might do some good to meet some professionals in the business."

"When is it?"

"About a month from now."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

Adso's come back into the living room, dragging his blanket. Coming up, he drops it into my lap and lays his head down. He's tired and obviously waiting for me to go to bed. He barks. "Ad, stop."

"Adso?" She sounds suddenly happy. "Time for bed, right?"

"Yeah." I smirk at the similar line of thought. "Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"I uh…" I'm about to tell her. But I chicken out instead. "I've missed being able to talk to you."

"Me too." She sounds pleased at my inadvertent confession.

"Good thing you bullied me into being friends."

She scoffs. "I know you well enough to know that no one can make you do anything."

I smirk. "Well, always a first for everything."

"Goodnight Jess."

"Goodnight." I hang up and get off the couch. "Come on, Bud. Let's go." Adso and his blanket trail my steps as I turn off the light and lay down in bed, reveling in the fact that I just might be growing up. Friends with my ex-girlfriends? What a novel idea.

---

AN: Please Review.