I spent the next few days helping Carol, but mainly keeping to myself. I realise that I don't fit in the group. Most of them are nice to me, when they try to make conversation, I just made up some excuse so I can leave. I know that I'm pushing away. Like I've always done since my dad died. I just, i can't. I don't think I will be able to trust someone again ever.

As a matter of fact, I know that they don't trust me either. Rick banned me from going on runs. Even Daryl banned me from going hunting. He is taking Carl, for gods' sake.

- Hey kiddo.- Daryl is in my cell door, wearing filthy clothes .- what ya doin'?

- Nothin'. Reading.

- Ya ok? - he says as he sit in my bunk.- Ya have being….silent, weird.

- Silent? Weird? Seriously you of all people...you are telling me that I've been silent? You barely spoke!

- Hey!- he grab me by my shoulders.- What happened? Someone did somethin' to ya?

- No, no one done anything.- I take off his hands and shrugged.- I'm not some dammsel in distress you need to save, Daryl.

- What is wrong with ya? You mad at me?

- Im fine. Jezz! You mind? - I point my book.- I wanna read if you don't mind.

- Fine, suit yourself!

That night I escape dinner, not feeling even hungry. I don't feel like I have earned the food either. At some point, I started to cry. Silently. Just tears falling through my checks. Tears for my dad, who died so soon. Tears for my mum, who never knew how to love me. Tears for Jake, who was my rock. Tears for me, for being alone. Tears because I don't know how I am going to go through this. Tears because I don't think I could be able to get over this. Too many loses. Too many deaths over my shoulders.

- I've bring you some dinner. I guess you will be hungry.- Carl is looking at me, with his blue eyes staring right through mine. - It's not much, but…

- I'm not hungry.

- Sarah, come on. Don't do that.

- Do what? huh? - I wipe my tears. He put the bowl in my table. - I said, I'm not hungry.

He keep still, concerned. We keep silent for a while, and I see how a tear rolled his cheek.

- I do feel like that too, sometimes, you know?

- Like what? - I asked, stoned.

- Like I can't keep going. Like just...just...you know, everything is too much.- He wiped his own tears.- Sometimes I think I can't keep going when I realise that I won't see my mum again, that my sister won't even met her. Or when I realise I started forgetting things about her.

- I'm sorry Carl, I….I know that I'm not the only one who has lost someone. - he sits in my bunk, our knees barely touching, but it feels extremely intimate. - I….I just don't know how to keep going.

- We'll, first of all, you have to eat. Then, you should come with me .- he blushed .- keep me company while I'm on watch, ok?

- You have watch all by yourself?

- Hahaha, no! My dad won't never allow that. I told him you will be with me. You know, I thought maybe you wanna do something else apart from laundry.

- Hum….pretty confident of you, don't you think Grimes? .- he smiles, and I smile too.- I'll go.

- Great. I will wait for you in the block C. .- he is almost on the door when he turned .- Oh, and...I am sorry for the other day, I was certainly an asshole.

- Yes, you were Grimes. .- I give him a wink.- Thanks for the dinner.

- Anytime, Blye.