I spent the whole day with Carol. Laundry and clearing the fences. Exhausting. She is determined to do what it have to be done, and she keep going like nothing. At some point, she sits in the yard.
- I though we were never gonna stop...- I sit beside her, exhausted.- I'm exhausted.
- Me too. - she wipes the sweat from her face.
- You didn't seem too tired 'fore, Carol.
- I just wanted to have my mind focused in something else. - I look at her and she has sad eyes.
- You worried? About D..
- You know I am .- she cuts me off.- I'm always worried. Always waiting for him to came back. Until the day he won't.
- He will. Carol, he will.
- He should be here by now, Sarah. I know what it means, I'm not stupid.
- I never said you were. I know you are worried, but you know Daryl too. He will came back. He will came back to you.
She says nothing. I'm not sure if she understood what I'm trying to tell her. I'm about to tell her, when she get up and leave. I don't want to admit it, but I'm worried too. I don't know Rick and Michonne much, but I'm worried. I'm fucking worried about Daryl. Fuck, what did that happens? After Jake I promised myself that I will never gonna let me get attached to anyone anymore. Fuck. I'm fucking screwed.
Dinner time is more quiet than usual. Carol served everyones' dinner and take her bowl to her cell. I asked if she want company, but she refuses. I think of pushing it a little bit more, but I'm not even sure If I will ever be a good company.
After dinner, I get to the watch tower. Carl and I have the first watch tonight. When I arrived, he is already there, scanning the area with the sniper rifle. No plastered smile today.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- You see anything? .- I ask, trying to light up the moment. - Geeks?
- Some in the south gate. Nothing to worry about. - He looked at me, and I can see he has been crying.
- Carl...I know you maybe don't want me telling you this...but, they'll be back. I'm sure of it.
- You are right, I don't want you to tell me anything. You don't know how I feel, Sarah!. - angry tears falling from his cheeks.- You don't fucking know!
- I know you are worried, Carl, I am too, I understand what..
- Shut up! .- he put the rifle on the floor and came close to me, still crying, but with and angry face.- Shut up! Fuck! You cannot shut up, huh? I don't want you here! Don't you get it, no one want you here!
- Carl, I know you are angry and that you are not meaning those things.
- Oh, I don't? You think you fucking know me, right? YOU DONT KNOW A THING! .- He is shouting in my face, our noses almost touching.- Nobody here cares about you. NO ONE!
- Fuck you!
- You think Daryl cares about you? Huh? .- He grabs me by my shoulders, i fell his warm breath in my face.- Doesn't matter, 'cause he's not comming back. He is dead, Sarah...- He runs his hands down my arms.- He is dead...like...like my father...
- Carl...
and I don't know how, or why but I lean closer and kiss him full in the lips. He frozed at first, but he quickly grab my neck and pull me closer. We kiss, kindly at first, hungrier later. I tease him, pulling my tongue inside his mouth, leaning even more closer. But then, out of the blue, he pull away.
- Sarah, I don't want you here. Please, go.
I grab my gun and I left, not looking back because I don't want he to see my tears. Fuck, I just make a move on a guy, for like FIRST TIME EVER, and he told me to leave. Fucking great Sarah, fucking great.