Everyone was on a good mood that day. We feel safe again. We feel almost happy. We were full of food too. It was a really good day. Almost perfect. Until I remembered the events of last night. Until I remembered fucking Carl Grimes. Fucking Carl Grimes and his lips. Fuck.
I was on my way to the "library" Carol had improvised, when I run into Carl.
- Hey, Sarah! .- he greeted looking away.
- Hi.- I was trying not to breakdown in his face.- Look..'bout yesterday...I...I'm sorry, it...it was a mistake.
- Oh, yeah, it's ok. You know..
- Could we forget 'bout it? Please.
- Err... sure, don't worry. - he looked troubled.- I guess we'll see later on the tower, yeah?
- Oh, well I have changed my shift with Beth...You...you will be with her from now on...- I am really holding back the tears.- I just thought it will be for the best.
- Yeah, sure... whatever.
- I guess we will see around, Carl...not a big deal.
- Yeah. - he says almost in a whisper and leave.
When I arrive to the library, Maggie, Michonne and Carol are laughing and hugging each other. They really seem happy. It's quite weird.
- Hello?.- the broke apart.
- Hi Sarah! .- Maggie is wiping tears from her cheeks.- I'm glad you are here!
- Woah...ok...everything alright? You are acting creepy...
- I'm getting married! .- she yelled. - I'm getting married Sarah!
- I thought you were married...you show me your ri..
- Yes! But we are throwing a party, with food, and drink, and dancing. It's going to be awesome!. - she hug me tight
- Well...I'm happy for you.
She pull apart and waving us she leaves running. Michonne leaves too.
- You don't like parties Sarah?
- No really...plus, I don't think is a good moment for that...
- We are not just surviving, Sarah, we need to live too. - she hands me some books. - I think you will like these.
- Thanks...- I take the books. - I gonna go get started with these...
- Ok, honey. See you!
I'm not really feeling talkative today. I feel awful. I will like to be happy for Maggie, as happy as she is for throwing a party with everyone. But I'm not. I just don't know how to manage the "Grimes" situation. I thought putting some space between us will be it, but is not. I guess, changing my shift with Beth wasn't the best idea. She is everything I'm not. She is nice to everyone, talkative and charming. She's always singing and smiling. And she is fucking gorgeous. And now, she will be spending 3 nights a week with Carl.
Fuck, I'm jealous.
Late that night I hear some heavy footsteps...Daryl.
- Kiddo, too late for readin'...don't ya think?
- I'm not tired...- I lie.- Plus, the book its really good.
- I thought you were on watch with Carl...somethin' happened?.- he's chewing his thumb.
- I changed my shift with Beth...I will be with Jake, the woodbury kid from now on.
- Ya change it 'cause of the kiss?.
- It was a mistake, I'm just trying to fix it. - I put the book aside.- I don't wanna talk about it...and I'm pretty sure you don't want either.
- You right I don't. - he awkwardly moves.- But I will if ya need it. Maybe ya could talk to Carol, huh?
- It's not me who has to talk to her. - I snap.
- What that's supposed to mean, huh? I'm just trying to help ya.
- I don't want your help right now Daryl...I appreciated it...but, let me be, please.
- Ya know where I am, kiddo.
As soon as Daryl left my room I cry. I cry until I felt sleep.