*I would like to say, for the record, that this chapter didn't go at all the way I planned. It was supposed to be a lighthearted exchange between Raphael and Karina, hanging out in the course of a lesson on Euchre. And...Karina wouldn't play ball. Even I didn't know what her deal was. (I am still the one writing this, aren't I?) Nevertheless, I didn't fight her current...simply had to figure out what she was actually thinking. As if that wasn't enough, the chapter then took another (sort of) unplanned turn. I don't know what to say, except that these characters are alive and living their own lives. I'm only observing.
Raphael's gaze was fixed on the side door, marking the exit to a tunnel that led deeper underground from their refurbished train station. He'd been waiting around for a few minutes with growing boredom, but a glimpse of a shadow crossing the camera connected to the mounted monitor proved it hadn't been in vain.
"Raph."
The exasperated tone of the Latina made the red-masked turtle wince, but he staunchly held his ground behind the couch.
"What are you doing?" Karina continued, partially descending the steps. "Aren't we going to play the game?"
"Yeah, yeah, in a minute, Kari. Leo's almost here."
"You didn't mention he was playing."
"He ain't, Chica, but I wanna make sure I get to see this. I only need a few more seconds. He's so close."
"What are you up to?" she asked knowingly.
"You'll find out in a minute. I told you about him using me for an object lesson with the kids today." Raphael still stung from the unexpected throw that had occurred during a group training exercise that morning, and the inevitable teasing that followed. "No one's gonna embarrass me in front of my own kid."
"So you're going to pull him aside like a mature adult and let him know you didn't appreciate it?"
He snorted. "I could have done that. But I didn't."
The miniature crash from the other side of the door made the turtle pump his fist, and then rush to get to the tunnel. His rapid arrival was rewarded by getting to see the second part of his trap spring, releasing a mountain of snow over the blue-masked mutant already sprawled on his shell. The stark white snow was a vivid contrast to the unnaturally black mud his brother was covered in. He guffawed without fear while the older turtle up-righted himself with a growl.
"Have a nice run, Bro?"
Leonardo simultaneously rubbed muck from his eyes and shook off as much snow as possible. "You--"
"Should take your own advice, Leo," he chided. "Bein' unaware has its consequences." They were the same words his brother had spouted to him that morning, and repeating them felt entirely appropriate.
Momentarily at a loss for a reply, Leo whipped off his sodden, grunge-covered jacket and stomped toward the den. He only paused in the door-frame long enough to remove his boots to avoid trampling mud across the floor, then jerked his thumb toward Raphael over his shoulder. "You wait."
The red-masked turtle grinned at his brother's retreating form, taking pleasure in the memory of seeing him on his back.
"Is that what you did with the old bag of top soil I asked you to get rid of?" the bronze-haired woman demanded.
"I put it to good use."
She rolled her eyes. "Something tells me you'll regret that."
Raph shrugged. "I ain't worried about Fearless."
"If you say so, Tortuga. Don't come crying to me when it bites you in the shell."
"Someone always does eventually. May as well have some fun of my own along the way."
Karina made a face. "I've only been waiting upstairs for about an hour now. Thought I trained you better."
He smirked. "Y'know I've always been the rebellious type."
Her gaze darkened. "Sometimes that works on me, Raph. Others, it's a major turnoff."
He pursued immediately when the woman started back up the steps. "C'mon, Chica. Don't be like that."
Green eyes were filled with hurt when she glanced backwards. "Seems like you're more interested in pranking your brother than spending time with me. It's okay – I'll ask someone else to teach me. You're not the only one in this building who plays Euchre."
"Are you seriously this mad about it, Kari?" His incredulous tone went too far; the sudden stiffness in her posture told him so.
She slowly turned to face him. "You tell me one thing, and then do another. If you didn't want to teach me-"
"I do," he insisted, softer. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to push you to the back burner. I just got distracted."
Her lips quivered in a pout. "I prefer to be your distraction – not the thing you're distracted from." Karina's wounded look communicated she was upset about more than merely being forced to wait on him.
Raphael reached to raise her down-turned chin, but the woman flinched away from his hand.
"It's really not a big deal. I don't feel like learning Euchre now anyway."
The turtle sighed heavily as he caught her by the shoulder. "Kari, no. We're gonna talk about this."
"Talk? You want to talk?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" He fought to keep his tone even, though irritation pulsed strongly.
Karina looked left and right through the empty hallway at their imaginary audience. Then she snatched the turtle by his wrist and yanked him into their bedroom. The move normally would have excited him, but there was no passion in her touch. Once inside she instantly released her grip and strode across the room.
"What do you want to talk about?" she called flatly.
"We could start with what's really bothering you," he suggested.
Her hands balled into fists. It wasn't a good sign. "I don't know how to make it any clearer than I already did."
"When did you make it clear? Tonight? 'Cause the only thing you complained about was me being distracted, but I still feel like there's something else."
"I already told you."
"When?" Raphael was close to exploding, and fighting tooth and nail to remain calm.
Karina shook her head slowly. "Clearly, you weren't listening. That's become a regular thing for you lately."
The turtle took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he sat down on the end of the bed and patted the mattress beside him. "I'm listening now."
She stared at him mutely for a few moments before sitting down, but her arms remained crossed and defensive. "Do you recall me mentioning at dinner that I lost three of my longest-standing students today?"
Raphael's brow furrowed unconsciously. He remembered the comment all right; the complaint had turned up out of the blue at the table and seemed like more of a side note to Karina's day, and not something dreadfully important. He'd reminded her that she and Calley still had a nearly full roster of dancers, and she probably wouldn't miss those three girls in the long run. The subject was changed and immediately forgotten by him. Until now.
"So losing those girls is eatin' at you, huh?"
Karina fixed her eyes on the floor. "You don't get what this is like."
Annoyance surged, but he tempered it with another deep breath. "What don't I get?"
"You and your brothers, you're probably stronger now than you've ever been. Time hasn't diminished you."
Raph cocked his head in surprise. "You trying to say that's what's happening to you?"
"Raph, those sisters have been under my and Calley's wings, so to speak, since they were toddlers. They were uprooted from our classes today after ten years, and you know what their mother said to me? Her girls need opportunities I couldn't give them. She didn't come out and tell me our school was a waste, but she informed me that the courses were no longer challenging her daughters or stimulating their creativity.
"When I was saying goodbye to the thirteen-year-old, she told me they were going to a new school that opened on the West side. I shouldn't have looked it up, but I did. The instructors are so fresh, young...While I'm..."
"You're what?" He dared her to criticize herself.
"I'm past my prime. It doesn't get better than this – not for me."
Raphael shook his head. "That ain't true, Chica. Not one word of it."
"Raph, I can't hold your attention near as much as I used to. And believe me, I've tried."
He winced. "Kari. I've got a thick skull, and...I miss stuff. Important things. But that doesn't mean you've peaked, or I'm not interested anymore. It means I'm a dense shellhead who needs to be swatted with a bat every now and then."
"Is that the trick to getting your attention?"
Raphael rested his hands on her shoulders. "I think the trick is coming right out and telling me you need it sometimes, instead of waiting for me to notice on my own. We both know how long that can take."
Karina's crossed arms fell limply to her sides. "Raph, I...There are times when I don't feel like half the woman I used to be. I swear I'm not old on the inside, but lately everything around me is a reminder that it's all downhill from this point."
"Says who?" he challenged. "You don't know that your best years ain't still ahead of ya. What one dumb lady says doesn't take away from all the other girls you've trained, does it? Make you forget how much you love creating a dance, or how good you are at it? Forget her. There's always gonna be somebody telling you that you're not good enough. But they're not the voice you're supposed to listen to."
He scooted closer to the woman and wrapped an arm around her back. "They're not the ones who matter, right?"
"I wish it didn't matter," she admitted.
"Well, I can't do anything about that lady, but it's definitely her loss, Kari. You choreographed for Broadway. You coulda made a career out of it, but your heart is for teaching, and you're darn good at it. Every time you're working those girls through a new routine, whether it's the little ones or the teens, my eyes still go right to you. Only to you."
The woman gave him a small smirk, igniting his hope. "So you still spy on the lessons, huh?"
"Don's got the place bugged to high heavens, Kari. Can't blame a guy for peeking at his wife, can you?"
"It wouldn't hurt for you to say things like that more often."
Raphael grinned when the Latina punched his shoulder. "I'm always thinking it."
"It's not the same, Tortuga. A woman needs to know she's appreciated and...attractive. Especially when she's no longer the youngest kid on the block."
He chuckled and leaned close to Karina, initiating a deep kiss. When she reciprocated he felt goosebumps surface as if someone had opened a window to let in the winter air. Raphael cradled her chin in one palm, unwilling to let her pull away.
"Lemme tell you something about those 'young girls', Kari. Not a one of 'em can hold a candle to you."
Karina smiled faintly, but there was forced effort behind it.
There's more she ain't sayin'. Now's as good a time as any to drag it out of her.
"C'mere, Chica," he commanded softly.
"Raph, I'm already-"
He wrapped strong fingers around her wrists, drawing her to face him. "I feel like there's something else you need to get off your chest."
The Latin woman broke eye contact with a sharp intake of air.
"Kari, why are you holding out on me?"
She shook her head. "It's not you, it's me." Karina buried her face in her hands, but he wasn't going to let her escape so easily.
"You want me to listen more, and that's what I'm trying to do. You gotta say something first."
When the woman looked up, he realized she was on the verge of tears. "I'm so scared."
"What are you scared of? Getting older? Having to put up with me for another fifty years?" He gave her a smirk, but it didn't lighten her expression. If anything, it had the opposite of his desired effect.
Karina opened her mouth like she would speak, but then closed it with a small sob instead. The red-masked turtle's mind began to race as he folded his arms around his wife, concern growing.
"What are you afraid of, Kari?"
Sniffing, her arms crossed her chest once more. Staring down at the bedspread, she finally spoke in unusually small voice. "I think I'm pregnant."
Raphael blinked rapidly. Of all the possible disasters that had just run through his head, that wasn't one of them. For a few moments, he was at a loss for words. Then-"Are you sure?"
She shrugged. "Unless fifteen different tests are lying to me, yes."
"But...you're...we..."
A strange smile crossed Karina's face. "You're not going to ask who it belongs to this time?"
Raphael shook his head vaguely, too overwhelmed to properly respond to the jab.
"Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks," the woman muttered.
Slowly, the turtle returned his hands to her shoulders. "Who've you talked to? Do the docs know?"
"No one, obviously. I only got through the last of the tests this morning."
Raph swallowed in an attempt to control his rapid heart rate. "Then we have to talk to 'em, like now. With the risks involved-"
"I know all about the risks, Tortuga," she interrupted in a low tone. "And this time, at my age, there will be even more. Why do you think I'm so afraid?"
He took a shuddering breath and gathered the woman close. She returned his embrace that time, trembling through another sob. "You're not alone, and you're not gonna be," Raphael finally said firmly.
"I don't know if I can do it again," she confessed. "Physically, I mean. I hardly got through Liv's pregnancy, and I wasn't an old lady then."
"You're not getting ready to push up daisies," he argued. "You're stronger than you think."
"I want to be strong enough, Raph. I just don't know if I am, and it scares the heck out of me."
"It's gonna be okay," he insisted forcefully for his wife and himself. "Ain't there any part of you that's...happy?"
She regarded him with a slow blink. "I'm generally too petrified to get my hopes up yet."
He chuckled weakly. "We'll have to work on that."
"Are you happy?" she asked. "You don't mind the thought of starting over now?"
The red-masked turtle released his grip on the woman and leaned back on their bed. He hadn't been present when his daughter was born, or gotten to watch her take her first breath. But he remembered the first time he held his baby girl like it'd happened yesterday, and the instantaneous jolt of becoming a father. Reminiscing at that moment was enough to cause renewed anticipation to spark in his chest. "Well, your timing could have been better," he teased.
Karina's hands immediately went to her hips. "As if I'm controlling it? I'm not the only one who has anything to do with this!"
Raphael grinned. "Nah. We both pretty much have a part to play there."
"I don't understand why you're so calm."
He stretched to grab one of her hands. "Hey. We've been through some pretty unbelievable stuff, right? Gangs, earthquakes, terrorists, aliens...and we all lived to tell about it. No reason we won't make it through this too."
She broke his gaze. "I wish I shared your confidence."
He drew her chin back to him insistently. "You're not wrong to be afraid. It scares me too. But we're in this together, and as soon as we break the news to the docs, we'll have an entire team on our side."
Karina rolled her eyes. "I hope you've enjoyed seeing me, because I'll probably be living in the lab for the next eight months."
"They'll have to get used to having me around too," he assured her. Raphael embraced the woman again, and she clung to him like a leaf in return. He waited for her to speak, but when she didn't, he was satisfied to simply hold her.
...Yeah. I just did that. Was it planned? Well, no, and yes. I seriously played with the idea of Karina getting pregnant again at the end of Allies, and for whatever reason, didn't go through with it. Then Mantle comes along, and I start hearing people miss the kids being, well, kids. Those things combined with the encouragement of Heather Elizabeth, who shared her own story of having siblings with a 20 year age difference, are what tipped the balance in the decision. So...there's that.