A/N
Thanks for your comments, your support is very much appreciated!
I also have to say thanks to Sam938 for the encouragement, some excellent pointers and general awesomeness. If you haven't discovered her yet, leave now and go. Her stories are incredible.
Disclaimer - Stargate and it's characters are all owned by MGM, nothing to do with me.
"Why now?" He talks to the empty hallway in front of him.
She turns her head and studies his profile. She still can't read him. Her brain starts dealing with the lack of information by sorting through the last few minutes and presenting her with the various interpretations of his words. He repeats his question.
"You said you needed to know. Why now?" He still doesn't look at her.
She can probably answer this but she doesn't. She still needs to know where she stands. "You said no." Does he hear the confusion in her voice?
"No!" He leans forward from the wall and turns to face her. "I said -" He glances away. "Well, yes, I said 'no'," He looks back at her, his eyes willing her to understand something. "...you didn't get the rest?"
Did she? She continues to stare at him, trying to make sense of this in her state of emotional confusion.
He looks down, picking at some invisible thing on her sleeve. "You asked the wrong question if you wanted a 'yes'." The intimacy of her fingers still touching his and the casual movement of his other hand on her jacket tightens her throat.
Is he comforting her or reaching out to her? Everything about him says he's reaching out but she doesn't trust herself to believe it.
"What was the right question?" she rasps through her tightened throat.
"Oh, I dunno..." his hand leaves her arm and gestures vaguely. "Are you hungry? Yes. Do you wanna beer? Yes." She drops her head back against the wall and closes her eyes against his heartless attempt to lighten the situation. He continues but his voice is different. "Am I still in love with you?" He pauses and her heart must stop because there is absolute silence until he follows it with the answer she needs.
"Yes."
She doesn't move but the relief that pours through her fills parts she didn't know were empty. She eases her fingers forward to grab more of his hand and he reciprocates, using the leverage to pull her into his arms. She doesn't need it as she's already folding into him, leaning into his shoulder and sliding her free arm across his chest and round his neck.
God, is this real?
They sit, wrapped in one another, the numbness she felt just moments ago seeping away. It's not the most comfortable position but she'll take it right now. Maybe he feels the same as he soon moves to gently twist her round to face him. For a few moments they just look at each other and he seems unable to stop the grin that starts creeping across his face. She feels hers pull at the side of her mouth too, feels it through her whole body.
He looks down at her hands and starts to tap his fingers on hers. He slows it down and turns it to more of a caress, tracing his fingers over her skin. It feels exquisite and she can't stop her involuntary intake of breath when his fingers skim the delicate skin of her wrist.
Seriously, is this real? She feels suspended in a vacuum. Like the world outside has ceased to exist and it's just them. Some distant part of her brain comments that stranger things have happened.
After a few moments he looks back up but the grin is gone. "What now?" he says. The look in his eyes shows he really doesn't have the answer. "What's changed? I'm still your CO. There's still a whole galaxy of bad guys we're supposed to be leading the fight against."
His eyes drift back to her wrist and follow the path of his hand as he talks. "Did you just want to know or are you ready to do something about it?"
Good question. She has no idea. She's struggling to think straight right now because much of her processing capacity has been given over to appreciating the feel of his touch on her skin.
"Both?" She counters, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I hadn't really got that far."
She suddenly realises the truth of that statement. She really hadn't got that far. She hadn't thought about what happened next, whichever answer he gave. In her emotional whirlwind of the last few hours she just knew she needed to know! How the hell had she not thought about the consequences? She's given them plenty of thought in the past.
He smiles and stills his fingers on her palm. She watches him come to a decision although on what she can't be sure. He moves to stand, offering his hand to help her up. "As nice as this is, there are more comfortable places to have this conversation."
She feels a rush of disappointment at the broken connection. The floor had been working pretty well.
He leads her by the hand though the hallway and stops back at the top of the stairs. He turns back towards her but not before she catches his glance down the corridor towards his bedroom.
"Kitchen or couch?" he asks, breezily. But the way he's looking at her is doing things to her insides.
Her eyes flick down the same corridor. She really doesn't want a conversation. The consequences are starting to flick into her head and there are so many reasons why she shouldn't be here. A conversation will just lead to doing the Right Thing. Which is nothing. And she's been doing nothing for a long time. She's so over it. For once, she wants to just do what feels right, do it today and deal with the rest of it tomorrow.
Her eyes settle on his.
She's slow to answer because she wants the third option. The one at the end of the corridor. She's surprised at her surety of this. It's not something that was on today's to do list.
She makes her decision.
She takes a step closer and moves her free hand to his chest then, biting her lip at her own daring, turns her head away from him towards the bedroom in a way that leaves no doubt to her intent. She can feel his breath on her cheek, each one coming deeper and faster.
She closes her eyes for a few seconds then looks back up at him. They're so close now. His eyes are much darker than a few seconds ago and it's definitely no trick of the light this time. Her heart is pounding and she can't believe they're at this point. She's asking him to cross a line that has been rigidly in place for a long time and for good reason.
She doesn't want to voice the doubt, doesn't want to give it life so lets her eyes do it for her.
The small part of her brain that's still functioning knows this time she's asked the right question as the answer is plain on his face.
'Yes. Absolutely'
He holds her gaze for a few more moments, giving her a chance to back out. She doesn't take it.
He turns towards the bedroom and leads her down the corridor.