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RWBY:

The Blond And The Valkyrie

By typicalteenager.

Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own RWBY and anything related to it (except maybe my OCs: Oh, like you haven't made your own RWBY OC!). Which is a good thing, as I never would have come up with something so awesome and enjoyable.

Anyway, on with the show.

Chapter 4: Back Bumper Bonanza

If, Jaune pondered, there was one immediate and obvious benefit to being the boyfriend of Nora Valkyrie, it was that it gave said person a great deal of insight into the personality of Lie Ren.

To sum it up, if Jaune had been Nora's childhood friend for all those years, he'd have turned out just like him. It was the only way to maintain good mental health.

Being Nora's boyfriend had also given him a great deal of respect towards the R of Team JNPR. Ren had managed to ride out the storm all these years and come out sane. Jaune had only been in Ren's position for a few days, and he was still trying to work out why he had not yet needed to be admitted to a Mental Asylum.

It was Friday, and it had been exactly one week since his…. 'relationship' with Nora had begun. Teams RWBY and JNPR, along with the rest of Beacon's students, were enjoying dinner. Or at least, that was the idea. However in reality 7 of the eight members were having difficulty savouring the delicious meal (a full roast dinner with plenty of gravy, especially on the golden roast potatoes, for all but Nora, who had decided to have pancakes first and the roast dinner as 'dessert').

There were two reasons for this. The first was Nora.

The second was her 'Back Bumpers', as she called them.

Due to his practically involuntary reaction to said back bumpers a week ago, Nora seemed to have suddenly become a bit of a klutz, constantly dropping stuff around Jaune, and bending over to pick it up, coincidently giving Jaune a panty shot. At the same time, she had taken to wearing some of her old pink skirts from when she was younger. Said skirts had not been used in some time due to puberty making them too short for her to wear, showing the edge of her panties, and making it impossible to bend over without giving a panty shot to anyone standing behind her. Yet here they were, returned to service.

Why she had kept, and brought with her, skirts that she no longer wore (until this week) was anyone's guess. Except Ren, who would have shrugged, having accepted that Nora didn't always make sense: it was part of what made her Nora.

This alone would have been enough to cause the current atmosphere at the table, but Nora's new found inability to hold stuff seemed to go one step further. She would drop stuff all the time, and thus happen to give Jaune a panty shot, regardless of where they were, or the fact that they were usually surrounded by other students, prompting wolf whistling from the male students, looks of shock and disapproval from the female students (though none of them compared to Weiss), and on one occasion a look that somehow combined horror, disgust, and rage from Professor Goodwitch.

That had not been a good day for those students in the classroom at that time.

Nora didn't care about that though. She didn't care about if men in general liked her new found clumsiness: only that Jaune did.

His reaction to her panty shots, which was for blood to trickle out of his nose like water from a leaking tap, and his face to go bright red in an instant, confirmed this for her.

So why was Nora Valkyrie upset, when she was getting the reaction she wanted, and had pancakes sitting before her with extra syrup on top?

Because ever since that first panty shot, Jaune had doggedly tried to avoid looking at her whenever she dropped something, with varying degrees of failure and success.

It annoyed her, to the point where she would actually drop her seemingly permanent smile and adopt a pout cute enough to rival Ruby's (not that Jaune would tell her that, since it would only add another weapon to her arsenal). She wanted her boyfriend to enjoy himself, and that certainly happened whenever she dropped something around him, so why was he trying to not enjoy himself by looking away?

Jaune's reason was simple: he didn't want to die.

He knew death claimed everyone eventually, but when it did, he wanted it to be either dying in his sleep at a ripe old age, having lived a great and fulfilling life, or, the less preferred but still acceptable way out of a heroic last stand, to die fighting the hordes of Grimm, knowing that his sacrifice had allowed others to see another day.

It had to be either of these two options, because when he died, he was going to be facing all the Arcs before him, heroes one and all, and he didn't think they would be very pleased if he died because of blood loss due to his self-appointed girlfriend 'accidently' sticking her butt in his face at every opportunity.

Plus he wanted to be alive to enjoy the view. He was a teenage boy after all.

So, Jaune was avoiding looking at Nora, staring down at his food, and this was making Nora pout. But what about the other six individuals sat at the table?

Ruby and Pyrrha were once again thinking the same thing: how to separate Jaune from Nora, and how to remove Nora's new-found romantic interests in Jaune.

However, this time the two redheads differed slightly in their planning. Ruby's strategy was focused on how to get Jaune to develop an interest in her to the extent that he wouldn't want or need Nora. Currently the plan involved baking Jaune a special batch of cookies, and even sharing her strawberries with him if need be (!). Pyrrha's plan was more along the lines of how to take Nora out and make it look like an accident. So far the possible accidents all had a worryingly high chance of being fatal.

Pyrrha found that this didn't bother her so much, as long as it got her near Jaune.

Yang was also pouting: oddly enough, for the same reason Nora was.

When Yang had seen Nora's first few 'unintended' panty shots at Jaune, Yang believed her fellow Huntress-in-training had found the boy's Achilles Heel, the perfect weapon to embarrass her fellow blond. The day after this discovery, she had caught whatever illness was affecting Nora, because she too was suddenly having to pick up stuff she had dropped, coincidently showing off her curve-hugging shorts.

Then she had seen Jaune's reaction, which was to slightly blush, and look elsewhere.

This had left Yang initially confused, and then very annoyed. It wasn't so much that Jaune's reaction to her, but rather that Nora got a bigger reaction from him.

This couldn't be! Yang was the master of the flirt! A black belt in the art of seduction-induced embarrassment! She could not allow this to stand! She would get the greater reaction from Jaune: one way or another.

Weiss' behaviour was both easy to understand and completely in character for her. After her initial joy at Jaune's attention being focused elsewhere, and her shock at the levels of intimacy Nora was ascending to, she was now disgusted at the Valkyrie's behaviour and her thinly veiled reason of 'dropping stuff'. And in public no less! It was not proper, and just not done. If Nora wanted to show Jaune her… her posterior, that was her choice, but she should do so in the privacy of their room. Did the girl have no sense of shame?

Blake's reaction was the closest to Jaune's, her face red as a tomato as she occasionally peeked over her book at the pair. Like Weiss, she was well aware of the sheer intimacy Nora's recent behaviour symbolised, and she was bowled over by the boldness that Nora was displaying with such actions. It was as if one of the characters from her Ninjas of Love series had suddenly come to life. Now her 'mature' side was attempting to convince her to 'accidently' leave one of her books out to give Nora ideas.

Bad mind! Bad mind!

And Ren?

He was enjoying the gravy-soaked roast potatoes, whilst trying not laugh at poor Jaune's expense. After all, he had once been through the same sort of situations with Nora.

That didn't stop him internally being amused though.

Sometime after dinner, Yang was back in her team's room. She was laying on her bed, her feet on her pillow, using her scroll to look up techniques and exercises that would shape and tone her buttocks, as well as what men considered to be the perfect female posterior. Maybe then Jaune would give a proper reaction to her.

Her search was beginning to bear fruit, when the sound of the door opening prompted her to toss her scroll away and roll over to see who it was.

Into the room came Ruby, trying to be sneaky and failing, as she was clearly focused on something other than stealth.

The something in question, tucked in a ball under her arm, was Jaune's Onesie.

"…"

Yang just stared at Ruby, whose face was red and tilted down away from her to hide her embarrassment.

No, not tilted down: looking down...

Yang turned her head to see what Ruby was looking at, and felt her own face going red as she realised that her scroll had ended up on the floor, with Ruby clearly able to see and read what Yang had been looking at.

Silence hung in the room for a moment. Then…

"…I won't say anything if you won't."

"…Deal."

With that, Yang picked up her Scroll, and returned to her reading, whilst Ruby stuffed Jaune's Onesie inside her pillow, and began to strip down and clean Crescent Rose.

When Weiss and Blake returned, they found the room filled with an awkward atmosphere.

And for some reason, Blake's more sensitive nose could detect Jaune's scent lingering in the room, especially around the bed of Ruby.

Meanwhile, across the hallway in Team JNPR's room…

"I just don't get it Ren. Why does he look away?"

Ren, who had been trying to read his book, looked on at Nora with concern. The usually energetic young woman was currently laying on Jaune's bed, her arms and legs wrapped around his pillow in a bear hug (to be 'closer to him'), and a look of sadness on her face.

This was thankfully a rare event, but every time it happened Ren felt his heart breaking. It was like watching a puppy sitting in the rain outside the door of its owner's house, wondering why it wasn't allowed in. You couldn't sit there and do nothing.

Ren knew what the problem was as well. Back when he and Nora had graduated from 'friends' to 'best friends', it was like a switch had flipped in Nora's mind, and she began doing things like joining him in the bath, or trying to (force) feed him pancakes, and behaving in a much more intimate manner that frankly had scared the young Ren until he got used to it. It seemed that Nora's mind took the concept that 'best friends can trust each other with anything' and run with it to the extreme end of the idea.

Now she was doing the same to Jaune, only since they had gone from friends/team mates to a couple (as far as Nora was concerned), Nora's behaviour had gone to even more extremes. She had certainly never tried to deliberately show off her 'back bumpers' to Ren before.

It was made worse by the fact that Jaune, so used to getting nowhere with girls, didn't know how to react to the situation, and Ren knew that if you didn't control the situation with Nora, she would take it further and further until chaos ensured. After all these years of trying to block it out, he could still recall the 'incident' when a 12 year old Nora's behaviour in public would have gotten them arrested had they not used their Auras to outrun the officer chasing them.

Realising that he was drifting away from the subject at hand, he began to consider how to deal with the heresy that was a sad Nora.

He was debating if he should tell Nora the truth –that she had misunderstood him when he had said Jaune cared for her– which would hurt her, but also deal with the problem, and he could then work on helping her return to her normal self, when they heard Weiss' voice, sounding angry, carry across from Team RWBY's dorm.

"RUBY ROSE, YOU EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW WHY YOU HAVE JA-"

Whatever she was going to say was suddenly muted out, most likely, Ren thought, by Ruby trying to shove cookies in the heiress' mouth.

Ren smirked. In many ways, Ruby was like Nora.

That being said, Oum help us all if they ever team up for a task. We'll need it.

Dissipating his thoughts on the potential apocalypse a Rose-Valkyrie combination could cause, Ren turned his attention back to Nora.

And found Nora's previously saddened face to be in frozen in a state of clarity.

"Um… Nora?"

His voice seemed to shake Nora out of her daze, and her face took on a look of delight as she suddenly sprang to her feet, yelling "OF COURSE! WEISS! Why did I not think of her before?" Before Ren could stop her, Nora had dashed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Ren stared at the closed door for a moment, glad that Nora was back to her usual cheery self, but feeling a strange sense of foreboding.

At the risk of sounding cliché, I have a bad feeling about this…

Typicalteenager:

Aaaaaand the Self-Appointed Paragon of Schedule Slippage is late again! What a surprise: not.

On a more positive note, remember when I basically begged for someone to do fan art of Nora in Jaune's Onesie, so I could use it as the Story Image? Well, someone has.

That person is Exvnir, and the piece is called RWBY: Pajamjams.

In case you don't know, Exvnir is a member of Deviantart who has produced many great RWBY pieces, several of which have inspired fanfics, such as Massages by H'te Rarpee and Sharing by Den R.

So, as far as I'm concerned, this is an honor. My thanks to you, Exvnir.

In addition, I feel the need to draw your attention to two other RWBY artists on Deviantart that I personally enjoy:

Kegi Springfield, who has produced the so-sweet-that-you'll-get-diabetes art and fanfic Papa Jaune,

And Oobidoobi, with his RWBY Comic Parental Message, a Jaune x Harem story through Jaune's Father setting up Marriage Contracts with pretty much every woman in RWBY (I'm sure the few Jaune isn't in a contract with will be soon enough: his dad's that kind of guy).

Anyway, I better be off: it's been even longer since I updated Soloman the Blood God, and I don't want to be attacked by a virtual-pitchfork wielding angry mob again. Navigator, plot a course to the shores of 40K!