When I look into your eyes
it's like watching the night sky
or a beautiful sunrise
well, there's so much they hold
i won't give up by jason mraz
She struggles to find the words to speak, to be honest with him. And the last thing she wants to do is lie, and lying includes running away. "Can't sleep," she tells him, shrugging it off; brushing it away in a way that's far too suspicious and odd. She wraps her arms around herself tightly, trying to brainstorm of other ways to confess how she's feeling without scaring him off.
She really doesn't know what else to say. If it wasn't for Walsh's sudden appearance, she probably wouldn't be wanting to even confess any of this.
Killian approaches her slowly, sitting down next to her. He smells good, according to her, and she can feel the warmth radiating off of his body. It's soothing her in a way, just his presence, his worry, his wondering for her wellbeing.
"Nightmare?"
"No, no nightmares," she answers.
He frowns, and she can make out his features even in the dark. "Then what is it this time, love?" His voice is soft, gentle, sincere.
"It's…" Sighing, she inhales a big breath. "I'll probably sound crazy but, it's you."
"You don't sound crazy, darling," he assures her. "But, why am I on your mind?"
"Because I don't understand my own feelings for you," she mutters, it comes out more bitter than she'd intended. "When you look at me, it's like I'm your everything, and I don't get it. And then I remember that you were always my pillar to lean on, my pillow to fall on, my best friend. But, after some thought and some serious persuasion from Ruby, I started doubting how I really felt, what I kept ignoring and rejecting all this time," she explains, shaking her head. "I don't really know, Killian. I just- I feel like we're becoming far more than just friends. And I'm scared because everyone I've been with has let me down bef-"
"Hey. I don't intend to let you down," he says, pulling her in for a hug. For a couple of moments, he just holds her closely, rocking her side to side in a calming sway, she's too awestruck to speak. "Do you remember when I told you about these resurfacing feelings, the feelings you tend to be hesitant with acting on?" he asks.
She recalls the entire conversation, still quite fresh and real in her mind. "Yeah," she mumbles, letting herself envelop the feeling of being in his arms. "Why?"
"Those feelings, the ones I was talking about, the ones I frequently am aware of myself," he begins, "are all for you. You, you make me wonder so much, love, it's quite ridiculous when I think about it myself." He laughs softly, his thumb brushing over her hand. "When you first rejected me that day, saying you weren't looking to date again, I'll be honest, I was crushed. But, I knew it shouldn't affect our current friendship, so I kept it going, decided to be a good friend. And since I knew you weren't ready, I wanted you to make the choice on your own time. Good form and all that of course."
"Really?"
"Aye. Really. I never thought I would be capable of letting go of my first love- my Milah. That is until I met you," he whispers into her ear, his hot breath spreading upon her skin. "She had passed due to some medical failures when we first finished high school. It was rather devastating for me," he explains, "Liam would try to cheer me up, and it really never did work. So I escaped that life, continued with my passion for buildings and structural development, hoping I could find another safe haven.
"You took me away the first day I had saw you on campus, Swan. I thought I was daft, thinking I could ever get to know someone as strong and beautiful as you were. Yet, when I first spoke to you, I was falling already. I had passed that fine line when I learned your name, knew your outstanding art- and well, learning that you were sleeping a wall away from me didn't make it any better."
The both of them laugh at that.
"When you started dating that Walsh bastard, I'll admit, I was jealous and pissed off all at the same time. I was never forthright with you on my feelings for you, so that was to blame on myself. And when he broke your heart, when you showed up that night in a heap of a mess, I had wanted to punch myself for not warning you earlier," he says, his tone of voice grows thick with emotion, of some sort of regret. "If I had done something, asked you out on a date, anything that would have prevented you another heartbreak back then, then I would have. But I was far too confused in my own turmoil, far too enamored by you, that I did not get the chance to ask you out."
Hearing the words from him makes her want to cry. She's never heard of this before, never even considered how of Killian's side of things. It's always been her being concerned about herself, not knowing the opposite, and now that she does, she's pretty much breathless, speechless, you name it.
"I sound quite cheeky, I know, but even, even if you don't feel the same, or if you think it won't work, I won't put any blame on you for it. I won't blame you for wanting to try either, I won't blame you if we fail, and I won't blame you for wanting space and time," he says, comforting her. "I'm a patient man, I've got all the time in the world for you, love."
She finds herself nuzzling more into his hold, his grasp tightening around her as she wants to cry. Cry because- fuck- this man in front of her, holding her, has liked her from the beginning, and she hasn't fully noticed until just now. Well, a littler earlier, but point proven. But, all of his gestures, his offers, suggestions, advice. They were always serious, meant for her, real and genuine. Now she just feels bad for pulling him out like this, for three damn years. That must hurt him, a lot.
Although she's still full-on unsure of how it's going to work, she wants to give it a shot. She's going to risk it this time, she can trust him with her heart- soon. "I'm sorry I hadn't realized earlier," she mumbles, gulping at the thought, "I want to try though."
"Are you sure, love?"
"I've never been more positive in my life," she confirms, smiling a little bit. "I'd just want to take it slow."
"Well then, Emma Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yeah." She nods. "Yeah, I will." Emma yawns. "Now, I think sleep is calling for me again," she mutters, "we can talk about this more tomorrow?"
"Of course." He leans over and presses a kiss to the side of her head, letting her go to get into bed properly. When she's all well in bed, he brushes his thumb over her cheek. "Sweet dreams, Swan. Hopefully they're about me."
She scoffs. "You wish."
In the morning, she wakes up to a very bare Killian Jones in the process of sleeping. Once again, being a light sleeper sucks; not that she's complaining about seeing Killian in boxers and shirtless. And hey, if they're going to do this, this dating thing, she doesn't mind. She's known him long enough, and the one time she's seen him half-bare was that cottage thing they've done for the past two years over the summer.
"See something you like there, Swan?" he asks, and she can hear a smirk on his face.
"Go away," she mutters, turning to face her back to him.
"My, my, aren't you quite grumpy right now?" he teases, swaggering over to her with his usual good looks and all. "You're a light sleeper, aren't you?"
She groans. "Are you going to bother me about being a light sleeper? It's the last thing I need to hear from you," she says, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "And clearly you changing has woken me up, or the birds."
"Sorry, Swan." He slips his t-shirt over his head. "I've got a class today, so I'll see you later," he tells her, brushing his lips softly against her cheek. "I can help you with your project tonight?"
"Yeah." She tries not to think about it too much, that they're trying, that this, whatever it is, is quite real. "Anyways, see you." She smiles as he grabs his stuff and leaves out the door. Now, she's just going to have to tell Ruby. About everything, and she's not looking forward to admitting that she was right all along.
With another week and a half to work on her project, she decides today is the day to get started. So she does. And thanks to Killian's suggestion- opinion- on which paint to use, she's going to stick to it. She figures it'll fit with the entire sort of theme, and that's what she's going to aim for. Plus, she's better with watercolour paint than acrylic anyways. It'll just mean being more cautious and making sure not to have too many slipups and mishaps.
But, who starts working without a good full stomach? Definitely not Emma Swan. She's dying for a grilled cheese, and she's still somewhat tired from the little sleep she had managed to grab before getting woken up. She trudges down the paths, saying "Hey" and "'Sup" to a couple of people she knows as classmates, and when she's at the diner, Ruby's there, with Victor of course. It doesn't take long for them to pop up in front of her, dragging her toward their booth.
"Well good morning to you guys too," she mumbles under her breath, jerking her head over to wave the waitress over.
"This. Is. Progress!" Ruby squeals happily. She nudges Victor in the shoulder who just smiles and nods. "This is the first time you've been out in like, two days, and I think that proves something has changed. Plus you're glowing or something," Ruby claims, taking a drink from her coffee. "What happened? Tell me everything, girl."
Well, there's no point in holding back the truth from the two of them. "You were right, Ruby," Emma starts, "I needed to give Killian the chance an-"
"Wait, wait, wait," Victor interrupts, "you're dating Killian Jones now? Like… for real?"
She rolls her eyes and sighs. "If you'd let me explain."
"Talk," Ruby demands.
"Alright, so you know how Walsh had returned? I was just really lost after he had returned, because me and Killian did this fake dating thing to piss him off. It worked, sort of." She shrugs. "Long story short, if Killian hadn't stopped me from going a rampage, I probably would have beat Walsh down in the hallway. Anyways, Killian helped me cope, comforted me, helped me rethink the entire situation… He was- he's just been helping me in every way.
"And last night… Technically this morning, at like three am, I couldn't sleep, and I guess I had just been sitting there staring at nothing because Killian woke up at some point and was really concerned. He thought it was a nightmare I was having, but then I told him the truth. Surprisingly, well, not really surprising, but he told me the truth too, he said he liked me, more than a friend of course- since the beginning. I told him I wanted to try, I've put him off long enough and he's already waited for me for three entire years, I knew it was time to move on."
Ruby is grinning like she just won a Grammy or something. "I told you so!" Ruby brags, pointing her finger at Emma. "He always looked at you like you were the stars in his entire universe, it was about time."
"Have you guys always known?"
"No, not always," Victor answers, "but it started to become obvious after two weeks of getting to know him."
"What Vic said. Plus, neither of us ever really wanted to push you into anything, so we sorta just let it drag on for a bit," Ruby adds in. "Which clearly was a bad idea because Walsh ended up in your life later. That scumbag, I never liked him."
Emma flinches at the mention of his name, it even hurts when she has to say his name herself. "Yeah, well hopefully we've scared him off."
"You might as well move all your stuff into Killian's dorm."
"Let's not jump this, Ruby," she mutters.
She rolls her eyes. "Come on, you've basically been there for a week now!" Ruby insists, leaning back into the booth. "And then you won't have to deal with me and Vic."
"Oh god, you're putting images into my head," Emma complains, rubbing her face with her hand. "Fine, fine. I'll just ask him about it later, alright? Now, I'm going to take this grilled cheese, and head back because I really need to get started on my project that has been rudely delayed multiple times." She takes her paper bag, but then pauses. "And are we doing that cottage thing again this year?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we are! I think we have more people coming along this time."
She slips out of the booth. "Oh great, more people."
"Relax, they're people that you'll at least like," Ruby tells her, "or tolerate."
"I'll take your word for it." She checks her phone. "I'm gonna go now. Bye guys."
"See ya," the both of them say in sync.
With that out of the way, she lets herself soak in some of the warmth of the nice weather while she walks back to the dorms. And boy, is there no time to waste, because after grabbing a drink from the mini-fridge Killian keeps, with the addition of her lovely grilled cheese, she's now more awake and pumped to work on her project. However, while she sketches out the outline of what she's doing, her phone goes off to distract her. Checking it quickly with a flick of her finger, it's a text from Killian saying he's going to be back a bit late because his teacher is keeping him in to discuss some of his work.
I will be back later than usual. sorry, love. i'll make it up later. ;)
Shaking her head, she laughs to herself. She's proud of him, figuring it's probably about his completed final project. Emma knows how hard he's worked with his own buildings and designs, it cannot even be compared to her own work which she usually prides herself in. He's unique, special, a one-of-the-kind and super talented person she knows. And she's glad she chose to befriend him before it was too late, otherwise she wouldn't be here, in his dorm- possibly even moving in secretly- working on her final art project which is due by the end of the month technically, and… dating him.
okay. now i wonder how you'll be making it up, is what she texts him back.
He's the perfect guy, anyone would be willing to get into his hands, but still, he chose her, and she chose him in the end. She'll always choose him, because she knows him, trusts him, cares about him. Knowing that he was always scared on ever trying to ask her out, always nervous around the entire idea makes her heart burst. Just how does she deserve a man like this? So honest, modest, loyal, confident and just plain our spectacular? An answer she'll probably never discover, maybe an answer she'll never actually need to really know at all.
Before she knows it, the outcome of her basic sketch is done, and all she needs to do is start the painting part. Except, through about three hours of trying to get it as perfect as possible, she's exhausted from that part. Perhaps painting will come on her next spare day, because right now, all she wants is to climb into bed and go watch a movie or something on her laptop. Oh, so many possibilities of her screwing up while painting from three hours of strained work, those, she is most definitely not willing to go through. If one big thing is fucked up, that means either finding a way around it, or starting over. And she doesn't have that many sheets of watercolour paper left in the first place. So yes, settling down in bed for an hour or so won't hurt.
food? pops up on her phone screen.
you're not serious are you?
sort of am, lass. but no worries, i've got something else in mind after i get back.
better hurry there, i'm on edge of passing out
did you do that much work without me? i'm wounded
i did some pretty hardcore sketching for three hours, so yes, i did that much work without you staring over my shoulder.
it's called observing, Swan
and it's called I need my personal space, moron.
It's another couple of minutes before that screen lights up, nearly scaring her half to death because she's not completely paying attention.
aye... well, i don't abide by personal space that much with you around.
oh, and i'll be back shortly. need to take a stop to grab myself a drink
ok.
oh and btw, we're still on for the cottage thing this summer. i asked ruby today when i ran into her at the diner.
alright. sounds fine with me of course.
except there's more people attending this year.
you've got to be bloody kidding me
likewise
k, well, i suppose we'll just have to get through this together, won't we? i believe we've always made quite the team.
yeah. yeah we have.
And then the texting stops there. She leans back against the wall, snaps open her laptop on her lap, and then starts to check the news, trends, YouTube, all the delightful things the internet provides her and the world. Within ten minutes of the last time they talked, well, messaged, the door clicks open and he's holding his sketchbook in between his armpit, and then the bottle of ice water in his hands.
"You brought in the smell of sweat," she mutters, sitting up properly.
He laughs, dropping his bag to the floor. "I was running across campus, alright? Give a man a break, Swan." He twists the bottle cap off and chugs about half of the water, she watches it go down that throat of his. "I'm going to shower anyways," he mumbles, fishing some clothes from his closet.
"And what was it you were saying about making it up to me?" she asks, clamping her laptop shut.
He stands up straight, his eyes narrowing and turning to her. "Ah, I had nearly forgotten. Well, I was thinking we should go on a proper date. If i'm going to court you, I'm going to do it the right way," he says, slinging his shirt over his shoulder. "And hey, I wasn't lying about it when this date does include some food."
"I believe you." She smiles, shuffling herself off of the bed. "Better be something more than diner food though, I don't think I want to eat that for the rest of my life."
"Of course. Now, I'll need time to plan this date to make it as appealing and satisfying for you as possible," he explains. "So, given that I'm going to go take a relaxing shower, it will also be a thoughtful one."
. . . . . .
"You're finally dating Killian!" Mary Margaret squeals over the phone.
"Does news just travel at light speed?" she mutters, flipping page through her art history book. "Let me guess, Ruby told you guys?"
"Actually, Killian told David when they ran into each other yesterday. I mean, none of us were really surprised about it, but it's just that it took so long for you to open up again, and then it took forever for Killian to ever try and ask you out."
"Were you all in on the both of us getting together?"
"Uh, maybe," Mary Margaret stammers, "actually yes."
"You guys are ridiculous," Emma responds, skimming her highlighter over the paper. "My own friends knowing it would happen before I did? Great impression on my own self."
Mary Margaret laughs. "Well, on another note, how's your project going? Good, I'd assume?"
"Pretty good," she admits, "but right now I'm busy reading about the ancient history of art styles from different periods of time- really damn boring." Emma sighs hopelessly. "Please relieve me of all these years I need to remember for an upcoming test."
"I was never good with numbers," Mary Margaret says, "let alone math."
"Too many years," she drawls, complaining about the list of years on her paper. "Too much memorization too."
"Have Killian test you," Mary Margaret suggests.
"He's not back yet."
"From where?"
"Classes of course. We only share two days out of the five together, the others are either me out at class, or he's at his," she thoroughly explains, flipping another page in the book. "Then again, make that four because of the weekend," she adds.
"That's four out of seven days. Sounds pretty okay to me," Mary Margaret inputs her opinion.
"It is. And hey, you and David joining us this summer at the cottage thing again?"
"Oh yep, most definitely."
"Well, I'd say the more the merrier, but Ruby said there'd be more people this time," she notifies Mary Margaret, "and that means more than the regular gang. As Killian would put it, bloody hell."
"Do you know who's joining us, then?" Mary Margaret asks.
Emma hears the sound of a door click open from her side, assuming it's David. "No," she responds, sticking the cap on her highlighter. "David's back?" she asks, picking her phone off from the bed, sticking it between her shoulder and ear.
"Yeah. I'm gonna go now, talk to you later. Bye, Emma!"
"Alright, bye."
When they hang up, it's funny how Killian walks in right at that moment, slipping his arms around her and digging his head into the side of her neck, his breath hot against her skin. "Miss me?"
"Nah. Studying for this test has been keeping me far more occupied than remembering I have a boyfriend," she teases.
He grins against her skin. "Do you need any help, love?"
"As a matter of fact, I do."