Misconception
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Kate clasps her hands and presses them between her knees, watching as Alexis nods in agreement to something Castle has said.
He offered her a chance to get in on the embrace, but she's pretty sure Alexis wouldn't be comforted by her. She'll wait right here. She has a feeling this isn't the end of things, and she wants to do this right. Be good for them, finally, after causing a lot of anguish and trauma these last few months.
Castle turns his eyes to her again, asking her a question she doesn't have the answer for. Alexis was right - they have no idea where to go after this - and Kate is feeling her way blindly, hoping that giving the two of them this moment will be better for them all in the long run.
Alexis shifts out of her dad's arms and swipes the back of her hand under her eye. "I'm sorry," she says. A little mournfully. A lot more melodramatic than Kate ever expected from her, and maybe that's what this has been these last few months. Just a little flare of drama when she felt out of control.
"Apology accepted," she says, though it feels weird. Like a mediated school yard fight. "But can we talk about - a few things?" She cuts her eyes to Alexis's father. "Castle?"
"Of course."
"Um, okay," Alexis is saying. She moves to sit back down, rather primly in her chair, tucking her school uniform skirt under her. "But I - I really am sorry."
"Oh, I don't mean like - this isn't a lecture," she says, trying not to laugh. "Castle? I wasn't-"
"No, I know," he says, and his smile is crooked, turned up on one side for her as he sits down. "But maybe she ought to get one."
"Dad!"
Great, this is how it's going to go, isn't it? He's going to make her the bad guy. "Well, I think we have all three done our share," Kate answers, giving him a look. If he wants to lecture his daughter later, out of her hearing, then fine. "But we've only got nine months to figure this out, don't we? Or - well - only six more to go."
"You're three months along?" Alexis blurts out.
Oh, God, she's three months pregnant. "I - yes."
"We just found out," Castle says, beaming. Beaming. He's so proud, and he says we like he was there. But he will be, he will be.
"Six months is all we have left to - I don't see how this will work if - I just want-" She cuts herself off before she falls apart, takes a deeper breath. She's still absolutely terrified, when it comes down to it.
And Castle looks at her helplessly. He has no idea what she's trying to say; how can he? She can barely come up with it.
"This baby will be your - little brother or sister," she says finally, releasing a breath. "And I think that's important."
Alexis's mouth opens, but no words come out.
Kate nods to herself - that is, essentially, what she was trying to work through. Family. Her own is - broken up - has been disfigured by death, and the idea of having a built in kind of family, people who will already love this baby, that's hugely appealing. It's such a relief.
"A little brother or sister?" Alexis says finally. "I... I can - you don't mind?"
Kate blinks.
"Why would she mind?" Castle says, frowning first at Kate, as if it's her fault. Maybe it is. She has no idea what Alexis means.
"Mind what?" Kate asks.
"Just - that... me," Alexis says quietly.
"Mind?" Kate says, stunned.
But Castle is already talking over her, hastening to reassure his daughter. "You'll be a wonderful big sister, Alexis. I'm so proud of you already. You-"
"No, I know you do, but - does Detective Beckett?" Alexis interrupts, something in her face very small.
And whatever it's been lately, whatever the looks thrown at her from this girl, whatever disparaging things said to Castle behind closed doors, Kate can't even begin to care in the face of this - this smallness. As if her whole life was somehow swept aside, and she didn't know how to handle it. Not being the center of her father's world.
She's a girl; she's not an adult. And Kate, even though she's supposed to be an adult, hasn't managed mature behavior either, not when it comes to Castle.
"I'd be - honored," Kate says, not looking at Castle. "I've been thinking of - us, you and I - like it's a choice you don't have to make. In my favor. And so I - thought I'd just - leave you alone, let you make your choice, and I'd find a way to deal."
Castle is frowning fiercely, opening his mouth to say something, but she stops him with a quick look.
It is a choice, isn't it? They all have to make this choice even if they're all stuck in it. Still a choice - to love, to be more, to be family. Blood doesn't make it so. A baby doesn't make it so.
Alexis is hunched in the chair, shoulders down, elbows tight against her sides. But she takes a deep breath and says, "I've - been thinking, I guess, that I wasn't getting any choice at all. I'm sorry, Dad, for what I've - how I yelled at you. I just didn't want you to die."
Oh, God, does that sound familiar. Castle makes a helpless noise and bows his head, scraping a hand down his face, and Alexis looks absolutely miserable.
And Kate laughs.
She didn't mean to; it's just been a really awful and wonderful and terrifying day, and they are both looking at her like she's lost it.
She waves a hand and shakes her head. "No, um - I just - have heard that recently, and it seems like - oh, never mind."
"I said that," Castle grunts, glancing at Alexis. "That's why Beckett thinks it's so funny."
"Oh, God," she gasps, laughing again. "I really think we need to stop calling me Beckett. Alexis - especially you. No more detective. It's Kate. And Castle, you're just reinforcing it."
"'And Castle'," he mimics. "Not like you can stop it either. It just rolls off the tongue."
Alexis laughs then. "Well, okay. I'll drop the Detective part, at least."
"Oh, no, you can't call her Beckett," Castle makes a face. "I call her that."
"But you don't even call her Kate. How am I supposed to call her by her first name if you can't?"
"See?" Kate says, poking his shoulder. "And the last thing we need is this baby calling me Beckett."
Alexis spills out into surprised laughter, and Castle lifts both eyebrows at Kate, wriggling them as if she's said something lewd.
She hasn't. Not really.
But it is strange. They're going to have a baby. Soon.
"You do know that you've made it my top priority now, right?" he says, leaning in too close.
"What?" she murmurs, caught by the look in his eyes.
Predatory. Hungry. Needful.
They got stopped in the middle of what might have been - what would have been - something seriously hot. She feels her body shifting towards his without her say, and his lips skim her ear.
"Baby's first word: Beckett."
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