Thank you for all the reviews and for sticking with me through this:) Just one more after this :) And thanks again for taking on chance on this.

If you recognize them, they're not mine :)

And thank you Margaret for reading ahead as my beta once again.

Chapter 43—Some Realizations

Steph's POV

I felt the Valium kick in and it was like all my frustrations just disappeared. Bobby said it would take about twenty minutes but I think it only took ten.

Eula was still here writing things on her pad and Ashley was sitting across from me. Carlos and Bobby had gone outside. I felt the need to try again. "Eula, can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Sure Steph. What's up?"

"I know you want to impress Carlos with your cooking skills. I know that. But, and please don't get angry with me, I just need to say this ok?"

"Sure. I hear you."

"In my mind, I just saw a simple barbecue with hamburgers and hot dogs. The kind I had as a kid with my family. We'd come down to Point Pleasant and we'd cook up on a couple of the grills that used to be on the sand near the boardwalk. Grandma and Grandpa Mazur would come too. Occasionally, Grandma Plum, Aunt Mim, Uncle Vinnie and my cousins Vinnie and Annemarie would show up. I had such great memories of running in and out of the water with them and Val and when we got hungry, running up to our grill and grabbing a hot dog. My mom or Aunt Mim would put it on a bun with sauerkraut and mustard and then I'd run back down to the water to sit on a rock and eat it. This is the kind of informal thing I wanted to recreate for our families. We don't need anything as fancy as Oysters Rockefeller or grilled salmon. Your side dishes of potato salad, cole slaw and pasta salad all sound fine. Corn-on-the-cob works too. I was just looking for someone to man the grill so that we could throw on dogs and burgers when people got hungry. Could we do that, please? That's what would make me happy."

"Of course Steph. I just thought…"

"I know. You said the place is classy and we needed a classy barbecue." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm having my wedding here in two weeks. Right now we can't even use the pool because it's been converted into a dance floor. What I'd like to do is move our grill down towards the beach and kind of recreate my childhood memories."

A big smile came over Eula's face. She got it. I looked over at Ashley; she got it too.

"I so see that," Eula said. "Yes. I think that could be a lot of fun. We could put up a volleyball net too. I mean you can't run and jump right now, but I bet someone would want to."

"Exactly. And we can move the Adirondack chairs closer to the ocean too. I know there are a couple of umbrellas in the cabana; I saw them last year. We could bring everything down to the beach."

"Ok. I get it now. We can do this."

Yay. Finally.

I guess that took more out of me than I anticipated because I suddenly felt really tired.

"I think I'd like to watch some TV in the den. Ash, Eula, you guys interested?"

Eula declined saying she really needed to get back to Trenton, but would leave her list for Ranger: hot dogs and hamburgers for twenty, with enough for another fifteen in the wings. She'd do the sides at Rangeman and bring them out early in the day on Friday. We'd also order two bushels of corn from the farm stand down the road. I hoped he had two bushels, if not, I'd take whatever he had. If there wasn't enough corn for everyone, well then, so be it. First come, first served.

I wheeled myself into the den while Ashley let Eula out. I thumbed through the channels and found Wolverine, which was almost as good as Batman or Wonder Woman, in my book. I heard Ash come back in and I knew she sat down with me. Unfortunately that was the last thing I remembered.

Ranger's POV

After Bobby and I had our conversation, we came back into the house. I found Wolverine on the TV and Steph asleep in her wheelchair, head bent at an angle that would probably lead to a crink in her neck later.

"She's out," Ashley told us. "I think the morning got to her. Although I must say she handled it well with Eula. You've gone from a banquet, back to a barbecue. It's what Steph wants and we both got it once she recalled her days on the beach with her family. You know one of those simple, but memorable times. Well, memorable for a kid but both Eula and I knew where she was coming from."

"Good. I'm glad they worked it out. I was actually very worried about her earlier. I still am, but if she was able to convey her thoughts to Eula without another eruption, then less so."

"I hear you," Steph said from the depths of her sleep.

"Are you awake Babe?"

"Umm."

"Want to tell me about your conversation with Eula?"

Silence. Either she went back to sleep or she just didn't want to talk. I was betting on sleep, so I put a pillow behind her head and lightly draped a throw over her. I turned off the movie and Ashley and I left her alone to sleep.

"Feel free to use the beach or the gym," I told Ashley. I was going to catch up on some paperwork for Rangeman. "Bobby's in the gym."

"Ok thanks. You sure Steph will be ok by herself?"

"I'm here, don't worry. Do whatever you like, I'm just sorry that the pool isn't open."

"That's ok and it's very impressive as a dance floor. I'll see if I can get Bobby out on it later, we rarely dance together."

"Maybe we'll join you. Tank said he and Lula are coming over and I understand wheelchair dancing has become an Olympic sport."

"Is Steph really going to be able to wear heels and dance in two weeks?"

"That's what they tell me. Bobby's hoping to get her out of the wheelchair in the next few days."

"Is she going to need physical therapy? I know a really good therapist..."

"Your man says no. The simple exercises he'll have her doing don't require a therapist."

"She's very lucky. I had to have what seemed like months of physical therapy after my skiing accident."

"You tore ligaments. That's almost worse than a re-attachment. Bobby told me he's taking her drain out tomorrow and that its all uphill from there. She is a keloid former so she probably will need some laser surgery and compression therapy within the next year to get rid of the scar, but they assure me that after that, you'd never even know she was injured."

"That's really amazing. You know, I think I'm going to join Bobby in the gym, is that ok?"

Ashley, you don't have to ask. You're welcome to use whatever you want. I'll see you later."

I checked on Steph once more, decided I didn't want to leave her alone in the den, so I gently rolled her into my office. She didn't even stir. I guessed my conversation with her about Elliott would have to wait.

The doorbell rang about an hour later. I looked at the video feed—it was Tank and Lula. I buzzed them through the gate, then waited for them at the door. Lula's voice carries; I didn't want her waking Steph.

"Hey man," Tank said, reaching over for a handshake and a slap on the back. With everything that had been going on, I hadn't seen him in days, so I slapped him back and let them enter. Lula reached up and gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I also reciprocated. Lula and I had made peace a long time ago.

"Where's our girl?"

"Shhh. She's sleeping. Let's go outside and talk until she wakes up on her own."

"I'm awake," a groggy voice came from my office. I went in to get her after opening the door to the deck for Tank and Lula. It was nice out so we might as well sit outside.

"Babe, Tank and Lula are here, want me to wheel you into the bathroom so you can wash your face and brush your teeth?"

Getting the wheelchair under the sink to do simple things like that were next to impossible and easiest if I helped her.

"Thank you Carlos. I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

"You're not a burden Babe. And this goes faster if I help you. If we keep Lula waiting too long she'll be re-decorating the place."

"Yeah, I know and all your calm, neutral colors will be gone."

"Don't you think that's why I'm offering my assistance?" I joked back, although the likelihood of Lula giving decorating advice was a distinct possibility. She loved color.

I put some warm water in a basin and gave Steph a wet washcloth that had her skin cleansing stuff on it. After she was done I handed her a towel and then her toothbrush already coated with paste. We were back out to see Lula and Tank in under five minutes. Steph tried this last night without my help, and twenty minutes later she was in tears and the toothpaste was all over the floor. I know she hates having to accept my help but it's only temporary. Once she's out of the wheelchair she'll be much more independent.

When I wheeled her out to the deck, Bobby and Ashley had joined Tank and Lula and they were already talking about dinner. With Steph's lack of mobility at the moment, it would be hard for us to go out so I shot Tank a raised eyebrow to quell that thought. Eula had brought in enough food for an army; with some things already pre-prepared like the lasagna I saw her put into the freezer. I could easily heat that up with garlic bread and we'd have ourselves a nice dinner. If we wanted to take on a little more work, there were chicken breasts that only needed to be salted, peppered and grilled and makings for a big salad.

I raised the possibilities with the group.

"What about Erik and Eugene?" Steph asked, bringing up our two Rangemen who were presently standing guard. I had no doubt in my mind that the Chongos would seek to retaliate and I was prepared.

"Did you see the boxes of food Eula and I brought in? There's more than enough for everyone. Ella certainly counted them in, and then some."

"Would it hurt if they ate with us?" my caring, almost-wife asked. Of course it wouldn't, we had alarms that would go off if anyone tried to get within 100 feet of the place.

"What would you like Babe? And of course they can join us."

"Let's take a vote. I vote for the lasagna. Ash? Lula?"

Bobby and I raised our hands for chicken breasts and salad. Somehow we lost when Tank sided with the ladies. Fine. I'd get a salad in there anyway.

I still hadn't brought up Elliott with Steph and I didn't think it prudent to do so in front of our friends, unfortunately Lula had no such qualms.

"So girlfriend, your Batman called me this afternoon. Remember when I had all those insecurities that you and Hector were Maryanne's favorites and I was relegated to the back of the bus?"

"Lula that was never true, I thought we got passed that?" Steph interrupted her.

"I know that now, but I didn't then. Tankie introduced me to this friend of his, Elliott Finestein, that he knew from the army days. He came down to Biloxi and spent about five days with us and Etta Mae. I never even knew that he was doing his therapy thing on me until I realized I no longer felt inferior. I just thought he was a friend that Tankie hadn't seen in a while. Which was true too. Anyhoo, Batman here got me to thinking he'd be good for you. I mean, someone cut you bad and then you were locked in a room with a live bomb. Kinda like what happened to me. I was cut bad by Ramirez and then I was drugged and hung from a ceiling fan by Clyde Cone. I didn't think those things got to me, but they did. In both cases I felt paralyzed. There was nothing I could do to stop them from happening once they started. And then when I thought in my mind that Maryanne preferred Hector and you to me, even though I was no longer the fat chick, I just snapped."

"So you think I snapped?" Steph replied looking from me to Lula, her eyes finally settling on mine.

"No," Lula said, meeting the tension that she created, head on. "I don't think you snapped, but I bet Elliott could get your head on straighter than it's ever been in just a couple a days. He's the bomb."

"Carlos? Bobby? Is this your doing?You think I'm losing it?"

Neither one of us answered for a beat. I was going to say something when Steph broke in again.

"You know what? I can see why you thought that. I was a little emotional this morning. But there was a good reason for my outburst. No one was listening to me. But you know what else? I do think it might be a good idea to talk to someone who does this sort of thing professionally, I keep seeing myself dead in my dreams and that can't possibly be a good thing."

"I'm so sorry Steph."

Lula said what we were all thinking. Seeing yourself dead could be very unsettling. I've been there myself.

"Do you want me to call Elliott?" I asked her. "He's a friend of mine too. He worked me through some of the worst post traumatic stress I'd ever experienced. And we all got it, the difference between one person and another was how bad."

"Well obviously I'm not going to be traveling much in the near future and there's a couple of weeks before our wedding. Do you think he'll make a difference?"

"Yes," Lula and I said at the same time, with Tank and Bobby nodding in agreement.