EPISODE 4

Marissa: writes in fanfiction note "TV turns to channel 59."

Chas: You know, the remote is on the table next to you. consumes some licorice

Marissa: glances at remote Meh... changes channel via note

John: Lazy ass. smoking cigarette and drinking whiskey

Chas: John, do you HAVE to smoke all the time. It'll give you lung cancer or something. mmmmmm... licorice

John: What about you? You'll get diabetes eating all that licorice. takes a drag

Marissa: You'll both die of your addictions the end. Now shut up, Good Eats is on. turns up TV volume with note

Chas: Us, addicted? You probably can't function without that damn notebook to cater to your every whim. licorice tastes like JESUS

Marissa: writes

Chas: suddenly has entire bag of licorice in his mouth

Marissa: tee hee

Chas: cough cough hack See! Coughing up licorice You abuse that thing! I bet you couldn't go a day without using the note!

Marissa: I could too! You're the one that couldn't survive without your precious licorice.

Chas: Alright then, I bet you that I could go longer without licorice than you could without your notebook.

Marissa: Loser has to run naked down the street screaming "MY FATHER NEVER LOVED ME!!"

John: 0.o takes a drag and a drink

Chas: breathes smoke cough cough John, you have to do it too! You have to go without cigarettes or alcohol!

John: Fuck that. takes a drag and a shot

Marissa: writes "Marissa, John and Chas all have to give up their addictions. First one to cave in must run down the street naked screaming "MY FATHER NEVER LOVED ME!!"

John: Damn... puts out cigarette

Marissa: Ok. As of right now, the bet is on!

Everyone: sits quietly

Jeopardy Music: plays

Chas: Sooooo... What do we do now?

Marissa: I don't know. The only things you guys seem to do in fanfics in your spare time is drink, smoke and eat licorice.

John: Wow...

Chas: That sucks! I will not be defined by the few clips of me in the Constantine movie!

Marissa: Especially since in the movie you died.

Chas: LET'S GET SOME CHINESE FOOD! fanon weasels its way in

Chas: Give me 2 General Tso's chicken combos and a pint of Sweet and Sour Chicken. Ooh! Gimme 30 fortune cookies with that! are Chinese food dishes proper nouns?

Marissa: 30 cookies?

Chas: Hmm... You're right. Make that 50 fortune cookies, to go!

John: sigh

Marissa: Fortune cookies won't fulfill the emptiness that licorice has left in your heart Chas.

Chas: I have no idea what you're talking about! I just really like fortune cookies is all! eating cookies 6 at a time

Marissa: One of these cookies better have tonights lottery numbers in it.

Chas: Yeah, too bad you can't use your note to win the lottery.

Marissa: Hmph. Fine. I don't need money anyway. twitch

John: eating calmly

Marissa: CHAS! THE FORTUNES ARE NOT EDIBLE!

Chas: buried in fortunes from consumed cookies NEEEEEED!!

John: 0.o

Marissa: Hmm... Maybe we ought to do something cause this is getting a little boring and Chas is getting a lot creepy.

Chas: drools

Bowling: Is not as fun without music and strobe lights

Marissa: You live above a bowling alley and yet you never actually come down here and bowl. You can even bowl for free because of Beeman! We should start a bowling team and have matching uniforms!!

John: ... no...

Chas: Is trying to eat bowling ball IT'S NOT THE SAME!!

Marissa: eats licorice obnoxiously Too bad for you! Bowls

Ball: Completely misses pins

Marissa: DAMN!! WHAT KIND OF MANIAC THOUGHT UP THIS GAME!! is just mad cause she sucks

Chas: Well, maybe you should give yourself awesome bowling skills with the Fanfic Note HMMMMMMMMMMMMM?

Marissa: I hate you.

Narrator that sounds suspiciously like Stephen Colbert: The addiction withdrawal trio find themselves at the zoo where fun and merriment run wild with the animals.

Marissa: WAS THAT STEPHEN COLBERT!? drools

Chas: Hey! This fanfic is about your obsession with CONSTANTINE.

Marissa: Sorry, it's hard to keep my obsessions in line.

Chas: Clearly. comes up with a shady idea Although, you could use the Note to, I don't know, bring Stephen Colbert here with us. evil laugh

Marissa: imagines Chas, Constantine, Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Xavier, Magneto, The Joker, Batman, Sora, Riku, Axel, Roxas, Light, L, Mello, Matt, Tamaki, Kyouya, Hunny, Mori, Haruhi, Karou and Hikaru ALL HERE WITH ME !? passes out

Chas: 0.0

Marissa: That's not even half of the people I'm obsessed with. BUT I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION!! I can always bring them into the fanfic after the bet.

Chas: 0.0

John: is smashing a penny in one of those smashed penny machines

Marissa: It's soooooooooo hot... I'm sooooooooo tired... Chas, bring me a segway to ride on.

Segways: are the shit

Chas: Why don't you use your Note to get one.

Marissa: Because I can't wait to see your bare ass running down the street screaming.

Chas: I do have a nice ass, don't I?

Marissa: Yeah.

John: totally isn't thinking about Chas' ass. Really! What? Don't believe him? I don't either actually

Marissa: Chaaaaaas! Gimme the remote!!

Chas: Why should I?

Marissa: The Colbert Report is on in five minutes!! I REFUSE to miss it!

Chas: Come here and get the remote! puts remote on table across the room

Marissa: I can't get all the way over there and back in time!!

Chas: You could always use the Note.

Marissa: When I get over there I'm going to shove licorice so far up your ass it'll come out your mouth, and then you'll lose the bet.

Chas: wouldn't mind if John stuck licorice up his ass NO!! BAD THOUGHTS!!

Marissa: What?

Chas: Nothing... Now are you gonna get the remote or not?

Marissa: gets up from chair like an old crippled person I will prevail!!

Setting the mood: Eye of the Tiger starts playing

Marissa: falls on the ground and crawls toward remote

Chas: singing IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT'S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT, RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVALS!

Marissa: still crawling

Chas: AND THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT

John: discreetly mouths the words cause he likes this song

Marissa: coughing violently, but still pressing on

Chas: AS HE'S WATCHING US ALL WITH THE EEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Marissa: Reaching for remote in slow motion

Chas: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE OF THE TIGER!!

Marissa: grabs remote victoriously YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!

Chas: I should go on American Idol!

Marissa: runs back to seat, turns on the Colbert Report and squeals like a good little fangirl

Stephen Colbert: RAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNN!! shakes fist

The Next Morning: is now

Chas: looks like crap No... sleep... need... eat... licorice...

Marissa: looks like crap also I can't do my hair and makeup without my note...

John: looks like he always does, which is like crap, but it's normal, so no one really pays any mind

Marissa: Well, let's have some breakfast! pulls out bag of licorice

Chas: What are you doing?

Marissa: eats hand full of licorice in an overjoyed manner

Chas: You. Are. A. Monster. single tear

Marissa: What? You want some Chas? waves licorice in his face

Chas: No, but good luck watching TV without the remote! throws remote out window

Marissa: horrified NO!! NO!! ACE OF CAKES IS ON TONIGHT!! I'LL HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE TV AND TURN IT ON MANUALLY!! NO!!

John: Drinking milk from the carton. Ignoring everyone else

Chas: Well, just use your note to turn on the TV. Go ahead. Do it. holds out note

Marissa: holds out licorice Why don't you have some licorice to calm your nerves. Come one. Do it!

Chas: Do it!

Marissa: Do it!

Chas: DO IT!!

Marissa: DO IT!!

Chas: GIVE IN DAMMIT!!

Marissa: COME ON!! YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!

John: GOD DAMMIT!! smashes open a whiskey bottle and chugs it.

Marissa and Chas: 0.0

John: lights 5 cigarettes at the same time and takes a looooooooong drag

Marissa and Chas: 0.0

John: Ooooooooooooooh yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaah...

Marissa: I think we might need to hold an intervention...

Chas: He lost! HE LOST!!

Marissa: Oh man! This is gonna be good!

John: Dammit... strips naked and runs outside

Marissa and Chas: Watch from the window

John: MY FATHER NEVER LOVED ME!! MY FATHER NEVER LOVED MEEEEEEEEE!! running naked

Marissa: I CAN USE THE NOTE NOW!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!! Writes frantically

Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Xavier, Magneto, The Joker, Batman, Sora, Riku, Axel, Roxas, Light, L, Mello, Matt, Tamaki, Kyouya, Hunny, Mori, Haruhi, Karou and Hikaru: suddenly appear

Marissa: Ooooooooh yeeeeeeeeaaaaah drools Now everyone has to give me five bucks!!

To Be Continued...