Okay. I changed this chapter around almost completely. I posted this story about a year ago, but boredom and the CSI forum prompted me to re-do this story

I do not own CSI or any of the characters; I just like to borrow them for my own amusement

Catherine walked into the locker room, finding Gil placing his vest into his locker. She smiled at his haggard appearance; he looked utterly beat. "Long shift?" She asked him as she took her own vest off.

He nodded with a sigh. "Seems like they've all been long, lately, Catherine." He replied.

"I know what you mean." She said. "Sara's doctor has put her on light duty and half shifts for awhile, so I'll be somewhat short handed until she's cleared…if she's cleared before the baby comes."

Gil felt his heart jump a little with alarm, looking over at Catherine. "What's wrong with Sara?"

She shrugged. "I don't think she knows for sure." She sighed as she took off her holster and hung it up. "She's been pretty worn out lately, her doctor thinks she's anemic" She sighed, shaking her head as she removed her own vest. "I think he's concerned about her over doing it…that and he picked up some sort of abnormality with the baby's heartbeat. He just wants to play it safe for a few weeks."

Gil was quiet, staring into his open locker before speaking. "What kind of abnormality?"

Again, she shrugged. "It might be nothing, but he's running more tests." She said, looking over at him. "Sara's scared to death; she's trying to do this all on her own. It has got to be just terrifying."

He said nothing, looking down at the car keys he held in his hand. "Is she really scared to death?" He asked quietly.

Catherine nodded, and seeing his genuine concern she continued. "You know, Griss, you could try letting up on her a little, too. She is going through a lot right now and the only thing you have been to her lately is cruel; you haven't said one nice thing to her in weeks."

He nodded, knowing it was true and closed his locker, turning to look at Catherine before once again staring down at his keys. "What would you do if I told you..." He started, tilting his head to the side slightly as he tried to form the words "...that I did something I am not particularly proud of, and I don't know how to fix it."

She watched him a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Doesn't seem to me like you could ever do anything you..or anyone else, for that matter...wouldn't be proud of"

He sighed, looking at her sadly. "Trust me." He said. "If you knew, your opinion of me would drastically diminish" Looking down again, he play with the keys on the ring, opening his mouth and shutting it again before speaking. "What would you do if you did something so terrible and you wanted to fix it...to make it right...but the outcome terrified you?" He looked up at her and the look in his eyes broke her heart. "How do you fix something that petrifies you?"

She moved closer to him, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. "Guess you have to decide what scares you more" She said "Fixing the problem or ignoring it...What is it that has you so upset?" He hadn't been himself lately, that was for sure and she had noticed the moodiness, the reclusive behavior and what she thought was mid-life depression. She had just been so preoccupied supporting Sara, she had left little time for him.

He shook his head, reluctant to tell her, even as his best friend. "Something I have to deal with" He replied simply.

"You want to go for a drink? It'll make you feel better..you can dump all your trash at my feet" Catherine said as she rubbed his arm a little.

Again, he shook his head. "No, but thank you." He nodded towards the door "I am sure that you need to get home to Lindsey and I have something to do myself"

She reached out to hug him before wishing him a good night and heading from the room. Gil put his head against his locker, feeling the weight of Sara's pain on his chest. He had to figure out how to fix this; if not for he and Sara then for their child.

Leaving the room, he was heading towards his office when he saw her. Sara was sprawled on the break room couch, her long hair fanning her face, one hand lying softly across her belly. His breath caught at the sight of her and he felt himself drawn into the room, approaching her cautiously. He had, he thought, never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.

He kneeled in front of her, gazing at her as he reached his hand out, gently brushing her hair away from her face. He thought of all of the nights over the last two years that he had done just this, gazing at her as she slept, amazed at the simple beauty she portrayed. So many times he had lain next to her, watching as she slept, wondering what in his life he had done so right to have her fall in love with him. Kneeling there now, he wondered that same thing again; only this time, he knew he didn't deserve her.

He studied her, noting how much paler her skin was and how her breathing seemed so much more troubled. His eyes floated over her body to land on her swollen abdomen; gently he reached out, laying a hand on top of hers as it lay protectively over the baby within her. He slid his hand off of hers, letting it fall onto the gentle swell of her stomach. He felt tears in his eyes as he felt the warmth of her skin beneath his palm and suddenly he felt it; a movement beneath his hand. He thought he had imagined it when he felt it again, a sudden light bump against his palm.

He had felt their baby move.

Feeling a rush of excitement, he looked up at Sara's face again, checking that she was still asleep. He made a promise in his head that he would make it up to her, he would find a way to fix all of the things he had broken. Very softly, he placed a kiss at the corner of her mouth before standing up, not wanting to wake her from her much needed sleep.

He knew he wasn't ready to be a father, but he sure as hell was going to try.

Sara made it home a few hours later, having been woke up by the barking of Ecklie, who was lecturing Greg about making more appropriate choices. She was just putting her key in the lock when she heard a door open, glancing down the hall to see her elderly neighbor peeking out at her.

"Hello, Ms. Templeton." Sara greeted.

"Sara. Sweetheart..." Ms. Templeton replied. "I have something for you." She disappeared into her apartment, coming back out with a huge bouquet of lilies. As she approached her, Sara could feel her heart stop. "Your gentleman came by this evening and asked me to give these to you." She handed them to Sara, smiling at her. "I thought at first that you two had broken up; I was so glad to see him. He has always been so very sweet."

Sara stared at the flowers; they were beautiful. She smiled at Ms. Templeton. "Thank you..."

"He is so very handsome, too." Ms. Templeton continued. "Is he the daddy?"

Her question caught Sara off guard and she glanced up at her. "He's uh..." She smiled. "Thank you for the flowers, Ms. Templeton..." She entered her apartment, giving her neighbor one final smile before closing the door.

Going into the kitchen, she took out a vase to put the flowers in. He had gone all out, buying her two dozen of them and she smiled to herself despite her reservations. She pulled out the small envelope that had been tucked between some stems and opened it up, sitting on the couch as she read the note within it.

Sara

I cannot even begin to imagine the amount of pain I have caused you; I do not know how I could even expect you to forgive me. I have been an ass, and I have treated you so very miserably. I do not want you to go through this alone anymore. I may not know how to be a dad, but I know you don't quite know how to be a mom, either, so maybe we could learn together?

Please give me a chance to make it up to you

To both of you...

I love you

Gil

She sat, staring at the note, wondering what it was that made him change his mind. She dialed his number tentatively, hanging up as soon as it rang. Three times she did this before deciding to wait, he was probably asleep by now, and she didn't think she was ready to talk to him just yet. The phone began to ring and she jumped, nearly dropping it. Looking down, she felt her chest tighten as she saw "Grissom" flash across the screen.

After a few deep breaths, she flipped it open, sitting on the couch before speaking. "This is Sara..." She nearly breathed into the receiver.

"Hi" He replied in the same quiet tone.

She looked around the room, feeling her hands begin to shake as her eyes landed on the lilies. "I got your flowers..."

"I had to go to Henderson" He replied. "No one here had them..."

Silence engulfed them and Sara suddenly wished she were in her room, buried beneath the covers so that she wouldn't have to deal with this.

"Sara," He started. "I want to see you...I can't..." He faltered, trying hard to form the words he wanted to say "I cannot do this over the phone...I have to see you...I want to...I want to touch you, I want to hold you...I don't want to do this over the phone..."

She swallowed. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Fixing this...fixing us..." He said. "I have broken so many things...You asked me...remember?...you asked me what I felt about you, Sara...truth is...you scare me...you scare the hell out of me..."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" She responded, her voice rising just slightly.

"No" He said quickly, cursing himself for never knowing what to say or how to say it. "No, Sara...it isn't because of you...I am terrified because...God...I love you, Sara. I know I love you and the thought of it...of all of it...scares the hell out of me. I don't know what to do; I don't know how to do it...I am terrified because I have no idea what I am doing."

She stopped breathing. Sara honestly thought she had stopped breathing. She could feel the tear slide down her cheek as she reached up to brush it away. "I am scared, too" She whispered.

"Can I come over?' he asked quietly

"I don't..." She started, hating herself for what she was about to do. "I don't know, Gilbert. I'm not..." She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. "I think that I need time...I just need some time..."

"What do you mean, 'time'?" He asked

"This is so sudden" She explained. "I mean, just last week you were angry with me...defiant, betrayed...now you expect me to believe that you're okay with everything?"

"I'm not okay, Sara." He insisted. "I have an indelible amount of space between where I am and being even remotely associated with okay..."

"I don't know..."

"Sara..."

She was quiet for a very long time and Gil thought that he might stop breathing if she did not speak soon. Finally, her voice came through the line quietly "You hurt me so much, Gilbert..."

It was his turn to be quiet and he honestly felt that nothing could hurt as much as the sound of her voice through the line. He had always loved to hear her call him by his full first name, he'd found it somewhat surreal and exciting...almost arousing. Tonight, it sounded like disappointment. "I know...and I want to fix it..."

He could hear her crying and the sound made the pressure in his chest tighten to an excruciating level. "I don't think you can." She whispered.

"Just see me" He replied quickly. "Just let me come over, let me see you Sara...let me talk to you...I don't want to make you to cry anymore...please..."

"No" She replied. "No; not tonight. I can't do this, I just...I just need some time to think"

"Sara..."

"Good night, Gilbert"

The line went dead and he sat there, phone pressed against his ear as the walls around him crashed to the ground with an inundating explosion. The roaring sound in his head was deafening and he thought that the sound of silence around him might become too loud if he did not move. As he closed his cell phone to place it on the coffee table in front of him, he made a silent prayer for her to call him back; but the phone remained silent.

The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't blame Sara for hanging up on him. And he knew, if his mother were still alive, how disappointed she would be in the man he had turned out to be.