CSI is not mine. None of the characters in this story belong to me, just to CBS. The only ones I am responsible for are the ones I make up and the rest I am just borrowing for our amusement.
She lay beneath the comfort of the soft coverings on her bed, trying hard to even out her breathing so she could at least get a little sleep. Her head had since quit throbbing, the pain behind her eyes slowing to a dull ebb. She had never been one for headaches, let alone migraines, and since her 15th week of pregnancy these annoyances had been a weekly visitor in her life; she could not wait for this visitor to leave. If anything, the experience gave her a new appreciation of what Gil went through on a regular basis.
She heard him come in, knowing he would stop by since he had called earlier in the day. He had been trying, she knew, to be more of a presence in her life and most days she found her apprehension and insecurities about him walking out again almost gone.
It was days like today that it came roaring back with a vengeance.
After what seemed like a long while, in which Sara actually fell into a light sleep, he came into her room, pulling the covers back to lay down next to her. As she stirred slightly, he snuggled next to her, burying his head in her hair as he wrapped an arm around her. They lay like this for a few minutes before Sara spoke
"Did you have a good shift?" She asked quietly
"You are supposed to be sleeping" He replied with a soft kiss just behind her ear
"I know that" She replied
"You okay?"
She was quiet, her hand instinctively going over his arm where it lay along her hip, rubbing it softly. "I just have a headache"
"Sleep is good for headaches"
She sighed "I know"
"Sara, honey" He began softly massaging her scalp, hoping to relieve the pressure. Everytime he had come down with one of his debilitating migraines, Sara would turn the lights down and give him a scalp massage; it always helped immensely "We have to find a way to help you get your sleep; this is not healthy for you"
She was quiet, closing her eyes against the soothing feeling of his fingers in her hair. "I spoke to Ecklie"
He stopped only momentarily "And?"
"I think he knows"
He stopped again, only for a second "Good"
She turned, rolling onto her back to look up at him as he lay perched on an elbow "How can you say that?" She asked incredulously "What about what this will do to your career? My career?"
He stared at her a moment before kissing her softly "I was an ass for saying all of that" He said simply "We may get suspended, lectured...there will be a departmental inquiry. But, all of that will fade Honey and none of it will really matter in the end. You know that, right?"
She watched him carefully, searching for any sign of doubt in his eyes; there was none. "Why are you suddenly so unconcerned about this?"
He lay his head down against her shoulder, pulling her to him tightly. "Because I know what it feels like to throw everything in my life that is important away" He said. "And there is nothing that even compares to the feeling of getting it all back. I am not going to throw away the world I am holding in my arms right now again...so let Ecklie dig"
A small smile played across her face. "What will you do if you lose your job?"
Smiling, his eyes closed as he snuggled closer "Then I will be the world's greatest stay-at-home dad" He opened his eyes again to kiss her nose "Now, go to sleep Sara Sidle"
She lay awake for another 20-minutes, listening as his breathing evened out before her eyes finally closed into a deep, untroubled sleep.
"All I'm sayin' Sara is I think he should marry you"
She looked at him, a look of exasperation on her face "Why can't you just let it go?"
"Because I think that if he loves you, he'll do the right thing by you."
She rolled her eyes as she tagged another drop of blood with a little yellow number "That is so out-of-date, Nick. You do not have to get married to have a child"
"No" He agreed as he took a picture of some bullet casings "You should just be married before you have a child"
"Right...and you live in a bubble"
He sighed, looking over at her as he wiped sweat from his brow. It was late May in Vegas and already the heat was nearly unbearable. "No, I just have morals"
He knew he'd crossed the line when she yanked her kit from its resting-place on the hot Nevada desert, glaring at him coolly. "Tell you what, Nick" She said through gritted teeth "When you get that stick pulled out of your ass, call me"
She turned and strode towards the Denali her steps hard and angry. He watched her go for a moment, moving only as she was about to slam the door closed; he knew Sara well enough to know that she would leave him out there in the heat until someone else came to pick him up.
"Sar..." He called, grabbing the door "Wait..."
She glared ahead, refusing to look at him. "You may think I do not have morals, Nick" She said coldly "But I am doing what I think is right for this baby. If it does not meet your criteria, then you can just go to hell"
He held firmly to the door to keep her from slamming it shut on him "I apologize..."
"No, you don't..." She glanced at him "You're just afraid I'll leave you out here"
"You know me too well" He nearly smiled
"And you should know me" She emphasized "You should know that I won't jump into a marriage just for the sake of a child. When I do marry Gil, I want it to be because we are both ready and not because we created a life together. I do not think that being husband and wife will necessarily make us better parents"
"What about havin' a kid out of wedlock?"
She did look at him then, rolling her eyes "Please Nick...who even says that anymore?"
Damn, it was hot out. "Has he even asked you?"
"What?"
He sighed in frustration "Marriage." He emphasized "Has he even asked you?"
"Just get over it!" She snapped. "God, Nicky, please...just let it go"
They were both quiet as the heat surrounded them. He could see the beads of sweat forming on her forehead as the heat from the black Denali intensified the already triple digit desert air. "Has he?"
Her hands gripped the steering wheel as she opened her fingers and gripped it again. "We discussed it" She replied "I am not ready...I do not think we are ready..." She looked at him "When I do get married I want it to be forever and I want it to be for the right reasons. I am not saying I don't love Gil, because I do. But I just do not think we are ready to get married right now...hell, we're barely ready to be parents."
He nodded "You should start this thing before you die of heat stroke"
Finally, she looked right at him as she pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Let's finish here first" She said "Then you can buy me one of those Triple Mocha Mint slushies and some nachos...you owe me big time for putting me through all this grief"
He smiled as she got out of the SUV "Decaf" He said as she slammed the door "Only if you drink decaf..."
"Wedlock" She laughed as she put her sunglasses on and they headed back out to the desert. "The things Vegas does to a person"
"I hear you have some questions for me" Gil said as he stood at the end of the table Conrad Ecklie sat at eating his lunch.
Conrad looked up at him, finishing his swallow of coffee. "I am at lunch, Grissom"
"I see that" Gil said, sliding into the bench across from him "So you will not mind if I also have lunch?" He ordered a coffee from the waitress, but did not open a menu
Conrad nearly glared at him, setting his napkin aside "Where would you like to start?"
Gil spread his hands apart from where they rested in front of him on the table "You're the one with the questions"
Ecklie waited until the coffee was set in front of Gil before speaking again. "You hear this from Sidle?"
"One in the same"
"You two, uh, patch things up?" He replied with a hint of snippiness, taking another sip of his coffee.
Gil shrugged somewhat indifferently "I guess you could say that" He waited as Conrad took another bite of his eggs and his bosses eyes landed on him again; the accusation in them clear.
"Must have been a pretty big blow up" Conrad said as he shoveled another bite full in his mouth. "I mean, in order for you to kick her completely off your team"
"I can save you a lot of effort, Conrad" Gil began, feeling surprisingly calm. "Sara and I are involved; we had a disagreement."
Conrad raised his eyes "Involved?" He swallowed, never expecting any kind of admission this easy from Gilbert Grissom "Romantically?"
Gil nodded, his coffee cup held between his hands to still his nervous movements. "Intimately"
"Are you insane?" Conrad asked him suddenly "She's having a kid, Grissom..."
"So am I" Gil responded, feeling as his nerves continued to climb. He willed them down, watching the expression on Conrad's face
Conrad stared at him, his face somewhat incredulous. "You had sex with Sidle..." He said as he tried to grasp what he was hearing "And so this is your kid?" Again, Gil nodded so Conrad continued "You're sure this is your kid?"
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Gil bit, going into automatic protective mode
"Nothing." Conrad said quickly, holding up a hand. "Your reaction to this happy news wasn't exactly characteristic of an expectant father, you know."
"I made a rash judgment" Gil said with sound reasoning "I was wrong"
"You sure?" Conrad pushed, knowing he was hitting a raw nerve with Gil. "I mean, first you kick Sidle off your team and soon after Stokes asks for a transfer?"
"Are you implying something Conrad?"
He shrugged "Only pointing out the obvious"
Gil was getting angry. He gripped his cup, counting desperately to 10 and then to 20 before responding with careful calculation "Surmise what you will."
"I don't think I am really surmising anything" Conrad shrugged "At least not anything you haven't already thought about"
Gil pursed his lips, the daggers he was shooting at Conrad belayinig the anger he was trying to control. "I thought about a lot of things, Conrad"
Conrad kept his eyes locked with Gil's, seeing that he had hit a nerve; there was still some doubt in the supervisor's mind. "You realize what this will do to you." He said, leaning forward "You are a respected entomologist; one of the top CSI's in the country..."
"I am also about to be a father" Gil responded, hoping he sounded much more confident than he felt. "...and that is a much more important role than either of those"
"You are insane...why would you even consider having a kid at your age?" He asked incredulously "And not just that, but what were you thinking even getting involved with one of your CSI's? Especially Sidle..."
"Why 'especially Sara'?"
"She's like dynamite, Gil" Conrad explained
"That's your opinion" Gil said with affirmation "She is just difficult with you because she doesn't like you"
"Obviously I do not have your charm" Conrad shot back with a sarcastic smile.
"Obviously"
They glared at one another before Conrad spoke again "Look, you are a supervisor for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. You have a responsibility to this city, to the department, to your team. Getting sexually involved with a subordinate is completely against departmental policy and is subject to disciplinary action. You knew that; I thought you knew better than that" He sat back in the bench "Do you know what the department will do with the news that your sexual involvement with a subordinate led to a baby?"
"I guess we'll have to leave that up to the department" Gil responded as he slid out of the bench to stand up, tossing a few dollars onto the table as he did so "As long as we are both clear on this. My main responsibility right now is with Sara and our child and I would rather have this out in the open than hidden in a case file somewhere" He nodded as he turned to leave "What you do with it is up to you"
With that he turned and left, feeling the anxiety in his stomach building as he walked away. Gil Grissom had a sinking feeling that he had just signed his resignation letter.
They stood in the nursery, finishing up some of the trim and hanging the curtains that Catherine had made for the baby. Nick had refinished an old hickory table he'd had since childhood and Sara had it in the corner by the rocking chair Gil's uncle sent them from Brooklyn, a lamp Greg's mother had purchased for the baby carefully placed on top.
It had, Sara thought, truly turned out to be a family affair. This baby was going to have the biggest and best extended family on the planet.
"I still think this should all be at my place" Gil said as he put some wash clothes in the changing table drawer.
Sara looked over at him; the entire moving topic had been a constant discussion over the last two weeks. "After all this work?" She said, "I can't leave this room, Gil. It has a wealth of memories in it. Plus, there's no space at your townhouse for a baby"
"I could make space." He replied, taking her hand to lead her out of the room. "I don't like the idea of you and my daughter living in a separate home"
"And I don't like the idea of moving" She replied, as she had done time and again whenever the topic had come up.
He sighed, taking her into his arms as they reached her front room. He kissed her forehead, resting his forehead against hers. "Marry me, Sara"
She pulled back to look up at him, her breath caught in a slight gasp. "Gil, I..." She began
"Please" His eyes were glowing as he reached in his pocket, pulling out a small box. He moved back slightly, opening the box to reveal a perfect diamond ring.
"Oh, my God..." She breathed, looking at the ring. She looked up at him, shaking her head numbly. "When did you..."
He took her hand. "Is that a yes?"
She was still shaking her head "Gil..." Before she could finish, he swept her to him, kissing her deeply.
He pulled back, laughing. "The baby's kicking"
She put her hand on her abdomen, looking down "Yeah..." She breathed, still in disbelief. She looked back at him, tears in her eyes. "I don't want you to marry me because of a baby"
"Is that what you think?" He asked softly
"I don't want to end up hating each other because we rushed into this." She continued "I don't want you to wake up in a year and realize you made the biggest mistake of your life...I don't want a baby to be the reason you want to marry me...I want you to marry me because you love me. Baby or no baby"
"I do love you." He insisted gently.
She was unconvinced "I don't want you to feel trapped, Gilbert. I want you to know you have options."
"What are my options, Sara?" He asked "Life without you? Life living separately, raising our daughter separately?" Again, he pulled her to him, holding her as close as their growing child would allow "Life without you isn't life; baby or no baby"
She was quiet a long time, her head rested on his shoulder as she breathed in the soothing scent of his cologne, his body. "I don't know..."
He pulled away, leading her to the couch where he sat down with her. "Sara," He began, holding both of her hands. "Before I met you I was content. Content with my bugs and my teaching and my loneliness. But since I have met you I have only been content in your presence. Without you, I'm..." He paused, searching for his words "...nothing" He squeezed her hands. "I created a horrible thing when I walked out on you. I created distrust. I do not ever want to see the look of doubt in your eyes again...if I have to wait for you to say yes just to erase that look, then I will wait. But I need you to know that I have never felt as complete as I feel when I am with you; that I have never loved anyone or anything as desperately as I love you. And I have never, ever in my life been more sure of anything as I am about making you my wife"
He saw the tear slip over the edge of her bottom lid, sliding down her cheek. He reached for it and wiped it away. "I can wait, Sara"
"I don't want to be your biggest mistake"
"No, Honey" He said, cupping her cheek with his hand. "You are my biggest miracle. You saved me...you are the part of myself I cannot live without. My biggest mistake would be living without you"
"Where will we live?" She finally asked, her eyes downcast as she watched his hand in hers
"I guess here...for now"
She was quiet before looking up at him, another tear dropping from her eye. She started nodding, as she wiped it away. "Yes" She said quietly. "Yes, Gilbert...I would love to marry you"
He gathered her into his arms, kissing her lovingly as he again took the ring out of his pocket. As if realizing something was off, he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of her, taking her hand as he slipped the ring on her finger. He looked up at her, seeing the gleam in her eyes. "Guess I did that kind of backwards" He said with embarrassment "You're supposed to start out on the knees..."
She reached forward, cupping his face in her hands before kissing him passionately. "Now," She said as she pulled away, grabbing his hand to place it over her stomach "the baby is kicking..."