It had been three hours now, and Magnus was getting worried. Alec hadn't come back out, and he said he needed some time alone. Magnus knew he should leave him be, but he was so worried about what Alec might be doing. He was worried if he'd even have a husband this time next week.

He wasted another fifteen minutes wondering if he should, before he decided that he needed to check up on him. He got up from the sofa and went into the bedroom, pushing the door open to see Alec lying on the bed. He stopped in his tracks, nervous for a second that something had happened, something he didn't want to think about, but was relieved when Alec sighed without sitting up. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, closing the door behind him and sitting down on the bed.

"I can't sleep," Alec said. He was staring at the ceiling, hadn't even moved when Magnus entered the room or since. "I'm so tired, so tired, of everything and everyone, and I can't sleep. I just want to sleep."

Magnus felt a knot in his stomach and bit his lip. "Are you tired of me?" he asked. Alec didn't say anything, and that was answer enough for him. "I see." Alec still didn't say anything. Didn't move. "We need to talk, don't we?"

Finally, Alec sat up in the bed. He turned and faced Magnus, biting his lip for a second before he spoke. "It's not …" he started, but sighed and quieted down again.

"It's not what?" Magnus pushed.

"It's not that I'm tired of you," Alec said. He looked down on his hands. "I love you. I just don't think all of this was the right decision for us."

Magnus' eyebrows furrowed. "All of this?" he asked. "Paris?"

"No," Alec said, shaking his head. "All of this." He gestured between the two of them. "Us."

"What are you saying?" Magnus breathed, hardly able to believe what he was hearing.

"I'm saying that when you were offered the job here, we should have called it quits and gone our separate ways," Alec said quietly. "We had our fun, and everything was good, and we should have stopped there."

"Where is this all coming from?"

"I've just been thinking, ever since I got out of the coma-" Alec started, but Magnus interrupted him.

"That long?" he asked. "And you haven't talked to me about it at all?"

"Would you please just listen!" Alec snapped at him and looked at him. "Magnus, I'm not saying I regret that we got together. I'm not saying I regret us. I'm saying that when you had to leave for Paris, we should have let go." He sighed and looked down onto his hands again. "I love you, and this is hard to talk about, because I don't want to. But think about it. I was never sure of your feelings for me, right? I always felt like I wasn't good enough for you, that you were just much better than I was. That's not a healthy relationship, Mags."

"Please tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying," Magnus said quietly after Alec finished. "Please."

"I just think … Maybe it'd be best if we spent a little time apart and see," Alec said. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. He hadn't wanted to say it. But it was what he needed to do. It was the right thing to do. "And maybe … Maybe you should take Lewis. He … I think he'll be better with you."

"Are you saying that you want to get separated?" Magnus exclaimed, staring at him. "Did I do something? I know I'm not perfect, but I promise, I can be better, I can-"

"Magnus, please," Alec said, sounding particularly exasperated. "I'll make it easy for you. I'll move out. You don't need to do anything at all. I'll find a new place and move out, you just need to take care of Lewis. I'll look for a new place starting tomorrow. I'll find a place where it's including furniture. You just stay here and take care of him."

"This isn't fair," Magnus said, trying to push back the burning tears welling up in his eyes. He blinked, trying to make them disappear, but only made them spill over quicker. He wiped them away. "This isn't fair, and you know it. You can't make this decision for us without having a proper conversation about it. I don't want to get separated. I love you."

"Magnus …" Alec started, but unable to carry on, the let his voice trail off. He was looking at Magnus now, his eyes full of sadness.

"Please don't do this," Magnus sobbed. He didn't want to cry. He kept angrily wiping the tears away. They wouldn't stop coming. "What can I do? What can I do to change your mind? To make you stay?"

"Magnus, won't you please just-"

"I can show you," Magnus suddenly said, leaned closer to Alec, putting his hands on Alec's thighs and massaging them, going higher and higher. "I can show you how much I love you, how wrong it'd be to do this." He started kissing Alec's neck, and he could feel Alec tense up. "I can show you…"

Alec slowly let go of the tension and closed his eyes, slowly giving into Magnus' touch. He wanted to just give into him, into the feeling, and just forget everything they'd just talked about, but he knew he couldn't do that. It wasn't fair to either of them. Even so, he found it near impossible to stop Magnus from what he was doing. So he didn't.

He was still going to move out. They were still going to be separated. They were not okay. And letting Magnus do this was weak, and he wasn't proud of it. But he didn't stop him. He gave up even trying to stop him soon enough, and just enjoyed what they were doing. And he did, really, enjoy it.

That night, Alec was at Jem's hotel again. He was sitting in Jem's room, in the one armchair in the room, and Jem was in the shower. He was looking out through the window. The weather was gray, and it was raining. It hadn't snowed all day, which was odd. Before long, Jem appeared in the door to the bathroom, wearing only a pair of jeans, and drying his hair with a towel. He walked over to his baggage and let the towel drop to his shoulders while he rummaged through his bag for a new t-shirt. After that he discarded the towel, dropping it to the floor, and pulled on the t-shirt. Then he sat down on the bed and looked at Alec.

"I did it," Alec said, not looking at Jem. "I talked to Magnus."

Jem sighed. "And?"

"I'm finding a new place to live," Alec said. "I said I thought we should spend some time apart."

"Let me guess," Jem said. "He cried, told you he didn't want that, and then you slept together."

Alec nodded. Normally, he would have been annoyed at how predictable they were, but he didn't care right now. "It was really hard."

Jem snorted. "I don't mean to be a dick, but what did you expect?" he asked. "Of course it was hard. It was basically breaking up with him."

"I didn't break up with him," Alec hissed. "I'm giving him a chance to get out. One that he needs."

"He doesn't want to get out, that much is obvious," Jem said. "Are you sure this is the right decision?"

"Even if he won't, I have a right to take care of him," Alec said. "And right now, taking care of him means leaving. Only, this time I won't be completely gone. I'm not letting him fall back into his old habits."

"His old habits?" Jem asked. "What do you mean?"

"When I was in a coma, he was a horrible parent," Alec started to explain, but thought better of it. He didn't want to think about it. "I don't feel like talking about it, okay? I just need to make sure he's there for Lewis, that's the only reason I'm not leaving him."

"Okay … " Jem said hesitantly. "So what are you planning to do now, then? Where are you going to go?"

"Would it be awful if I just stayed here until I can get something?" Alec asked. "I know you're sticking around here until at least New Years, but maybe you could stay longer? I think I might have found a place already, I've been looking around a bit lately, but I can't move in before mid-January."

"Okay," Jem said, then. He nodded distantly, but Alec didn't see that. He still wasn't looking at Jem. "I can do that, if you'd like. I'm always here for you, you know."

"I know," Alec said, attempting a smile. "Thank you."

"Please come home" was all the text read. Alec decided to ignore it. Again. It had been a few days, now, since Alec and Magnus had their talk. It was New Years Eve tomorrow. Alec hadn't been home since that day, and Magnus had tried texting and calling, but had soon gotten the message, and had left him, mostly, alone. Alec hadn't replied to any of Magnus' calls or messages.

He had barely spoken to Jem, either. Mostly he kept to himself if he could get away with it. He'd sleep a lot, or watch TV, or simply get out of the room and sit somewhere. At one point he tried just sitting at the bar, but he didn't feel like drinking anything, and eventually he was told to order something or leave. So that wasn't an option anymore. He was wasting as much time as he possibly could.

But now the TV was off, his phone had nearly run out of battery, and both he and Jem were in the room. Jem had just gotten back from his run and had showered. Alec was in the bed, covers pulled up over his shoulders, and Jem was sitting in the window sill. Being silent was just awkward, but he didn't want to say anything. What happened to the days where they could sit and talk about nothing, or just drink, or watch Doctor Who and eat ice cream? What had happened to them?

"What are we going to do for New Years?" Jem asked, trying to release some of the tension that made the air in the room thick and suffocating. "Assuming you don't want to be with Magnus and the gang."

"I don't," Alec said, quietly, but they both knew he was lying. He wanted to be with Magnus more than anything, but they both know that if he did that, he wouldn't be able to go through with this whole thing.

"Maybe we should just be 20-year-olds again and go out drinking," Jem suggested, only half-jokingly.

"I could probably use a break," Alec agreed. "Maybe we should just do that."

"That's settled, then," Jem announced. "Tomorrow night, you, me, and a whole club full of sweaty young people to make you forget everything for a night."

Alec made a face, and he swore Jem almost laughed. Almost. "I'm warning you, though, three years in a coma doesn't exactly do wonders for your tolerance. Keep an eye on me, will you?"

"Wild horses," Jem said, smiling.

Alec returned the smile as best he could. He admitted, he was looking forward to doing something with Jem, and something that wasn't just sitting in the hotel room. He just wasn't entirely too sure on this whole going out thing.

AN:

So, okay. Next chapter or the one after that will be the ending. I'm not quite sure if I'll be doing the happy ending chapter or not. I might not do it, and then just kind of try and end it on sort of a happy note? I'm not sure yet. But yeah.

Review if you like.

Lea