Disclaimer: I own nothing
Autumn Goes to Candy Mountain
I was a perfect day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the butterflies were flying... Well you get the point. It was a pleasant day. Too pleasant. Especially for the poor unfortunate young girl who was being forced to enjoy it against her will.
Autumn was lying in a random field, glaring at the beautiful blue sky. Itachi was in the middle of a mission, and Pein had wanted her out of the base, so he sent her to go out and play. (By 'play' I mean that he transported her into fire country, and sent Zetsu to watch her so she wouldn't leave)
Pein had been doing that a lot lately, first he sent Tobi on a mission to some far away place so he and Autumn couldn't play tricks on him anymore, then he sent Deidara after him, leaving Autumn by herself again! Itachi was always busy, Kisame was an idiot, Hidan hated her, Kakuzu was no fun (unless of course it meant Hidan getting hurt in some way shape or form). Konan was on a long-term mission, Zetsu was creepy (polite... but still creepy), and Pein was the one giving all of the orders in the first place.
According to Zetsu, who had left earlier, soon to return, Pein allowed everyone to come back, after she left. This made her angry, but not enough to make her actually do something about it. Instead, she just sat there in the grass, glaring at the sky. She would glare at the sun, but she had already gone blind, and she didn't want to go there again.
"Autumn!!" A cheerful voice rang out across the once peaceful field, scaring away all of the birds and other random animals who had previously been basking in the sunlight. It was Tobi.
"Okay Bitch, time to get up!" Hidan yelled in her ear, appearing out of nowhere. Autumn cringed at the sound of his voice. Whenever Hidan was around, and not attempting to murder her then ya knew that something wasn't right.
"What?! What?! What?! What is it that you people want from me! Isn't kidnapping me enough for you?"
"..."
"..." No one spoke as Autumn started to calm down.
"... Let me guess, Leader-sama kicked you out of the base again?"
"Maaaaaaybe…" Tobi said, Hidan hit him,
"No! We're here to tell you something important!"
"As in?"
"We found a map!" Tobi chirped,
"So?"
"It's a map to Candy Mountain!"
"... Riiiiiiight," Autumn walked away from the two crazy people, and sat under a random tree.
"No! Autumn it's real! See!" Hidan pulled out a piece of paper with badly drawn letters that said "Candy Mountain" at the top.
"You two have got to be kidding me,"
"Listen, ya wanna come, or not?" Hidan asked, summoning his scythe, threateningly.
"-gulp- Umm... Sure?" She said, nervously trying to avoid the blades.
"Good, let's go!" Hidan said, picking Autumn up, and carrying her like a sack of potatoes, with Tobi skipping behind.
"Hold it!" Zetsu said, appearing out of the ground.
"What do you want?"
"Leader assigned me to look after her."
"And one hell of a great job you're doing, now if you don't mind…"
"I have to stay with her."
"THEN COME WITH US! THAT'D BE GREAT WOULDN'T IT ZETSU-SAN!!" Tobi chirped.
"..."
"Um, sure, come with us," Hidan said, not-so-sure.
And with that the four of them set off on their long and hard journey to the wondrous Candy Mountain!
One (extremely long) Hour later...
"Are we lost?" Autumn asked, as they passed the same crater for the third time in a row.
"Nope!" Tobi said, getting right into her face, "The first stop is over there!" He pointed to something on the ground. Skipping over to it, he picked it up.
"OMG WTF IS THAT??" Autumn screamed, usually she wasn't the one to be a girly girl, but in this case there was an exception.
"That idiot lost his arm again, we'll get Kakuzu to put it back later." Hidan said, Tobi started laughing. Zetsu just stood there silently,
"Oi! Let go of my arm!"
"Deidara!" Autumn yelled, grabbing him, "Wait a sec, why don't you have any arms?"
"None of your business, un, Now give me back my arm Tobi!" Tobi didn't see Deidara come over, neither did Hidan, instead, they thought that it was the arm itself that talked.
"It has spoken!"
"Jashin-sama has shown us the way!"
"... You do realize that Deidara is right here... Right?" They ignored her, and dropped the arm, and continued on their journey, leaving Deidara to pick up his arm, with his teeth, Zetsu to just stand there, and Autumn to attempt her escape. Sadly they came back two minutes later, remembering Autumn, and carried her off again, much to her dismay, although Tobi was attacked by Deidara, Hidan continued to carry her off as if nothing happened.
"Autumn... Autumn... AKI-CHAN!!"
"OH FOR JASHIN'S SAKE WHAT?" Hidan smacked her,
"Do not use Jashin-sama's name in vain!"
"We're almost there Autumn!"
"We're here!" They came to a place that looked suspiciously like the akatsuki base in Rain, except for the large, and badly drawn banner that said "Candy Mountain".
"I'm not so sure about this... This place seems more ominous then it does happy," suddenly the giant rock in front of the cave crumbled, revealing a pair of glowing red eyes.
"Time to go inside the candy Mountain cave Bitch!"
"Yeah! Go inside the cave! Magical wonders to behold when you enter!"
-twitch- "I'd rather not..." Tobi pushed her, and she backed up into Deidara who had had his arms back, and had no idea what was going on.
"Did I miss something, un?" Autumn shrugged, and ran behind Zetsu as Hidan started to chase her.
"I'm not quite sure myself, BUT THIS IS NOT FUN!!" She yelled, running away again.
"This is getting weird... Un." that's when Hidan stopped chasing Autumn long enough to make a clone to do it, and pull Deidara off to the side, leaving everyone else dumbfounded.
With the yaoi couple...
"Here's what we're doing, Leader kicked us out saying not to return of he'd kill us all right?"
"Yeah."
"Well what if Autumn came back"
"But then he'd...
"Exactly!" Deidara smiled evilly, and walked back to Autumn who in the time they took had climbed halfway up the cliff behind them. Sending a clay Bird up behind her, he waited...
-BOOM-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
-CRASH-
"... I think you killed her..." Tobi said, looking at the place where Autumn crashed. Suddenly a hand rose up, and waved away some smoke,
"-coughcough- I'm okay!" Autumn well, coughed. After she looked around, realizing that she was still in the Naruto world she added as an after thought, "Physically,"
"YAY! Aki-chan is alive!" Tobi hugged her,
"So ya gonna come peacefully?" Hidan asked, drawing his scythe.
"Gimme a minute..."Autumn stood up, and moved away from Tobi. "Okay... HECK NO!!" And with that, she ran up the cliff face, using her chakra to stick to the wall. Deidara sent another bird after her,
"Crap…" She muttered, and sped up her already slow pace. (Hey running vertically in hard!)
"Katsu!"
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Thankfully this time, Tobi caught her.
"Please?"
"NO!!" Deidata and Hidan smirked and did a few handsigns. For Autumn, everything went black.
"What are you idiots doing?" She knew it was a genjutsu, but she didn't activate her sharingan, she wanted to see what they had in store. Suddenly the whole akatsuki, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and the sound five were surrounding her.
"But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy cave Autumn!" That's when the music started...
"Oh!" Tobi started.
"When you're down' and 'looking for some cheering up," Sakon and Ukon
"Then just head right on up' to the Candy Mountain cave." Itachi and Kisame.
"When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land!" Deidara and Sasori.
"Such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land." Orochimaru and Kabuto.
"They've got lollipops, and gummy drops, and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day.' Sound Five
"It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town!" Sasuke sang, appearing out of nowhere (O.O')
"It's the Mecca of love, the Candy Cave!" Konan sang, turning into little heart shaped bits of paper.
"It's got jellybeans and coconuts in little hats. Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets'. Sound five.
"Buy the candy train to town and hear the candy band!" Zetsu.
"And Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land." Tobi finished Zetsu's line.
"Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground," Kakuzu sang, his thread turning into ribbon, and tying Autumn to the spot.
"Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy treat." Sasori signaled for Kakuzu to let her to, and he pulled the thread, causing Autumn to spin until she fell.
"And the candy cane imagination runs so free," Kakuzu retracted his 'thread'.
"So now Autumn please will you go into the cave?" Everyone sang out, bowing down on one knee.
-BOOM!-
"... Okay... That was nice but, was the clay bird exploding n my face really necessary?"
"It was art, un!"
"Riiiiiight... NO!" Once again Autumn took off, but this time Hidan caught her.
"Oh, crap…" Hidan threw her into the cave, and waited...
-Silence-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Hidan smiled, his work was done.