AN: Hi! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who left a review for the last chapter. It felt very reassuring to hear what you had to say, and I'm honestly so grateful for the quality of reviews I received for this story. Don't get me wrong, I love quick, fluffy stories too (I actually wrote one inspired by the cannoli scene from the last episode); but I do put in a lot more effort into these angsty ones. I guess, I just felt like effort = more love from readers, but I totally understand that people have their preferences. Nevertheless, I am so thankful for the readers who are patient enough to appreciate the slow build-up. I actually like the mystery and the little slivers of Rollaro in the show, and I prefer that over having full visual confirmation of Nick and Amanda in a relationship. That doesn't mean I don't want to see them kiss or hug or show some sign of affection by the end of this season. But until then, I like the subtle implications. I think it helps Rollaro doubters get used to the idea of the two of them together without feeling like it's being shoved down their throats. Dick Wolf is at the helm of this show; not Shonda Rhimes (but can you imagine... :D) Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for the reviews and for reading this story.

This chapter is the last one featuring Maria, and it's a heavy one. I struggled to pick an episode to base this chapter on because they spent a lot of time fighting, and there were moments when Nick still carried a torch for her all the way towards the end of season 15. But I decided to make up a scene instead and instead of focusing on the fighting (who's yellin'? I'm not yellin'), I decided to take it on a different route. Just read on to find out. As always, read, enjoy, and review. xx

April 21, 2012

He yearned for her homecoming. The date was crossed out on the calendar on the fridge. Captain Cragen and the rest of SVU knew he had that day off, and they knew not to call him. Zara had drawn hearts around the date and she drew three stick figures and a dog in the tiny box. They didn't even have a dog, but Nick chuckled at how clever his little girl could be. Nick and Zara had been counting down the days together. He couldn't wait any longer to have Maria safe and back in his arms. Nothing made him happier than to see her back in the house – rounding out the family they built together.

When his wife returned home from a tour overseas, he remembered treating it like it was some big occasion. He cleaned up and made sure the house was spotless. He made sure the pantry was filled and the fridge was full of fresh fruits and vegetables. Not that he didn't feed his daughter right, but he had to get rid of the evidence that, when his mom was unable to cook for them, his and Zara's diet primarily consisted of take-out. Since she was arriving a week before Valentine's Day, Nick also made sure that he made reservations at a nice Italian restaurant and scored tickets to a Broadway play. Despite all the preparation, he had managed to screw that one up by being late for their reservations.

During the days leading up to her return, Nick had a lot of doubt and expectations. Maybe all that preparation was just him overcompensating for the turmoil bubbling to the surface. They had been arguing more lately over Skype. He tried to keep his voice down especially with Zara sleeping in the next room, but he slipped sometimes. He was only human. It wasn't made any easier when every question he asked evoked a defensive response from Maria.

He would ask about her day and she'd reply with a simple 'good'. He would ask how she was feeling, and he got the equally creative response of 'fine'. When those answers failed to meet the criteria he had, not only as a detective, but also as her husband, he dared to probe deeper. Of course, Maria interpreted that as Nick interrogating her. Rightfully so, he was paranoid she was withholding things from him. So they argued in hushed tones. He couldn't wake up Zara. She couldn't alert her fellow soldiers that there was trouble brewing at home. If there was anything Nick and Maria could agree on, it was that they couldn't ruin the façade of their happy marriage.

He recalled their perfect wedding, when she walked down the aisle and took his breath away with her ivory dress. She had picked out these pastel hydrangeas for the wedding; they seemed to crop up and taunt him in flower shop windows now that it was Spring. It reminded him of the good times that now felt like such a distant memory. He stopped at a red light and picked up his phone. He stared briefly at the wallpaper – a picture of his wife and daughter. They were his life, and he couldn't just let that slip away.

Maria could tell him to "stay away". She could storm into the squad room and make a scene in front of his co-workers. She could yell at him for assaulting Captain Jason Harris in the street. Yeah, he fucked up. Nick knew he had made some poor judgment calls and he shouldn't have acted out without knowing the full story. He should have just talked to her and asked her what was going on, before he drove all the way down to Philly to sucker punch the man he thought Maria was having an affair with.

Nick did try to talk to her. When they had lunch, he asked her about it but she lied about taking Zara to the park. Maybe he should have just been straight with her, and they could have avoided all this drama.

Pride was one of his biggest sins, and he had too much of it to just go to Maria and grovel for forgiveness. She excused all her lies and actions because she was seeing a shrink, and she was too afraid of his reaction. But how was he supposed to know about her problems if she refused to talk to him? How was she supposed to know how he was going to react if she didn't even give him a chance? He tried. God damn it, he tried. She just stopped talking to him midway through this last tour. He tried to ask he what happened, but Maria erected a wall between them. He tried to tear it down but she upped her defences. Now, she had the audacity to go after him for not knowing what was going on in her head? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Driving uptown to their house, Nick didn't have a solid plan of action. His intent had gone from begging for forgiveness and making things right, to being on the offensive. Why did she lie about taking Zara to the park when she was having lunch with Jason? He understood why she was seeing the therapist, but why lie about everything else? If they were having lunch as friends, she'd have nothing to hide. The anger and jealousy rose to the surface and he could feel his cheeks burn. He parked his car on the street. He took a deep, calming breath before he saw the light go out in their living room. The curtains were drawn so he couldn't see inside, but he saw two silhouettes diminish in size as they became more distant.

He walked up the front steps and quietly opened the door. Nick didn't want to alert Maria or Zara that he was home. He set his car keys in the bowl by the door. He slipped off his shoes, and shed his jacket and hung it on the rack. It was as if he was just coming home from work on any normal night.

Nick took a few steps down the hall but stopped in his tracks. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply as he listened to the sound of her voice. The angelic soprano filled his ears as Maria sang a lullaby for their daughter. His heart felt like it had been squeezed and all that pain and anger that fuelled his drive had dissipated. Those thoughts about Maria and Zara being his reasons for living – they all started flowing back with each note in her song. Nick leaned against the doorframe. His girls had their backs to him, so they weren't aware of his presence.

When mommy was home, Zara loved it when she'd sing her to sleep. Zara saved the bedtime stories for daddy because, let's face it, daddy didn't sound like any of the princes in the Disney movies. Nick wasn't surprised that his daughter had convinced her mother to sing her to sleep. That persuasive character was all him, and it made him burst with paternal pride that she was his kid. Maybe it was that same persuasive quality that could convince Maria to give him a chance to talk about their problems. They'd work on it together like they always have. They were a team. For better or for worse, right?

Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the beast

Maria finished the song and pressed a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Night, mommy," she reached up to kiss Maria's cheek, but stopped midway when she saw the figure standing by the door.

Zara dashed out of bed and ran towards Nick. He picked her up in one fell swoop and allowed her to wrap her little arms around his neck and give him smooches all over his face. Nick chuckled at the enthusiastic sign of affection.

He caught the look his wife gave him, and that momentary glimmer of happiness with his daughter was shortly dimmed. Maria dropped her shoulders and sat down on Zara's bed. "Zara, I already tucked you in."

Nick set her down on the floor, but she still beamed up at her father. Maria could see just how close those two were, considering she spent all of that time with just her dad. There was no doubt Zara loved her too, but they didn't share nearly as much stories as she did with Nick. Sometimes Nick and Zara would talk about a trip to the park or a friend from school, and Maria couldn't help but feel a little left out. The two also had their little rituals, like the 'rock on' sign they did with their hands after he adjusted her seat belt, or the way he'd look under her bed and check her closet to make sure there were no monsters hiding.

"Can daddy read me a story?" She pouted her lips trying to plead with her mom.

Maria remained stern as she patted her daughter's bedspread. "It's time for bed." Zara huffed and looked up to her dad, hoping he would take her side. Nick looked from Maria to the little girl then shook his head. "Listen to your mom, mi amor," he knelt down on one leg and kissed her forehead. Zara pouted as she reluctantly climbed back to bed and allowed her mother to tuck her in again. Nick stood by the door and gave a reassuring smile to his daughter. Zara curled up on her side and hugged her stuffed penguin that they had bought in the Central Park Zoo last summer. She met her dad's eyes and gave him that heart-melting smile that seemed to make everything else disappear.

He needed that right now; more than his little girl knew.

February 28, 2015

"Wait," Sergeant Olivia Benson pinched the bridge of her nose. "Her old roommate said this is the second time Lena's been raped?

Nick exchanged a look with Fin before he responded, "yeah, Lauren Winston said Lena was raped the first week of October in their freshman year."

"It was late at night and she was walking back to the dorms from the library. She cut through the side of a building when her attacker struck."

"Did she report it?" Liv asked.

Fin shook his head, "the girl was spooked."

"She didn't tell anyone about it until Lauren found her crying in their room. She tried to convince Lena to report it to campus security, but Lena was afraid it would get to her parents. She didn't want to risk her parents finding out and pulling her out of Fordham."

"She was worried about her parents?" Liv asked in disbelief.

"Overprotective, extremely religious couple from Utah," Fin explained. "Lauren said they called all the time to check on their daughter."

"They didn't want Lena to go to school in New York. They thought it'd be too unsafe for her." Nick added. He leaned back on his desk and let his arms brace against the edge. He cast a passing glance at Amanda, who looked like she had a lot on her mind. Liv had updated them about Lena's panic attack on the way back from the station. His boss sounded frustrated when she made the call; it seemed she had implied that Amanda had said something to tip Lena off.

Amanda sighed and averted her attention towards the interview room. When they were talking to Lena earlier she didn't give off any signs that she had been revictimized. But it was starting to make sense why she was reluctant to press charges. If she was worried about what her parents would think, then that might explain why she didn't want this sort of information out. She knew what it felt to have a parent get on a high horse and say 'told you so'. Still, something wasn't sitting well in her gut. Amanda had a feeling there was more to her unwillingness to cooperate than a fear of proving her parents right.

"Sarge," Amanda called for Liv's attention, "do you think we can talk to Lena now? Maybe ask her about the first rape?"

Liv nodded, but she stopped to check the time on her wrist. She shook her head and sighed, "I have to meet with Deputy Chief Dodds to discuss the football team gang rape. Why don't you take Amaro with you." It was more an order than a suggestion.

She exchanged a quick look with Nick before she turned around and headed into the interview room. Before Nick could follow her inside, he felt Liv grasp at his sleeve. She leaned towards him and said in a low voice, "make sure Rollins doesn't steer Lena into dropping the charges."

Slightly narrowing his brows, Nick answered back almost defensively. "She wouldn't do that." But there was an unmistakable uncertainty in his voice as his mind rewound back to the AJ Martin case and the big fight they had at the bar. After learning about what happened down in Atlanta, Nick understood where Amanda was coming from. He tried to talk to her about it, but he didn't know much except for what she had told the rest of the squad. He knew the facts now, and he felt a sense of relief when the truth came out. Of course, he was angry and he wanted nothing more than to beat the living daylights out of Patton, but he was already on thin ice with IAB and 1PP. And Amanda had asked him to back off and give her some space. He didn't want to overwhelm her so he acquiesced even if it was really hard for him. As difficult as it was for him to yield to her request, he knew her difficulties were a hundred times worse. All he could do was give her the assurance that he was there for her if she needed him.

Liv merely gave him a look before she checked her phone and frowned. "I really have to go." He nodded his head before he headed into the interview room.

It was like walking into a pressure cooker, and he wasn't sure if the steam was coming from Lena or Amanda. He just became the target of two pairs of cold stares as soon as he walked in. Nick pulled out a chair and sat down beside the other detective.

"Look, I already told Detective Rollins that I made up my mind. I don't want to press charges against Tom."

Nick flashed a look at a Amanda and saw the vacant look on her face. Nick knew why Amanda was hesitant to convince anyone into playing the role of a victim. But in a case as cut and dry as this one, where there were obvious signs of assault, Amanda was one of the last people to back down when it came to seeking justice. While she hated labeling them as 'victims' and seeing them as people to be saved, she trusted that their unit could put away the scumbags that hurt them.

Nick didn't think he'd have to intervene as he hoped Liv was wrong about Amanda. Liv entrusted him to see this through though, so he took the reins on the interview.

"Lena," he held his arm out across the table, "let's not decide anything now, ok?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.

"We're actually here to talk to you about something we learned from Lauren Winston."

"You spoke to Lauren?" she said abruptly.

Nick nodded. "She told me this wasn't the first time you were raped."

Lena closed her eyes and tried to blink back her tears. "I told her those things in confidence… she had no right…"

"Lena, I know this is hard for you," Nick began. "But we need to know if these two rapes are connected. Do you remember any details from that night in October 2010?"

Lena tilted her head towards Amanda like the younger girl was looking for assurance from the female detective. Amanda sombrely nodded her head, giving her the go-ahead to talk to Nick. "It was late. I think it was a little after midnight when I walked back to the dorms from the library. I cut through the side of the science building." She looked down at the fingers clasped tightly on her lap then she looked away. "It was dark." Lena blinked back the tears. "I had my hands full then I tripped and dropped my books on the ground."

Her lip quivered as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Is it cold in here?" she looked between Nick and Amanda. Nick stood up and walked towards the thermostat switch on the wall, "I can turn the heat up, if you'd like." Lena nodded and Nick gave her a soft smile.

Amanda averted her gaze from the look of reassurance on her partner's face, and she leaned forward from her chair, "Lena, can you tell us what happened after you tripped?"

"Right," she ran her hands through her dark, wavy locks. "I bent down to pick up my books when I realized someone else was there to help me. He picked up the rest of my books, but as soon as I stood up to thank him, I was slammed against the wall." She covered her face with her hands as her voice broke. "I hit my head really hard and I must have blacked out."

"You think you blacked out?" Amanda furrowed her brow.

Lena wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. She simply shrugged, unable to give an answer.

"Do you remember anything that happened after that?"

"I was so out of it. I remember opening my eyes and feeling sore… down there." Lena hunched her shoulders as she wrapped her arms again around her body. She was unearthing a lot of repressed memories and both detectives could clearly see the toll it was taking on the 22-year-old girl. "I remember I was face down on the ground and he had his hand pushed against the back of my head. I couldn't see anything. When he was done, he ran away before I could get a good look at his face."

"I know you didn't see his face, Lena, but do you remember any other details about your attacker? Maybe his race or what he was wearing?"

Lena's eyes were wide as she stared into space. "He was wearing a black hoodie and sweatpants. I saw it when he was running away. I'm not sure what race he was. I think he was white, but he could have been Latino," she looked uneasily at Nick.

"Do you remember how tall he was?"

Lena shook her head, "he held me down easily so I think he was a lot taller than me. I don't know…"

"Do you remember what he smelled like? Or the sound of his voice?" Amanda asked.

"No smell," she continued to stare off into space as she tried to recover a memory she had tried so hard to repress. "He also didn't say anything. I could just hear him grunting." Lena's voice faded and her eyes widened. She pressed a palm to her forehead as her breathing quickened.

"What?" Nick asked, "what is it, Lena?"

She planted her elbows on the table and buried her head in her hands. She shook her head in that state and repeatedly cried out, "no!" Amanda reached over and tried to console her, but Lena pulled away at the contact. "Honey, tell us what you remember." Amanda's voice softened.

"The grunting… it was the same… it sounded the same." She looked up with her big, brown eyes so wide in complete horror. "It was him. It was Tom."

April 21, 2012

The door was slightly ajar to let some light from the hallway spill into her bedroom. Zara could still sense when her bedroom door was fully closed or when her room was pitch black dark. She was working on not being so fearful at night, but some nights her imagination got the best of her. She'd sneak into the master bedroom and climb up the bed between mommy and daddy. Most nights, it would just be daddy. He'd stir and barely open his groggy eyes to help her under the covers. The first night mommy came home after a long time, Zara wasn't really scared of anything under the bed or in her closet. She just wanted to be close to the two of them. She just wanted to feel mommy's arms wrap around her, and daddy's strong ones wrap around both of them.

Nick walked into their bedroom and sat at the foot of the bed. He started undoing his tie when Maria walked in and closed the door behind her. She pressed her lips together before she released an exasperated sigh. "Nick, I told you to stay away."

He held his tongue and kept himself from saying something stupid like 'this is my house too'; instead he looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry. Can we talk about this?"

She didn't respond. Maria just stared at him blankly before she walked towards their dresser and started to remove her earrings. Nick stood up and walked behind her. He hesitated, but eventually rested his palms on her shoulders. He could feel her tense under his touch, but she didn't recoil in disgust like he had feared. At the very least, his wife didn't pull away.

"Can we please talk?"

"Right now?" she asked.

"M, you wanted to talk, so let's talk."

She twisted the wedding ring on her finger. "Not today. Nick, I told you to stay away. If Zara hadn't been in the room, I would've told you to get the hell out."

"This is my house too." It was too late for tongue biting. The venom had already spilled.

She spun on her heels and met his eyes. Maria wasn't kidding around; she looked like she could resort to throwing him out if he refused to cooperate. He never thought he'd be one of those pathetic husbands standing out on the street as their wives threw out their clothes. It hadn't happened yet, but by the look she was giving him, he wouldn't have been stunned if that's how their night panned out. She walked around him and opened their bedroom door. Maria held her hand out and made a gesture for him to leave, but he just shook his head.

"I asked for space. Can you just give me that for a few days?" She looked so desperate to be away from him, it broke his heart. Nick hated the idea of giving Maria space. She was gone for several months at a time. The last thing their relationship needed was more space, more distance. How did everything fall apart so quickly? It was only last night they had undressed in this bedroom after a long day of work and errands, and held each other until they both fell asleep.

"What about Zara?" He asked.

"I'll talk to her. I'll explain everything –"

His eyes squinted. "Explain what? There's nothing that needs to be explained to our five-year-old daughter. What are you gonna tell her?" He was starting to raise his voice, as the paranoia was setting in. Nick could always think of the worst-case scenario, which made him better prepared for anything that could come his way. It made him a good detective, but it posed a whole host of problems for his marriage.

"I'll tell her the truth," Maria replied hesitantly. "Mom and dad need to take a break until we can resolve our issues."

Nick twisted his mouth before he laughed darkly. "That's what you're gonna say to our daughter?" He paced on his side of the bedroom as he ruffled the thick curls on the back of his head. He quieted his mocking laughter and took on a more serious tone. "Zara can't know that we're fighting. It would crush her world."

"And whose fault is that?" She spat back. "You isolate her from everything going on around her. How do you expect her to grow up when you're always coddling her?"

"Coddling? She's five!" he raised his voice in disbelief. "You're attacking my parenting now?"

She raised her palms up and sighed; she didn't want to deviate from the topic, "Look, Nick, I'm not going to lie to her."

"How can I be sure that you're not going to make it look like it's my fault?"

"Wow!" She exclaimed acerbically. "Do you distrust me that much?"

Nick closed his eyes and pressed his thumb and index finger over his eyelids. He was really digging that hole now. He'd managed to eradicate those intentions of making things right with Maria, and replaced it with more hostility. Way to go, Nicholas.

"That's not what I meant, M. Believe me." He rubbed the nape of his neck. "I just don't want Zara to worry or think something's wrong."

"Something is wrong!" She cried out. Tears were welling up in her eyes and Nick felt an instinctive urge to reach over and pull her in for an embrace. He hated to see the woman he loved shed a tear, and he hated being the one to cause it in the first place. She whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible, "you just want everything to appear perfect…"

Nick searched her eyes for answers but he came short to understanding what she was trying to say. What did she mean by perfect? Nick knew he was an imperfect man. He never demanded perfection from his wife or daughter, but it didn't change the way he saw them. To him, they were perfect even when Maria was angry or evasive, or when Zara was being stubborn or too fearful. He loved them, and maybe he it was this love that had blinded him from seeing the loose knots in the ties that bound them all together.

"I wish I knew what you were talking about."

"You don't know because you refuse to see it, Nick. You see things the way you want to see them. You fix everything around you to make sure it fits into your worldview," Maria tried to explain but she wasn't certain if she had been completely honest. She knew she was still holding back to spare his feelings. "Even things that don't need to be fixed. Baby, you still try to fix them."

He sank down on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands. He then wrapped his hands over his head and breathed deeply. He felt the weight shift as Maria sat beside him. She turned to him and waited for him to say something. Nick was still thinking about what she said about perfect appearances and fixing the irreparable, but her words were too vague. She was well aware he was a bit of a perfectionist when they got married, so why now? Why was it such a problem now? Maybe one day she'd tell him the specifics and they could work on each issue until they were past it, but now, he was too afraid to ask. He was too terrified to know how it had all gone wrong.

He wanted to talk. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to talk. He didn't want to talk.

Timing was not on their side. It hadn't been for a while.

"I've changed."

Nick swallowed hard and tilted his head to the side to look at his wife. Maria's eyes were brimming with a fresh coat of tears. He resisted that impulse to run his thumb below her bottom lashes and comfort her.

She continued, "I'm not the same person you married."

His heart sank to the pit of his stomach. It was as if life had been sucked out of him and he could feel his face go pale. He opened his mouth to try to say something, but his mouth felt dry. He wanted to make her stop talking, not because he didn't want to listen but because he panicked at the direction they were heading. He felt like they were veering towards a cliff and Maria's honesty was the gas pedal. Nick tried to utter a word but all he could manage was to release that breath he didn't know he was holding in. There was a stillness in the room, but the sense of unease was defeaning.

"I love you, Nick," she took his hand in hers and rested it on top of her thigh. "I will always care about you, but –"

Nick squeezed her hand, imploring her to stop. "Please don't finish that sentence." His voice broke and Maria's heart broke for him, too. She wanted to tell him everything. Now would have been the perfect time, but he was scared and so was she. Maria was terrified of putting that final nail on the coffin of their marriage. She, like him, still wanted to hold onto hope not just for their daughter's sake but for the love they once shared. That distant memory of an ivory dress, pastel hydrangeas, and a kiss on a hotel balcony.

The pieces just didn't fit anymore the way they used to. The things she had to see and endure in Iraq had changed her, and she was simply not the same person anymore. Maria returned from active duty and knew in her heart that she could no longer be that person that could fit perfectly beside Nick Amaro. It wasn't solely his fault, and she wanted to reassure him one day; but right now, she was content knowing he was taking this just as hard.

Even though Nick didn't deliberately demand perfection, there was just too much pressure in their marriage. Maria couldn't handle that, not when she had her daughter and her own mental health to worry about. She knew Nick wouldn't hesitate to be there for her and help her in this time of need. He would sacrifice and try to fix things the way he always has. He didn't earn the title of St. Nick just because he accompanied his Ma to Sunday mass. But Maria couldn't let him do that - she couldn't let him be a martyr, not when she knew in the back of her mind that this relationship just wouldn't be enough for her anymore. And she knew that in time, Nick would realize it wouldn't be enough for him either.

They needed to talk things through, eventually. But Nick wanted to stay like this for a while. He held his wife's hand in a futile attempt to hold on. For one more night, he just wanted to stay oblivious and pretend that things were perfectly fine between them. Then it clicked. Perfect. It was what he always hoped for – the expectations – every time she came home from one of her tours. He planned things out to be perfect from the flowers he greeted her with at the airport, to the dinners they had at her favourite restaurants. The unfortunate reality was things never were as planned.

They heard a quiet knock on the door, but before either one could stand up, the knob turned and they saw Zara. She held onto her penguin with one arm as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Daddy forgot to check for the monsters," she whimpered. "Can I sleep here with you?" Her bottom lip jutted out as she waited for her parents to respond.

"Mi amor, I need to go back to the station –" He began, trying to come up with an excuse to explain why he wasn't staying the night. But Maria had held his arm and stopped him.

"Come, sweetheart," she motioned for Zara to join them in bed. Her face lit up and she dashed towards the bed, climbing in under the covers. Nick stroked his daughter's hair and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. He looked curiously at his wife, but she placed his mind at rest when she squeezed his knee and gave him a soft smile.

When Nick returned from the bathroom after getting dressed for bed and brushing his teeth, he saw both of his girls sleeping soundly. He crawled into bed and turned off the lamp on the bedside table. Remaining on his back, he stared up at the ceiling and wondered how his life would change tomorrow. He still wasn't sure if he was ready to talk to Maria, but he owed it to her to listen. He silenced the thoughts, the worst-case scenarios, and even the ideal, perfect scenarios. Fear would make him paranoid. But hope would destroy him. Nick just wanted to stay in this moment. He curled to his side and bit his lip to keep himself from showing weakness. The truth was he already felt like he was past that point, and he felt like his entire world was crumbling around him. He wrapped his arms around his girls and held onto them. That night he closed his eyes and he made a choice. He held onto hope.

And it destroyed him.