Redemption
Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns PotS and I only wish I did.
A/N: Thank you to those of you who are reviewing my work. I appreciate every word!
"As I said before, it's best that we go back to the beginning," declared the Chamber/Joren. "You can learn so much."
A Jolly Good Time
"Ouch!" Joren thought, as the person he was 'visiting' hit the floor.
This was now the sixth or seventh little boy the Chamber had sent him into, so that he could experience 'firsthand' the hazing he had doled out when he was a page. Joren knew that the gods required him to learn about compassion and mercy and love before they would decide his final fate, but all of these 'learning experiences' were beginning to remind him of the 'quick and painful death cycle' he had had when he first entered the Chamber of the Ordeal.
Joren was not amused. Learning about the trials and sufferings of his own mother had been one of the most amazing - and traumatizing - things Joren had ever experienced. He now appreciated his mother in a way he never had at any time during his life, and he hoped he would have the chance to make it up to her. The Chamber was vague about his future prospects of making any amends, and had only talked to him about 'learning experiences.' He now loathed that expression - all it meant was torture to him now.
Joren didn't remember who this boy was, or who any of the victimized boys were. Learning about the troubles of these complete strangers was maddening - especially since it was so repetitive. Each of the previous times, the Chamber had only warned him that this was one of the many, many first-year pages that Joren had hazed along the way. Each time, the Chamber had said the situation would help him understand what was to be small, weak, and vulnerable. Each time, the Chamber proclaimed this was an opportunity for Joren to explore a different way of thinking. If he was still in his own body, he knew it would be covered with bruises, cuts and scrapes - mostly administered by his own hands. This was definitely different for Joren.
The new boy's knees ached from their sudden impact with the hard stone floor of one of the palace libraries. His pudgy little hands stung from slapping against the floor, too. The boy protested against the rough treatment, but his tormentors only laughed. Joren recognized all of the tormentors - not surprisingly, his younger self was one of them. Garvey of Runnerspring and Vinson of Genlith were the other two, of course.
Whoever this boy was, his thoughts were a complete jumble. Joren could only make out something about how the boy's father had warned him that the senior pages would require him to run errands and do small favors for them, but he was sure that being pushed and punched was not what his father meant. The boy burned with anger as the older boys demanded he clean up spilled ink that he could not even see. The whole thing was completely ridiculous and the boy planned to complain to the training master as soon as possible. This was not right!
Suddenly, a different voice interrupted the hazing scene. The boy didn't recognize the voice, but Joren certainly did. It was Keladry of Mindelan, that pesky girl - from a progressive barely-noble family - who wanted to ruin the realm by training with the boys to become a female knight. The beleaguered boy only registered the fact that his tormentors were moving away from him and beginning to menace 'The Girl' now.
"I'm sure you have classwork. Get to it." said The Girl. "These boys and I have a debate to continue."
The boy had struggled to his feet, but he just stood there and blinked as the girl addressed him directly. Her statement clearly was a dismissal, but the boy only continued to stare at her. Joren 'heard' the boy's continuously confused thoughts.
"Oh no! It's The Girl! What's her name? I can't remember it! Ye gods, it looks like those bullies are going after her now. I must help her. Yes, that's what we're supposed to do here - help each other. What would my sponsor, Prince Roald do? They're his year mates, and all of them are so much bigger than me. But they were being mean - not helpful at all. I was only trying to go to the library to study. I've never seen so many books in my life! Invisible ink - what nonsense! If it's invisible, it can't stain anything anyway."
Joren wanted to strangle the boy from the inside. What a scatterbrain! His confused thoughts irritated Joren to no end. Why didn't he do something?
"Oh no!" the boy thought again, as he stood by, watching the action. "They attacked her! Merciful Mithros! The Girl can really fight! I can't believe she just threw that big boy into the other one. Aagh! The white-haired boy just punched her in the eye! Look at her - she's not backing down. Good one! She just took out his knee. Uh oh, now they're all on the floor. Kel - that's her name! She's so tough! I want to be able to fight like Kel. I should not have let those older pages bully me. I'll show them - I may not know how to fight like a knight, but I can wrestle like my cousins taught me!"
Suddenly, the boy launched himself onto Garvey's back, wrapped one arm around the bigger boy's throat and started punching with his free hand. Garvey spun around and elbowed the boy in the nose. Joren felt and heard the crunch. Blood started pouring down over the boy's lips. Then Garvey slammed the boy into one of the bookcases and shook him loose. The boy's head was ringing, but he struggled to get back on his feet as he saw the white-haired boy choking Kel. He was really starting to despise that guy. He tried to jump back into the fray, but somber-looking palace servants had arrived and were separating the brawlers. The boy made his way over to Kel and pulled her to her feet. He looked up into her bruised face, and with much admiration in his voice, exclaimed aloud,
"That was jolly! Did you learn to fight like that here?"
Joren was startled to realize that because he was feeling what the boy felt, he now hated the white-haired page - his younger self. Joren also felt the awe and admiration the boy felt for his nemesis, Kel, as he watched her fight off the three bullies. Obviously, Joren had never observed himself in action in this way and, although he desperately wanted to admire his own fighting skills and techniques, he could not overcome the feelings of disgust that the boy had for a person who would bully and attack either a little boy or a girl in a dress. Also, Joren had never stopped to think about the ways Kel defended herself and others. As he observed her fighting through this young boy's eyes, even he could appreciate the way she handled herself. This was different alright - it was positively awful.
"It's different isn't it?" drawled the Chamber/Joren.
"Too different. I don't like it. I think I've seen and felt enough." Joren said stonily. "I get it - I was a big bad bully. My friends were bullies. I was mean to the new little lads. I have felt their pain. I promise I won't ever do it again. May we leave now?"
"Not yet. You need to witness what happened next, even though you were not physically present for all of it. I trust you will see gain more perspective as you see things through this boy's eyes. You may find it instructive."
"Fine. But, must I stay within this sorry little lad? He is such a mess! No wonder we picked on him. We should have made him run up and down the stairs a hundred times or so, instead of doing the whole invisible ink routine. He could stand to miss a few meals, too - or at least the desserts. And his fighting - if you could call it that - is appalling. His thoughts of strategy were all a jumble of puppies and dogs and other children wrestling around in the grass. Honestly, he's only a noble-born country bumpkin. Unfortunately, the palace is full of them these days - them and those jumped-up merchants that pass for nobles like the Mindelan rabble. And surely there were other first-years who didn't idolize the Lump. Why couldn't you have put me with someone else, rather than this petulant child?"
"You sound like a petulant child yourself. This is your seventh such 'visit' and it's the first one to have such an impact on you. I thought we were going to have to do this several more times until you gained some insight. There are many lessons here if you only open your mind to them. The world does not revolve around you and your way of thinking - that's how you got into this mess in the first place. Surely you must have realized this by now. That's why you must stay right where you are - and listen and learn."
The next series of events really shocked Joren. He watched through the boy's anxious eyes as each of the senior pages, including his haughty-sounding self, and then Keladry, reported to Lord Wyldon that they had all merely fallen down. The training master declared that the servants had reported them fighting. Kel reaffirmed the 'falling down' story and Lord Wyldon look perilously close to losing his temper. Instead, he dismissed the older boys and gave Kel and Owen (now Joren knew the boy's name) punishments. Joren was very interested to find out that Kel's punishment required her to climb up to a certain height. All of the older pages knew about her irrational fear of heights.
Owen was indignant at the injustice of the whole situation and was getting ready to say something about it, but Kel bumped into him and he lost the opportunity to speak up. She then dragged Owen out of Lord Wyldon's office after the training master dismissed them. Owen turned his indignation on Kel, but she shut him down by explaining how things were done.
"You aren't supposed to say anything except that you fell down. Whatever punishment he gives you, whatever he says, you take it in silence." Kel explained.
Joren felt Owen's anger wane a tiny bit, but then it flared up again as he thought about the library incident.
"But they started it! You were helping out another noble, like we're supposed to, and they waded into you."
Even when Kel and the boy came into the company of the Prince and their other friends, Kel was even-tempered and calm as they berated her for 'going on patrol' without them. Owen got angry at their friends and stuck up for Kel's sticking up for him. Joren could feel that the boy's thoughts were very clear about this. He praised Kel's fighting skills and resisted her urging Nealan of Queenscove to heal his wounds. It was a matter of honor to Owen.
This made Joren think. In all the times he had brawled with the Lump, she never did admit to Lord Wyldon that it was him and his cronies that beat her. He could only remember one time when she ever ran away from a fight, and that was right after she had arrived at the palace for her probationary year. She just took all the punishments, even the ones that challenged her the most, and never showed any overt malice toward him. Unbelievable!
"Yes, it is quite unbelievable how a 'jumped-up merchant's daughter' showed more honor and integrity than one of the bluest-blooded scions of the realm," drawled the Chamber/Joren, as the two of them sat atop Joren's favorite hill again.
Joren hated it when the Chamber insisted on using his own image to taunt and test him. These 'learning experiences' were bad enough, but having his very own sneering face and snide voice administering the lessons was becoming unbearable.
A/N: Please R & R! Thanks!