Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns PotS and I only wish I did.

Duty and Honor

"What honor has a nation when a female lives among men and pretends to their profession of arms? What honor is there in forcing a good, brave knight like Wyldon of Cavall, a hero of the realm, to accept this creature into training and to allow her to continue?"

"I was not forced, Joren," Lord Wyldon told him. "She earned her right to stay, as much as - more than - you lads. Against odds that might have broken one of you."

"I understand that you are honor bound to say so, my lord," Joren said quietly. "The conclusions I draw are my own."

- Tamora Pierce, Squire

When Joren opened his eyes this time, he realized that he was rubbing his temples with his forefingers. Whoever this person was that he was now 'visiting' had a very intense headache. He also was sitting at a large desk, with a piece of parchment and a primed quill on it. The man stared out the window of his office into the dark midwinter's night sky. As the man placed his hands on the desk, Joren saw that they were large, strong-looking and scarred. He picked up the quill and then put it down again. He sat back in his chair, closed his eyes, and became lost in his thoughts. At the Chamber's urging, Joren became lost within the man's thoughts, too.

Oddly, the first thing the man thought about was the fall of Vinson of Genlith, the squire who had just failed in the Chamber of the Ordeal. He remembered the young man as he was when he was a new page. Vinson had been tall and scrawny even back then. He was a middling student and a fair swordsman, but he excelled in his horsemanship. The lad was a bit shy, but showed more boldness when he was with his constant companions, Joren of Stone Mountain and Garvey of Runnerspring. There had been quite a lot of trouble when the three of them hazed and then brawled with the girl page, Keladry of Mindelan, but then they all seemed to calm down as they got older.

The man had heard that Vinson was a good squire to his knight master and appeared to be well-prepared for his Ordeal, so it had been shocking to everyone when the disheveled squire tumbled out of the Chamber requesting to see the magistrate. The man was horrified to hear Vinson crying and confessing the vilest crimes against several village women, all the while seeming to be beaten by invisible hands. He felt shame for the young man and for his proud family. He felt shame for himself.

The next thing the man thought about was the decline Joren of Stone Mountain. He remembered how promising the young page had been when he arrived at the palace. The lad rode like a champion, and was one of the best natural swordsmen the man had ever seen. It didn't hurt that Joren was tall and good-looking, either. He also could be charming - when he wanted to be. The man had even reported to Joren's father how well his son was doing for two years straight. But all that had changed for the worst when the girl page came for training. The man saw Joren transform from a focused young page to a spiteful, vindictive menace. Of course, the man had known about the traditional hazing Joren had participated in when he was a second-year page - the lad had gained quite a reputation for his cleverness. But when Joren was a third- and fourth-year page, the hazing became brawling - with the girl no less! The man had assumed the troubles would all go away when the girl went away, but the Mindelan girl was tenacious and never left.

The man rubbed his temples again when he thought about the trial that he had recently witnessed. He never could have imagined that this young man was capable of the crimes of which he had been accused. Joren was responsible for that particularly nasty piece of business against the Mindelan girl. The man could barely believe it when he saw the son of one of the most powerful lords in the kingdom being disrespectful to his own lawyer and the Lord Magistrate. Joren blatantly admitted to paying common thugs to kidnap the Mindelan girl's maid and hold her captive. Those actions had caused Keladry to miss the exams for becoming a squire - and the girl was injured while she rescued her maid. On top of it all, the young man had scoffed at the customs and laws of the realm, spat in the courtroom, and stormed out without being properly dismissed. The man had been horrified and embarrassed. The man cringed as he remembered how Joren's own knight master, the honorable Lord Paxton of Nond, had begged for mercy and understanding to the Lord Magistrate. Again, the man felt shame for another young man and his family, and himself.

The shame for the man felt for Joren and his behavior was even deeper as he recalled the way Joren had presumed to know how he felt about accepting and training Keladry of Mindelan. The man had tried to correct Joren's thinking, but he knew his words had had little impact on his former student. He later learned that Joren had pressed several of his friends into challenging Squire Keladry to jousts during the King's Grand Progress. To her credit, Keladry usually won those contests. The man knew that Joren had already begun his Ordeal several hours earlier, and he hoped there would not be another scene such as what had happened with the Genlith boy. He stared down at the blank parchment again.

Not for the first time, the man wondered how he had missed such glaring personal flaws in both Vinson and Joren. He felt the weight of responsibility press down on his conscience. His sense of duty and honor sustained him as he did what he felt he had to do next. The man sighed heavily, picked up his quill and began to write:

To Jonathan IV, King of Tortall, and Thayet, His Queen -

It is with great sorrow and regret that I am hereby tendering my resignation from the post of Royal Training Master, effective immediately. In light of current events surrounding the criminal proceedings against two of the young men in my charge, I believe my training methods must be flawed in some fundamental way. I am no longer confident that I can fulfill my duties in an honorable manner. I respectfully request to return to my duties as a knight of the realm and be assigned to a post on the northern border in time to defend against the spring raids. Thank you for your trust and support these past fifteen years.

Sincerely,

Wyldon, Lord of Cavall

Joren couldn't believe what he was seeing. This had to be a mistake. What was Lord Wyldon doing?

"There is no mistake," said the Chamber/Joren. "Wyldon is serious about resigning. Your trial - and, more importantly, your behavior during your trial - was devastating to his sense of honor. Now he has seen your friend, Vinson of Genlith, barely released from my grip after confessing to horrible crimes - crimes against the very women a knight is charged with protecting. He sees your failures as his own failures."

"But Lord Wyldon has done nothing except serve this kingdom with honor and valor. He truly is a hero! It was a privilege to have him as my training master. I learned so much from him. He can't resign just because I ... just because we ... Vinson and I didn't live up to the principles he taught us. Those were our failings, not his. This is not right!" exclaimed Joren, as he felt Wyldon's pounding headache more fiercely. The training master had closed his eyes and was now thinking about sitting next to his own hearth, surrounded by his favorite hounds. The pain in his head began to subside.

"Yes, well, Wyldon has always taken his duties and responsibilities seriously," the Chamber /Joren explained. "He understands that he missed vital clues about the character flaws that you and Vinson, and others like the two of you, displayed during your page years. He knew about the hazing and the abuses against the youngest pages - everyone at the palace did. None of you were as sneaky as you thought - and the servants do gossip. Many knights have barely made it through their Ordeals with me because they had to atone for the hazing and dishonorable acts they committed, as well as the bad attitudes they developed, when they were pages."

"Still, none of that was Lord Wyldon's fault. He always punished brawlers - some more than others. He even scolded me on several occasions."

"Ah, yes he did, but only when he - or others mostly - caught you and those who followed you. He now realizes that back then he could have molded your characters differently because you were not so set in your ways. Back then, he had the most influence over every aspect of your lives - once you became squires, your knight masters had primary responsibility for you. Back then, he could have tried any number of techniques to redirect your attitudes and activities, but he did not focus on these things. That, he feels, is his greatest failing - he didn't focus on the right things."

"That's ridiculous! We all learned excellent horsemanship and weaponry and chivalry from Lord Wyldon. He's the best there ever was!"

"Did you just say chivalry? Is this the same Code of Chivalry that you consider - and I quote - 'a joke'?"

Joren winced and bleakly remembered his surly attitude during the preparations for his Ordeal. He remembered the defiance with which he entered the Chamber. The Chamber had rightly accused him of unworthiness, arrogance, and malice. It seemed like such a long time ago, but he knew that time had no relevance in his current circumstance. Now he realized his dishonorable behavior was a major cause of the resignation of the man he respected the most. Joren thought that he was more alone and more pathetic than anyone else in the world.

"Don't be so melodramatic," drawled the Chamber/Joren. "Wyldon will be fine - more than fine, I'm sure. You're not done yet - I have another 'visit' for you, and then there will be new decisions for you to make."

A/N: Thanks for the reviews - please keep them coming!