Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns PotS. Anything you recognize is hers, anything you don't recognize is mine.

A/N: This is the second of four chapters about what Kel was doing all this time. Enjoy!

As Kel, Seaver, and Neal rose to go, Merric asked, "Kel? A word?"

She waited until Neal closed the door after him. "What is it?"

He swallowed. "Are you scared?" he asked blue eyes huge in his bone-white face.

Kel reviewed the answers she could give, then said, "Witless."

Merric nodded. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his chin. "I can do this."

She smiled. "I know you can."

-- Tamora Pierce, Squire

Four Seasons: Spring, 464 H.E.

Fort Mastiff, Northeastern Tortall

Kel looked up from the message on the desk and sighed heavily. Tears filled her eyes, but she willed them not to fall. She then motioned to her longtime friend Merric to sit down in a chair next to the desk. She pretended not to notice that his eyes were red-rimmed and shiny with unshed tears.

"Merric, I'm so sorry. Did the healers say how long ...?"

"No, they didn't. But I should leave immediately in order to get to Hollyrose before my father ... before he passes on to the Peaceful Realms. My brother has already left the City of the Gods and I plan to meet up with him on the road south. It'll take us three days to get home, two days if we ride hard. Hopefully, we can make it there before ... well, in time."

"Is there anything I can do anything for you? Do you need more supplies for your journey?"

"I have what I need for my trip. I was already packing up my things anyway - you know, for our big move this summer. I suppose I'll have to send for everything else once I get settled."

Kel got up from the desk and walked over to the window. Merric followed and stood beside her. They looked out at the view of Fort Mastiff, where they both had been under the command of Alanna the Lioness for more than a year now. The Scanran War was mostly finished, but there were a few isolated areas of fighting, especially with clans that had a long history of raiding into Tortall every spring. Still, there was a lot less for the knights to do and many had returned to their home fiefs to recover from the war. Currently, Kel was the fort's acting commander while Alanna was in the Copper Isles attending her daughter Alianne's wedding. Kel put her hand on Merric's shoulder in support of his grief.

"I'm really going to miss having you as my 'right hand man' again."

"Me, too. Just think - you finally get a 'real' command and now I can't go with you. It's almost funny. You should have seen the look on General Vanget's face when I requested to be posted with you as your second-in-command. He couldn't believe I would want to do such a thing."

"Well, I wouldn't either! You had the chance to ask for any assignment, and you actually wanted to come with me to Fort Stonebridge - which is in the middle of nowhere. You could have asked for your own command."

"Kel, you and I both know that I'm not very good at all that 'people-stuff' you do so well. I like to ride out and patrol away from people and fight off wayward immortals and bandits. You actually care about, well, everything and everybody. You're a natural commander - 'The Protector of the Small' and all that - I'm just a simple, average knight."

Kel turned Merric around to face her and looked directly into his pale blue eyes. She pushed back a lock of his straight red hair that had fallen into his face, just the way a mother would do for her child. Merric winced, and then smiled at her gesture.

"Merric! You're a wonderful knight - don't belittle yourself like that."

"See what I mean? Only you would care what I say about myself."

"Well, you are one of my best friends and I have faith in you. You'll do great things as the next Baron of Hollyrose, I'm sure. I know your family will need your strength in the days to come. "

"I don't know how I'm going to handle everything. I'm not ready."

"Sure you are. You've been at my side and handled just as much as I did when we were in Haven and New Hope. I couldn't have managed without you. When I think of all the things my brother Anders does at Mindelan, I believe you can do just as well, maybe even better. Running your estate will be ... perhaps a different sort of challenge than running a refugee camp, but you can handle it. And just think - all of your residents know and care about you and your family already. They will help you succeed. In that way, it'll be easier than running New Hope."

"Thanks, Kel. You always know how to look at the bright side of everything. It's one of the reasons I ... I ..."

Merric sighed and turned to face Kel. She saw that he was much paler than usual. He looked into her dreamy hazel eyes intently.

"Kel, if I ask you something, will you tell me the truth ... no matter what?"

"Of course I will! You should know me well enough by now. Merric, I'll always tell you the truth. That's what has made us such a good team."

"I mean it, Kel - I don't want you to try to spare my feelings just because things aren't so good for me right now."

"Alright, then. Ask your question and I promise to be honest no matter what."

Merric took a step to close the gap between them, wrapped his arms around Kel and kissed her passionately. At first, Kel was so surprised, she just stiffened, but after a moment she relaxed into his embrace. Merric increased the intensity of the kiss; Kel did not kiss him back. Instead, she slowly brought her hands up between them and gently pushed against his muscular chest. He reluctantly stopped kissing her, and when he let her go, he smiled ruefully. Then he turned back toward the window and sighed again, his shoulders slumped. Kel looked down at the floor.

"Thank you for being honest, Kel." he said as he turned to face her again, "Gods, I've wanted to do that for so long - ever since the night before my Ordeal. Do you remember how nervous I was back then?"

"Weren't we all?" Kel searched Merric's eyes and quietly asked, "But ... why this ... why now?"

"I love you Kel. It's that simple. Sometimes it seems as though I've loved you forever - long before you became the incredible woman you are today. But it also seems that you see me only as more of a brother and not a potential lover. I don't know how to change that, but I knew that if I didn't try this once - before I left - I would regret not knowing for certain. And now I know. The truth was there in your kiss."

Kel knew she was blushing as she stuttered, "Merric, I don't ... I don't know what to say. I don't want to cause you any more pain - especially now. "

"It's alright, Kel. I just hope we can still be friends after this. Please tell me I haven't messed up what we've had. Your friendship means everything to me."

"I will always be your friend, Merric." Kel smiled at him and playfully punched him in the arm. "And I won't let a surprisingly good kiss get in the way of that."

Merric looked at Kel with an impish grin on his face. "Surprisingly good, huh? As good as a certain Sergeant's kisses?"

Kel looked down at the floor again, blushing an even brighter red than before.

"That's what I thought. He's a good man, Kel. And a lucky one, too. If anything ... well, if it doesn't work out ... I ... well ... Anyway, will you write to me and tell me about your command?"

"Yes, of course I will, but I expect to hear from you, too. Maybe once you get everything settled, you'll be able to visit Fort Stonebridge and see it for yourself. The mountain views are supposed lovely."

"How long do you think it will be before General Vanget finds a replacement for me?"

"Who knows? I think you're the only person who actually wanted the job. I'm still 'The Girl' to far too many knights. The Lioness once told me that a lot of men think they're progressive - until it's time to work for a woman. You, Sir Merric are a rare breed."

"Well, we've worked together since we were pages, and you know that I mean it when I say I'd follow you anywhere. Begging the King's forbearance, my shield and sword are yours to command. Whenever you need me, I'll be there for you, Kel."

The two friends embraced with just a tiny hint of awkwardness and kissed each other's cheeks. Neither one spoke for a moment. Then Merric cleared his throat, and straightened his tunic. He looked the picture of a noble knight.

"I plan to leave after the noon meal today."

"I'll be waving at you from the gate then."

"Gods all bless and keep you, Kel. I'm glad we're still friends."

"The best of friends, Merric. Gods all bless and keep you, too."

Merric walked to the doorway and saluted Kel. She returned the salute and sat down at the desk again. There were many reports to review before noon. Merric looked back at her one more time, smiled, and walked out the door.

A/N: I had always wondered if Merric really wanted to kiss Kel way back when they were squires. Well, that's two seasons down and two to go - then I'll get back to Joren. Please R&R. Thank you!