Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns PotS. Anything you recognize is hers, anything you don't recognize is mine.

A/N: Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. I appreciate constructive criticism, even if it sometimes comes across as harsh. I am trying to be a better writer, so thanks for being patient with me!

"You should be grateful that the gods have decided to allow you to make another choice. This is beyond rare." declared the Chamber/Joren, his voice chilly with the disdain that Joren so despised, even though it was his own voice. "Now that you have seen and admitted to the errors of your ways, the Dark God is willing to usher you into the Peaceful Realms. You may choose to go with him and be done with me. The Great Mother Goddess, however, has seen in you the possibility of redemption. Therefore, you may choose to return to the Mortal Realm and live out the remainder of your life, however long that may be. Mithros has agreed to require you to meet the Goddess' conditions: make true amends for your misdeeds, live faithfully by your realm's Code of Chivalry and find love with your enemy, Keladry of Mindelan. If you fail to meet any of these conditions within one year's time, you will return to me and relive the worst moments of your life over and over again. After that, Mithros himself will send you to the blackest pit of the Dark God's realm - and I will not pity you."

Clipping Day

"Fire!" Joren thought. "I'm on fire! Please ... somebody ... anybody ... help me!"

Joren drifted back, deeper into his Deep Sleep. The continuous pain he felt was excruciating. It was a combination of a burning sensation over every inch of his skin - especially his head and face - and the feeling that someone was driving pins and needles into the bare flesh of his hands and feet. He didn't think that he could bear the agony much longer; in fact, he was ready to call upon the Dark God to relieve his pain permanently.

"No, you won't get off that easy," said the voice in his head. "You made your choice - now you have to live with it."

Lady Virryn of Stone Mountain sat next to her sleeping son, brushing his long blonde hair. She had marveled at the way it grew, even while Joren's body lay there, motionless in the Deep Sleep for the past six years. She had never heard of the Deep Sleep before her son was taken from the Chamber of the Ordeal, appearing to be dead. At first, her husband had accused her of insanity when she insisted that their nearly dead son's hair and nails were growing. It soon became obvious to everyone who examined Joren that the young man's normal functions continued just as they would have if he had been awake. Lady Virryn had made it her habit to trim her son's fingernails and toenails every month. She also cut his hair and trimmed his beard every three months. Today, the first day of the New Year, was clipping day.

Over the years, Lady Virryn let the servants wash and tend to Joren's body, but she had stubbornly defied her husband's wishes and did all of the clipping of her son's hair and nails by herself. She always dismissed the servants so that she could be alone with Joren, speaking to him and singing to him just as she had when he was a very young child - before Burchard had taken him away into the world of men and their manly pursuits. It felt so good to touch her son's face and smooth his hair. When Lord Burchard was alive, he insisted that Virryn limit her visits with Joren and leave him to the care of the healers. Now she did as she pleased. She knew she was not long for this world. All these years of watching and waiting were coming to a close - she felt it in her aching bones. She had prayed to the Great Mother Goddess to spare her only living child from death. Then she had prayed to live long enough to see her son fully awake and speak with him again before she went to the Peaceful Realms. The Goddess was keeping her end of the bargain. Lady Virryn would not grovel and petition for more time.

Joren's mother had discovered that his cut hair fetched a very good price with the wigmakers in Corus. She never told her husband that she sold the hair, primarily because she knew he would be furious, but also because she enjoyed being able to give money secretly to the temple of the Goddess. Lord Burchard only allowed the worship of Mithros in his household, declaring that the other gods and goddesses were fine for the lower-born. Lady Virryn knew that it was the Goddess who saved her son, and wanted to show her appreciation and loyalty. As soon as she had entered into her official period of mourning the death of her husband, Virryn had installed a shrine to the Goddess in her private rooms where she worshiped as she pleased.

This time, when Lady Virryn started to trim Joren's nails, she thought she felt warmth that had not been in his fingertips before. At one point she thought she felt a twitch in his foot as she struggled to cut through the thick toenails. She shook her head in wonder at her foolishness - surely these feelings were all just wishful thinking, because Joren was entering his seventh year of the Deep Sleep. A sudden brightness filled the room, and Virryn had to shield her eyes from the glare.

"Hello my daughter," greeted a horrible-sounding voice, like the baying of a hundred hounds.

"My Lady!" Lady Virryn gasped, and then she dropped her scissors and fell to her knees.

"Do not fret, dear one. Your waiting is nearly over." The Great Mother Goddess told her supplicant. "You will need to help your son for just a short time while he adjusts to this realm again. Tell him the truth and do not soften it for him. He has been given his own tasks and conditions for staying alive and well. You must do everything in your power to help him find a healthy love, because he can only retain these lands in your family if he is united with someone who is far removed from your thin bloodlines. Help him to be a good man. Then you can enjoy a well-earned rest."

"Thank you, Great Mother," whispered Virryn, barely daring to breathe.

When she looked up, the Goddess had vanished. Virryn was shaking so much that she was able to stand up only by leaning heavily on the end of Joren's bedpost. She was finished with all the clipping, but she still wanted to tidy the area around Joren's pillow. The scissors fell from her hands as she looked at her son's face.

Her Joren's beautiful blue eyes were finally open.

Kel looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hazel eyes looked haunted - because they were. The dark circles under her eyes and the pinched look to her face resulted from her lack of restful sleep. She was still having the 'Joren' nightmare a few times each week. Sir Aron had offered her a special tea to help her sleep better, but it didn't stop the dreams. Kel didn't think the Chamber of the Ordeal had sent her these dreams, because unlike the mission to stop Blayce and his killing machines, there was no point to the Joren dreams. No, she didn't understand why this was happening to her, and she just didn't need this - not now.

Kel sighed and took a yellowing letter from the carved wooden box beneath her bed. She had read the letter so many times that she knew each word by heart.

Dear Kel,

There is terrible news from the Yamani Islands. There was an earthquake on one of the outlying islands. Apparently this caused a huge wall of water to flood the harbor of the capital city. Much of the harbor was destroyed immediately and many people were swept out to sea. Our parents are fine - they were hosting the farewell breakfast for the Crown Prince and Princess at the time of the calamity. Unfortunately, many of the soldiers of the military escort were loading and preparing the ship for departure. They and their ship are feared lost. I know you made several friends among the King's Own when you were Lord Raoul's squire. I thought you would want to know, so that you could offer your prayers to the Dark God to lead those men safely to the Peaceful Realms. Please be careful yourself - we have heard that there have been minor earthquakes in your area, too. Gods all bless and keep you safe until we see you again.

Your loving brother,

Anders

Kel willed the tears in her eyes not to fall. She held her face in a perfectly blank mask and told herself, as she had for the past two months, to 'be a still pond,' and to be glad for what good news there was. Her parents and the Tortallan heirs were safe. King Jonathan and Queen Thayet had sent a ship full of relief supplies to the Yamani Islands as a show of support for their allies. That ship had recently returned with Prince Roald and Princess Shinkokami, as well as all the survivors of the killer high tide the Yamani people called a 'tsunami' or harbor wave. Domitan of Masbolle was not among them. There had been many searches of the surrounding waters and nearby island shores, but no others were found alive. Lord Raoul had held a memorial service for his lost men, but Kel was unable to attend it due to preparing the last shipment of silver ore to go to Corus before the winter snows closed the mountain passes.

Also, Kel decided not to attend the Midwinter's festivities at the palace this year, nor had she gone to Mindelan to be with her family. She did not think she could bear it. Instead, she encouraged Aron to go home to Aili, which was less than a day's ride away. And she granted a short leave of absence to a few of the more senior officers to go to Corus and enjoy themselves, too. The men were shocked and pleased - commanders rarely offered to stay behind during the holidays. Kel didn't think that anyone in her family - or any of her closest friends - knew that she knew about Dom's midwinter betrothal plans, but she did know she couldn't endure any looks of pity or concern.

Kel told herself repeatedly that she couldn't have lost something she never really had in the first place. After messages from Lord Raoul and Neal confirmed the bad news of Dom and the others' disappearance and presumed death, Kel sent letters of condolence to Dom's mother, as well as to Neal and his family. She knew that Neal was devastated by the loss of his constantly cheerful cousin, but he had Yuki to help him get through his grief. Raoul had Buri as well, and the men of the Own could console each other. Kel would have to be content to mourn Dom privately, as a dear friend, because so few people knew how close they actually had been to becoming more than that. Her faithful dog, Jump, lay across Kel's feet in his own gesture of consolation.

Now, on this first day of the New Year, Kel finished reading the painful letter one last time, and then she held it to the candle's flame and watched it burn.

"I am a calm pool," she told herself, as she reached into her box again and pulled out the specially-made spiked leather hair fastener that Dom had given her. She placed it gently on the desk, next to her Raven Armory blade.

"I am a gentle breeze." Slowly, she brushed her hair into a ponytail and carefully wrapped the fastener around the lower half of its length.

"I am a quiet flame." She held her hair in one hand and - with one swift motion of her freshly sharpened knife - she completely sliced off the ponytail. She then wrapped the hair and fastener in a piece of white cloth and placed them in the bottom of the wooden box.

"I am stone." Kel used her scissors to clip a fringe of hair across her forehead, and then she trimmed the ends of her hair until it was all cut even with her jaw line.

"Now, maybe the dreams will stop, too," Kel thought. "After all, I am no longer that version of myself. This is much better."

Suddenly, the ground beneath her feet began to shake.

A/N: Sorry about Dom, but I hope you noticed a glaring plot point. Again, this can't be a full-blown K/D, because it's supposed to be K/J. I hope you'll like it anyway. Next time, I promise there will be way more dialogue. Please keep reading and reviewing. Thanks!