Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS. Everything you recognize is hers; everything you don't recognize is mine.

A/N: Sorry, there's only a little fluff in this chapter, and it's mostly implied. I truly appreciate the input from the reviews. Y'all have changed the course of my original plot, but that's okay, 'cuz you didn't know it anyway! Thanks for the great reviews!

Kel's body completely overrode her mind as Joren's kiss deepened. All she could think about was that it had been so long since anyone had ... what?

After the Rain

Kel's eyes were wide open, but she could see only shadows as she lay on her bed roll in the dark. The rain had become a light drizzle making a soft patter on the canvas of the wagon. Rational thoughts were beginning to push their way back into her consciousness. Kel heard the sounds of the sentries changing over for the last watch of the night and she guessed that there must be an hour or so before dawn woke up the camp. Joren's hand made lazy circles on her bare, muscular abdomen. When he started to trace an upward path, Kel suddenly grabbed his wrist to stop him, even though her traitorous body was already responding to his touch. "Goddess! I've got to get away from Joren now." She thought. "If I stay here like this, I'm going to want him again. He's like a ... a ... poison! Aagh! What kind of weak woman am I?"

"Joren ... no more ... please." Kel whispered; her voice was ragged in the dark. "I don't understand what has happened here or why, but I ... I can't ...I won't ... be your mistress." "Please don't touch me anymore! I don't understand why I can't control myself when you do that. I feel so ashamed!"

Joren slowly shifted so that he was propped up on his side. His long, loose hair tickled Kel's bare shoulder. He couldn't see her face, but he was fairly certain that she was putting her Yamani mask on again and now they would need to talk. "Kel, I ... wait ... is that what you think this is about? You think I want you as my ... mistress?" Joren could hardly believe what he heard. "Mithros, Kel! I'm trying to set up something permanent here and you think I want just another mistress. Can this get any more messed up?"

Kel sat up, drew her knees to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs. Then she covered herself with her blanket. She breathed a tiny sigh of relief as she felt her pregnancy charm dangling against her chest. At least she was safe in that regard. She berated herself again for having so much weakness. Kel did not want Joren to think he could just have her any time he wanted now, even though she knew if he touched her again, she might not be able to stop herself. She had to become stone and she had to do it immediately.

"Why else would you want to be with me, Joren?" she asked quietly, calmly. "There are so many more suitable ladies for you. I know you recently dismissed your mistress, Lady Celeste. Surely I'm not the only noble-born woman living near you; there must be others somewhere close by. Although, I suppose you could have any village girl you want. Isn't that how it normally works at Stone Mountain?" "I'm not stupid. I know that all the rumors must have some basis in fact. Everyone talks of your reputation and your father's before you. Leave me alone - I am stone!"

"Ah. I see." Now Joren sat up and felt around for his shirt. His voice was slightly muffled as he pulled it over his head. "You've been listening to the local gossips, haven't you?" "Great! Now my own past is coming back to haunt me. And you've got your mask on so tight, it's going to take me a while to peel it off again."

"Joren, you came to my bedroom that one time, remember?" Kel's voice now had a harder edge to it. "You expected that I would just ... give in then and let you have your own way. I can't really say what happened here just now, but I'm not like that and I've never been like that - no matter what you and your cronies may have thought back before we were knights." "Yes, I remember the snide and rude comments. You tried to damage my reputation back then, and I'm not about to let you do that to me now. Aron warned me - you're a snake - and I am stone."

"Kel, you might be able to lie to yourself, but your body says that you're exactly like that, as you say." Joren blurted out, then he sighed and carefully said, "You were a prim and proper page - I actually do know that to be true - but what we've had tonight proves that we belong to each other now. I need you, Kel, and I will die without your love." "Actually, we've belonged to each other since my mother drugged us, but we didn't know that then. And I can't believe the Chamber allowed me to say that!"

"Gods, Joren! That is the worst Player's line I've ever heard." Kel replied bitterly. "You belong on a stage. And whatever this is that we had tonight ... it's not love. I've had love and that's not what it's all about." "I'll bet you don't even know what real love is, but Dom ... Dom ... NO! I am stone!"

Joren scooted over to Kel and placed his palm against her cheek. She flinched away and snuggled deeper into her blanket. When he tried to put his arm around her, she leaned further away from him. Joren's mind was racing to figure out how to salvage the situation and turn it to his favor. He was almost ready to kiss Kel again and make her understand that they had an undeniably strong physical connection, even if she didn't want to admit it.

"Come on Kel," Joren started, "Let's just ..." "This doesn't have to be so difficult. If you just let me hold you again ..."

"Don't touch me!" Kel's voice was cold and hard and she leaned away from Joren as though he was poisonous. "What I want to know is ... how ... how you found out about Dom. Domitan of Masbolle? Tell me how you knew about him - about us." "I know you've been snooping around, asking the soldiers about my personal life, you snake. I just want to know who I'm going to spar against next. Someone needs to be taught a lesson, and my glaive is going to be the teacher."

Joren sighed and moved away from Kel before he muttered, "You talk in your sleep." "You told me, Kel - yes you!"

Kel blinked in the darkness. "What did you just say?" "Oh gods! When did you hear me talking in my sleep? I know I talk in my sleep - that's what Tobe always told me. Did you spy on me when I stayed overnight at Stone Mountain? I know I dreamed of Dom those times. Did you overhear my dreams?"

"I said ... you talk ... in your sleep ... a lot!" Now Joren's teeth were clenched; he was tired of playing nice. Kel needed a good dose of reality and he was ready to serve it to her, but he had enough control to give her only half-portion of it. "Do you remember the night of my mother's birthday dinner? The night you weren't feeling well?" "Alright, I'm going to tell you a little story. I'm only leaving out the gory details for now, because I think it's just better that way."

Kel remembered and said quietly, "Yes, I got overheated and almost fainted." "No, please don't tell me I was delirious, too. How embarrassing! What did I say? I must have talked about Dom then. That's just ... great."

"Later on that night, my mother sent me to check on you," Joren continued, "And you were ... delirious. You grabbed onto my wrist and wouldn't let it go. I ended up having to hold you throughout the night. And no, nothing ... happened. You definitely were ill and you kept calling me 'Dom' all night long. It didn't take me long to figure out, well, the rest." "Phew! I think that sounded pretty good, if I do say so myself."

Kel's mind was reeling. That had been her dream then - Dom had held her through the night. It was distressing to find out that Joren was the one who had held her and comforted her then. And he sounded sincere when he said nothing else happened. Could she believe him? She wanted - needed - to believe him. But what about the things that had happened tonight? Why could Joren keep his hands to himself then, but not tonight? What had she done to make him think it was okay to take advantage of her weakness tonight? And what about all those other dreams she had been having? Now her head hurt from all the thoughts. Kel groaned involuntarily.

"Kel, are you alright?" Joren started to worry. "Please! Don't ask me any questions you don't want to hear the answer to."

"No, Joren, I'm not alright." Kel admitted, both to him and to herself. "I'm tired. I'm upset. And I want to forget that this night, and any other night with you, ever happened. Can you try to understand that?" "I need for you to go away. I need to become stone again. Please, just leave me alone."

Joren knew he was beaten for now. He would not break through Kel's mask any more tonight. Soon it would be a new day anyway and it probably would be a long one at that. Joren sighed and pulled on the rest of his clothes and his boots. "It sounds like the rain has stopped, so I'm going to go out now and give you some privacy. I'll bring back some water so you can wash up. No one will know we were together and you can preserve your dignity. Fair enough?" "Alright, you're not ready for the whole truth, and I'm not sure I can tell you. All I can do is help you maintain your reputation - at least for the time being. We belong to each other now, Kel. Your brain may not know that yet, but your body certainly does. I just don't know what we're supposed to do next."

"Thank you," was all Kel could say as Joren vaulted out of the wagon. She heard the sound of his squishy footsteps receding into the distance and breathed another sigh of relief. For some reason, Kel believed that Joren was not going to talk about their time together. She had a feeling he did not want people talking about him the way they had in the past. She was just grateful to him for leaving her alone to get dressed and to gather her thoughts, as well as her belongings. She had to figure out how to proceed from this moment on. The only thing Kel knew to do was to become stone.

The day was gray and misty after the rain and the wagon masters had to dig a few stuck wheels out of the mud, but everyone was in good spirits as they completed the final few days of their trip. It did not rain any more during their travels, so Kel was able to sleep again under the stars - and alone. She avoided being by herself with Joren because she did not want to hear anything he had to say. But on the last day before they reached their mountain homes, Joren trotted his horse next to Hoshi and Kel knew she could not escape a conversation. Fortunately, the healer, Martin of Disart also was riding near her, so she knew Joren would not be talking about anything too personal.

"So, Kel, some of the stonecutters and artisans were wondering if you're planning on coming back to Stone Mountain for our midsummer's festival. It's always a good time." Joren stated as their horses plodded along. "See? This is a nice, safe, social topic. Nothing to worry about - I won't embarrass you in front of the healer."

"I did promise the village headman that I would visit again and buy some things at their market," Kel nodded, "Yes, I'll definitely come to the festival. I'll encourage my soldiers to come over, too." "Just don't ask me to stay the night. You know I can't. Not anymore. It's too dangerous for me to be around you like that."

"Oh, you won't have to encourage them, Lady Keladry," Martin laughed, "The Stone Mountain midsummer festival is one of the highlights of the year. The hard part will be getting the men to come back to the fort. Everyone has a marvelous time and most of the soldiers who go to the festival end up staying overnight at the Stone Mountain barracks anyway. We don't want them to stagger off of a cliff or something. I always have to tend to cuts and scrapes afterward, but it's all in good fun."

"You know you're more than welcome to stay the night with us at the castle, Lady Keladry," Joren politely offered. "My mother truly enjoys your company, and so do I." "Please say no. We've got enough problems as it is. My mother is furious at me because you're not showing any signs of being with child. There's no telling what she will do or say when she sees you again. Just politely decline and I'll be able to tell her that I invited you, but you can't stay."

"Thank you for your kind offer, Lord Joren" replied Kel. She was biting on her lower lip, which was something that gave Joren hope. He considered it a sign of progress - Kel no longer gave him the Yamani blank face all the time. "I will consider the invitation," Kel continued, "Of course, so much will depend on how the day proceeds. We are expecting an inspection visit from General Vanget sometime after midsummer, so I might need to get back to the fort. "Lame! That sounded so lame! Martin is going to think I'm crazy."

"Of course," Joren replied, and he scanned the clear horizon. "Well, that wasn't exactly a yes or a no, but Martin over there is listening in so she has to be polite. Blast! These are the times when I can tell she was raised by diplomats."

The caravan stopped at the village of Stonesedge first, and Kel said her farewells to the wagon masters and all the other folks of Stone Mountain, including Joren. Then she and the Stonebridge soldiers and wagons continued on to their villages and the fort. Kel was both relieved and happy to have a warm bath, a hot meal, and her own comfortable bed. The half-tame sparrows and her old dog Jump were glad to have her back, too. Kel dreamed sweet dreams of swimming in a crystal clear lake, of fishing in a burbling mountain stream and of cute little tadpoles with strangely colored eyes.

A/N: Okay, I'm not 100 percent happy with this chapter, but I had to get them out of the wagon and back up the mountain somehow. Tell me what you think. Thanks!