Redemption
Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS. Everything you recognize is hers; everything you don't recognize is mine.
A/N: I know I promised you more fluff, and it is coming along - big loads of it, but not in this long chapter. That last chapter was blah and this one is kind of sad. Please stay with me; I think it'll be worth the wait. BTW, I've based my view of the Tortallan deities on the personalities found within Greek and Norse mythologies. Zeus and Hera had quite the dramatic arguments, and Loki was always messing with others gods' stuff. I just thought you ought to know why I write them the way I do.
Dear Kel
"Life is difficult enough with the gods meddling in it," Myles had told her more than once. "But they will meddle. All we humans can do is hope they tire of their meddling soon and leave us alone!"
-- Tamora Pierce, In the Hands of the Goddess
The Great Mother Goddess was checking on certain mortals with whom she had special connections. A young woman in Tyra was bouncing her long-awaited, healthy baby on her lap and marveling at his perfect fingers and toes. An old woman in Maren was looking at the progress of her wheat crop for which she had prayed diligently during the past year. This crop would bring her much needed money to save her and her sick husband from the poorhouse. The Goddess smiled when she saw that Alanna the Lioness was enjoying a letter from her daughter Alianne. The Crow triplets were getting into all kinds of mischief and Alanna was laughing at the descriptions of their antics. It was good to see her Lioness so content. The Goddess slowly continued her survey and then stopped suddenly.
"What is this?" she mused aloud. "Ah! Ha-ha! Why, that little ..." and she flew off to find her brothers.
Thunder and lightning shook the atmosphere above the Copper Isles. Mithros and the Great Goddess flashed and huffed as they confronted their Trickster brother. The Goddess was especially irritated, but she really was not as angry as she let her brothers believe - they truly had helped her out, but she did not want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that information.
"You both think you're so clever," boomed the Goddess. "Here I am, minding my own business, doing my best to help the people who cry out for my assistance. But neither of you seems to be able to mind your own business. Why do you feel so compelled to interfere with my plans?"
"Idid not interfere with your plans," protested Kyprioth. "I merely hid what was already there. Your trick was so delicious; I simply could not help myself. Remember, I tried to compliment you on it, but you waved me away."
"And I already gave you my reasons for providing my input," Mithros continued angrily. "But you, Kyprioth, have no reason to be anywhere close to the mountains of the Living Realms; you have your thrown back and you should be content with that. From now on, you'd better leave this situation alone, or else I'll make sure you can't wander beyond your own islands and sea."
"Calm down everyone," replied Kyprioth. "I thought this was something you both wanted. I just added my own little twists. What's the big deal?"
"There are proper ways for things to be done and there is a proper time for everything," Mithros snapped haughtily. "Your trickery has upset the balance of propriety!"
"Well, don't get angry at me," protested the Trickster. "If you want to blame somebody, blame our dear sister here - it was her trick in the first place. You're just upset because you didn't control it. But surely, such powerful entities as yourselves can put things back the way you want them to be."
Both Mithros and the Goddess fumed at Kyprioth's smug irreverence. They argued for a while longer, but in the end, Mithros was able to placate the Goddess' 'temper' and they left Kyprioth with a stern warning to stay out of that particular piece of business, or else he would pay dearly. Kyprioth smiled slyly as his siblings returned to their own celestial dwellings.
The raka people were grateful for the summer storm. Their crops had been overdue for a good rain. The earth soaked up the life-giving water, and the people found ways to stay dry.
Sir Aron of Aili looked into Kel's eyes and shook his head because he could not figure out what was wrong with her. She had been running a fever ever since she returned from Corus earlier that week. Kel proclaimed that she was well enough to train and perform her duties, but her skin felt so hot that Aron became worried. All week long, Aron forced Kel to try a variety of herbal remedies and horrible-tasting elixirs, but nothing brought down the fever. Martin of Disart told Aron that it was probably some lingering effect from when so many of the travelers had been sick with heatstroke. Martin was chagrined that he had not properly diagnosed Kel on that horribly hot day, but Kel reminded the healer that he had been caring for many other people at that time.
Really, Kel explained, she did not feel sick at all, her skin just felt too hot most of the time, as though she had been exercising all day long . The healers asked some of the local shepherds to bring down a few buckets of snow and ice from the side of the mountains where the sun barely shone, even in the summer. Kel didn't want anyone to make such a fuss, but the cold packs felt so good against her blazing skin, that she decided to accept their offering gratefully. Still, the ice only gave her temporary relief and Kel did not want anything to distract her from her responsibilities.
One June morning, after Kel had had one of the bad 'Dom/Joren' dreams again, she found she just didn't want to get up. She was so tired, but there were no animals to make her get out of bed right now. The sparrows were still nesting outside in the summer warmth. Jump met a 'canine lady friend' down in Silver Stream, and he often stayed near the baker's shop because that's who owned the dog. The constant fever and continuous erotic dreams sapped Kel's strength by depriving her of restful sleep. Kel decided that she could afford to take a day off from her early morning exercise routine, so she rolled over and went back to sleep. This time, she did not dream at all. A loud knock on her door finally woke Kel up.
"Kel? Are you in there?" Aron's voice came from the hallway. "Is everything alright?"
Kel checked herself and saw that she was minimally presentable with her wrinkled sleeping shirt and cotton breeches. She padded over to her door, smoothing her sleep-rumpled hair as she went. When she opened the latch, Aron stood in the doorway with a big bundle of letters and packages in his arms.
"Well, well, well!" Aron said, grinning from ear to ear. "It looks like you did remember your own birthday and you slept in for a change. Good for you, Kel! And Happy Birthday!"
Kel scratched her scalp, did some quick figuring in her head, and finally realized that Aron was right. Today was her birthday! Today she was twenty-three years old. Kel also realized that it must have been the fever and the sleepless nights that made her forget her own special day was coming so soon. She smiled back at Aron and then looked at the load he was carrying.
"Is all of that for me?" Kel asked, her eyes lighting up like a child's at Midwinter.
"Yes, my lady birthday girl!" Aron bowed and Kel waved him into her room. "They started arriving while you were down in Corus, but I held on to them until today. You really do have friends and family all over the realm!" She indicated that he could place the bundles on her chair, which is what he did. Then he took another look at Kel's face and placed his hand on her forehead. His smile became even wider. Kel's fever seemed to have gone away and Aron nodded his approval.
"Perhaps you should consider a few more days of sleeping in." Aron suggested carefully. "I know how much you cherish doing your pattern dances and all, but this morning's extra sleep seems to have done what neither I, nor Martin, nor the ice packs could do for you. Kel, you probably just cured yourself. Imagine that! You only needed more sleep."
Kel laughed. She did feel much better now, but she was also starving. Her stomach growled in affirmation of that thought and Aron laughed with her. Then he pulled an apple out of his pocket and presented it to Kel with a flourish. Kel graciously curtsied and accepted the fruit. She started eating it right away and thought about how glad she was to have Aron as her second-in-command, and more importantly, as a good friend. Kel was grateful to have someone around with whom she could be silly sometimes. Right now, she really missed her old friends.
"It's still not too late for you to catch the end of breakfast, Kel." Aron said as he watched her devour the apple in a few quick bites. "I'll leave so you can get changed. I'll see you in the dining hall, alright?"
Kel nodded and swallowed the last bite of the apple. "Aron, I want to thank you for checking up on me and bringing me my birthday letters and gifts. It's really special that you remembered."
"Oh, don't thank me, Kel." Aron admitted with a shy, but mischievous grin, "You have to thank our neighbor, Lord Joren, for the friendly reminder. He sent me a message the other day. Go on - get dressed. I'll talk to you later." Aron closed the door and Kel heard his whistling tune fade as he walked down the hallway.
"So ... Joren knew that today was my birthday," Kel thought. "Yes, Molly the maid was right - Joren certainly is full of surprises."
Kel intended to dress quickly, but she just had to peek at her presents before she got ready for the day. She expected her parents to remember her birthday, but she was amazed that so many of her friends had written to her as well. There were packages from Mindelan and Jesslaw, and letters with seals from Queenscove, Hollyrose, King's Reach, and even Pirate's Swoop. She smiled when she saw two letters bearing the Mindelan seal, one from her brother Anders and the other from her parents in the Yamani Islands. There was one more letter which bore an unknown seal, but it seemed to be of Yamani origin. Kel's curiosity overrode her hunger pangs and she broke the seal on the heavy parchment. Her heart beat furiously as she recognized the familiar, beloved handwriting. Kel plunked down on the edge of her bed and began to read:
Dear Kel,
I hope this letter finds you quickly, and I hope you are doing well. I also hope you are sitting down, because this letter is probably going to be a shock to you. By now, everyone who needs to know of my whereabouts has been informed. My family and Lord Raoul, your parents and now you know that I am alive. I am sorry for any grief you have experienced over the past months, and for the grief that I will most likely cause by the news I must share with you now.
I survived the devastating wall of water that crashed into Yaman Harbor, but just barely. As far as I know, none of my men have been found alive and my soul still grieves for all of them. A Yamani warlord, Tsakuyo noh Kurikami, found me when I washed up on the beach of his island. My body was very broken and no one thought I would recover. It took a while for me to know who or where I was, or even to understand what had happened to me. However, a young hedge witch, Kyoko, with more Gift than she realized, was able to heal me. She is Tsakuyo's daughter, and I fell in love with her and married her. I have decided to stay here and build a new life with my new family on this peaceful island. I only ask that you respect my wish to remain 'dead' to Tortall.
Kel, I never wanted to hurt you. I must confess that I once loved you so much I planned to marry you. I even contacted your father to obtain a proper betrothal. When I married Kyoko, I relinquished my claim to you. Your parents know of my situation and have given me their blessings. Please don't look for me or try to contact me; just know that you will always hold a special place deep within my heart. You are a brilliant and beautiful woman, and I pray you will find a healing love such as I have found. I know there is someone else out there for you. Be happy, Kel.
May the gods all bless and keep you,
Domitan ka e noh Kurikami, formerly of Masbolle
Kel read and reread the words of the letter; she was too stunned to move. Dom was alive! Dom had suffered terribly, but he was alive and he was safe. For that she could - and would - be happy. Kel recognized the words 'ka e noh' which meant that Dom had been formally adopted into his new Yamani family, and he would owe his allegiance to his father-in-law forever. Dom's sword now belonged to Yaman, his new home. Dom's heart now belonged to Kyoko, the woman who saved him. He was not coming back. Kel could not begrudge Dom his happiness, but she could not keep her heart from breaking again, either. She let the tears flow freely down her face.
Dom wanted Kel to consider him "'dead' to Tortall" and he wanted her to "be happy." Kel promised herself she would do her best to honor his wishes, just as anyone would honor the last wishes of a dying person. She would do this because she now knew that Dom was truly dead to her. Kel could no longer hope to hold on to Dom even in her dreams. His heart belonged to someone else and never would be hers again. "Be happy, Kel." Kel would try, but she barely made it to the privy before she began to vomit.
After a while, Aron came back up to check on Kel again. He knocked on her bedroom door, but there was no answer. Her door was not locked, so he slowly pushed it open and then he smiled. Kel was sitting on the floor next to her chair, still in her sleeping clothes, with ripped up wrapping paper scattered all around her. She looked up and stared at Aron with a questioning look on her face. Then she gasped as she realized how late it must be now.
"I missed breakfast, didn't I?" Kel asked sheepishly. "I only meant to peek at my presents, but I guess I lost track of time. Do you think the cook might have a biscuit or something left over?"
Aron just chuckled and held out a bundle of cloth which contained a biscuit with slices of ham and bits of scrambled egg crammed within its flaky layers. Kel grinned widely and took the bundle from Aron's hands. The food smelled so good, she barely sent up a prayer of thanks to the gods before she tore into it.
"Kel, I never thought I'd see the day when you missed a meal for anything," Aron joked as he watched Kel eat. "These must be some phenomenal presents. What did you get?"
"This is from my friend Owen of Jesslaw. Actually, his wife Margarry knitted it for me. She's quite talented. Isn't this the jolliest sweater you've ever seen?" Kel put down her sandwich and wiped her hands on her shirt before she picked up a beautifully knitted sweater in one hand, and waved around an opened letter with the other. "Fief Jesslaw is famous for its wonderfully jolly soft wool, which comes from their jolly special sheep. My friends are raising jolly prize-winning sheep dogs now. It's all very jolly! Well, that's all according to my jolly friend Owen anyway." Kel giggled and set those things aside to hold up another gift.
Aron blinked. He had the feeling he had missed some kind of private joke.
"My nieces made this tunic - all by themselves," Kel giggled. "They said in their letter that they hope I won't notice their uneven stitches, but I think I may only wear this when I'm at home for Midwinter - or at some other time when its cold and I can wear a cloak over it. I love the colors, though. Mindelan for Tortall!"
Aron laughed at Kel's silliness as she wiggled the velvet tunic made of the Mindelan colors, but with noticeably crooked stitches. He was glad that she was having fun. Lately, Kel had been so serious and she focused on writing reports and working on supply lists for the next caravan to Corus. There would be plenty of time for preparations, especially since she had just returned less than a week ago. Aron thought her fever would slow her down, but Kel seemed driven by some unseen force. When he asked her if anything out of the ordinary had happened during the caravan, she only shrugged and went on doing what she was doing. Aron hoped Kel would talk to him later about whatever it was that was bothering her.
Then Aron noticed that something wasn't quite right with Kel. She swayed a little on her feet when she stood up to go across her room. She retrieved the stack of opened letters and then went back to sit on the edge of her bed. Aron saw that Kel's eyes looked glassy as she held the letters in her hand and flipped through them. He wanted to ask her how she really felt, because he could sense that her fever had returned, but Kel continued to explain her birthday greetings in a bright and cheerful tone of voice.
"Did you know that our friend Joren has been writing to people all over the land and apologizing for his bad behavior when we all were pages and squires?" Kel asked Aron as she waved the stack of letters in the air. "No one can believe it! He even wrote to the Lioness and thanked her for her many years of dedicated service to the realm! Two of my friends are getting married soon, but they're still not inviting Joren to their weddings because they think that apologies or not, he's probably still a jerk. They don't know the half of it!"
"Well, Kel, we've been dealing with the man for a while now," Aron shrugged. "We can't tell when Joren will do something mean, like tackling you from behind, or something nice, like telling me that today is your birthday. I think he's being extra nice now for some reason, but I don't know what the reason is yet. I guess we'll find out in due time."
Kel just blinked her glassy eyes and continued, "My parents will be in Corus by now. I missed them by only a few days. If I had known they were coming so soon, then I would have stayed in Corus and waited for them to arrive. Then maybe I wouldn't have ..." she smiled a crooked smile, and waved two of the letters in the air. "I'm going to go down and see them there, and then I'll escort them back to the fort for a little visit. I think you'll like them. My parents are great! They accompanied Princess Shinkokami's mother from Yaman to Corus so that she will be here for the birth of the next heir to the Tortallan crown. My happy parents will stay in Tortall until the princess' mother is ready to return to the islands. And we'll all have a happy time this Midwinter at Mindelan!"
"Kel, are you alri...?" Aron started to ask, but Kel held up her hand to stop him from finishing his question.
"It's my happy birthday!" Kel exclaimed, still smiling and still waving around one of the letters. "I'm going to be happy. Happy, happy, happy. I know I can be happy. I can be happy stone. That's it! Happy ... stone!" Then Kel giggled until her voice caught and she bit down on her lip to keep from crying. Her chest heaved, but she didn't make a sound. Silent tears rolled down from her eyes and splattered on the parchment in her hand.
Aron rushed over to Kel and put his hand on her forehead. It was as he had suspected - she was burning hot again. Her mysterious fever had returned with a vengeance, and now Kel seemed to be sick as well. Aron knew he had to act quickly.
"Kel, I'm ordering you to lie down right now," Aron told her as he took the letter from her hand and made her get under her covers. "I'll be back real soon with some ice for you. We've got to get that fever under control. If we can't, then I must send you back to Corus immediately. Perhaps Duke Baird will know what to do. Martin of Disart can ride with you in case ... well, without all the wagons and such; it will only take you three days to get there. We can - no, we will - celebrate your birthday later."
"My happy birthday," Kel murmured in a broken voice and pulled the covers up to her chin as she watched Aron leave the room.
It wasn't until Aron was halfway down the hall that he realized he still had one of Kel's letters in his hand. He knew he shouldn't look at her personal correspondence, but he was beginning to be scared because she seemed so much sicker now than she was the day before. He was perplexed because Kel also had seemed to be so much better before she missed breakfast this morning. When Aron finished reading the neat writing on the parchment in his hand, he noticed the tear stains at the bottom edge of the page. All he could do was shake his head. He tucked the letter inside his tunic pocket and ran to find the ice.
"Oh my gods! No wonder she's such a mess right now," Aron's thoughts were grim. "I'll just have to cover for her until she can pull herself back together. Some birthday this is turning out to be. Poor Kel! Poor, poor Kel"
A/N: Okay, before you flame me for over-dramatizing Kel's breakdown, I tell you truthfully that I based the scene on one of my own personal experiences from a while back. It's actually rather cathartic to write it in to a story. I'm totally fine now, but things happen and people sometimes 'lose it' for a bit. I promise you, you will get your fluff, but I must deal with my plot lines, too. Thanks for your patience. Please R & R!