Redemption

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS. Everything you recognize is hers; everything you don't recognize is mine.

A/N: **Fluff Alert** As promised, I am serving you faithful readers a generous portion of fluff this time. You've been very patient with my plotting and all the twists, so this one is for all the fluff lovers. ;D

Enjoy!

When Kel sat down, she put her head in her hands and wept. She didn't know how long she had been there when she felt a hand gently touch her shoulder. Kel looked up and Joren sat down next to her. Then he folded her cold, wet hands inside of his warm, dry hands, and silently - almost reverently - kissed away her tears.

Love, Respect, and Cherish

When Joren stepped out of the Chamber of the Ordeal and saw Kel sitting there, sobbing into her hands, his heart hurt for her so much that he decided his next moves very carefully. He knew that the Chamber had shown Kel the same things it had shown to him and more. Joren tried to imagine what was going on in Kel's mind. He knew that her partial Yamani upbringing would cause her to feel intense shame at the confirmation of her condition. Joren also knew that the whole situation must be overwhelming for this honorable lady knight - his lady knight. He was deeply chagrined that he and his mother had caused so much of her anguish, but he was hopeful that she might forgive them someday. Joren silently vowed to do whatever it would take for Kel to smile and be happy again.

Joren brushed away the last of Kel's tears and she let him put his arms around her and hold her to his chest until her sniffling subsided. They sat that way for a while; neither of them speaking a word. Joren waited until Kel's breathing seemed to be normal and then he shifted their bodies around so he could face her. His concerned, sky-blue eyes looked directly into her red-rimmed, hazel eyes while they both searched their own thoughts for the right words to say.

"You ... you lived my life," Kel tried to keep her voice steady. "The Chamber wanted me to know how you knew so much about me - what it forced you to do for all those years. I am ... I feel so exposed. I had wondered how you knew it was my birthday and how you knew about my fighting tricks and ... and my favorite foods. The Chamber also showed me our ... our ... times together. It showed me ... visions ... of possible futures. It told me that you chose to live again and that you ... you chose to love me. How can I say no to you, Joren? How can I refuse my mission to help you?" "Why is it that Dom chose to live a life without me and yet you, of all people, chose to live a life with me? How did this become my life?"

"Kel, I ..." Joren began, but she held up her hand to stop him.

She wiped away the silent tears that had started flowing again and mentally cursed her inability to regain her composure. Kel finally gave up on any hope of regaining a Yamani-calm face and continued to speak. "Joren, you have taken and taken and taken from me and what you have given to me does not feel like any kind of love I've experienced before. Your love feels like poison in my soul ... but ... but it seems I have no choice right now but to do that which will save our lives. I will love our children and I will try my best to love you, Joren. That's all I can do." "Dear Goddess ... Great Mother ... help me love this man!"

Joren nodded slowly and then he reached for Kel's hands again. "Kel, I truly, truly love you. I love everything about you - everything - and you are the only woman I want or need to be with now. I'm sorry you feel that my love is wrong for you. I'm sorry I've hurt you so much. And I promise to spend the rest of my life proving my love for you. I only hope you can find something to love about me." Joren's voice became thick with emotion. "But if you can't ... love me ... can you find it in your heart to love our babes? They might survive, even if I don't. I want your love and I need your love, but I can't force you to love me, Kel." "I won't force you to love me. I know that isn't love anyway."

They sat there and stared at each other in the silence for another long while until Joren let go of Kel's hands. Slowly and carefully, Joren reached out his hand to place his palm on Kel's lower abdomen. She did not move or flinch away at his touch; instead, she placed her hand on top of his, and never breaking eye contact with him, she nodded her head. It was Kel's silent agreement with Joren that gave him hope. They would begin by loving the babes now within her.

Kel closed her eyes and sighed; then she turned her head to stare at the Chamber's closed door. "At least I now know that I am not as sick as everyone thought I was. I suppose I'll have to tell Aron to stop worrying about me. There's nothing wrong with me that lots of rest and the right kind of tea can't cure. For years my mother and my sisters have complained about how hot and tired and weepy they felt when they were pregnant. I think I understand that now. I've never cried so much in my entire life as I have cried since ... well ... I'm really and truly pregnant. My mother always said that my sister Patricine never showed her pregnancies until she was quite far along - six or seven months, I think. Perhaps I am like her. Perhaps there's still time for me to resign from my post before the real reason becomes obvious." "How can I continue to be a knight commander and serve the realm honorably when this is going to become such a scandal?"

"Kel, our ... sons ... don't have to be raised as bastards. I want to marry you." Joren's gaze did not waver when Kel turned quickly to look back at his face. He moved his hand away from Kel's flat abdomen to hold her hand again. "Marry me, Kel. We can be married tonight. The Great Temple of Mithros is always open and people go there to elope at all hours of the day and night. Aron can be our witness - no one else would have to know anything about why we got married so quickly. Or ... we can ... send your parents a message to meet us at the temple if that will make all of this easier for you. Kel, I want to take care of you, starting right now. I know you're used to taking care of yourself, but I'm here for you now. I beg of you ... let me give you my name and my title so that there won't be any more shame for you. Please ... marry me, Kel." "Mithros help me! I want to do this right. I have to do this right!"

Both Kel and Joren understood that this terribly long day was turning out to be one of the most significant days of their lives. Kel suddenly realized that so many of her life's significant days had involved Joren in some way - usually involving something negative such as the weighted lances and Balor's Needle and her conversation with King Jonathan after Joren's trial. But all of those events also had positive outcomes eventually. Kel searched Joren's eyes for signs of any trickery or deceit, but she found nothing to fear there in his steady gaze. Despite the fact that Joren kept telling her that he loved her and wanted to marry her, it was the idea that Joren was offering her a way to maintain her dignity and pride that finally overwhelmed her. Kel was speechless with gratitude.

As an answer to Joren's question, Kel hesitantly leaned forward until their lips gently touched. They both felt the electric jolt, but Joren did not press for anything more than that one sweet kiss. He knew he wanted Kel to truly love him in return before he went any further with her again. Joren desperately wanted Kel to give him the same look she gave him when her drugged mind thought she was with Dom. It was pure agony for him to break off their kiss, but he knew he had to do it now or risk making a very foolish mistake. Joren took a deep breath and rose up from the bench, pulling Kel up with him.

Joren straightened his tunic. "We should leave now. There's no telling how long we've been in here or how late it is. How do you feel, Kel? Are you hungry?" Joren asked and he put his palm on Kel's forehead. "Still warm, but at least we know why. I know you - and I know you need to eat soon."

Kel nodded slowly and opened her mouth to speak, but then both she and Joren jumped when Kel's stomach growled loudly. Joren smiled at Kel and she tried - unsuccessfully - to stifle a giggle. Of course she was hungry! Her smile faded though when she suddenly thought of all the experiences - her experiences - Joren must have gone through when he was in the Chamber for so long. Kel thought it just didn't seem to be fair that Joren knew so much about her now, and she really knew so little about him.

"Joren, is there anything you don't already know about me?" Kel asked. "You seem to be able to predict a lot of the things that I say and do now. Is that from what the Chamber did to you?" "I truly hope you cannot read my mind. That would just be too much."

"I suppose that since the Chamber told you about my Ordeal directly, I can talk to you about it." Joren nodded carefully, struggling to figure out how to say what he needed to say for now. "Kel, there's a lot that I don't know about you. I really don't know what you're going to say or do next. I simply remembered that it has been a while since either of us has eaten. I don't know much about the past seven years of your life; the Chamber did not make me live through any of those events. I don't know about your experiences as a lady knight. I don't know what will make the 'ghost' of your former lover go away. Most importantly, I don't know exactly what you need for me to do so that you can love me. See? There's quite a bit that I don't know about you." "Once we're married though, I intend to find out all I can about those things."

"You know, the Chamber also showed me that you were telling me the truth all along." "My whole world is upside down now, but at least we're not insane."

Joren grinned at her. "So ... do you still think I'm insane?" "I would have gone insane if you hadn't agreed to marry me."

"No ... I don't either of us is insane," Kel smiled a little. "But it might have made things easier for us if we were. Joren, how are we going to explain all of this to anyone?" "Mithros! No one is going to believe us. They won't understand why we are together."

"I've been thinking about that," Joren said and he put his hand on Kel's shoulder to guide her toward the chapel door. "But first, you need to eat something. Let's go to my townhouse; the staff is always ready for my arrival and we can have a decent meal no matter what time it is."

Kel stopped in her tracks. "What about Aron? How much should we tell him for now?" "My poor friend has been out there waiting for us forever."

"Aron? Oh, right. I almost forgot he was out there." Joren rubbed the bridge of his nose. "He should come with us to the townhouse; there's plenty of room and I'm sure that he also must be hungry by now. I definitely think Aron needs to know that you're pregnant - not only because of your 'fever' but also because he may have to do more to help you with your commander duties. Aron is your second-in-command and he's been your primary healer for a while now. He really cares about you, too ... well, in more of a brotherly kind of way. I think we can trust him." "Besides, we already know he's very good at keeping secrets."

"I think you're right about this," Kel replied softly. "I just hope he'll take the news better than I did." "And I hope he doesn't try to kill you for doing this to me."

Joren had the same thought as Kel and he exclaimed, "Mithros! Aron just might want to kill me for this ... and he's just the first of many. Everyone - your family and friends, and all the people who look up to you - all of them are going to want to kill me. I'll have to hire bodyguards just so I can travel off of my own lands." "I am so dead! They're going to hate me more than they ever hated me before."

Kel reached across and put her hand over Joren's mouth. "That discussion will have to wait until later. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and it's too cold in here to think properly. Let's start slowly with Aron and go on from there." "Everyone and everything else will have to wait until after I've had a decent meal."

Joren reached out his hand to clasp Kel's hand, he opened the chapel door, and they walked out together.

At one bell before midnight on that incredibly long day, Joren and Kel stood in front of a sleepy-eyed, yellow-robed Mithran priest in a small chapel in the Great Temple of Mithros. They had bathed and changed into nicer clothes at Joren's house. Joren wore a black tunic with silver hose and a silver shirt. He wore his long hair pulled back into a silver clasp as usual. Kel wore the simple green dress that she had planned to wear while she visited her parents. Her short hair was still slightly damp from her bath. There was no maid to help her get dressed or fix her hair, so she felt somewhat plain next to Joren. Both of them were nervous, but they also were tired and just wanted to get started.

Kel and Joren presented their official papers of elopement to the priest, along with the standard monetary offering to the temple. Baron Piers and Lady Ilane of Mindelan stood behind their youngest daughter. Sir Aron of Aili stood behind Joren. They all participated in the traditional candle lighting ceremony, with Aron serving as Joren's 'family representative.' Joren turned to Kel, held both of her hands in his and pulled her just a little closer to him. Candlelight reflected from Kel's dreamy hazel eyes and she gazed into Joren's sparkling blue eyes.

Joren's gaze never wavered as he took a deep breath and began, "Lady Keladry of Mindelan, before Mighty Mithros and all the gods of the Divine Realms, I, Lord Joren of Stone Mountain, do solemnly swear to spend the rest of my life - however long that might be - learning to love, respect and cherish you in the ways that bring happiness and joy to your life. I shall forsake all others out of my respect for you. I shall be your husband and lord and our Houses shall be joined together for the benefit of our Realm. I humbly ask Mithros and the Great Mother Goddess to bless us our lands, our home and our bed with prosperity all our days. My life, my love, my sword and my shield are yours now and forever, my lady." "I love you, Kel, and I truly mean every single word."

Kel gasped softly. Baron Piers and Lady Ilane exchanged surprised glances with Aron. Joren had memorized the ancient words of one of the traditional Mithran wedding vows with which Kel was quite familiar, especially since she came from such a large family. Kel had heard those words, or at least ones very similar to them, at almost every one of her siblings' wedding ceremonies. Rarely did anyone memorize their wedding vows. Kel still remembered how painful it was to listen when her sister Adalia's husband stumbled through practically every line of the vows that he read at their wedding. Of course, Kel had to read her vows from the yellowed scroll, but she got through them without any stammering or stumbling. The fact that Joren had spoken every word to her sincerely, without notes or cues or anything, was astounding to Kel and everyone else.

Kel took a calming breath before she whispered the ancient response which sealed her to their vows. "So mote it be." "Oh my gods! We're married!"

"So mote it be." Joren's voice was clear and strong as he sealed himself to their vows. "Thank all the gods! We're married!"

Then they exchanged their hastily purchased rings and placed marigold garlands around each other's necks as tradition dictated. Joren quietly promised Kel that he would have proper rings made for them as soon as possible. The priest concluded the simple ceremony by blessing them both and declaring their marriage now to be unbreakable before Mithros. Then the wizened old priest nodded his encouragement for Joren to kiss Kel. Joren gladly complied by turning to Kel and giving her a short, sweet kiss.

Baron Piers and Lady Ilane both had tears in their eyes when they hugged Kel and welcomed Joren to their family. They had been shocked and dismayed when they received the late message requesting their presence at the temple that evening, but nothing could have prevented them from being there to support Kel. There was so much to discuss, but for now, they politely wished the newly married couple much joy and happiness. Finally, the weary group left the temple and made their way back to their houses. They all had agreed to meet for dinner at the Mindelan's townhouse the following evening. Joren and Kel would work on any other plans for their future after they had had a good night's rest.

Joren escorted Kel to the room in which she had prepared for their wedding and stopped at the door. A servant had put away all of Kel's belongings and had turned back the covers on the big bed. Kel looked at Joren questioningly.

"Is this ... where we'll ... sleep tonight?" She asked him. "Goddess help me! I don't know if I can go through with this now. I thought I could, but now..."

"This is where you will sleep tonight, love." Joren gazed into Kel's eyes and his thoughts were confirmed. "This has been such a long day for you - for all of us. You're exhausted and I want you to get some rest. You're not ready for anything more right now. Trust me, I'll know when you are ready, but until then ... these are adjoining rooms and I'll be waiting next door." "I cannot ... I will not ... sleep with 'ghosts' in our bed. Kel, I promise I will find a way to erase Dom from your body's memory, but I know it's not going to happen tonight."

Joren hugged Kel close to him and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. It was so hard for him to tear himself away from her warmth, but he forced himself to hold her at arms length and wished her good night. Then Joren smiled at Kel before he walked out and closed the door gently behind him. This was not how either of them had ever envisioned their wedding night would be.

Kel got undressed, put on her same old sleeping shirt and breeches, and climbed into the big bed. It felt so strange to know that she was actually married, especially since she was not sharing the same bed with her new husband on their wedding night. Her sisters would be horrified if they ever found out about it, but Kel was pretty sure she would never tell them. After she blew out the candle, she lay there in the darkness with her thoughts all whirling around inside her head. Kel twisted around the new ring on her finger and smiled when she remembered the way that Joren had recited his wedding vows to her. Joren really was full of surprises. She knew he was right about her not being ready for anything else tonight, but she also knew she was ready to stop being alone. Kel threw back the covers and padded over to the door that connected her room to Joren's room and gently knocked on the smooth wood. Joren came to the door immediately and asked Kel if something was wrong.

Kel had thought she had no more tears to cry after the long, long day, but she was wrong. Tears silently slipped down her cheeks as she looked into Joren's concerned eyes. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Joren." Kel placed her hand on Joren's solid chest. "Can you just ... hold me? This time ... I'll know it's you." "Joren ... I need you to help me forget Dom so I can be happy again. I want to be happy again."

As an answer, Joren closed the space between them and hugged her fiercely. Then he led her into his room and onto his bed, helped her get settled and held her through the rest of the night. That was all it took for Joren to begin to make Kel feel loved, respected, and cherished. The newlyweds - and parents-to-be - fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow they shared. They both slept soundly and deeply; neither of them had any dreams worth remembering that night.

Nearby, deep inside of Kel, the two little 'tadpoles' responded to the love that they sensed was growing between their parents. They were not yet big enough for Kel to feel their movements, but they were turning happy little flips in their warm, safe world.

A/N: I sincerely hope that was enough fluff for all you patient readers. I have written only a few more chapters, but I'm open to suggestions for continuing the story, or moving on to a sequel, or just moving on. Let me know what you think. Thanks!! :D