A.N. I'm sorry about the whole crushed Bella thing but things will become clearer with both Jasper and Bella.
Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. You are the best readers in the world :D
I would like to thank my close friends Crista and Claire and my two wonderful cousins Nicole and Shana for reading my fanfic and liking it :D
So enjoy :)
Disclaimer: I don't own The Twilight Saga. Don't make me say it again…please? Fine! I don't own Jasper either..happy?
P.S. Italics : Dream, Return to non-italics : After waking up
Chapter 15 : Help
Jasper's POV
The pain I was feeling was unbearable. Letting her go had been the hardest thing I had ever done. I had wanted to stay with her, to hold her and to forgive her. But that wouldn't be fair; she deserved to be with her lover. The child deserved it. Jacob deserved it. And it hurt me that they all deserved to be in the picture and I didn't.
Bella had made her choice and I wasn't going to be like Edward; I wasn't going to be the one to stop her. If she had wanted to be with Jacob she could have just told me, but then I guess after all of her sour experiences with Edward she had thought better of it. But it still hurt like hell.
My heart was broken and I still loved her with all that I had. And I knew instantly that I would never stop loving her; she was and would always be my all.
But now she had to move on with her life, and I couldn't have her with a clouded mind thinking I was the one when she had Jacob to take care of. The very sound of his name hurt me.
Alice called me the moment I left but I crushed my cell phone into tiny specks and watched as it flew with the wind. I held Bella's necklace in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut as tears rolled down my cheeks.
Bella's POV
Hours must have passed. My mind was blank. It was consumed with the pain flowing up from my broken heart and the gaping hole in my chest. I had been broken before.
I had been hurt and left and broken up with. I had been thrown into mirrors and I had jumped off a cliff into the water and bumped my head. I had felt alone and scared. I had felt like it was the end of the world. But nothing had hurt me as much as this was hurting me.
It was like the re-opening of a wound with a dagger slashing through my heart. He had not even given me a chance to explain. He had not even trusted me for one second. He had left me. I was all alone now with a child to carry but I would carry that child with the greatest amount of love I could afford to give; it was his child…the only part of Jasper I would have from now on.
He had taken my necklace; I was no longer a part of his family. He had mistrusted me so badly. I would have never cheated on him with Jacob or with anyone else. Didn't he know that he was my world? Didn't he know that I loved him only and that he would always be the centre of my world? Didn't he know that had I been a wolf, he would have been my imprint; that he was the only thing that was holding me to the surface of the earth?
I guess he didn't know. He didn't know I would have done anything possible or impossible for him or in order to be with him. He didn't know my love as much as I had thought. And he didn't love me enough to let me explain. He had claimed to love me unconditionally, but it was a lie. If he had loved me unconditionally, he wouldn't have left me regardless of the situation.
I knew I needed help but I wasn't going to ask for it. I would just stay here and live out my life alone. I wouldn't even go back home to Charlie; cause him unnecessary pain. I would miss him and Renee with all my heart, as I would miss my other family – the Cullens. But without Jasper, everything seemed to be too much to face. I hoped that Alice wasn't looking into my future; I didn't want to be a burden.
But I knew I needed help; I just wasn't worthy of it. This was all my fault. I hadn't been careful and to top it all I hadn't explained myself clearly enough for him. The pain that was engulfing my very soul was tearing me into pieces. I was afraid of the future but I was full of hatred; hatred towards myself and towards every fiber of my being.
My world had ended; I knew now. There was no light in my life except for the slight rays of hope coming from within me due to the presence of Jasper's child in my life. It was already dark when I felt myself being picked up into a pair of strong cold arms. I was either half asleep or half dead – I was not really sure of the situation.
"Jasper?" I mumbled.
He didn't reply. I must have dozed off to sleep. I dreamt.
His venom-coated teeth shine in the moonlight,
His golden, topaz eyes are filled with love,
His hair falls over his face,
those blonde curls in their usual disarray,
He's dangerous, but I love him anyway.
The bed I lay open is huge,
The covers a blood red, ironically enough,
He looks at me apologetically,
"I love you Bella," he says, "I love you sweet pea"
"I love you too Jasper, now do it; Change me.."
And he looks into my big brown eyes for one last time,
I'll know forever that he's mine,
He listens to my heartbeat just once more,
He stares as if he's never seen me before,
And then he bites me; his venom rushes in,
An adrenalin rush pumps underneath my skin…
I'm changing…
I wake up in a nightsweat, my face flushed,
My heart is beating rapidly inside my chest.
I look into the mirror to see my big brown eyes;
It was just a dream, a dream I realize.
And it dawns on me…
I'm still human.
And the tears roll down my cheeks, hot tears of fury,
Clear rivers filled with loneliness and pain.
He'll never change me…he's gone…oh Jasper.
I miss him and everything we could have become.
Nobody will replace him; he'll always be the one.
My heart beats slowly now, yet it's still beating,
My blush has been drained yet I've still blood,
'Bella, you're a human…you always will be,' I tell myself,
And the tears roll down my cheeks
As Edward strokes my face in the pale moonlight.
_
Hope you liked the surprise at the end :P I'm sorry it was such a long wait, but I was so anxious for my results this week that all I've done is write poetry. P.s. I passed to university :D yay! I have seen Eclipse twice at the cinema and love it :D Read and Review peeps :)