Hey guys. Here we are with a new episode of HTF jackass. Today, there's going to be more random stunts. Let's get to it.
"Hi, I'm Prickly Quills", said Prickly.
"I'm Twitchy", said Twitchy.
"Welcome to jackass", said Prickly.
The camera zoomed out to show Prickly and Twitchy standing on an old bridge with a stuffed dummy between them.
"This is 'dummy drop'", said Twitchy.
Prickly and Twitchy picked the dummy up, threw it off of the bridge and watched it fall directly infront of a passing car. The car ran over the dummy and slid to a stop. The driver, a generic tree friend, got out, bawling his eyes out.
"Oh my God! I ran over somebody!", he cried.
Prickly and Twitchy just started laughing.
The driver looked up at them and noticed the camera. He then picked up a rock and threw it at them.
Prickly hopped to the side and the rock missed him.
The driver flipped them off, got back into his car and laid rubber as he pulled away, dragging the dummy with him.
(fade to black, fade back in)
"Hi, I'm Disco Bear", said Disco Bear.
The camera zoomed out the reveal Disco Bear was lying, spead eagle, on a bed, wearing only his cheetah man-thong. [nice image, huh? *vomits*]
"And this is 'full body waxing'", he said.
Giggles spread hot wax through Disco Bear's thick chest hair. Petunia laid down the waxing strips, the part that you actually use to rip the hair off.
Giggles ripped one of the strips off Disco Bear's chest.
Disco Bear screamed in pain.
Petunia grabbed a strip on his stomach and said, "I'll do it on 'Three'. One... Two", and she ripped the strip off.
"OOOOklahoma!", Disco Bear cried.
Each person lined up to rip off some wax and cause Disco Bear pain.
Tux ripped a strip off of Disco Bear's inner thigh. Prickly took a strip from Disco Bear's chest hair and slowly ripped it off.
When Toby's turn came, he pulled on a pair of latex examination gloves. "Y'all might wanna look away", he said with a smirk. He then lifted Disco Bear's thong and spread wax in his pubes.
"Don't touch that!", Disco Bear yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?", he asked.
"If I was Petunia or Giggles, you wouldn't care. Just close your eyes and imagine I'm Petunia", Toby said with a smirk as he laid the waxing strip in the wax. [Yes, Toby the tarantula is Bi-sexual. So what?]
"This is really gonna hurt", said Disco Bear.
Toby grabbed the strip and ripped it off.
Disco Bear screamed in pain.
Toby looked at the strip and said, "Wow. It looks like I ripped a strip out of your afro".
"How do you feel?", Midnight asked.
"I think my balls are bleeding", said Disco Bear.
(fade to black, fade back in)
The gang is standing at the top of a big hill. They have a giant ball with them.
"Hi, I'm Prickly, and this is 'zorb jumping'", said Prickly. "What is zorbing?", he said, "It's pretty simple. You climb inside a giant inflatable ball and ride down a hill in it. I am going to ride this fucker down this hill, hit a ramp, and try to jump over a car".
"I really hope he makes it, because we're using my car", said Tux.
"Now", Prickly said, "Just so you guys at home can see how it looks, I'm wearing a helmet cam that is aimed at my head".
The view changes to that from the helmet cam.
Prickly looked into the camera, waved and said, "Hiiiiii". He then taped his quills down and squeezed into the ball.
Megan, Cherry, Ryder, Mimi, Meera, Nikolai, Demitri, Midnight and Twitchy all gathered behind the ball and gave it a mighty shove.
Prickly bounced around inside the ball as it rolled down the hill.
The ball hit the ramp squarely and was launched into the air. It sailed over Tux's car, barely missing the radio antenna.
When the ball landed, Prickly was thrown into the floor causing the tape holding his quills to break. He was then thrown into the side and his quills pierced the ball. The ball quickly deflated around him, effectively trapping him. Prickly whipped out his K-Bar commando knife and began cutting his way out.
Everyone ran down the hill to make sure he was ok.
As Prickly began to crawl out through the hole he had cut, Midnight called, "I can see the head, Mrs. Quills!".
"Did I make it?", Prickly asked as he staggered out of the ball's remains.
"You sure did", said Tux, "Didn't even touch the aerial!".
(fade to black, fade back in)
"Hi, I'm Prickly Quills, and this is 'roller disco truck", said Prickly. He was wearing a blue disco suit with matching roller skates and a red afro wig.
Toothy took one look at him and said, "Oh my God, that outfit is LOUD! This isn't Carnival. What the hell are you on?".
Prickly just ignored Toothy and said, "It's cut and dried, we're going to try to roller disco in the back of a truck while it's driving around. It's a surprise for Disco Bear because he was such a good sport about the full body waxing".
A few minutes later.
"It's just a little further", Petunia said to a blindfolded Disco Bear.
"Well, go ahead. Take the blindfold off", said Giggles.
Disco Bear took off the blindfold and his jaw hit the floor when he saw the decorations, the old stereo and the Disco ball hanging from the ceiling. He said, "Holy cow! You guys threw me a Disco party? Wow!".
"That's not all", said Midnight as she tossed Disco Bear a pair of roller skates.
"Roller Disco! I haven't been to a Roller Disco in years!", said Disco Bear.
"But wait!", said Mimi.
"There's more!", said Meera.
Prickly, Toby, Tux, Cuddles, Flippy, Handy, Russel and Twitchy jumped through the curtain that was hiding the entrance of the truck. All of them wearing Disco suits, matching skates and afro wigs.
Prickly struck a Disco pose and yelled, "DISCO'S COMIN' BACK, BABY!".
Midnight facepalmed as she closed the door.
"Oh yeah!", growled Disco Bear.
A few minutes later.
They were all Disco dancing to Electric Avenue when suddenly, the truck took off, Ryder behind the wheel.
The conga line that was going on in the back smashed into the door.
"WHAT THE HELL?", yelled Disco Bear as he tried to get up.
"NOT GROOVY!", yelled Handy as he rolled around on the floor, helpless.
Russel slammed into the wall as the truck turned. Flippy crashed into Russel. The Disco ball fell and landed on Cuddles' head. Twitchy fell and landed on Prickly's quills. Tux and Toby plowed into each other.
Ryder slammed on the brakes and everyone was thrown against the front wall of the truck.
When the dust cleared, almost everyone had managed to pry themselves apart, except for Toby and Tux.
Toby was still lying ontop of Tux. He looked him in the eyes and said, "This reminds me of all those nights in college".
"Oh, shut up!", Tux said, "I was only Bi-curious and I was a very heavy drinker".
"You know you liked it", said Toby.
Everyone took a half step away from them.
(fade to black, fade back in)
"Hi, I'm Lumpy and this is 'the police brutality trick'. Move the camera. Hide the camera", said Lumpy as he snuck up on a police officer. He said, "Excuse me, Officer. I lost my doggie over by the...", and grabbed the cop's gun. He then fired a shot through his own foot.
The cop, a generic tree, whipped out his tazer and shocked Lumpy in the lower back.
Lumpy dropped the gun and fell to the ground.
(fade to black, fade back in)
Prickly held up a pair of stilts and said, "Hi, I'm Prickly, and this is 'the stilt trick'".
A few minutes later.
Twitchy climbed up onto the stilts and was walking along, when all of a sudden, Prickly and Flippy hit him in the chest with baseball bats. Twitchy fell to the ground.
A few minutes later.
Prickly climbed onto the stilts and was walking along. "Doodley doodly do", he sang. Suddenly, Twitchy and Flippy hit him in the chest with baseball bats. Prickly fell to the ground and Twitchy hit him over the head, rendering him unconscious.
(fade to black, fade back in)
Prickly, who had a bandage around his head, held up a baseball bat and said, "I'm Prickly and this is 'the bat catcher challenge'. Ya catch a bat with your teeth for points". He then threw the bat at the crowd.
Nikolai jumped up to catch the bat in his teeth, but wasn't fast enough. The bat hit him square in the side of the head. He fell to the ground.
"Maybe this wasn't a good idea", said Prickly.
(fade to black, fade back in)
"I'm Disco Bear, and this is 'self-defense'", said Disco Bear as he started to showcase the self-defense items. "We have some tools here. We're gonna test them and see which is the best for consumer self-defense. We got... pepper spray... tazers... nun-chucks... bats...", he picked up a board with a nail driven through it, "Oh, Hell no", he said as he tossed it away.
A few minutes later.
"This is pepper spray", said Demitri as he help up the can.
Flippy had his head turned as he held Disco Bear.
"GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!", yelled Disco Bear.
Demitri sprayed him in the face.
Disco Bear screamed in pain, put his hands to his face and fell to the ground.
A few minutes later.
Nikolai, who had a black eye, held up the tazer and said, "This is the tazer".
Disco Bear wiped his eyes on his sleeve and said, "YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE MY BITCH!".
Nikolai quickly zapped Disco Bear in the stomach.
Disco Bear shook slightly, collapsed and laid still.
A few minutes later.
Disco Bear was drinking something out of a flask and said, "That's it for self-defense. I'm not gonna do anymore. The pepper spray was tough. The tazer hurt like a sonofabitch. I'm not goin' anywhere near the rest of this stuff. Fuck that".
Cuddles ran up behind him and wacked him over the head with a baseball bat.
(fade to black, fade back in)
Prickly smiled and said, "That's all for today, folks. I'm Prickly Quills, and this has been jackass. Goodnight".