Its been a while, I know. and in reality I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I dont know if I did Mad-eye justice or not. Tell me what you think?

I wish you knew

Twenty things Alastor Moody amost said and almost did, but didn't

1. As a small boy, he had not a single regret.
Excepting this- he was fourteen years old and had a choice between studying for his next Defense Against the Dark Arts exam or asking the most beautiful Gryffindor keeper out to Hogsmeade the following weekend.
He knew the second he left the common room that he should have asked her before the rest of the team came down for practice.

2. "For God's sake Potter, keep your eyes OPEN"
(Lily almost killed him when she heard that James was in the hospital. ("constant vigilance my hind end" were the young girl's exact words if he remembered correctly))

3. Caradoc Dearborn, Benjy Fenwick, Marlene McKinnon. He wishes there was something he could have done for them.
But he will never forgive himself for letting those two Prewitt boys out of his sight the night the decided they wanted to become heroes.

4. He almost asked Minerva for her hand, some forty or so years ago. Instead he went to hogsmeade.

5. He almost did it again ten years later- this time he went into the Aurors Academy instead

6. He still thinks he should have told Potter to make him secret keeper- if nothing else he has proven time and again that he won't break under pressure.

7. "Molly, your brothers were brave. They fought like heroes tonight…and unfortunately, we ended up losing them as heroes as well" –that was how it should have come out.
Instead, it came out like this—"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Weasley, Fabian and Gideon are dead…sorry…Alastor Moody"

8. Despite everything he ever said or did, he never, truly, believed that he would die in a battle.

9. With everything that was in him, he never wanted anything more than to be a father.

10. His greatest regret of all time was the thought that Harry almost died because he did not follow his own rules for a grand total of five minutes.

11. He was the one that had to tell Dora Tonks about Sirius.
He was the one that had to hold her as she cried about her cousin that she had just finally gotten to know.
He was the one that had to sit back and watch her vibrant personality fade during that time in '96.
He always wanted to be the first one to hug her when she and Lupin got married.

12. When Minerva married (though it only lasted a grand total of three years and forty-five days) he sat where her brother should have and watched as the love of his life married a muggle that couldn't even see how beautiful she was. He almost wished he had walked away.

13. He can't remember ever actually saying the word Voldemort.
Then he heard the almost fourteen year old Weasley girl mutter about it in her dreams.

14. Once, when the boy was younger, Alastor looked at Sirius Black and said to himself "that boy's going somewhere one of these days"
He never thought it'd be Azkaban

15. When he first agreed to teach at Hogwarts for the year of the Triwizard Tournament, he was actually quite excited.
He still wonders if fake him did a better job than he would have.

16. "I AM sorry"

17. He traveled all around the wizarding world, trying to hunt down "bad guys". He just never really saw the places that he went

18. He truly did love being an auror. Never more so than when a young and EXTREMELY clumsy young woman who never answered to anything other than 'Tonks" became a member of his team just before he retired.
He never told her, but she made him reconsider for a while. She made him want to stay.

19. He said the words "I do" three times in his life. They never seemed to mean anything more than that.
He really wishes they had.

20. That final night, his life truly did flash before his eyes. It was a total of three seconds, he thinks: Minerva smiling at him for the first time. Minerva waving goodbye after second year. Minerva hugging him when she saw him on the train third year. Minerva. Minerva. Minerva.
Tonks smiling and waving at him launching herself across the table the first time she saw him at Grimauld place. Tonks telling him that she finally met her cousin Sirius. Tonks sobbing uncontrollably when she found out Sirius was gone. Tonks. Tonks. Tonks.
The love of his life and the girl he wished were his daughter. And to him that was all that mattered.