It had just turned seven o'clock and Rachel had already felt like she had gone through a world wind of a day. Her plan was to have a shower and then bundle herself up in bed to enjoy some sleep. The only problem was that by the time she managed to tuck herself into bed and get settled for the night she couldn't switch her mind off. She kept thinking back to how she had said no to Finn. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. But now as she was lying in her bed, in her big empty house she couldn't help but look back in regret about her decision. For the past couple of weeks since her split with Finn she has felt so lonely. She only realised after the break-up how much time they actually spent together, and even when they weren't together they would spend the day texting and calling each other. To make matters worse her dads were gone away to visit relatives in Florida and they weren't going to back until after the New Year. Usually Rachel would go with them but she decided that she wanted to stay home with Finn this year. This decision was obviously made before the whole break up. Her dads had tried to book her on the flight with them but it was sold out. They did offer to stay at home, but she insisted they go. She thought it was a good idea at the time. It would give her time to mope and what girl doesn't need a good mope after a break- up? But now she could just add that decision to her regret pile too. She just wanted to be wanted and she couldn't help but think that her dads really weren't that pushed to bring her with them.
Her phone lit up on the nightstand and as she picked it up she held hope that it was Finn texting her trying to woo her over again. Unfortunately the message was just from one of the girls from her ballet class asking her if she had her pointe shoe. Rachel threw the phone back onto her nightstand and shoved her head under her pillow and let out a groan of frustration. She didn't know what she wanted anymore she was too fickle for her own good. She loves Finn and she knows that she probably always will. She figured that the old saying was true that if you let something go and it comes back to you, well then you were meant to have it. Well she had certainly been let go from Finn often enough to prove that she wanted him. The only problem was that he never proved that he wanted her. During the time that she was dating Jesse she gave Finn the chance to fight for her and he never really did. That's something else that's bothering her and why she's not too sure if she wants to take Finn back. He only ever seems to really actually want her when he can't have her.
He wanted her when he was dating Quinn. He had used Rachel during that time it was true but it was also a certainty that he did have feelings for her then. He didn't want to break up with Quinn to date Rachel because of the baby. But after the paternity of the father was discovered he didn't want to be with her. They were both free agents at the time and he had her he had her right there and he gave her up like it meant nothing to him, like she meant nothing to him. As soon as Rachel and Jesse began a relationship though he was all over her; telling her that she deserved someone better than Jesse and that he could treat her better. So after the break-up with Jesse she gave Finn a shot and look how that turned out. Crap!
Rachel realised though it wasn't just the last few weeks of the relationship that had been bad it had been rocky since they started back to school. He made her feel ugly and unwanted. He didn't treat her better than Jesse had like he promised he would. He was mean and kind of a bully at times. How could he let all those jocks push her into the lockers and laugh? Or agree with Santana, who was just a callous bitch? He cared too much about his reputation and didn't care enough about her. Rachel feared during the summer that their relationship would change as soon as they stepped back into the halls of McKinley and it turns out she was so right to worry.
The thing that bothered Rachel the most though was that Finn made her feel like a loser as if she was worthless. He was embarrassed of her and she felt he hid their relationship a lot of the time too. He was never open to kissing her in school or being affectionate during lunch, which Rachel use to just ignore and accept it, but now lying there with her head shoved under a pillow his flaws as a boyfriend just became more and more clearer. He was always really lovey- dovey with Quinn when they were dating and although Rachel would admit she had no real proof she was pretty sure that if Finn were to date Santana he would display her to the school and not ignore her.
The only thing was though Rachel did love him and she didn't hide her relationship and she was proud of him. That's what was so hard about all this. Yeah he made mistakes and if she were to take him back there would need to be some serious changes. He couldn't continue to be this cruel to her and still expect her to respect him, because it was obvious to her that he did not respect her.
Rachel pulled her head out from under the pillows and tried to make her mind concentrate on anything else other than Finn. After all she had her chance to take him back today and she had rejected him. Finn wasn't one to push for anything so she knew that the likely hood of him trying to win her back again was practically non-existent, and she definitely wasn't going to crawl back to him … no matter how much she wanted to at that moment in time. This afternoon she was so sure she was doing the right thing. It was after the talk with Kurt that her mind began to sway to different scenarios of her and Finn together again. Scenarios that left her clutching her aching chest.
She refused to cry again so she forced her mind to concentrate on math theroms, she was sure that would put her to sleep in no time and you know what? She was right. Her head was heavy on the pillow practically as soon as she began reciting the first therom and by the third she was dead to the world.
While Rachel had spent the rest of the afternoon crying over Finn and what was left of their relationship, Finn spent the day being pro-active with his mom. The first thing he did was put in a standing order at the flower shop around the corner from Rachel to deliver bouquets of tulips and bluebells to her house on each of the four days leading up to Christmas. Thanks to his moms credit card this part of his plan was relatively easy. He already knew what her favourite flowers were because during the summer her dad brought her home a bunch of them and she said that they were the most perfect flowers ever. His mom said sending the flowers was a good way of showing Rachel that he listened to her. Finn liked his moms reasoning behind this because he wanted to prove to Rachel that he did listen to her. Sure he use to tune her out a lot but if he got her back he swore he would listen to every little utterance of a sound that ever came out of her mouth.
The next thing he did was go out and buy a Christmas tree and decorations. He wanted to have a Christmas with Rachel he really did. So he went down to the local hardware store and bought a fake Christmas tree. Rachel seemed to prefer this type of tree because they were the ones she used in the auditorium that day that he was rude, hurtful and everything that he had no right to be. He could see now how much time and effort she had put into preparing that for him and all he could concentrate on was the fact that she didn't use real trees. Is he a jerk or what? He also realised after purchasing a fake Christmas tree that she spent a lot of money as well. For fuck sake were they really charging people two hundred dollars for a tree? What a rip. Rachel was totally worth it though. At least that's what he kept telling himself to force himself to part with the money he had saved up from his job at 'Sheets and Things.'
His next stop while he was out was to go out and buy Rachel a present that she would love. His mom offered to come and help but he wanted to do this part by himself. He wanted to prove that he could actually be a good boyfriend and pick something out that she would love. This task however was proving harder and harder by the second. Each store he went into seemed to have all these things that he was sure other girls would love like perfume and bath sets and other junk that some girls like. But Finn didn't want any of that. He loved the way Rachel smelt and he didn't want her to change. He also didn't want to buy her make-up because she was beautiful without it. Chocolates were out of the question because he was never too sure if she could eat them or not. He was pretty sure there was no animal in them but he bought her ice-cream before and she said she couldn't eat that and he was pretty sure at the time that there weren't animals in it. If he did get Rachel back he would have to get her to explain to him exactly what a vegan was because he wasn't sure.
Eventually after going into practically every shop that had that special he was looking for. It was a small little jewellers, but unlike the other jewellery shops he passed along the way this one had really beautiful pieces that seemed to focus on sentimentality as opposed to gaudiness. When Finn walked into the shop he immediately found exactly what he was looking for. It was a charm bracelet with a gold delicate chain. Some of the links were interwoven with each other and inside the interwoven parts of the chain were little hearts that said things like love and heart. Finn figured this was perfect because he loved her and she most certainly had his heart.
'Would you like to see it out of the case sir?' Finn looked up to see a man in his sixties on the other side of the counter in a waistcoat looking expectantly at him.
'Ah yeah um could I?
'Of course you may.' The man took the bracelet out of the case and showed it to Finn.
'Yeah I'd like to take it please.'
'Do you need any charms for it sir?' The man asked.
'Oh yeah I do.' Finn felt embarrassed that he nearly forgot that part of the present. He got side tracked on how perfect the present was for Rachel that he didn't even think of the charms.
'They're just over here sir. There are charms that double as frames if you're looking for something more sentimental. I can send the charm and a picture into to the photo shop next store and have the charm back in an hour if that would interest you also.'
'Thanks.' Finn took his time looking through the charms and picked out eight that he liked. He figured he could add to it any time he wanted if Rachel took him back. He tried to pick things that either represented Rachel or him and Rachel. He chose a star for obvious reasons. A flower because Rachel really seemed to like them and they were going to be stage one of his master plan. He decided to pick a treble clef charm because she loved music and he loved music and he knew that she would like it. The fourth charm he chose was of a pair of ballet slippers. Rachel was an amazing ballet dancer. She didn't know that he saw her dance before, but one time during the summer he was early picking her up from her ballet class and he sat and watched her dance. She really was breath taking. The next charm he chose was of a piano. Not a lot of people knew this but Rachel was an amazing pianist. She had confided in him that she even prefers playing piano to singing so he figured that was a safe bet too. He chose a charm of a pair of drumsticks. He knew that technically this referred more to him as a person rather than he and Rachel as a couple but he wanted Rachel to remember him when she wore it … if she wore it. The seventh charm was all Rachel though. It was a charm of a girl standing on a stage singing and you could see little hands applauding in front of the stage. This charm was to represent her dream and that he would support her. The last charm was something to represent the two of them; it was a frame charm in the shape of a heart. This charm was chosen because he wanted Rachel to know that she had his heart completely forever, no matter what. Even if she didn't forgive him and take him back, it would always be hers.
He brought the charms over to the stores salesman who already had to bracelet sitting in a red velvet box.
'I want to get these charms, and could you get a picture put into this one for me?' Finn asked showing the man which charms he had picked out.
'Certainly sir, do you have a picture with you?' The salesman asked while depositing the charms minus the frame charm into another jewellery box.
'Yeah um hold on a sec.' Finn reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed the picture of him and Rachel that he had in there. It was taken during the summer. Rachel was sitting on Finn's lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. Her eyes were closed and her head was leaning on his shoulder. Finn had his arms around Rachel's waist and he was kissing her forehead. Rachel didn't know that Finn had that picture in there. He liked to pull it out whenever he was missing her. It was beginning to get worn with how often he had pulled it out the last few days. He really hoped this would work because he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand holding a picture instead of holding her.
'Can I use this one please?' Finn asked handing the photo over to the man.
'Of course no problem, would you like to pay now or when you come back?'
'I'll pay now, while I have my wallet out if that's okay.' Finn said as he pulled out his laser card that was seriously starting to run low. Thank god his mom said she'd pay for the flowers.
'Okay so that's going to be one hundred and fifty-nine dollars and twenty two cents.' Finn couldn't help but notice that all of that cost less than that Christmas tree he bought.
'And here's your receipt sir. The charm should be ready in about an hour, so if you come back then I'll have it waiting for you.' The man said smiling at Finn.
'Thank you.' Finn turned around to leave the store but he was stopped in his tracks by the man calling him back.
'Sir?'
'Yeah?'
'She' s beautiful.' He held up the pictured and pointed to Rachel.
'I know…. She really is.' Finn couldn't help the smile that emerged on his face. He would have to tell Rachel he said that.
Finn walked out of the store only to return an hour later to collect the charm.
As he was lying in bed that night he couldn't help but think that maybe she'd take him back. That if she loved him even half as much as he loved her she'd have to take him back. Even though he knew didn't deserve her.
He'd just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
I am so sorry about the long wait. Christmas got the best of me. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Happy New Year. Just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, you're reviews mean so much thank you.
xx