shackles of Ambivalence
In everyone's lives, there always is this one single moment when one felt torn between two emotions. It may be love and hate for a particular individual, happiness and sorrow at a particular event that has serious repurcussions on the rest of one's life...anything and everything, so long as they are antithesis of each other, will suffice.
The feeling of having one's heart torn into two because of polarising emotions lacerates, and in extreme cases drives individuals to madness and craze.It was a wonderfully windy morning and Marisa had decided to sleep late. The encounter with that rogue of a human being named Rennac the other day had left her exhausted, both from the chase and from dealing with his sharp remarks.
She was wrapped up in her meager silk blankets like a little silk worm in its cocoon, and falling into a delightful dream where she sat in the cherry tree, unmarried and free, when her door burst open and slammed shut again with tremendous speed and a tremendous crash.
A heavy weight was uncomfortably flung upon her cocoon of blankets, and wrapped itself like a third skin around her.
"Marisa, you sleepy queen." Even without opening her eyes, she could recognize Joshua's cooing. "Wake up, it's nearly 9."
Annoyed, she resolutely shrugged him off her pile of blankets, encased herself tighter in the protective coat of silk and covered her head with the pillows. She was not going to wake up.
"Come on, my darling Marisa," he tried again, using a softer and even sweeter tone than before. The sugar crystals were practically dripping from his honeyed voice. "Rise and shine before I make you…"
His words had little effect on her. She would sleep when she wanted to and rise when she felt like it. Who was he to tell her what to do?
Then she felt something warm and wet against her ear, licking her earlobe gently in small circles. Unwillingly, she sighed. It did feel good, even if it was so wrong for her to be enjoying it. It might implant wrong ideas into his mind. And should anyone walk in, it would be utterly awkward for the both of them…
"Umm…Marisa?" Joshua's voice said again, sounding slightly further away from her ear than she thought it would be. The licking continued. His voice had a badly concealed snigger.
She opened her eyes finally, only to find herself staring face to face with a pair of light brown eyes resembling liquid caramel, followed by a long wet and pink tongue emerging from a ball of soft chocolate brown fur, which promptly gave her a full lick on her lips.
"Urgh!" She leapt from her bed as soon as she saw the ball of fluff. Grabbing her shamshir from her bedside table, she unsheathed the sword and pointed in at the moist black nose. "Get it away. Now."
The puppy, the soft little ball of brown fur, wagged its little tail in excitement as it attempt to launch itself out of Joshua's arms and catapult itself upon her.
"Aargh!" Swinging her shamshir high in the air, she prepared to bring it down, ending the existence of the cute ball of chocolate fur.
The puppy yelped. Joshua yelped. Joshua retracted his arms. She shrieked as she swung down the shamshir at full strength. The blade sliced through air and through two pillows. Threads were cut. Feathers flew. The room momentarily looked like it was snowing.
The puppy had long fainted in shock in Joshua's arms.
"Marisa!" Joshua yelled. "It's just a puppy!"
She stared at the ball of fur that had passed out and was now comfortably lying in a state of unconsciousness in Joshua's arms.
"I. Don't. Like. Puppies." She shuddered as she thought of the wet slobbering tongue massaging her ear a moment ago. "Annoying little whiny things…"
Joshua looked slightly crestfallen and just a little bit annoyed. "Fine," he sighed. "I was going to give it to you as a present, until you tried to kill it." He massaged the poor puppy's stomach gently. "Poor puppy, I might as well give you to Natasha. At least she has a kind heart…"
Natasha, Natasha and Natasha. Always Natasha. He and his Natasha.
"Fine!" She said icily. "Then get out and leave me alone! Go find your Natasha!" She threw the blankets over herself.
Joshua looked wide-eyed at her outburst. "Sheesh," he muttered. "So temperamental today…are you like…you know…at that time of the month?"
Scarcely had the words left his month he was rewarded with a forceful kick to his shin. "Oww!" He groaned, nearly dropping the puppy. "Oww…Lucky you missed…"
"Yeah," she said sarcastically. "Lucky I missed. Or else no more royal heirs of Jehanna."
No more heirs with blond hair and blue eyes.
Joshua visibly paled at her subtle threat. "Okay, okay," he placated, putting prone puppy on a chair far away from her. "Then would you like to follow me? Today my schedule is completely free until the evening so we can have a sparring match, and play spin the bottle again if you want to."
"Sparring yes," she said getting out of bed with great reluctance. "Spin the bottle. No." As Joshua opened his mouth to protest, she continued. "Do it at your own risk."
Joshua shut his mouth again. Wise choice. "Okay, then. No spin the bottle. Meet you in the garden at 9."
The moment she stepped into the garden, a flash of silver slashed towards her. She leapt out of harm's way, her shamshir out the next second.
"I'm impressed," he marveled. Turning his sword hilt rapidly in his hilt, he created a wheel of swords, sharp, deadly and fast, and advanced towards her. She frowned. It would be difficult to break this threat without getting herself hurt. If she thrust her sword into his attack, she would risk his sword giving her a nasty jab in the hand.
Moving her own shamshir in a similar fashion, she interlocked his sword with hers, creating another wheel of blades.
"Did I tell you?" Joshua grinned. He seemed completely relaxed in the face of the visible danger in his hands. "Loser will owe the winner a forfeit. Like in a bet." He noticed the doubtful expression on her face. "Otherwise we stop."
She nodded. As long as he put up a good fight, she would acquiesce his demands, as long as they were not too unreasonable.
Their swords had entangled in a mass of shimmering blades. Except from what they felt on their hands, it was almost impossible to know which sword was his and which was her shamshir.
A bead of sweat trickled down her forehead and dripped onto the grass from her chin. Similarly, she could see his brows knitted together in fierce concentration, droplets of sweat gathering on his nose.
Faster and faster they turned their swords…faster…faster…All they could see were two interlocking silver circles now. All they had to do was wait for the right moment…
…and pull. With a deft flick of her wrist, she retracted her shamshir from the silver circle, which had begun giving off sparks. With a terrible screeching sound, Joshua's sword slid against the blade of her shamshir and flew out of his hand, flying in a smooth arc.
The blade sunk into the earth, the force of its fall burying the sword nearly up to the hilt. Joshua attempted to retrieve his sword, but she stopped him by positioning the tip of her shamshir right above his chest.
"Checkmate," she said softly, a hint of satisfaction spreading across her face. It had been a bizarre sparring session, with the conventional swordplay discarded, but it had nonetheless been exhilarating. Earning a sweet victory over him fair and square was an added bonus.
He looked stunned for a moment before laughing. "Well, well," he mused. "The queen has overthrown the king and usurped the throne. Checkmate indeed…so what would you like me to do as my forfeit?"
She frowned, there was nothing as yet that she wanted from him, nothing tangible like a new wardrobe or a diamond necklace. But there was one thing that maybe he could give her…
"I want you to spar with me everyday," she said solemnly. "Beside the cherry tree in the garden at the back, we'll meet and sharpen our skills with each other's blade."
He shrugged. "I'm certainly okay with that. I'm sure we could work out a schedule that will give us some time to spend together everyday."
She nodded as she sheathed her sword. Turning she prepared to leave.
"Hey!" He sprang up from where he was still lying on the ground. "Leaving so fast? We just came in!"
She turned and glared at him. "Lunch is going to be served in half an hour. Don't tell me you are thinking of skipping?"
He waved his hand casually, dismissing her point. "I asked the chef to help us prepare a picnic. And as for mother, I have already informed her."
True to his words, an attendant came forth, carrying a silver tray with a heavy-looking bamboo basket covered by a square piece of white silk. "Your lunches, your highness." With a bow, the attendant placed the tray on the grass and left, leaving her alone with Joshua in the garden.
As she sat gingerly on the grass, he busied himself with emptying out the basket.
"We have…let's see…sandwiches," he said as he took out the food items (neatly wrapped in foil) and placed them on the tray. The basket he had long tossed carelessly away. "Noodles…mashed potatoes…a cherry tart and a nice bottle of lemonade." He said triumphantly as he surveyed the array of food before him.
"Cherry tart?" She bit into a sandwich and chewed slowly. Hmm…not bad for picnic food…The cherry tart sounded most promising amongst all the food.
"Mmhmm…" Joshua started on his noodles, making loud slurping noises as he ate. "Ahh…this is awesome…" He noticed her staring, sandwich forgotten in her hand, and he grinned. "Come on! We'll probably never get another chance like this again. Finally! I can slurp without Mother rapping my head with her chopsticks!" He gave her another grin before he dug in again. "I hope you aren't against my bad dining etiquette? I never did like all those antiquated rules and regulations." He took another loud slurp. "They are so restrictive and annoying…"
She chuckled. She felt exactly the same way.
Somehow, she felt as though this was the real him. Without all the stiff rules, the austerity in the air, the heavy demands placed on his shoulders, he seemed even more affable, sincere and real.
Deep down in her heart, she suddenly awoke to the fact that in truth, he was another person like just her, forced by circumstances into a place where he never did choose to be in, or want to be in. Perhaps, he was just as lonely as she was. Perhaps he longed for freedom just as much she did. Perhaps in the centre of everything, he was just another individual like her, drifting in life's current, looking for a lifeline, searching for their light.
The sudden awakening made her see the facet of him she had always ignored, and it helped her understand him.
And the more she understood him, the more comforting she found him to be.
"Is there food on my face?" Joshua pointed at his cheek, before waving his hand rapidly in front on her eyes. "Hey, Marisa? Why are you staring at me?"
His words jolted her out of her reverie. She had been gnawing on her chopsticks without even realizing it. "Oh, umm…nothing," she said hurriedly, feeling a warm blush creeping into her cheeks. It was embarrassing to be caught chewing on your utensils. It was very embarrassing to be caught staring vacantly. It was even more embarrassing to be caught staring vacantly at someone else's face.
If he found her behaviour peculiar, he did not voice it. "We have the cherry tart left," he said, unwrapping the cherry tart and sniffing it delicately. "And I must say, the chef's desserts are always so excellent and tempting." He handed her a silver knife. "Here," he continued generously. "You can have the first slice. Tell me whether it tastes as good as it looks and smells."
The fruity aroma of the sweet dessert was already flooding her olfactory sense, giving her unspoken but assured promises of a heavenly sensory treat. The knife made two clean cuts, and the dark wine-coloured juice dripped from the blade.
She lifted the piece of cherry tart daintily to her mouth. The moment the cherry tart reached its destination; her taste buds were instantly gifted with an overwhelming sense of pleasure. The pastry was of the right thickness, and of the right sweetness. The cherries, delightfully soft from cooking, were large and full in their ripeness. When she bit into them, the sugary juice ran over her lips, over tongue, down her throat, with just the correct feel of sour aftertaste that left a pleasant lingering taste in her mouth even after she had swallowed.
In spite of herself, she moaned. The cherry tart was surely a divine work of a master pastry artisan, and she was a mere mortal with the fortune to be on the receiving end of his talents. She felt as though she had propelled into sheer heaven, that purple empire where cherry trees heavy with succulent plump fruit adorned every corner.
Several crumbs on still stuck on her hand, and the cherry juice still stained her lips. Lifting her hands to her mouth, she licked the crumbs off with her tongue. "Joshua…" she said, flushed from the overwhelming experience that had left her breathless and craving for more. "You must try this…"
He was staring unblinking at her, the grin gone from his face. His eyes were no longer crimson, but instead bordered on maroon. It was her turn to lift her hand (the one that had just been cleaned of the divine crumbs) and wave it before his eyes. "Joshua? Are you-"
Her words were cut off but a pair of lips against hers. His tongue slowly made its way across her lips, licking the cherry juice slowly but sensually.
Her eyes wide open, she opened her mouth to protest. No sooner had her mouth opened by a tiny crack; his tongue had darted into her mouth. It ran across the inside of her mouth, back to her lips, back inside her mouth…He gave her no chance to reject him, exploiting her shocked state to the maximum. His tongue stroked her tongue gently, teasing her, sending little shivers down her spine.
Once the initial surprise wore off, the alarm bells in her head sounded shrilly, demanding for her to reject his advances, to pull away from him, to push him away from her. But her brain seemed to cease its control on her body, as she found herself responding gradually to his ministrations.
Finally, he pulled away, panting.
She was lying on the grass, while he had lifted himself off her. Both of them were breathing heavily, their breaths coming out in short puffs. A little fearfully, she touched her lips. They were warm from his mouth, and slightly swollen.
What did this mean for the both of them?
Slowly, she sat up. A million questions were racing through her mind. He sat next to her, not looking at her. The look on his face was one of utter seriousness, and if her intuition was accurate, he was just as shocked and disorientated as she was.
A tense silence descended between the two of them. Neither touched the cherry pie, which was still lying on the silver tray.
After much deliberation, she picked herself up with as much dignity as she muster, patted the grass from her robes and walked out of the garden.
What just happened?
With a heavy heart, she acknowledged that although Joshua was gracious and reassuring, at times his behaviour never ceased to frighten her.
What exactly just happened?
Author's Note:
Hehe. This was meant to be a nice short little chapter that was sweet. But in the end, fangirlism prevailed and turned it into a steamy chapter. Sorry, I'm a bit irrational now. JOSHUAMARISA FOREVER! *heart heart heart*
Sorry.
snowylavendermist