Hey everyone! Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzup? I'm writing this for my birthday, the 13th of Jan, and it's my gift to you guys for your pure, unadulterated awesomeness and patience. I'm not sure where this came from. It just came. And when it comes, it comes. You know? This might also be rated K++, there is no language to offend parents, but there is a large-ish neon hint.
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"You'd think that the Daily Prophet would have something better to do," said Ron, looking at the paper. It had been two years since Voldemort had been defeated. The Daily Prophet was, unfortunately, still going strong. It had, also unfortunately, maintained its extreme privacy invasion of one Mister Harry Potter. Rita Skeeter was, once again, working for them and they had reverted to their die-hard philosophy: when in doubt, make it up.
One of the headlines was particularly interesting. EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH HARRY POTTER. Ron wondered how many of those interviews Harry was aware of. It said that Harry's favourite song was a Muggle one called Smells Like Teen Spirit by a band called Nirvana. As far as Ron knew Harry wasn't into music, and despite the efforts of his Mum, had started avoiding Celestina Warbeck like the plague. Like the worst case of spattergroit ever.
Ron also knew that Harry didn't read much, unlike Hermione, so the fact that the Daily Prophet claimed to have discovered the name of his favourite book was highly unlikely. And even if he did Harry would not go for explicit romances. Well, Ron considered, maybe he would. Harry had a horrible life and a worse love situation. Maybe Harry would want to read really slushy love stories. But he would never, ever, e v e r... let the press know.
There had also been a personality test.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ANIMAL?
PYGMY PUFF (wrong, just wrong)
FOUR ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE IT? How you think of yourself
CUTE, FLUFFY, MANIC, PRETTY (what are they on?)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?
PURPLE (it's red and gold, you asked me this but did you listen, nooooooooo)
FOUR ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE IT? How other people think of you
SOFTNESS, INDECISIVE, ROYALTY, PASSION (where did that come from?)
WHAT'S THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
THE TALES OF BEEDLE THE BARD (Harry can't read Runes)
FOUR ADJECTIVES THAT DESCRIBE IT? How you feel about school
COOL, FUNNY, WEIRD, SADNESS (that must be the most accurate thing I've ever read on this thing)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE?
TOY STORY 2 (what?)
FOUR ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE IT? What you'll be like in thirty years
FUNNY, AWESOME, KID-ORIENTED, HILARIOUS (that is just uncreative, really)
Ron looked at the quiz. Harry has not, nor will he ever indulge the Prophet by taking part in a stupid personality test. They had totally destroyed Gwenog Jones' reputation after they had reported that her favourite animal was a kitten. She was known for being brutal and ruthless. After all, she was captain of the Holyhead Harpies, England's only all-female Quidditch team. She had to upkeep an illusion of viciousness.
Harry was not going to be happy. But at least it was just funny this time, instead of hurtful. Ron remembered back to his fourth and fifth years. Rita Skeeter had written total BS about Harry and Hermione. Ron was lucky that he escaped it. But this article was pretending to be perfectly serious. So now every witch or wizard in England would think that Harry's favourite animal was a pygmy puff. Joy.
...
My birthday gift to the world. I'm not sure about it, but I was reading Diary of A Wimpy Kid and this came to me. Weird the ways things work, eh? All for now.
Wow, the story is finally done. I really wanted to end it on a high note, you know? See you next story,
Katie