Lucki

"Okay so Lucki…How are you possibly in love with Hikaru?" Benji questioned popping an Oreo in her mouth.

I turned a deep red. "What are you even talking about?" I hid my embarrassment. She rolled her large eyes. "We all know you love him." Liv interjected. I shoved her slightly. "Not even…He's almost as conceded as…" I looked at Haruhi. "Suoh" a smug smile spread across my face.

She smirked and replied, "You got me there." It came out as a laugh. I suppose I was okay with coming here. It's….nice.

"Oh so, are you guys doing the talent show for school? It's supposed to be really…regal." Haruhi stated. Liv and Benji shrugged while I completely ignored the question. I hadn't done a performance since Dad had died when I was eight. We sang together… Played piano…Played guitar…Even the clarinet if I was feeling generous. That was when my hair was brown…

I smiled remembering those days. My mother loathed blonde hair, considering the first husband she had after Dad was a bleach blonde. He always stated how much he loved blonde hair and kept pressuring Mom to dye hers blonde… So when Mom married Kurt…I dyed mine blonde just to spite her. She instantly got what I was doing, and that triggered our first fight of her new marriage.

When Mom was with Dad though…

I was always so 'sweet' when Dad and Mom were together. It was our perfect family except we weren't a perfect family. We were broken, and still breaking. It was all just glass windows around us. They showed our smiles, but no one could hear our voices.

When I was eight years old, the day after my birthday, my Dad put a bullet through his skull. I hadn't known at first but Mom had told me when we were fighting while she was drunk (after her third divorce) that he did it because of me. I was fifteen and very impressionable when she said that…And that was when I decided to kill myself before college or sooner…Maybe even this year.

"So what about you Aiko? Are you doing any type of talent?" Liv asked with a friendly smile. Aiko shied from the question with a laugh. "I'm not in the least bit talented." She answered in her accent, which I was quite fond of.

Benji looked at me expectantly. "Uh…No." I laughed. "Why? A little birdie told me you were quite the singer." Liv chuckled. I wrinkled my nose curiously. "How could you possibly know that?"

She shrugged. "Kyouya looked up your 'history'."

"Of course he did." I groaned through my teeth. "Hey…Did you want it a secret or something?" Aiko spoke to me for the first time in this whole slumber party B.S.

I shook my head slowly. "It's not that. I just don't like that people have the ability to creep into my past without my consent."

That probably means he knows about…

"He's just got that creepy Kyouya power over us all." Liv laughed. Everyone laughed slightly. I turned toward the British brunette. "So what about you and Kaoru?"

Everyone looked at me slightly shocked, like I voiced their question exactly. Aiko didn't blush or show sign of caring. "I like him a lot I suppose."

"Leave it to the English to take the fun out of being nosey." Benji muttered. We all laughed briefly. Aiko smiled crookedly. "It doesn't matter anyway. He's only nice to me because he's a Host."

Haruhi and I shoved her. "He's in love with you!" Liv shouted. This made her blush. "That's a lie." She stated in a quiet yet personally annoyed voice. "No it's not. He's in the first stage of falling in love." Benji turned herself on the large queen sized bed to lie upside down.

"And that would be…?" Aiko laughed slightly. Liv sighed angrily. "First," She held up one finger. "Is puppy love." She held up another finger. "Second is denial or the childish 'I like you' phase." Liv held up a third finger. "And last is the love. The actual admittance and living in 'love'…which is where the three of us are at." Liv signaled to Haruhi, Benji, and herself. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't really care about any of that." I stated simply. "Love just isn't my thing."

They all, including Aiko, looked at me appalled.

"How is love 'not your thing'?" Haruhi tried to mock my voice. I shrugged. "I won't have time for that." I mumbled looking at my hands. "Why? What are you doing that's so time consuming?" Haruhi questioned.

"Nothing that concerns you." I snapped at her. Benji rolled her eyes while Liv went on defense. Haruhi just narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "Then you're dumb."

I looked at her aggravated. "No, I just see no reason to waste my time."

"Just stop this act for a second Lucki." Haruhi let out an exasperated laugh. This time I went on defense. "There's no act. I'm not falling in love so stop." I spat.

Haruhi clicked her tongue in thought. The rest of the girls inched away… Probably wanting to do this from the start. "You know you're gonna be a bitter cat lady? People aren't gonna talk to you because you won't let them into your little self defense bubble. You'll grow old and alone if you keep this up Lucki… So just stop."

Well she got half of that right. I would always be alone. Whether I liked it or not, loneliness was inevitable.

"Whatever, I don't even know why I came here." I grunted, reaching for my things. "No, Lucki don't. Come on you two it's just a stupid fight. Let's move on." Liv tried to calm me down. "I don't care because you know what? She's absolutely right! I'm gonna be alone for my whole life!"

Benji grabbed my wrist through all of my several bracelets.

She tried to keep me from struggling, but in one brief moment she stopped to look down slowly. Her mouth opened a little as she looked at my face in disbelief.

I pressed my lips into a firm line to keep from crying.

Everyone was staring now in confusion. Benji let a few tears slip out while her mouth hung open. "Lucki…"

I shook my hand free. "Just drop it." I bit back a sob. I always get emotional when someone see's my wrists. It's not like I cut myself all the time. But when I do…I cut deep.

"W-What's going on?" Aiko got nervous upon seeing Benji's tears. Benji shook her head. "You…are the biggest idiot I have ever known." She hissed.

"Stop." I was back on defense. "No! You cannot be serious Lucki."

I turned and left, knowing I'd be found out by everyone by tomorrow. "Why are doing this?" Benji was at my heels. "It's not your problem." I shouted. I heard multiple footsteps, implying that the rest of the group was following.

"You're killing yourself Lucki! Do you not see the seriousness in this?"

I stopped, taking in a deep tearful breath. "I know… I do." I turned to face her…them.

"But it's my life let me do with it what I please." I ordered. It wasn't until I looked at my feet that I knew I was trembling. Benji huffed angrily. "That's right! It is your life. Live it the best way you can!" She shouted.

"Will someone please explain?" Liv asked from a distance.

Benji crossed her arms. "Tell them Lucki."

I shook my head. "I didn't even want to tell you. What makes you think I should tell them?" I spat.

I heard a feint laugh from the back of her throat.

"She's been trying to kill herself." Benji grabbed my wrist and moved the several bracelets. "Look." She ordered.

They did as Benji commanded and checked my wrists. I heard a gasp, an "oh my god", and another deep throated grunt.

"Just stop!" I pulled my arm away and began to walk home tears forming fresh in my eyes.

"Lucki!" Liv called out. This time…I just kept walking while I still had my pride.

It was good feeling…nothing.

Because when you feel nothing, the world is seen with such clarity. If you think long and hard about it, when you're happy, you see the best things in life, when you're sad, you see the worst. To feel neither happy, sad, envious, joyous (which when you think about it, is only a glorified word for happy) or fear, the world seems so much more…real.

I thought of that for some reason as I stood on the rail of my balcony. An excitement filled me as I thought of feeling nothing. It was silly. But I wanted to know what it felt like. I sighed shakily.

My eyes closed and memory after memory flashed before me. My Dad and I, performing my music, singing with Mom and Dad as a family, Dad's funeral, Mom's several marriages, coming to Japan, meeting the Host Club, meeting the Hitachiin's, meeting Hikaru…

I pulled my eyelids apart quickly. "No time for second guessing." I said quietly.

A smile spread across my face as I recalled teasing Hikaru and Kaoru. They were nice people but…I don't want to know them anymore. My thoughts faded into silence.

With no regrets, I let myself fall. Farther and farther down I went. How long it felt to fall through the air.

A loud scream was heard until I fell gracefully into nothing.

Hikaru

I honestly didn't know Lucki too well. We were barely good friends. She's just a resident my Mom took in recently. We'd only known each other for a week…

So why am I so upset?

We all sat in the hospital waiting to see if Lucki was okay. I was sitting by the front door of our house when she fell.

Though when we arrived, I was told that it was more likely that she jumped. Liv, Benji, Haruhi, and Aiko had told me of that.

At first I hadn't believed it.

"Look at her wrists." Benji sobbed.

So when I looked, I had been nothing short of shocked to see several deep cuts.

She had been suicidal this whole time…And I was blind.

I truly felt like an idiot. Why had I not thought anything of her attitude and sudden mood swings?

"Sir?" The elderly male doctor walked out of her room, which I had been asked to leave about two hours ago, though I hadn't left from the door.

I looked at him hopefully. "She lost a lot of blood. If you hadn't come when you did….Well she might've…" He obviously saw the fear on my face so he dare not continue.

"Right this way." He guided me into her room.

She looked so peaceful…So right. Everything about her was calm and showed no sign of any issues. "She has three fractured fingers and a broken pinky toe, so let's just mark this down as a miracle." The white haired man smiled. I nodded.

"I'll give you some time." And with that, he was gone.

There was silence, and I felt like a creep watching her sleep like this. "How are you doing this to me?" My voice wasn't the least bit strong. It was broken and cracked. Like a sobbing child's.

"What could've been so bad?" I sat in a white plastic chair beside her bed. "'Was it…me?"

The thought made me instantly hate myself…It really was odd.

She could make me hate myself. I thought Kaoru was the only person with that ability.

"I guess it's true." I chuckled, running a hand through my ginger hair. "But how…? It's only been a week." I smiled knowing that was enough time. I laughed slightly once more thinking that it took me at least a month to fall for Haruhi…and now just like that I'm over her. I suppose it wasn't love that I felt for the wide eyed brunette…and maybe Tamaki was better for her…

"You know I'm not letting you pull this again." I held a smile as I leaned to kiss her forehead. It lasted longer than I intended though I couldn't find the strength to pull away immediately.

And when I did…

"You're gonna make me seem wrong in front of Haruhi you know." She was smiling lightly. I could feel my mind literally spinning. It was the most comfortable feeling ever. And when I realized I wasn't dreaming, I found my voice.

"What are you talking about?"

She lifted her arm and smoothed out my hair, letting her fingers curl and rest behind my ear. A warm smile fell across her face. "It's nothing…Just something Haruhi said tonight."

I finally remembered that we were in a hospital. "Exactly what were you thinking?!" I shouted.

Her expression fell. "Please don't yell." It was a flat yet desperate plea.

"I know it was dumb just…can we talk about it later?" She shut her eyes. I shook my head though I knew I was defeated.

"I was…really scared you know." I tried to contain my anger for her sake…Yet another thing I was bad at. She smiled again, this time it was bright and generally pleased. "Thanks…" Her eyes opened.

We sat in blank silence waiting for everyone else to come in from the waiting room. I however, couldn't keep my eyes from her face. There was just something really distracting about her face. It was a really beautiful face…

Lucki turned to look at me again. "Hikaru I-"

What she planned to say I'll never know. I captured her mouth to mine fiercely. She squeaked in surprise, but I assumed it was the good kind of surprise…

After a few seconds, Lucki relaxed and draped her arms around my neck. I latched mine around her back. We stayed that way for what seemed like hours until…

"Huh… I knew she didn't like the cat lady idea." I heard Haruhi's voice state quietly.

Who's excited?

ME! :D

Okay I think that when generally well…. Except for Lucki trying to kill herself of course ;)

And the Beta situation…That's being taken care of as I speak though I'm working on my own for now.

And p.s. I'm really sorry about the slow updates, my ideas for this whole story just keep falling apart so I've been spreading out my options and I think I have a solid plan :P

So here's your little update for now

And NOW to wrap up this bit of nonsense

I'm ~*AAWAFDD*~ and I remember so you don't have to!