I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

Author's Note: Yes, Edward is broken, cruel, and manipulative man. This remains, however, a story about redemption.

Chapter 4: There Are Always Consequences

"No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold , I am here with my mold
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no."

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

~OT~

I left the photographs out where I could see them. Like a man who had found religion, I wanted the pain that my penance brought me. I prostrated myself on the altar of things lost. I whipped myself in the name of what might have been. What better way to suffer for what I was and what I had done than to see the proof of my greatest sin?

Even as I writhed in the grip of my newfound devotion, I couldn't help but wonder why I was suddenly thinking of her. Months, perhaps years, had passed since her big brown eyes had occupied my thoughts. It had been a lifetime since I had imagined her warm lips pressed to mine, the sound of my name leaving her lips on a whisper. For a brief time, a shining and fleeting season, I had belonged to her. And she had been mine.

Then I had tossed her away, and with her I had disposed of all that was good and worthy within me. I wondered if my parents regretted letting me be so cruel now, or if they couldn't see what was right in front of their eyes.

Emmett saw. Emmett knew. And hated me for it.

I had thought that she was purged from my inner sanctum. I had given up guilt years ago, and Bella along with it. Bella equated with guilt and shame and all of those useless feelings that held me back. All of the more noble emotions and actions had been casualties of my new life, and I was okay with that. I had paid the price knowingly and willingly.

It had taken only a pair of eyes similar to hers looking up at me from my pillow, the scent of sex heavy in the air and the floor littered with condoms, to resurrect that which I had buried. Bella. Bella. Bella. She was the center around which my thoughts orbited. I remembered every shitty thing I had said to her, the shattered look in her eyes when I had turned away from her as if she was a stranger.

What had I done that night? How might things have been different if I hadn't been such an incomprehensible ass?

I'd never know. Because when she had walked away, when I had pushed her away, everything that made sense in my life left with her. Everything good and decent had disappeared in an instant. I could see quite clearly that my destruction had started with that. Or rather, my self-destruction.

Her eyes mocked me from various vantage points. Her apparent contentment in her small, hellish world tore me into tiny pieces. How could she be happy without me? I had known when I left her that I was breaking her, and the dark part of me found some joy in thinking that pieces could never be put together again.

Yet there she was, defying my efforts.

Whole…happy…with him.

A small, locked away part of me knew that my jealousy and rage was wrong. But I had given myself up to the darkness, so I nursed my grievances and stared at her pictures with growing hatred and an increasing sense of self-pity.

There was only one thing left to do.

I must banish the ghosts. I needed to see that she still loved me, that she still missed me. I needed to see that pain in her eyes, and only then would I be appeased.

I wanted Bella to bleed for me. I wanted to suck her life dry of the joy she had dared to find without me.

She had found some measure of happiness, but I knew that could only be because my memory, the memory of what we had shared had finally faded. I could rip away that false serenity, remind her of the hold I still had on her. I would.

And when I saw the pain bloom afresh in her eyes, then I would leave her again. She would no longer haunt me; she could no longer mock me with her small, cheap joys.

I could go back to my darkness, content in the knowledge that I had broken her again.

My Bella…my beautifully broken Bella.

~OT~

I had all of her information. It was so easy really. Too easy? Perhaps. But I had never seen the value in working hard for something. Why bother when it could come easily? To work up my courage (though why I should feel afraid I did not understand), I had found a girl with the brown eyes. For now, she would stand in as Bella's substitute, and I would control her, make her bend to my will.

She was pathetically eager to please. The more outrageous my suggestions grew, the more determined she was to please me. When even my most depraved orders were obeyed with hesitation or question, I grew tired of her. It was boring and mindless and no more satisfying than jerking off in the shower.

Finally, I just had her kneel before me and I fucked her mouth, disregarding the sounds of her distress as I shoved my cock down her throat. This was Bella's mouth around me now, Bella's lips that were swollen and red, Bella's breasts heaving with her gasping breaths.

Bella. Bella. Bella.

I came with a shout and she collapsed.

Beautifully broken indeed.

I nudged her. She gave a deep shuddering breath. Alive. Just passed out. How convenient.

Then I dismissed the woman from my thoughts. She no longer existed.

I came to a decision, began plotting my campaign to break my Bella. Like a military coup, I could not reclaim my power until my enemy was broken and defeated. I would call her first. She was still my Bella until I said otherwise. I conveniently forgot turning away from her that night. If that didn't say "We're over" then I wasn't sure what would. But I found myself wanting to taunt her…to see if I could rouse up the ghost of the old Bella who had loved me so unconditionally. I wanted to hurt her. I needed it; I wanted to share my pain.

I wanted to let the anticipation of her coming misery build. I would warn her. And she would know that she was still mine, whether I wanted her or not.

Somehow, I sensed that by hurting her, I would feel less. I was lancing a wound. So I dialed the numbers that would allow me to slip inside her defenses and bring the walls come tumbling down.

A man answered.

Funny, I hadn't expected that. Jacob Black was a cardboard cut out in my mind. He was tattered and torn and useless. I consoled myself with the thought that the explosion had stolen his ability to fuck my Bella. I had no idea if that was true, but that was what I told myself. He was half a man…literally. I laughed at the thought when my musings were at their darkest.

I savored his misery. And hers.

"Hello?" he said.

I stared at the phone for a moment, suddenly unsure. I cleared my throat. "Uh…is Bella there?"

"Yeah, sure," he said agreeably. Idiot. "Hey, Bells! Call for you!" I wondered if he would sound so casual if knew I was going to be destroying his crappy little stolen life in a few moments.

Her voice came over the line and it was just as I remembered it…sweet and slightly husky.

I hated it.

I hated her.

Oh how I wished that was true.

"Bella?" It felt good to say her name; I touched my lips, liking the feel of it there. It was dark and sweet and slightly bitter. I licked my lips and remembered the taste of her.

"Yes?" She sounded confused. I wondered how that could be. Surely she remembered my voice. It would haunt her dreams at night, saying all the things I had never said because I left her. The sound of her name coming from me should be enough.

"Bella, it's Edward," I said. I waited for her reaction. Would she faint? Cry? Beg me to take her back? Yes, that was the most likely scenario. She had married that Black fellow because she had been trying to move on. But a broken Marine was no substitute. She would realize that by now. That would give me my in, my ticket. Like the Trojan Horse, I would be inside the gates before she ever realized her danger.

"Edward?" She still sounded confused and it infuriated me.

"Yes, Edward Cullen." The one who got away, sweetheart.

"What do you want?" I had expected anger, had wanted it. But her voice was curiously flat – almost as if she didn't…care. She sounded resigned…tired.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing." In all my wildest imaginings, I had not thought she would ask such a simple and mundane question. So I had no answer.

"I'm going to hang up now," Bella said softly, patiently like someone talking to a child who just doesn't quite get it. "I'm not really sure what sick game you're playing, but you can count me out."

And with that, I heard a dial tone.

I stared at the phone.

What the hell had just happened?

~OT~

Two days later there was a banging on my door.

I opened the door and saw my brother's face…a split second before his fist connected with my jaw. I fell back on my butt and stared up at him.

"What…the…fuck?"

"You leave Bella alone!" He was standing over me, his fists clenched at his sides, breathing heavily. I'd never seen him look more intimidating or pissed off, and with Emmett that was saying something.

"What?" How the hell did he know?

"I said…Leave. Bella. Alone."

"That's none of your business" I snapped, getting to my feet.

"Wrong answer," Emmett snarled. And his fist popped up again before I could even blink. I was back on my ass and stunned as shit. "She's no longer your business." He curled his lip at me. "You gave up any rights to fuck with her life when you pretended you didn't know her."

I gaped at him. How did he know this shit? Once more I got to my feet, eyeing him warily. Where the fuck had my brother gone? He was my blood; shouldn't his loyalties be to me?

"What?" Emmett said with a sneer. "Did you think no one knew what an asshole you were to her?"

"I-"

"Oh, save it," he hissed. "I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses."

"Emmett-"

"Listen, Edward, I know you think you're better than everyone else. And that's fine. I don't give a shit. You have to live with yourself and that's punishment enough as far as I'm concerned. But you need to leave Bella and her family alone. They've got enough bullshit to deal with already. You don't need to try and fuck things up any more."

"Do you mind telling me how you know so much about Bella Swan?" I asked, rubbing my jaw. Fuck, Emmett could hit hard. And he had, holding nothing back. It was perhaps the most exchange between us in years, those punches.

"Bella Black," he emphasized. "And I know so much because not all of us can throw people away like they were garbage."

Ouch. That hurt, mostly because it was so true. I flinched and turned away. I savored the little agony. Yes, there it was. A burn, a cut, a sting. Hello darkness my old friend…

"I've been in touch with Bella since just before you pulled your little stunt in Seattle. I even got her the tickets for the show. I tried to tell her that you weren't worth her time, but you know Bella." He shook his head in reluctant admiration, mixed with frustration at her stubbornness. I could appreciate both sentiments. Oh yes, I knew Bella. Or I had.

He shoved past me and went into my kitchen where he got a beer. Leaning against the counter, Emmett stared at me with distaste as I followed him. "I've always liked Bella, and just because you were an ass didn't mean I wanted her out of my life."

"Did you fuck her?" Before I even finished asking the question I knew it was the wrong thing to say. Emmett's eyes narrowed.

"I ought to beat your ass again for even saying something like that, but it's nothing less than I expect from you." He shook his head. "You always were a whiny little self-entitled bastard. You haven't improved with age," he added darkly. "God, you're such a shit. I'm surprised that Mom and Dad still talk to you."

"You don't," I reminded him, and that was true for all intents and purposes. But I didn't care. Did I?

"For good reason," Emmett replied quietly. "You think I don't know how you treated Bella?" He snorted. "I'm not as oblivious as the rest of them seem to be."

"I-"

"You know what? I'm really sick of the sound of your voice, Edward," Emmett said in a soft, lethal tone. "So why don't you just shut the fuck up for a minute and listen. For once in your fucking miserable life, you need to realize that this isn't about you. There are other people in the world and they deserve to be happy too. Not everyone wants to ride the Edward Cullen express to destruction." He gave me a look full of pity and disdain. "A year and a half ago, I went to Bella when Jake was hurt. Do you even know what happened to him? A fucking roadside bomb in Iraq. Almost killed him. It was touch and go for a while and then all that fucking rehab. He's still not done. Hell, he'll never be done with getting better. It's a fucking life sentence. But he's making progress."

"You went to her?" I was as shocked by this but I could see the absolute truth of it in his eyes. Emmett had gone east and become a nurse, a career choice for which I had given him no end of shit – when we were still talking to each other. I had felt ashamed of him; ashamed of saying my brother was a nurse. Now, for the first time, I wondered if he had been ashamed to say I was his brother, too.

The thought was more painful than I would have supposed.

"I was there with her at her father's funeral," Emmett told me. "Someone had to be." Bitterness dripped from every syllable.

I could do nothing more than stare at the stranger who had once been my big brother.

"And later, I met Jake and I knew that they'd hit it off, that Jake was one of the good guys and she deserved someone like him." Emmett shrugged. "So I introduced them and it clicked. He loves her, Edward. So much, even more than himself. Watching the two of them together, it…" He shook his head. "What they've got is real, Edward. They're in it forever, no matter what. That baby girl? She's their lives, man. She the fucking center of their universe. They've faced more in the few years they've been married than most people face their whole lives. It's just made them stronger." He closed his eyes briefly. "Seeing them…it makes me think that maybe love is real and maybe one day… Well, maybe I'll find it too."

I felt my heart constrict in my chest and for a moment I wondered if the feeling would kill me. Only if I was lucky…

Emmett sighed. "Just leave them alone, Edward. If you've ever been human and capable of decency, just leave them alone." His voice was quiet now, resigned and exhausted.

"But I-"

"I?" Emmett snapped. "That's always who it's about, isn't it, Edward? It's always about Edward Cullen because no one else exists in the whole fucking world." He took a step closer, shoving his face into mine. "Let me tell you one thing, little brother. If Bella ever tells me you've bothered them again, I'll ruin that pretty face you're so fucking proud of and smile while I do it." His lips stretched into an ugly grin. "And that is something you can count on, Edward." He poked me in the chest. "So just try it…just try it once and you'll fucking realize that you can't get away with everything just because you're Edward fucking Cullen." He sneered at me. "There are consequences, Edward. There are always consequences."

With that, he turned and walked away.