Amazing Grace- A House/NCIS story
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything House related except DVDs. Ryan is mine, though.
AN. Some people may not like the Gibbs/Cameron bonding I have going on. Well, I like it- so tough. It works well.
Also, ooh, drama. I'm tempted not to update for a really long time to keep you all in suspense. Cameron obviously likes Tony, he likes her, House doesn't like that... who will she end up with?
Chapter nine:
Cameron didn't know where she was going, just knew she had to be alone. So she was surprised to find herself on the hospital roof. The second she got through the door, she collapsed against the wall and burst into tears, sinking down to the floor. She couldn't believe House had said that to her, on today of all days. She felt as though Fate was punishing her for first forgetting the day, and then agreeing to go on a date on that same day.
She couldn't seem to stop the flow of tears from coming, and it didn't help it was windy and cold on the roof, and her long sleeved top was not that warm, so she shivered slightly. She didn't know how long she was up there before she heard footsteps.
Expecting House, she froze, not looking up; but then a coat was wrapped around her shoulders, and she glanced up warily to find Gibbs staring at her in concern.
"It's kinda chilly up here," he said after a moment, crouching next to her and stretching his legs out.
Cameron nodded in agreement and pulled the coat around her tighter. "Yeah. I pick sucky hiding places."
He fell silent as she attempted to stop her tears and took a shaky breath. "Sorry."
"What for?" he asked her.
Cameron hesitated, then shook her head. "I don't know."
Gibbs smiled slightly. "So, having a bad day?"
She snorted. "Yeah." She hesitated, but on an impulse, decided to tell him.
"When I was in college... it was only six months after my high school boyfriend and I broke up. We ended on great terms, because he was going back to Ireland to live and we decided not to try long-distance. And I was miserable. I believed that I was never going to fall in love again, and I was going to die alone."
"Like most people would," Gibbs said.
Cameron nodded. "Yeah. And then... I met Dan. He was handsome, funny, smart and wonderful and we started dating. Six weeks later, he sits me down and tells me we have to break up. Not because he wants to, not because of anything I did, but because he was dying."
Gibbs turned his head to look at her in surprise. "Dying?"
"He had thyroid cancer, and it spread to his brain. The doctors had given him a year, and he didn't want me to watch him die."
"And you didn't leave?" Gibbs guessed.
Cameron smiled slightly, remembering and shook her head. "No. Instead, I told him I loved him, and five months later, we were married. Six months later, he died and I was a twenty-one year old widow."
She sighed and wiped away fresh tears. "Seven years ago today, we were married. And I promised to love and cherish him for all of my days. I held his hand for the next six months, telling him I loved him, I cherished him, and would always remember him. Every wedding anniversary we should have celebrated, I've spent the day remembering him. And today, I got up, made coffee, read the paper, before I even remembered. And if that wasn't horrible enough, then I agree to go on a date with Tony."
"DiNozzo wouldn't be my first choice either," Gibbs replied seriously, extracting a sad smile and chuckle from the immunologist.
"That wasn't my point."
"I know," he assured her gently. "I also know what you're point was. You're scared of forgetting him."
Off her startled glance which proved him right, it was Gibbs' turn to sigh sadly. "I've been married four times. The last three ended in divorce. My first wife, Shannon... was murdered by a Mexican drug dealer, fifteen years ago. Her, along with our daughter, Kelly."
Cameron gasped in horror. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry."
Gibbs nodded in acknowledgement of her dismay and continued quietly. "I never remembered anniversaries, even when they were alive. I've also never forgotten the anniversary of their deaths."
"Me either," Cameron said softly.
"And you never will. But all those other dates, they're the ones it's okay not to remember every year. Each day, it hurts a little less and you'll never stop thinking about them, never stop missing them. But you can't stop living."
Cameron shook her head, more tears beginning to form. "But I feel so guilty."
"Did Dan ever ask you not to move on with your life?" Gibbs asked her.
Cameron was stunned at the idea. "No, of course not."
"Did he tell you that you would fall in love again?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"Did he ask you to be happy?"
"Yes."
"Then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Moving on is hard, but you have to. What would Dan do if he came up here and you were crying over him?"
Cameron smiled at the image and giggled. "He'd hug me, and tell me I deserve every happiness in the world," she answered.
"And you do. You'll get it too. Whether it's with DiNozzo or someone else," Gibb's assured her.
Cameron nodded, biting her lip and smiled a genuine smile at Gibbs. "Thank you."
He stood up, and offered her a hand, pulling her to her feet. "You're welcome."
"I'm sorry about Shannon and Kelly," she said gently.
He smiled at her faintly. "Thanks. If I shut myself away every year, Shannon would have slapped me, and told me to get on with it. I'm not going to do that to you, but I understand what you're going through."
Cameron laughed slightly, but suddenly choked on a sudden sob. Gibbs hesitated, but wrapped his arms around her in a reassuring hug, and she wept out the last of her tears on his shoulder.
A loud, sudden very fake cough interrupted their silent grieving, and Cameron pulled back to see House standing about two metres away.
"Sorry to interrupt," House said, in fake apology.
"What do you want House?" Cameron asked her boss icily.
House didn't pick up on her tone, but Gibbs did and he watched in expectation.
"Wilson ordered me to make sure you weren't off cutting your wrists somewhere or jumping off the roof. Though luckily, it seems Agent Gibbs got here just in time," he continued pointedly.
"I mean, I knew you liked for the older men, but personally, I'd be worried about being in a rut. Tell me Agent Gibbs, what's your damage? She's got a radar that picks up these things a mile off. Let's see, there was me; Chase and his father issues... I'm guessing DiNozzo's a bit of a womaniser. Hey! When you're finished up here, McGee looks like he was a high school misfit, and then Wilson... well, Wilson's got enough damage to last a year or two. You could be Mrs. James Wilson the... fourth? Fifth? I promise one hell of a wedding present, as long as Chase doesn't come-"
"Stop!" Cameron snapped angrily. She was shaking, this time with anger, not cold and she stepped forward, handing Gibb's jacket back to him, before slapping House around the face.
"I get it, I really do, that the universe is supposed to revolve around you," she said furiously. "And I get that it's simpler for you to assume I'm going to spend the rest of my life pining after you. But guess what House? I'm not. I am not going to spend my days waiting for you. Because you know what? I sure as hell don't know why I was ever attracted to you in the first place. No matter how brilliant you are, no matter that you stand for what's right, when it comes down to it, you're a coward."
House took a step back in surprise at her outburst. She took a step forward and went on. "I know you loved and trusted Stacy, and then she destroyed your life, I get that you have issues with your dad. But I don't give a damn. That does not give you an excuse to treat me like crap. Because I gave up the love of my life because it was the right thing to do at the time. Then I watched my husband die right in front of me. I planned a wedding I didn't get to enjoy because I knew I'd be celebrating our one-year anniversary alone, knowing we'd never have children together. When I met you, I thought why not, have one last chance at being happy. And you rejected me. And you crushed me. I accepted that. It hurt like hell, but I accepted that. But don't you dare expect me to hang around, until you decide you want what you passed up. I'm done waiting, House."
With that, she stalked past him and down the stairs, leaving House and Gibbs alone. Gibbs stepped up to House and glared at him. "Losing someone you love is never easy. It doesn't hurt any less if they're alive or dead. But moving on after you've lost someone, finding the courage to love again, is the bravest thing you can do. You feel guilty enough without people judging you."
Then he too left, leaving House alone to think. Cameron calmed down as she made her way off the roof. By the time she was reaching the Diagnostics department, she was almost calm. When she entered, it was empty, save for Tony.
"Hey," he said, smiling at her.
"Hi," Cameron replied sheepishly. She sat down next to him and sighed. "So, when are you leaving?"
"Next week," he replied. "They've got a donor, transplant scheduled for tomorrow, and then a few days recovery."
She nodded distractedly. "I don't suppose your head wouldn't mind waiting until tomorrow night for that steak, do you?"
Seeing him raise an eyebrow, she hastened to explain. "I've had a crappy day. When it comes down to it, today is my wedding anniversary. And I feel bad enough without going on a date on today of all days."
He grinned reassuringly. "No worries. Ziva and Abby told me about your husband. I think you're allowed to be miserable today. And while misery loves company, not so much the steak."
She smiled shyly. "Ok. Thanks."
"Forget it." They both looked up as the others entered the room, looking worried.
"Are you okay?" Foreman asked her, rushing over to embrace her, Chase and Wilson close behind.
She nodded, then winced. "I'm better now. But I think there's a chance I could be fired."
Wilson's eyes widened. "What? Why?"
"Well, I don't think it's appropriate to slap my boss around the face and scream abuse at him."
Chase laughed. "I think it is."
"He deserved anything you dished out to him," Foreman reassured her.
Abby spoke up hesitantly. "I don't know much about these things, but I think tonight is a chick flick and ice cream night."
Cameron laughed. "Yeah, I agree. Ziva?"
"Extra chocolate," she replied.
The three women collected their things as Gibbs and House entered the office. Cameron led the girls out of the room, mouthing her thanks to Gibbs as she passed, who nodded subtly.
House ignored them all, and shut himself in his office, to reflect on Cameron's words once more.