A/N: This fic was written for the LJ community metamorphicmoon Advent Challenge. The prompts I was presented with were Mistletoe and Pyjamas as well as a general invitation to compose your own wizarding Christmas carol. The latter two can be found in the follow up to this which I shall post in the near future. For now, here's the first part.

Mistletoe by Jess Pallas

Oh sweet Merlin. I do not believe I just did that.

The library was, thankfully, deserted. The last thing Remus Lupin needed in that moment was company.

A convenient desk loomed. Flinging himself almost absently into the chair that lingered beside it, Remus plunged his head into his hands.

The look on her face, the wide hurt eyes he had glimpsed as he fled up the stairs… It was not what he'd expected. A shrug, a laugh, profound relief – that was what her face should have told him. That was what her features should have shown.

Not shock. Not hurt. Not disappointment.

She couldn't be thinking…. She couldn't feel, surely she wouldn't….

Would she?

The door creaked. Clicked. Opened.

Please not her, please not her, please not…

"All right Moony, I'm only going to ask this once. What in Merlin's name was that all about?"

Correction. Please not her or Sirius…

But it was too late.

Remus heard the door to the library close firmly, heard footsteps that logic dictated could only belong to Sirius crossing the floor, felt the looming presence of his oldest friend hovering just behind him. But Remus did not raise his head. He continued to stare deeply into the blurred and darkened palms of his own hands, the secrets of his life, if those who practised palmistry were to be believed. What would those lines have to say about this?

"Go away, Padfoot." His voice was embarrassingly muffled. Remus didn't much care.

"No chance." There was an alarmingly steely note to Sirius' voice. Remus heard the twisting scrape of a chair being dragged across the room and deposited with a thud behind him. "Talk."

Oh sweet Merlin. He's settling in….

Remus liked Sirius. He really did. But when Sirius settled in, he really settled. He could remember his old friend waiting outside of the Prefects Bathroom for seven hours just to find out whether Lily and James had made up after a truly epic fight. The fact that he had had to wait seven hours while they occupied themselves within should have been answer enough.

Yes. He liked Sirius. But there were times when he wished that he could just wave his wand and make the sod disappear into nothingness.

"Why is this an issue?" There was a plaintive note to his own voice that made him want to wince. He could almost feel the slow spread of Sirius' grin just out of sight.

"I don't know, mate," he drawled almost cheerfully. "I'm not the one who bolted like a spooked hippogriff at the sight of a piece of mistletoe. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the one hiding in the library with my face in my hands."

There was only one thing he could reasonably say to that. "Bugger off."

"Language. What if Molly heard you?"

Remus risked the parting of two fingers as he allowed one eyeball to peer out in search of his friend.

Smirking. I knew it.

Git.

"So." Sirius leaned forward almost conversationally. "Tonks, huh?"

He could feel the blush run rampant down his cheeks, washing them with too revealing colour – alarmed, Remus hurriedly tightened his hands across his face in a desperate attempt to stem, or at least hide, the surging flush.

"I was doing her a favour," he managed. I was. I really was. It was relief I saw on her face. Not hurt. Relief. How could it be anything else?

"By bolting the room rather than give her a little peak on the lips? Moony, yet again your skill with the female of the species astounds me."

Remus resisted a powerful urge to raise his head and glare. "She didn't want to kiss me." That's true, it must be true, how can anything else be true? "I was saving her the embarrassment of having to go through with it to spare my feelings."

Sirius gave an undignified snort. "Have you been using legilimancy on the poor girl?"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

He could feel his old friend leaning closer, the looming presence closing in. "Then how do you know what she wants? How do you know she hasn't been dreaming of being caught under the mistletoe with you?"

Remus didn't answer. He didn't trust himself. All the obvious reasons danced before his eyes, his age, his poverty, his condition, her youth, her vibrancy, her brightness, but he knew that Sirius would pounce upon each and every one and ruthlessly rip it to shreds without a single thought for the consequences. And that wasn't fair. They were valid concerns and…

"Ahhhhhaaa….." Dear Gods, that was an annoying noise. Remus was beginning to understand why it was that James had always hurled the nearest random item in Padfoot's direction when he'd made such a sound in regards to Lily. "I see. What we have here is a classic Moony insecurity attack." The sigh that followed was vaguely nostalgic. "It's just like being back in sixth year, watching you sit in a corner, turn beetroot red and hide every time Felisha Hathaway walked by…"

Now that was below the belt. Remus raised his flushed face from the safety of his hands in one swift movement. "Don't you have a bedpost to scent-mark?"

Lifting his head was a mistake. One look at Sirius' face was enough to tell him that. The grin spread to epic proportions within seconds of spying the scarlet of his cheeks.

"I knew it." Sirius' eyes gleamed. "You do like her!"

Remus wished vainly for the dark sanctuary of his palms. "Of course I like her. She's a friend."

"As more than a friend."

"That's absurd."

The grin stretched, impossibly, still further. "Your lips say no, but your blush say yes, yes, yes!"

Remus fixed him with the steeliest glare he could muster. "Dear Gods, you're annoying."

Sirius beamed. "Yep."

"You are asking for the hexing of a lifetime. You do know that?"

"Indeed I do." The beaming grin melted into smirkdom once more. "But it's for your own good."

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "That's right, because flushing my dignity down the toilet by pursuing a girl who was born while I was at studying at Hogwarts will do me the power of good."

Sirius appeared to stifle the urge to roll his eyes only with great difficulty. "Moony, get down those stairs, get under that mistletoe and kiss that girl until her lips fall off. Or am I going to have to hex you?"

It was Remus' turn to snort. "And watch her bolt screaming into the night? No thanks. I'd like to keep what little self-respect I have left for the time being."

This time there was no halting the roll of eyes. "She likes you too, you idiot! Did you even catch the remotest glimpse of the look on her face when you bolted? She was devastated."

Wide dark eyes brimming over with hurt, the pained crease of her brow, the slightest downwards curl of her usually up-curved lips…

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm not." Sirius caught his gaze and held it, his eyes suddenly serious. "Oh she tried to laugh it off and went back into the parlour to muck about with the kids but I could see her heart wasn't in it and the look on Molly's face said she could see it too. Do you want her up here lecturing you on your love life?" Remus' fearful shudder was answer enough. "Tonks' face lit up like a Christmas tree when the twins pounced the pair of you in the doorway with that mistletoe," Sirius pressed on "And you snuffed all that light out the moment you turned away. Make it up to her."

"But…"

"No buts. No excuses. Go and kiss her."

"Sirius…"

"You like her. She likes you. Kiss her."

"I don't want…"

"You ruddy do!"

"You're not listening!" The eruption from Remus was abrupt and came as a surprise even to him. But he knew as well in the silence that followed, as Sirius stared at him in wide-eyed shock; he did like her. And to judge by the disappointed hurt of her expression - for that was what it had been, whatever he tried to tell himself - she did like him. But to kiss her here, now, in the parlour of Grimmauld Place with the twins waving mistletoe and the kids making gagging sounds while Sirius smirked and Molly beamed…

"Not like this." The words came out softly, all but a breath of air, but the look on Sirius' face said that he'd caught them clearly. He faced his old friend with sudden resolution.

"Yes, I like her," he admitted softly. "I really like her. And that's why I couldn't kiss her under that mistletoe. I do want to kiss her, Sirius. Almost more than anything, I want to take her in my arms and kiss her for the rest of my life." He took a deep breath, struggling to articulate feelings he had barely admitted even to himself. "But I want it to be special. The first time my lips touch hers, if they are ever destined to… I want it to be just the two of us, a private kiss that we'll never forget, not some forced snog with half the Order looking on and whistling." He regarded Sirius solemnly. "Because I want her to know what she means to me. I want her to know I mean it."

Sirius' smile was soft. "Good. But tell her that, Moony. Don't let her think you don't want to at all or it'll never happen. Don't let her think you don't care."

"I will." Remus tried to ignore the odd cocktail of plunging terror and utter elation that seemed to be battling over taking his breath away. "I'll explain everything. As soon as I can get her alone."

A hint of smirk slunk back across Sirius' face. "She's staying here tonight, you know," he remarked with sudden faux casualness. "She told Andromeda she'd be out with mates tonight but now she's afraid her persistent mum will check up. Apparently my dear cousin is desperate to drag her poor daughter to some mince pie party as part of a continual campaign to hook her up with Jolyon Sneed from Which Broomstick magazine. I am however reliably informed by my younger dear cousin that she'd sooner hug an acromantula than listening to that man blather on about twig lines and polish." He gazed innocently upwards. "I gave her that little room opposite yours. If you waited until the kids and Molly are in bed…"

"That would be the room with the oh-so romantic stuffed vulture in it?"

"You wanted it to be memorable."

Remus glared again but without much actual feeling. "We'll see. But don't expect anything, Padfoot. And if I catch you hovering at the door, I'll kill you."

"Quickly?"

"Lingering."

"Ah." Sirius nodded with mock regret. "Probably not worth it then."

"I'd say not."

Sirius rose slowly, brushing down his robes. "Then that's sorted. Are you coming down or are you going to hide up here like a coward until bed time?"

Remus shrugged, trying to conceal that fact that his treacherous mind was still screaming at him to come to his senses and back out of this foolishly before it was too late. "The latter. I need to think."

Sirius raised a cynical eyebrow. "If you talk yourself out of this, I'll kill you."

"Quickly?"

"Lingering."

"Understood. I shall take that into consideration."

"Moony…"

Remus met his old friend's eyes once more. "I just need to get used to this, Padfoot. Please."

Slowly, softly Sirius nodded. And then he smiled.

"Good luck mate," he said quietly. And then he turned, opened the door and left Remus alone with his thoughts.

Gleaming, vibrant, ever-changing hair. Dark, rich eyes. A cheeky smile, a glorious laugh.

Hurt eyes. Not relieved. Hurt. Disappointed.

She wanted me to kiss her.

Could he do this? Could they?

"Thanks," Remus replied softly to no one at all. "I think I'll need it."