Amazing Grace- A House/NCIS story

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything House related except DVDs. Ryan is mine, though.

AN. If you've read anything else I've posted, you may note I love writing the drama... yes I do. I could so write for soap operas!

Chapter eighteen:

It was a quiet Monday morning in early November. Cameron and House, who were shy of celebrating their six month anniversary, slept in that morning enjoying a rare day off, and the relaxation they felt after a particularly hard case at work. The patient had actually died, which was rare, and Cameron especially, felt the blow of the loss. The clock read eleven-thirty before she got up, feeling deadened, and she picked up the paper off the porch on her way to the kitchen, glancing at the front page.

House blearily stumbled into the room ten minutes later, popping a Vicodin as he poured a mug of coffee and switched on the TV.

"Ooh, SpongeBob," he said happily, sitting down. He was waiting for Cameron to make some comment about his inner child, as she always did, but she made no reply. Puzzled, he glanced over to her where she was sitting on the couch, and his brow furrowed in confusion as he saw her face was pale and her body clenched as she stared at the page she was reading.

"Ally? Allison, what is it?" he asked, moving over to read over her shoulder.

"'Novak sentenced to ten years for rape and assault'" he read the headline. He skimmed the story briefly. Aaron Novak, a Arizona police man had been imprisoned in New York, for assaulting and raping his girlfriend for the past five years. She had finally left him, with their son, and reported him to police, despite his threats to kill her if she did so. He glanced at the picture, a shot of the couple in happy times. She was pretty, with similar features to Cameron, except her hair was longer and dark, the way Cameron's used to be.

"Do you know her?" he asked his girlfriend.

Cameron was startled, but shook her head. "No... no, I don't."

House was still confused. "Okay, then."

He knew Cameron hated those stories, but he had never seen her so pale before and she was still tense. Gently, he pried the paper out of her hands, and smoothed her hair back.

"Why don't you go have a bubble bath?" he suggested. "It'll help you relax."

Cameron nodded faintly. "Ok, sure."

When she had left the room, House re-read the story, but couldn't think why Cameron had reacted the way she did. She was in the bath for over an hour, and when she finally emerged, she looked slightly calmer, but she was still strangely distant.

"Ally? That story really freaked you out, didn't it? Why?" House asked her finally.

Cameron hesitated, but sighed and gestured for him to sit beside her. "Ok, what I'm about to tell you, you cannot freak out over, understood?"

House nodded, mystified. "Done. What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "Dan was hospitalised about two months before he died. He wasn't happy about it, but he was just so sick and we couldn't afford private home care. And I worked nights, so I could spent all day at the hospital with him. And Dan's best friend, Joe would come by after work... we'd go for walks and talk about everything, then I'd go to work and Joe would stay with Dan."

House nodded, not having any idea what this had to do with Novak.

"And... I fell in love with him."

House was startled by her admission and she saw him start to talk, so she stopped him. "Greg, please? Let me say this. I don't think I really was in love with him, but I depended on him to let me be weak, because I was trying to be strong in front of Dan. After, after he died... I felt so guilty. I never acted on my feelings for Joe, but I knew they were there. So, I threw myself into studying and working... until I landed the internship at the Mayo Clinic.

I didn't really know anyone is Arizona, and I was homesick and I had never really grieved for Dan, because I'd convinced myself I didn't need to because I knew he was dying. One night, I'd had a really bad day at the hospital, and was miserable and upset... I ended up in a bar and I met Aaron."

"Aaron?" House frowned slightly. She nodded to the paper on the coffee table. "Novak."

"Oh," he said strangely.

Cameron took another deep breath and continued. "It didn't last long, but we started dating. After two months, I ended it. Because he hit me."

"What?" House exclaimed angrily, jumping up.

Cameron pulled him back down. "Greg, sit. Yes, he hit me and I got out. I never wanted to see him again."

"But?" House asked her warily, knowing there was more.

"But... he tried to apologise-repeatedly and started calling, writing letters, sending flowers, coming by to visit, trying to get me to take him back."

"Did you?" House demanded.
"No!" she cried, outraged at the thought. "Of course not!"

"Sorry. So what happened?"

Cameron winced, picturing her boyfriend's reaction. "Well, one night, he was drunk and he broke into my apartment."

House's heart stopped. "And?" he hesitantly pressed, fearing the answer.

"And he then beat me and raped me," Cameron confirmed his worst fears.

House couldn't believe it. "You were raped? How did I not know this?" he demanded. "I've checked your medical records!"

"I had it pulled," she admitted quietly.

House, outraged rose from the couch and began to pace the living room. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Cameron shrugged. "I don't know. Greg, it's not a big deal!"

He stopped and stared at her in wonder. "Not a big deal? You were raped!"

"Yeah, I know. I was there!" she retorted. "Greg, I've done the counselling thing, I've moved past it. I just didn't expect to see his face in the paper, telling me he's done the same thing to another woman!"

"You should have told me," he said furiously. "And not just when we started dating, when you started working here. God, Allison, we've treated rape patients!"

"I know," she said coldly. "Being raped didn't affect my memory."

He simply shot her a look, suggesting he was not amused. She sighed heavily, and reached out for his hand.

"Greg, once you tell people all you become is a victim. One my superiors actually restricted me to desk work when I told him, because he assumed I was too fragile to deal with patients. It is hard enough being a widow before you reach twenty-five, without becoming a rape victim along with it." She gave a small shrug while staring up at him imploringly. "Now you know how I was damaged. Does that explain everything?"

House was still angry, and seeing her act so casually about it all, just made him angrier. "No!" In truth, some pieces were falling in to place in light of this new revelation, but his anger overruled it.

"You can't fully get over something like that! It affects your whole life!"

"It does! Some nights, if I read a book, or see a movie, or anything that reminds me of it, I still dream about it! But I am not going to let him control my life and my actions!"

"Yeah, well passing out over the paper is the way to show him!" House said sarcastically and Cameron glared at him.

"It was a shock to see him in the paper, okay? Not my fault. What are you so upset about anyway?"

House was indignant. "Because I just found out you were raped! And you only told me after he was in the paper for getting arrested! I'm your boyfriend, we're living together, I think I should know these things!"

Cameron fumed. "No, you just like knowing everything. From the very first time we met, when you interviewed me, you were trying to analyse me, pick me apart. If I didn't want the chance to work with you so bad, I would have left that interview and never gone back. You want to know everything about me, House? Where do you want to start? How I lost my virginity at seventeen to Ryan when he took me to Ireland for Christmas? How by the time we graduated high school, we had our entire life together planned? Or when we broke up, and I was diagnosed with depression? How about the time that I almost drowned at the lake when I was fourteen during a midnight swim with my brothers and sisters?"

A small voice in House's head starting ringing alarm bells, signalling that they were getting angry and some of those stories he'd really love to hear about; but he ignored it. Cameron looked at him with tears in her eyes, and a pleading tone in her voice.

"Greg, you can't know everything about a person."

"Ryan knows everything about you, doesn't he?"

"Not everything," Cameron said realistically. "It's impossible to know everything."

"You can know everything important. Like getting raped!"

Cameron shook her head. "How can you say that, when I hardly know anything about your life before I worked for you! For God's sake Greg, you haven't even told your parents we're dating, let alone living together! You hate talking about your past! The way you tell it, you just sprung out of the earth as a college freshman!"

"They're two completely different scenarios!" House protested, part of him knowing she was right. "They are, and you know the important stuff! My leg, Stacy... the drugs. You know the most important thing of all is that I love you!"

Normally, under other circumstances, Cameron would have been thrilled that he had told her he loved her on a regular day; but now, she was beyond hearing the words and the emotion behind them. She was too busy concentrating on trying not to cry and she stood up and stared out the front window.

"The reason there's so much I haven't told you, is because it would take a full day of talking to get through it all, and it drains me," she said quietly, not turning around.

"That.... and the fact that... I guess, a part of me is afraid... that if I give you everything... you'll take it all and give nothing back. And I'll have nothing," she whispered.

House inhaled sharply at her admission and sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I can't give you everything Ryan could. Everything you want, everything you deserve. The suburban lifestyle with the happy husband and 2.5 kids or whatever... it's not in me."

Cameron was stunned as she whirled around to face him. "I've never said I wanted that," she argued. "And you say you know me, which means you should know that I don't lie in bed next to you, picturing the life I could have had with Ryan!"

House did, but he said nothing. "You can't assume that you know what I want, and use it as an excuse to leave!"

"Whoa, who said anything about leaving?" House said in amazement.

"When we got together, you promised me you wouldn't hurt me and that we'd be fine as long as we talked to one another!"

"We are talking, and I'm telling you that I can't be Mr. America, with the storybook lifestyle," House retorted, still stung by her comment about leaving.

Cameron shook her head, wiping away a stray tear. "No, we're happy. And for some reason that you won't talk to me about, being happy scares you. So, this is you panicking and looking for a way out."

"You knew what I was like when we started this," House accused. "And I'm not changing! Stacy couldn't, so there's no point in you even trying."

Cameron looked as though he'd slapped her. He knew bringing up Stacy was a low blow, but it had just slipped out. "I'm not Stacy, Greg." She whispered. "I've never asked you to change. Not once!"

"I know," House admitted. "But I'm not Ryan."

She wondered where that had come from, as she fought to answer. "I don't want you to be Ryan. If I wanted to be with Ryan, I'd be in Ireland. I love you! You said the fact that I still love him and am in touch with him wasn't going to be a problem. If you're insecure, I'm sorry, that's your problem. I love you, and I'm happy with you. You have to trust me on that," she begged.

House sighed sadly. "I do. I'd trust you with my life. I- I'm just not sure I trust myself not to be the person that finally breaks you."

Cameron felt as though she couldn't breathe. Determined not to break down just yet, she made herself turn around and head to the bedroom. House didn't follow her, and she pulled a bag from the closet and began to pack. House couldn't believe his eyes, when Cameron emerged from the bedroom with a bag and headed out to her car. Panicking, he followed her onto the front porch.

"Where are you going?" he asked her.

Cameron hesitated. "I need space. I need to think."

"Ok. Where are you going?" he repeated.

"I don't know."

"Will you let me know?"

"Why?" she asked wearily.

"So I don't picture you lying in a ditch somewhere!" he said furiously, and she nodded.

"Fine. I'll call."

House stood on the porch and watched as she drove away. When he could no longer see her car and was only watching the spot where she had been, her words "I need some space" ringing in his ears; he turned and slowly went inside. Shuddering at how quiet and empty the house suddenly seemed, he picked up the phone and dialled a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"I need to talk to you."

"House?" Wilson asked, confused. "Why? Where's Cameron?"

"Not here."

Wilson realised what must have happened. "Dammit, House. What did you do? Actually don't answer that. I'm on my way."

House hung up silently, and sank onto the couch. He spotted the newspaper, still lying innocently open on the coffee table, Novak's smiling face grinning up at him, and for the first time, he noticed the similarities between the girl and Cameron, and what they meant.

"Damn!" he swore, throwing the paper into the corner of the room, and waited for Wilson to arrive.

Cameron was only a block away from the house before she had to pull over in tears. This morning had seemed like it would be such a peaceful day, until she opened the newspaper. The ironic thing was, if someone asked her, she couldn't tell what they had been fighting about. He had been freaked out by her admission, she realised that, and she knew he loved her. But when he had told her that he couldn't trust himself not to hurt her, after he'd promised, she had to get out.

When she finally stopped crying, she sighed and thought about where she would go. To go to any of her colleagues' homes would be too obvious if he decided to come after her; and she knew if she turned up at one of her sibling's or parent's home, they'd make a big deal of everything. That, in Cameron's mind, left two options. Dublin or Washington. While she had a sudden urge to see Ryan, Washington was a lot closer and cheaper. Besides, hadn't Ziva and Abby told her only three months ago she was to come visit?

Her decision made, she started the car, and made her way to Newark Airport; where she bought a ticket on the next plane to Washington.