Brave New World.
I stare down at the two bags resting at my feet, at the state of the battered leather, at the state of my shabby robe hem and wonder, for the five hundredth time that morning, if I can really do this. They all know now, after all, every one of them, from youngest child, to near adult, they will all see me and they will know exactly what I am. Even those who weren't about when Severus so considerately exposed my condition during my last tenure would be aware of it from the newspaper reports, the screaming tirades by Umbridge and her ilk and the long debate over my appointment that went as high as the Wizengamot itself. Without Dumbledore, I had assumed there would be no chance when Minerva approached me, that ever teaching here again was just a pipe dream, but it turns out that the new headmistress of Hogwarts is as much my champion as her predecessor. She fought a battle on my behalf more akin to a tigress than a tabby.
And she won. I still can't believe she won.
And here I am, standing at the door that leads to my old quarters in the Staff Wing, my bags at my feet, my hand on the door knob and in spite of it all, I just can't bring myself to turn it.
Because it's more than just my return to Hogwarts that is making me nervous. It's more than just the thought of all those young eyes staring and thinking about my full moon face and the horror that lurks within this man – this dark creature, as Umbridge would have it – who stands before them to teach Defence against the Dark Arts. It's more than the thought of losing my dream job a second time.
It's what lies within that scares me. The future behind that door.
I want it. I've dreamed of it. But now that it's happening… Now that it's here…
Can I do this? Really? Can I make her happy? Can I keep us safe?
But I love her. I promised myself that I would never hurt her again and I know that the heartache of my backing down now would provide far more pain than even my werewolf jaws. This is my brave new world and doubt I may, fear I will, but I still intend to explore every single inch of it and revel in every discovery.
I can do this. I can.
I turn the handle.
"Remus! You took your sweet time, I've been waiting and waiting! So what side of the bed do you want?"
And then there she is, Hogwarts new transfiguration mistress, bustling towards me as her feet tangle in the nearby rug and pitch her headfirst into my arms. A mass of hair, today aqua and curly, swamps my eyes as I prop her upright once more and lean down to press my lips to hers. A heart shaped face beams up at me, dark eyes filled with joy.
"I can't believe this," she says softly, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as I pull her into my embrace. "I can't believe we're finally going to live together." Curls tickle my chin as she rubs her head against my chest. "I love you so much," she whispers.
I tighten my hold upon her. "I love you too," I reply.
And as I hold her warm body close to mine, I know once and for all that I am no longer afraid.