Please don't be in love with someone else.
Please don't have somebody waiting for you.
It sounds selfish, desperate, yearning. I am all those things and more; for you.
You were walking past and did the unthinkable. You saw me.
Here I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles in the same old tired, lonely of insincerity, blank shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face.
You are beautiful and you do not even try.
It was enchanting to meet you.
Your gobstopper eyes sparkling glacial blue. I didn't know eyes could come in that colour. You have a face like an aristocrat; a strong delicate structure that makes people want to sigh and sing at the same time. Your hair looks exactly like you, magnificently chaotic, complicated and simple. You are contrast and similarity all at once. I wish that I could be that intricate.
Your eyes whispered "have we met?"Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me and playful conversation starts-countering all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.
You see me. It happens every blue moon. But you can see me, here.
"Have we met?"
"Yes,"
"Oh I do not remember making your acquaintance."
"I'm not particularly recognised in a crowd, I blend in."
"Well you certainly don't here. Not tonight."
What took hell to freeze over? He noticed me. I've always been reclusive and painstakingly shy, never outgoing like he is. There's so much about me that I wish I could change, but if he can see me like this maybe I am beginning to replace the old me, with some new strange person that I don't have a clue about who she is and what her personality is like. I might have fun trying to figure that one out, I'm not Ravenclaw for nothing.
We are laughing, having been studying in the library and he is walking me back to my tower when he takes my hand suddenly.
"Your hands; they're freezing."
"They say that if you have cold hands, your heart is cold too."
"Well 'They' are stupid."
"Thanks."
"You're cute you know."
"What?"
"Cute. You know for a quiet girl."
"Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?"
"Yes."
Then, he kissed me. The portraits are sniggering when we part.
"You're at your entrance." He smiles at me, lifts my hand and kisses the back of it gently as if it could break into a million pieces. My eyes I'm pretty sure are glazed. What does this mean? He softly whispers, "Adieu" and then is gone, as if he was never even there.
"If I've waited all this time to find you-could you at least be dressed decently when I do?"
"I don't know-can I?"
He was in his shirt unbuttoned and a pair on jeans. He looked amazing. I must have looked terrible, I could just imagine myself, huffing, puffing and out of breath crouched over in his doorway.
"Don't be arrogant."
"Knock next time."
"Touché."
"Indeed." He finished buttoning up the rest of his pinstripe shirt, casual but classy as always.
I still stood there practically gob smacked.
"Well then, are we going to get going?" He quipped at me, smirking at my slightly dazed expression.
"Errr, well sure. Let's go."
"Blaise, tell Pansy, I'm in need of her services tonight."
And there drops the bomb.
It's strange, the amount of jealousy and anger I feel at him for choosing her. I thought he liked me, I thought he cared. But he was pulling away from me anyways, I could feel it in my bones, in my, well, everything. I don't know if it's because he was scared, or if I was feeling too much. I guess I'll never know and life will continue on as it was, me invisible and he a beacon of friends, finery and wealth.
It makes me sick that I still can't look at him without feeling my heart flip. He may not be with her anymore but does that mean my irritating and heart wrenching unrequited love is not as pathetic as before. No. That overly ostentatious and dramatic cling-on, Pansy was right about that. I was pathetic, still am to be hung up over a guy, even if it is Draconis, that will never ever give me the time of day. I should give up.
Summer came before I knew it, I looked more anorexic than healthy and I was determined now that this was it. That I finally could get over him. The first days back were the hardest, craving for a glimpse of his flaxen hair perfectly messy yet coiffed at the same time. The third week, I stopped thinking about him all the time. I dyed my hair, got a day job, started living again . I hadn't realised that I had stopped the moment he chose her over me. I started gaining my weight back steadily, healthily with curves and muscles and toning that I hadn't had previously. I went to the library and tried to cram even more knowledge into my brain, to give me as many options as possible.
The fourth week came and past and I was doing things I never had the courage too, like go out on dates, got to clubs and get a little messed up. Scarily enough I got a tattoo as well, what really frightened me about it was how casual and confident I was becoming in myself and the pace I was doing it at. In the space of two weeks I was gaining more personality than I had in the last sixteen years. My mother and I then spent the next two weeks on the French Riviera gaining me tan, tone, and pampering as well as the occasional kiss from a passing gorgeous Frenchie.
We returned to England fitfully when summer came to an abrupt terrifying halt for me. It was the seventh week when we were attacked, the whole village, by death eaters. I finally caught a glimpse at the hair I had so longed for at the beginning, he was there and he was attacking my family, my village, the one thing he hadn't taken away from me.
"Malfoy, get your fucking rat's ass back here now! Yes, that means you, you fucking bastard. I loved you."
He looks like a deer caught in headlights.
"You cannot just come here and take away the last fucking thing I have. Get out. GET OUT, LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK, AND TAKE YOUR STUPID FUCKING DEATH-NIBBLER THINGIES WITH YOU!"
By now everyone has stopped and is full out staring at the girl who has the gall to call out a death eater while he's trying to attack the village. People are panicking, running away and screaming.
"Adi?" He breaths out.
"It's Adrienne." Then I punch in the face and break his stupid bloody nose. I sneer at him, "Get out. Leave now and take your Klu Klux Klan wannabes with you. I loved you, I still do. But that, well, it's just not enough."
He looks damaged, hurt. Good. Karma is a bitch, it would do well for him to remember that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. The death eaters, having gathered around him look at me, the air crackles with my uncontrolled magic. One by one, slightly petrified-looking they leave because I am raging, the sheer fury in my eyes may override their need to torture and murder. Good.
School is awkward first day back. He comes up to me, makes a fish impression and leaves. I believe it was his intention to say something, but he gives me a haunted look and walks away. After that he leaves me alone. It was the same as usual, everything back to normal.
After a month I get a small note, tiny and practically crushed up with folds. Unravelled, it reads "I'm sorry."
By Halloween I'm impatient.
"Draconis," I brazenly say to him after having marched up to the Slytherin's table, "if you have any sort of brains up there in your worthless head, you are going to need to use them." I walk away and smile because I knew Blaise is doing a very good imitation of a frog.
Christmas, come and gone and I know that I still love him. I never stopped, I just needed to grow up. I recognise this. I needed some maturity before I could actually approach the situation in a civil and adult like manner.
N.E.W.T.S have been and passed in the blink of an eye. Studying has always come first for me, but now I can concentrate. The battle, everything, it's over regardless of who you are and what you have done.
He's sitting across the hall, his mother sobbing into his arms.
This is me praying that this was the very first page and not where the story line thoughts will echo your name until I see you again, truly. These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon:I was enchanted to meet you.
It was over, and I never wanted it to end. An adventure gone, a love lost. A small tragedy in a world crumbling to pieces.
Then, you looked up and smiled.