He gets a phone call as he's getting into his truck to head to pick up Jade . He almost doesn't answer because (he's getting ready to drive and really its probably just Jade telling him to hurry up to get her that they're going to be late to school)
"What's up?" Beck says sliding his keys into the ignition, the car humming to life.
"I-is this Beck?" a female voice stammers, and it takes him a moment to realize its Jade's mom.
"Mrs. West?" Beck spews out halting at the end of his driveway
(check both ways, ok go)
"Ja-Jade got into a car accident last night Beck!"
(And he hit's the break so hard his seatbelt slams against his chest (and oh that hurts so bad) and he's stopped in the middle of the road and he's lucky that's no ones around or else that could be bad bad bad)
"What?" He says because he's to dumbstruck to say anything else. He heard the information. He just cant process it.
The only thing that's said after that is Mariah West's sobbing through the telephone line.
(Because Jade is gone gone GONE)
:: ::: :: ::: :: :: :: ::: :: :::
..
denial
..
.
Beck Oliver knows she's dead. Its not that he's in denial about it. He's stronger than that. Jade West will never yell, kiss, touch, glare, love him ever again. He's got it.
That doesn't stop him from calling her every night.
"I'm either not able to talk right now, or I don't want to talk to you. Leave your name and number and if I like you, maybe Ill return your call. Maybe." Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
"Hey babe." He whispers throwing the blanket over his head. A sob is stuck in his throat but he swallows it down and a strangled " I miss you." comes out.
..
anger
..
.
He snaps a month later when he sees two janitors pulling the miscellaneous scissors out of her black locker, a tin of light blue paint laying next to the locker- its intentions painstakingly obvious. He pins one of the janitors to the ground and Beck's body seems to act on it's own- thrusting the guys head into the floor, once, twice- and than Andre and the other janitor are pulling him away from the guy, and a crowd of students are forming around them.
(because Beck is always so cool, so calm, so collected)
"That's her locker, what the fuck do you think your doing?" He just about screams, the disoriented janitor looks up at him, holding his bruised cheek, blood trickling down from his forehead.
Than the guidance counselors in front of him talking about counseling and she's gone Beck. So Beck does the only thing he can think of, he pulls against the restraining arms around him and spits.
"She'd never leave me, asshole."
..
bargaining
..
.
Beck's alone in Sikowitz class, the bells rang- ten, fifteen minutes ago. And he cant seem to move from the spot, even when he hears the door open and shut behind him. Sikowitz taking a seat next to him- both of their eyes staring towards the chalkboard as if it would magically reveal them the answers they were looking for.
Beck lowers his head and speaks without thinking.
"You can have me." He says quietly- Sikowitz listens but doesn't turn his head.
"You can have me, if you bring her back." Beck continues. "Ill do anything. So…please."
He rises to a stand and heads to the door.
"Beckett" Sikowitz calls rising to a stand.
He pauses but doesn't look back.
"I miss her too."
He leaves.
..
depression
..
.
"Beck, you need to get out of the RV, its been three months. Why don't you hang out with that nice brown headed girl…what was her name…Tori wasn't it?" Beck's mother coaxes gently.
"I have a lot of studying to do, Id appreciate it if you left me alone." He responds his eyes unmoving from his history book.
She sighs once and shakes her head softly. "I know its tough sweetie, but she was just a first love. She was never going to be your last." She rises to a stand from the foot of his bed and exit's the RV.
She doesn't notice that he was gripping the book so tightly his knuckles are turning white.
He screams the minute his mother shuts the door to his RV as he chunks the book at the wall.
"What do you know!" he screams to no one now. "What do you know about loving someone when you and dad don't even eat tofuckinggether."
His fists hit the wall adding to the collection of dents that now decorate his room.
Ten minutes later, knuckles bloodied, he flips open a small orange bottle and dumps; three, six, seven white tiny pills into his hands and pops them into his mouth. He decides to go to bed.
He hopes he doesn't wake up.
..
denial + anger
..
.
Two more agonizing months later (it cant possibly been five months since he's last seen her)- he's pushing Victoria Vega against her locker, his mouth bruising against hers.
"I like you too Beck." Tori says shyly pulling back away from him tucking a piece of brown hair behind her ear.
It's a few weeks later and they are in his RV and he's pulling off her clothes and pushing on her hips so hard he just knows he's leaving fingerprint bruises, and whenever Tori comes up to kiss him softly and slow it down it just ends up pissing him off and making him go (if possible) even harder.
She doesn't bite back. She doesn't moan with pleasure at the hot need; she only whimpers and says "Beck not so hard." And worst of all she taste like fucking glitter and strawberries. Where the hell did his peppermint and jasmine go?
When he finally releases its not Tori's name he whispers. It's Jades. But than again, it's always been Jade hasn't it?
A single tear runs down Tori's cheek, as she gathers her underwear and clothes.
"I think I should go."
"Yeah." he says quietly, a small over-bearing awkwardness filling the silence between them as she gets dressed. Finally (what seems like an eternity later) she leaves and he feels like he's been holding his breath.
She's really a poor substitute for Jade.
..
bargaining + depression
..
.
Beck prays.
Every day, without fail.
He knows eventually something's gotta give and there will be something he can do.
Its like his other half is missing and he feels like he's lost himself completely. He's broken Tori's heart. He knows it. But he cant seem to care. His friends stay away from him now, because they don't know what Beck's going to do.
It's like without Jade- he's not all that calm and cool and collected. He's a chaotic mess. Just like she is (was, Beckett was, you've accepted it remember?)
So he prays.
"I'll trade my life for hers."
"Ill get straight A's without fail, if I can see her one more time."
"Ill go to church everyday for the rest of my life if you just please- please bring her back."
"I'll do absolutely anything."
"Please."
Nothing ever happens.
..
acceptance
..
.
It's a shame he never quite gets here.
Authors Note: Opinions? Like it? Hate it? Dont murder me grammar nazi's. This one shouldnt be two (yes i did that on purpose) aweful.