Chapter 9: Waiting for forgiveness

Lilly sat on her couch, staring into the fire with both cats curled up beside her. She'd come home, took a shower and made her way to the living room. After finding nothing on, she decided just to sit in silence mulling over the events of the week. Her trip to the mall with Scotty and Emilio, the snowball fight on the front lawn, having dinner with his family, dancing with him at the party...sleeping with him. Try as she might she couldn't forget what he'd said to her because the more she thought about the more she realised he was right. Her mother was never the same after her father left, turning to alcohol and the endless scores of men to cover her pain. While Lilly's vice wasn't alcohol or relationships, it was her job and she used it as an excuse to avoid being in relationships. Even when she had a relationship she used her past as reasons not to let anyone get close to her. With Kite she tried to resist any relationship with him at first even though she liked him and when they did finally get together, she'd been so obsessed with the Lover's lane case that she had pushed him away and more recently it was Joseph. She had feelings for him that she hadn't for anyone since Patrick even before she realised he was alive, but her past with Ray had ruined that because she still wanted to hang on to the past she'd had with Ray she'd ruined her possible future with Joseph.

After he'd left she begun to realise that maybe she wasn't meant to have a happy healthy relationship with anyone, her scads of issues had made it almost impossible for her to trust anyone...but she trusted Scotty...trusted him with her life every time they walked out those doors of the department. Trusted that he'd have her back any time that they might get into something dangerous and he had.

The only time she had found cause to have doubts about him was when he'd dated Chris, but that had only lasted a few weeks and he apologised profusely afterwards and gradually Lilly had forgiven him and he had regained her trust and respect. And now after a week of pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend had ended in them not even being friends, even in her fake relationships she was a failure. She hoped in time that they could have at least a cordial working relationship but at this point she couldn't see how, not when all she saw when she saw when she thought of him was his raw emotion in the heat of passion or when they were fighting, either made it impossible for her to picture herself in the same room with him without seeing those memoires being played over and over in her head as if on a continuous loop.

...

Scotty was stuck in traffic; it was if everyone in Philly had chosen that moment to go for a drive in order to prevent him from going to Lilly's. Slamming his fist on the horn again at the sedan in front that hadn't notice the light change he managed to turn off and head down a side street he hoped would get him to Lilly's faster.

He couldn't help but replay images over and over again in his mind as if some movie of all the worst things he'd ever done was being projected in his subconscious. Sleeping with Chris, lying to Lilly, their fight about her in the lobby of the department, then almost losing her to George and now this fight that now seemed to rank as the dumbest thing he'd ever done. He really didn't know why he said that to her because the more he thought about what Allie said, the more he realised that she was right...he had feelings for her, feelings stronger than he ever had for anyone. He was completely and absolutely in love with her, now he only hoped that he could get her to listen to him long enough to tell her that and pray that she wouldn't run again.

As he turned onto her street, he felt his heart begin to beat faster and faster. This was it he thought this was going to be the moment he was going to tell her. But this might also be the last time he would get a chance because he realised that if she rejected him now, there was no way he could continue to work with her. He request a transfer or quit the force entirely because he knew in his heart there was no way he could still work so closely with her, be able to see her everyday and not want to grab hold of her and kiss her like there was no tomorrow. As he parked the car and bounded up the stairs in the freshly falling snow he knew that he was either about to be happy or about to be more miserable then when Elisa died. So with that he raised his fist and wrapped hard on the door.

...

Lilly looked up as she heard the sharp knocking on her door, who the hell was at her front door now. Sighing she walked over to her window and pulled back the curtain and looked out onto the quite street. The snow was really beginning to come down out there and as she looked towards her front door she saw, standing under the dim light of her porch lamp, was the one person in the world she didn't want to see right now, standing there covered snow dusting his coast and hair was Scotty.

"Lil" he called through the door, unaware that she was watching him at her window "Come on you know I you in there, Mime drop you off. Will you just let me in its freezing out here and we need to talk"

"Go away Scotty" she called through the window and he turned to face her and she could see his face crack into a smile and he walked over to the window and looked in at her. "Please Lil I want to talk, can you just let me in" he said.

"No" she snapped and she drew the curtains and turned her back to the door, hoping he would just go away, no such luck

"I am gonna stay out here till you let me in Lil" he called playfully from outside "And its getting pretty cold out here surely you don't want me to freeze. She responded by turning off her porch light, leaving him in the gathering darkness and ever growing cold. Suddenly thinking that this was not such a good idea after all, He sank down on her steps. He was going to wait her out; she'd either let him in or find him the next morning frozen to her front step.

...

Lilly peered down at the figure on her front step from her bedroom window, he had already been out there for half an hour and he showed no signs of relenting. She left the vantage point and sat down on the bed and buried her head in her hands. What was she going to do; he was guarding her doorstep in the freezing snow waiting for her to let him in. She wasn't sure that she wanted to hear what he had to say, she knew it would be most likely an apology so he could relieve himself of guilt but she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to hear it. She looked up again and saw the snow had gotten heavier; she supposed she should let him in or face him freezing the death on her front stoop. Just as stood up her phone rang and she crossed the room to answer it.

"Hello"

"Hey Lil its Beth from next door, I was just letting you know there's this strange guy sitting on your front steps. Did you want me to call the cops?"

"No it's alright, I know him" Lilly said "I'll get rid of him" Lilly said and she hung up the phone and proceeded down stairs.