~Authors Note: Wow. No caffeine at all today, it's not even late, it's like, almost sunrise and I just wasted my entire day watching Glee, Fruits Basket and Deathnote! That's what I call a day well spent! Well not really, because I'm a vivid MLIAer so, my idea of a day well spent is watching Pokemon in a Snuggie while eating fishy crackers with the intense "om nom nom om" sounds, but that's what I did YESTERDAY, so whatever lol. Enjoy!

Peace in

Mel Swirls!

Ps: heads up! The song kind of goes with this chapter, but only if you look at it from a certain angle and take all things with a grand of salt, or a lot of salt, whatever floats your boat ^.^ lol

Phineas and Ferb: Isn't what it is

Chapter 13: This grudge

Fourteen years
thirty minutes
fifteen seconds I've
held this grudge

I woke up that morning wondering why Ferb hated Phineas that much. It didn't really make all that much sense to me, considering all bullshit aside, Phineas was a nice person, but than again he seemed like the attention-hogging brother. Making assumptions whoever, will get me nowhere, so I got up that morning with the thought in my head that I was going to ask both of them and really listen to their answers… God I sound like one of those bad teenage drama TV shows that have no plot and make you want to puke, but if you don't watch it, you're labeled as a geeky nerd. Yeah, I know, fucked up, right?

Eleven songs
four full journals
thoughts of punishment
I've expended

I slipped out of my room and into the bathroom and glared at my reflection. This face – my face – look especially destroyed today. You could tell that I didn't remove my makeup and I know had 3 new pimples in the center of my forehead that looked about ready to pop, but when you tried to pop it, no fucking way was it going to pop, and my hair, well, that speaks for itself, so I stripped down and slipped into the shower and let the water calm me down and wake me up.

Not in contact
not a letter
such communication
telepathic

you've been vilified
used as fodder
you deserve a piece
of every record

I slipped out and put on my Alanis Morissette "So called-chaos" Concert tank top on, a black sweater with light blue hearts on it and faded skinny jeans with my usual converse before slipping downstairs to see my parents, sitting at the table in a silence, that I could not even begin to describe. It was like a weird mixture of screaming, happiness, crying, pain, anger, frustration, denial and pity all mixed together inside of someone, and when they try to talk, they can't say anything, and if that made any sense to you, than you have obviously felt this kind of silence before, and even if I've never felt or seen or heard a silence like this one, I could tell that it meant something absolutely horrible, like Jillian and Brad deciding to ship me off to boarding school or them telling me my favorite pet (not that I even have a pet) just died.

But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
with an antique knot in her stomach?

"G'morning." I said halfheartedly before stealing a piece of toast off the table. "Look, Alika, we need to talk," Said Jillian in a way that didn't break the silence, because the words were only half said, meaning she didn't want to talk about it, so I didn't want to hear about it. "What about?" I said nonchalantly and she sighed. "Your father and I have realized that we've fought a lot lately, and we've decided to get a divorce."

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone

That wasn't what I was expecting, but whatever, good news is good news right? "Great, I think your constant yelling frigged up my childhood." I told them in a cruel tone but with a huge smile on my face, because they may think I only said it to be spiteful, but I actually did kind of mean it, so I decided to let them take it either way.

I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

"Well just wait a minute 'Lika, I don't-" I interrupted Brad to say, "Stop right there, think about what your about to say to me, than let it go, because I'm going to be late for school." He glared at me but than smiled, "You're grounded from your car, remember?"

Like an abandoned house
dusty covered
furniture
still intact

Oh fuck. Forgot about that one, didn't I? Though, I guess I kind of walked into it, didn't I?

If I visit it now
do I simply re-live it
somehow gratuitous

"Well how am I supposed to get to school?" I asked and Jillian smiled at me, "Since your father will be moving out, and this is my house, you're ungrounded, here's the keys sweetie." She told me in a way that I knew she was just trying to get back at Brad, but I couldn't careless, I had my car back AND no more fighting in my house. Double Whammy.

But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down

With no gift from time of said healing

I took the keys, grabbed my stuff and jogged out of my car before realizing how totally lost I'm going to be at school. I didn't do any of the homework, and I missed some of yesterday, and all of the day before that. Maybe I could blame it on my parents divorce? That seems like it could work…

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone

I slipped through school with ease. Ferb held my hand every chance he had, and Phineas flashed me smiles every time we saw each other, but that's not what made me feel so comfortable in my own skin. It was the fact that I, Alika, has finally, been able to be one with myself and let go, something I was never strong or big enough to do before. It was a sense of accomplishment.

I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

But more importantly, it was a sense of relief and comfortability. I could walk down the halls with friends, people who actually cared about me, and wanted to spend time with me. Why was I so accomplished and happy and free? Could the mere fact that Brad and Jillian are finally break me up bring me so much happiness? And why did it seem like Ferb wasn't holding my hand because he wanted to show me how proud he was, but more for himself, because he wanted to feel like someone was there from him. What was going on there?

Maybe as I cut the cord
veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
dead weight off my shoulders will rise

I made plans to go with Ferb, Andorea and Baljeet to Shoppers drugmart to buy a pregnancy test, well actually, the plan is we're all going to buy pregnancy test, and we're all going to pee on them to see what they say so that Andorea doesn't feel alone doing it, and even though Ferb was seemingly happy and smiling, I knew he hadn't let go of his grudge, something was holding him back from being free, and I wanted him to be as happy as he possibly could be.

Here I sit
much determined
ever ill-equipped
to draw this curtain

I wanted him to be like me at this very moment.

how this has entertained
validated
and has served me greatly
ever the victim

I decided that after the pregnancy thing that night, I was going to ask him about it, maybe see if I get him talking, because I wanted him to know that I was there for him just as much as he was there for me.

But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
this load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
how to rest this bygone

Because whatever his grudge was, I knew that we could free him from it together.

I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

~~~~Authors note: I made it slightly lounger than I usually do, so I hope you're happy! Anyways, I have a V for Vendetta fanfic and poem, so if you wouldn't mind I'd appreciate you guys going to check them out! Thanks! Anyways please review!

Peace in!

Mel Swirls!

PS: the song in the last chapter was "perfect by Simple plan (I forgot to say it) and the one in this chapter is "this grudge" by Alanis Morissette who is a crazily gifted woman, and I highly recommend everything from her album "so-called chaos" because it's absolutely brilliant, and that's coming from a singer/songwriter myself, so yeah.

Pss: Do you guys have any song recommendations? Because I'm personally kind of lost on which one I should do next. I'd prefer something less mainstream and not really Lady Gaga-like, so Alternative, rock, punk, screamo, emo, metal, folk, funk, ANYTHING that isn't mainstream! I guess that's kind of my project, so if you have a band, and would like to give me a song lyric sheet, I might use it! So yeah, contact me on that!

Psss: I know this might not interest you any, but this is actually one of the most meaningful songs for me, so please no bashing my choice, ok?