~Authors Note: I'm so, so sorry for the wait! It's worst then ever and I know. I had full intentions of updating this sooner, but I've been writing death note fanfics, and you have no idea how fucking addicting those things are! Its like as soon as your write one you have to write a dozen! And I was reading a girl's fanfic profile, and she has a tradition that every time she uploads a chapter, she writes an oneshot! And I thought that was a great idea, but I wanted to ask you guys what you people thought of it? Also, I've been really busy with school, and when you talk and think in French all day, it's hard to go home and write in English. Please enjoy?
Ps: I didn't get any song requests, so I picked "only" by nine inch nails. Now I personally can't listen to this song without feeling egocentric, which is why I picked it for this chapter, because Alika needs an ego boost.
Phineas and Ferb: Isn't what it is
Chapter 15: Only
I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus
"Phineas, he's not that amazing," I tell him as I hug him back, tears falling down my cheeks at full speed. I was embarrassed. This, fucking goddamn sadness and crying public wasn't my thing. I didn't like looking weak, but look at me! I'm crying my eyes out beside Phineas Flinn. That's not like me. This can't be who I am. I don't want to be like this! So why am I acting like this? Is this really me? Who the hell am I?
Kind of drifting to the abstract
In terms of how I see myself
"Sh, Alika don't lie to me, I know who he is in your eyes, and but he left you, and I would never do that, (A/N: I think that might be a line in twilight. I'm disappointed in myself.) I couldn't leave you if I tried, Alika." He told me as he kissed my forehead softly before wiping my tears. I should feel bad for putting Phineas through this, but he seems to be coping well. I'm the one crying. He can't be feeling that bad if I'm the one crying.
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
He held me tighter and inhaled sharply before saying, "It doesn't matter if you fit in with the people I hang out with, or my family, or if my stepbrother hates you, 'Lika, because I love you, and that's something the emotionless bastard will never tell you. You are my one and only. I will never, ever feel this way about anybody aside from you, And if you don't feel the same way about me, then I just have to try harder, that's all" he said as he smiled.
Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
"I'm not worth that, Phin," I told him and he shook his head before kissing the tip of my nose, "Shut your mouth, you are worth everything, There's no one else when you're there. I love you, and you are my entire world, didn't you just listen to me say this three seconds ago? You are the reason I'm me, I see this now." He told me and I rolled my eyes but let it sink in.
Cause it doesn't really matter any more
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
I liked this idea. Was I really worth this much? I mean I was pretty fucked up, and I definitely wasn't normal, but could I really be more important then other people?
No it doesn't really matter any more
None of this, really matters any more
Oh shit, I'm starting to blow myself up too much. I don't want to have a god complex. Back to reality; ummm… what was reality again?
Yes I'm alone, then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because you were never really real to begin with
"Really?" I asked him and he nodded, "Of course, I wouldn't lie to you, 'Lika." I blinked a few times before pulling away from him slightly. Maybe he was mixed up? I couldn't be the girl he was talking about, I'm not that important or nice or loveable. I'm just Plain Alika.
I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
Narcissist, Rebelling, Bratty, Nosy, Ugly, Mary-Sue'ish Alika.
"Are you lying to me?" I asked him, suddenly worried that I might have made this all up, in a dream or a crazy daydream only to cause myself more pain, so that I could just hurt myself some more.
I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked...yes it did
"…" He stared at me with wide eyes and I blinked. His silence was exactly reassuring. I was right wasn't it? Oh god I really am crazy… I'm totally fucking insane.
"Are you serious?" he asked and I glared, like it wasn't apparent that I was.
There is no you! There is only me
There is no you! There is only me
"Obviously, I wouldn't have asked to be funny, it's not very funny."
There is no fucking you! There is only me
There is no fucking you! There is only me
"Alika, Of course I'm not lying to you, when will you figure this out?"
Only
Only
Only
Only
I thought a moment before snorting unattractively, I really had no reason to do but it came almost instinctively. "When you can prove me wrong," I told him and he just ponder that for a moment as we enjoyed each other's company.
Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye
And it turned out to be a scab
And I had this funny feeling
I meant the world to him. I meant more then he did. I was more then him Alika Phineas. Ferb Alika Phineas; I don't like that last one as much, but let's be honest, it's true. God, this is weird.
Like I just knew it's something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone
I kept picking at the scab
It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Most of me was starting to get used to that, but the other part - no matter how small was still a part – was wondering why he hadn't seen all the horrible aspects of my personality and appearance, like scabs all over my body. I was wondering why he hasn't said anything about them, and why I was left wondering if he really was in love with me or if he was just, you know, lying to fuck… But then again, I don't know why he'd want to fuck me, so yeah.
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be
And I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why, ya now I know why
Things aren't as pretty, on the inside
But still, until proven wrong, the equation was; Alika Phineas. Meaning for once in my life, I, Alika, have been forgiven for the bullshit I've down and said and is now finally allowed to love somebody and let them love me back, it doesn't really matter if the emotions are from and for the same person too much, because I'm not lying to anybody, Phineas is a nice guy too, but he said it himself;
There is no you! There is only me
There is no you! There is only me
There is no fucking you! There is only me
There is no fucking you! There is only me
I was worth more then him.
only
only
only
only
only
only
only
only
~Authors note: God that was the most Mary Sue-ish thing I've ever written in my life, but don't worry, this is all explained in the end, which I'm already planning yes, since this is coming to a close soon. Anyways please review, request a song or a band and message me if you have any questions! R, R & M… lol Very catchy right?
Peace in!
Melanie Swirls!