CHAPTER TWO
Callie just stares at the woman in front of her, still unable to believe her eyes. She had heard someone enter her apartment and at first she thought it was Mark but he was out of town for the holidays. Callie had been expecting a robber or something but nothing would have prepared her to see Arizona standing in the hallway. Trying to process what was happening she had a million thoughts racing through her head mainly along the lines of, what the hell was Arizona doing standing in her apartment at four in the morning? And more importantly why wasn't she in Africa? Callie wants to feel nothing but anger at the blonde standing before her with a deer in the headlights look but she can't help but drink in the sight of Arizona. Her hair was wet from the rain and few water drops were still sliding down her neck. She was dressed in dark jeans and an old Marine Corps tee shirt which was clinging to her body in all the right ways. Forcing herself to focus on what was happening Callie shakes her head slightly and is finally able to speak again. "That's all you have to say?" she responds with a clear trace of anger in her voice.
"Um… well…" Arizona tries desperately to say something else but nothing seems right. The last thing she said to this woman was "We're already over" and now her she was, out of the blue from Callie's point of view. "I didn't expect to see you"
"I live here Arizona." Callie says coldly as she leans the bat against the wall. Crossing her arms over her chest her eyes narrow slightly as she returns her gaze to the shorter woman "Who did you expect find here?"
Cringing at the tone of Callie's voice Arizona again tries to explain, "I just meant that I thought you would be at home for the holidays."
A flash of hurt quickly flickers over Callie's face before she regains control of her emotions. "And you thought that you could just move in while I was gone?"
"No, that's not what I was doing." Taking a deep breath Arizona prepares to launch into her story about why she was here. "Between the travel arrangements and the actual traveling I didn't get time to–"
"Why are you here?" Callie sharply asks as she cuts off Arizona's ramble.
Arizona's gaze locks with Callie's and she isn't sure how to respond. Did Callie mean here as in Seattle or here as in her apartment? Feeling the impatience radiate from Callie, Arizona blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. "The grant money ran out."Closing her eyes at her own stupidity she mental kicks herself as soon as those words leave her mouth.
Callie's face falls slightly but she again quickly regains control of her emotions and refuses to let Arizona see what her being back is doing to her. Still, Callie couldn't help but feel the sting of knowing that lack of money and not her had been the reason that Arizona was back in Seattle.
"That's not what meant." Arizona says in rush as Callie's body deflates slightly. "I mean it did but that's not why I'm back."
"Really?" Callie asks sarcastically.
Knowing that this conversation was not going well Arizona tries to change the topic. "Why aren't you with your family? You always go home for Christmas and New Years."
Fixing Arizona with a cold stare Callie tersely replies, "I was home and now I'm back." Arizona didn't need to know that Callie had left early because she couldn't take the looks of pity from her parents or the hushed murmurings of this what she gets for going against the bible from her aunts and uncles.
Arizona knew there was more to the story but she was also aware that she had no right to ask for more details. Caught at this impasse an uncomfortable silence engulfs them. Unable to take the starring anymore Callie moves towards the kitchen and turns on the coffee maker. "Do you have a shift at the hospital?" Arizona asks, wondering if that was why she here.
"No." Callie responds without turning around. I wish I did though, she thinks to herself. Callie had only imagined this happening in one of her day dreams. However, in her dreams Arizona had come back because she could bear to be without her, not because the grant money ran out. Focusing on the task at hand Callie can feel Arizona's eyes watching her from the hallway and even though she is furious with the blonde just her proximity causes butterflies to appear in Callie's stomach.
Arizona shifts back and forth on her feet unsure of what to do as she watches Callie go about making coffee. This wasn't part of the plan, she thinks to herself. I was supposed to have more time to figure out what to say to Calliope and now I've already stuck my foot in my mouth. She's never going to believe that I came back for her now that she knows the grant ran out of funding. Taking a few tentative steps towards the kitchen Arizona leans against the counter. "How have you been?"
A humorless laugh escapes Callie as she turns around. "How have I been? Let's see Arizona… I've been great," she says sarcastically. "What girl wouldn't be after she gets dumped in the middle of an airport!" Arizona flinches slightly at the outburst and Callie can't help but feel satisfied at that. "Life has been all puppies and rainbows since you left." She continues in mockery. "It was super fun when I had to go back to the hospital and ask Webber for my job back. The nurses had field day with that one. Then I had blast convincing the subletter to let me have my apartment back." Running out of steam she finally says, "How do you think I've been?"
Arizona feels even guiltier as she listens to Callie's outburst. Arizona had never thought about everything that Callie would have to deal with. "I'm sorry" she says with complete remorse.
Callie's jaw clenches at those words. "You're sorry? That's it, that's all you can say for yourself?"
Arizona's calm demeanor finally shatters as she replies, "What do you want me say? Because it seems like no matter what it is you're going to turn it against me."
"Oh no, you don't get to be mad at me! You show up in the middle of the night with no forewarning and no explanation as to why you're back and I'm just supposed to go with it?"
"I didn't expect you to be here." Arizona tries to explain again.
"So you were just going to slip in and slip out and not tell me?" Callie demands. The fight in Arizona falters as she realizes that was exactly her plan. Taking her silence as admittance Callie shakes her head, "Real mature Arizona."
"I'm sorry. This wasn't the plan. I just didn't have anywhere else to go."
"What every hotel in Seattle is booked up tonight?" Callie quickly fires back.
Arizona drops her gaze and quietly says, "I just wanted to be somewhere familiar." Looking back up she see Callie's face soften at her admission. "I swear it was only going to be tonight and then I was going to find a hotel."
Callie searches Arizona's face and wearily asks again, "Why are you here?"
Happy to be given a second chance at this question Arizona answers it the way she should have before, "I missed you."
"No you didn't Arizona." Callie deadpans back.
Completely caught off guard by that comment Arizona feels her anger return, "What do you mean I didn't? You have no idea what I'm feeling!"
"Well that's the first thing you've said tonight that I completely agree with!" Callie responds with her eyes flashing.
"Argh! Are we already back to you turning my words against me? I tell you I'm sorry and that's not good enough. I tell you I miss you and now I'm lying." Fixing a hard stare on the brunette she asks, "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing." Callie responds somberly. "I don't want you to say anything, after all I've gotten used to it. If you missed me so much then how come you never called or emailed? If you missed me so much then how could you break my heart and just walk away without a second thought!" A tear slips down Callie's cheek as she yells at Arizona.
Hearing the pain in Callie's voice breaks Arizona's heart. "I'm sorry" she tries again but Callie is having none of it.
"Don't be. I should have known better anyways." People always leave me, she thinks to herself. "You made your choice. You wanted Africa and you took it. It's not my fault your precious dream fell apart. I'm not going to be your consolation prize!" She finishes in contempt.
"That's not what happened!" Arizona interjects.
"Whatever." Callie says dismissively.
"You know what, fine! I didn't come here to fight and clearly you can't be rational right now." Arizona pushes off from the counter and turns toward the hallway.
"What are you doing?" Callie calls after her.
"I'm leaving." She says as she grabs her coat. "It's obvious you don't want me here."
Callie's heart clenches as she sees Arizona prepared to leave but she can't bring herself to ask her to stay. What little pride she has left refuses to give the blonde that satisfaction. "Well that's typical." Callie says instead as she walks towards the hallway.
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Arizona angrily asks while she puts on her coat.
"It means that you always leave. Things get tough and you bail. So go ahead and run away. It's what you're good at." Callie tells her matter-of-factly while her internal voice is screaming that she wants Arizona to stay.
Feeling like she has just been slapped Arizona takes one last look at Callie. "Fine," she coolly replies before yanking the door open and walking out.
As soon as the door closes Callie's resolve crumbles and the tears she had been fighting immediately start falling. She leans against the wall and slowly sinks to the ground wrapping her arms around her legs and hugging them to her chest. How could it be possible that this hurt worse than the airport? To have Arizona back only to lose her again, so fast, was like pouring acid on an open wound. Callie lets the tears fall freely knowing that it was easier to just let her heart break then to try and keep it together.
Once the door closed behind her Arizona felt all of the adrenaline from their argument vanish, leaving her exhausted and miserable. She had envisioned what seeing Callie again would be like for weeks now and never once in her scenarios did it play out like that. Not sure of where she was going to go Arizona started making her way to the elevator when she realizes that her luggage is still inside the apartment. With a curse under her breath Arizona approaches the apartment door and tried to brace herself for the wrath of Callie. Pushing open the door she begins speaking in the hopes of avoiding another fight. "I know you want me gone but I just need my luggage and I'll be…" but Arizona forgot what else she was going to say when her eyes fell upon the heartbroken woman curled up the floor crying.
Callie looked up from her spot on the ground clearly surprised that Arizona had returned. Embarrassed at being caught like this Callie tries to wipe away the tears but they keep coming. Glancing back up she sees Arizona frozen in shock until suddenly the blonde is a flurry of motion.
Arizona could scarcely believe her eyes. The last thing she expected to find was her badass ex-girlfriend crumpled up on the floor crying. I did this to her, she thinks to herself and then suddenly she has to fix it. Quickly pushing the door closed Arizona rushes over to Callie, drops to her knees and pulls the brunette into hug while whispering, "I'm so sorry, please don't cry."
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