Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm really glad you like the story. Hopefully this chapter lives up to the previous ones. I think I've tweaked it at least a 100 times.
And just to clear the air I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters. Although, Christmas is coming up if Shonda wants to surprise me. :)
CHAPTER 3
Callie immediately melts into the familiar feel of Arizona and even though she is the reason for these tears Callie doesn't have it in her to pull away. Instead she pulls the blonde closer trying to convince herself that this is real and she was back. Arizona gently runs her hands up and down Callie's back and slowly after several moments the tears subside. Although it feels amazing to hold Arizona again Callie reluctantly releases her and starts to move away.
Feeling Callie pull away Arizona quickly places her hands on Callie's face and forces the younger woman to look at her not wanting to waste another opportunity to clear the air. The surprise on Callie's face is obvious and Arizona knows that whatever she is about to say had better be good since she won't get this chance again. "I came back for you," she intensely whispers with tone that left no room for argument.
Callie looks back at Arizona in disbelief but at those words a very small part of her believes it. But people always leave me, she quickly thinks to herself. But maybe now someone actually came back for me? Unwilling to process this change of events she simply stares at Arizona as the blonde wipes away the remaining tears from her cheeks.
Standing up Arizona pulls Callie to her feet and walks them over to the couch. "Here, sit down and I'll go get us some coffee." Arizona tells her as she makes her way into the kitchen. The coffee had finished at some point during their fight.
Mutely nodding Callie does as she is asked. Resting on the couch she hears the clank of coffee mugs as Arizona gets them down from the cabinets. This has to be the strangest night of my life, Callie ponders.
"Do you still like one cream and two sugars in your coffee?" Arizona calls from the kitchen.
"Yes." Callie responds. After a few moments Arizona returns carrying two steaming cups of coffee. She hands one to Callie and then sits down next her. Unsure of what to say both women silently sip their coffee replaying the events of the past fifteen minutes.
Finally breaking the silence Arizona asks, "Are you ok?"
Turning to look at her, Callie can see the concern and guilt in her eyes. "I guess." Taking a deep breath she looks down into her coffee cup. "To be honest, I'm confused. Why are you really back?" she asks in small voice.
"It's a long story." Arizona replies as she exhales a breath.
"Of course it is." Callie says irritably. "Arizona, I don't need all the details. I just need to know why. Why now? Why here?" she says as she gestures around the apartment
Leaning forward Arizona places her mug on the table and turns back to Callie. "It's complicated." Callie raises her eyebrows at that remark. "I'll try to keep it short, ok?" Arizona says quickly with a half smile.
Not sure of how to start Arizona just dives in. "I worked like crazy for the first month to just avoid thinking about what happened between us. And seeing the smiling faces of the children I helped almost made it all worth it. But then one day the village was attacked and–"
"Were you hurt?" Callie interjects as her eyes flash with momentary fear. She had never once considered the possibility that Arizona would be put in that kind of danger.
Smiling at Callie's concern, Arizona quickly reassures her, "No. I was fine. Another doctor pulled me to the ground as soon as it started. Not that it mattered because it was only radicals firing their guns into the air."
Only radicals firing guns, Callie muses to herself. Leave it to Arizona to down play that. "Then what happened?" Callie asks.
"Well, it shook me because of everything that had happened before…" Arizona lets the words hang in the air as she pushes away the unwanted memories. "Anyways, I wasn't able to do my best work because…" but Arizona stops speaking. Because I was coward, she thinks. Those children live with that fear everyday and I couldn't even handle it for two months.
"Because you were concerned it would happen again?" Callie says softly pulling Arizona from her thoughts.
"Basically. The point is that I became a liability. What would happen if I was in surgery the next time a gun went off? I could kill my patient because I wouldn't be able to stay calm or focused." The self loathing was evident in her voice as she spoke. "The risk was too great."
"So that's what you're back." Callie concludes in sullen tone. It was never because of me. I was stupid to even consider it.
"Yes… no… argh! I'm not explaining this right." Arizona exclaims in frustration. "Callie, the truth is I've thought about hopping on plane and flying back to you a million times."
"Then why didn't you?" she deadpans. As much as she wants to believe that she won't allow herself to get her hopes up again. Arizona broke her heart in that airport and Callie would be damned if she let happen again.
"Because I made a commitment when I accepted that grant and I couldn't just turn my back on it." Callie's eyes narrow in anger as soon as those words are spoken.
"But you could turn your back on me? What about the commitment you made to me?" Callie demands as she slams her coffee down causing it to splatter across the table.
"Callie you didn't want to go!" Arizona responds with her voice rising. Tired of being yelled at for her mistakes, Arizona turns the tables. "You aren't the only one who was hurt you know. I won the freaking Carter Madison grant and you weren't even proud of me!"
Arizona's outburst takes Callie by surprise and she is unable to articulate a response. Using Callie's silence to her advantage Arizona keeps going too riled up to stop. "You were the first person I told and instead of a congratulations or even a pat on the back you immediately get stuck on the Africa part." Arizona's face flushes in anger and hurt as she continues, "I won the most prestigious grant out there, me!" she says as she points to herself. "Which, by the way, has never been given to a pediatric surgeon before. However, instead of being excited for me when I told you about it, all you saw was a problem!" Taking a short breath to try and calm down she stares Callie dead in the eyes. "I wanted you to be proud of me. You were my girlfriend and I had been dying to tell you about it and then nothing. You weren't even happy for me." Running out of steam Arizona falls back into the couch and prepares herself for another shouting match with the Latina, but to her surprise it never comes.
"Is that what you think?" Callie says in disbelief. "That I wasn't proud of you?" Arizona simply shrugs her shoulders. "Arizona, that's ridiculous. Of course I was proud you."
Lifting her eyes slightly to look at Callie she doubtfully asks, "Really?"
"Yes." Callie says with an almost smile. "I know how competitive that grant is and how rare it is that someone with no connections to the decision committee actually wins." Pausing for second Callie debates her next move but after a moment she leans forward and reaches under the coffee table. "Arizona, you winning was amazing. I was so beyond proud of you because I know how hard you must have worked."
Intrigued by Callie's movement Arizona shifts slightly forward in her seat in time to see Callie pull out a grey rectangular box from under the table. "I'm sorry that you ever thought otherwise." Wiping some dust off the top she hands Arizona the box. "Go ahead. Open it." She continues when Arizona just sits there staring at it. "I was going to give it to you when we got there but…"
Looking up, Arizona can see the hurt in Callie's eyes at that unfinished sentence. Not sure what to expect Arizona pulls off the lid. "It was supposed to hang in your new office."She hears Callie say but the blonde is too busy starring at a framed copy of the news article announcing her achievement to reply. Callie had placed the article in a beautiful silver frame and had the children from her peds ward sign the mat board. Adorable smiley faces and misspelled words in crayon surround the article but was the engraving on the frame that brought a smile to Arizona's lips. It simply read, Doctor Awesome.
Completely taken back she looks back at Callie and sees the brunette fidgeting anxiously. "How did you find time to do this?" She asks in astonishment.
Visibly relaxing Callie lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She wasn't sure if giving that to Arizona was a good idea or not but she wanted the blonde understand that she was proud of her. Besides, it had taken quite a bit of work to get it done and no one else would appreciate it. "Well, it wasn't easy." Callie says with a chuckle as she remembers running through the mall on her lunch break. "But I got Mark to cover for me." Unable to help herself she has to ask, "Do you like it?"
Still feeling overwhelmed by the gift she lovingly replies, "It's perfect." Arizona starts to hug Callie but then stops midway suddenly unsure if she should. Bringing her arms back to down to her sides awkwardly she feels the tension between them return and quietly utters another, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Callie leans forward and takes a sip of her coffee trying not to notice how uncomfortable the silence is between them. Lost in thought for several moments over everything that had been said she suddenly asks, "Was that it?"
"Was what it?" Arizona asks in bewilderment as she carefully places the gift on the table.
Attempting to stay calm Callie tenses her hands for moment before asking in tight voice, "Was that why you left me? Because you thought I wasn't proud of you?"
"No." Arizona responds slowly, "That wasn't the reason." It was all kinds of little things she finishes silently in her head.
"Then what was it!" Callie demands as the tiny control she had on her temper breaks. This whole evening was too much for her emotions handle. Suddenly, Arizona is back sitting in their living room sipping coffee as if the past two months never happened? "Because it sure sounds like you threw me aside because I didn't give you a gold star soon enough."
"I didn't throw you aside and this was about more than me getting props." Arizona quickly replies as she defends herself.
"Then tell me what it was!" Callie shouts. All the emotions she had been shoving down each day since Arizona left were finally bubbling to the surface leaving Callie a slave to them. Arizona opens her mouth briefly but quickly closes it again not wanting to say the wrong thing. Her silence only causes Callie to become more frustrated. "I want to know Arizona. I deserve to know!" All though her voice comes out angry the only thing she feels is the pain she had been avoiding.
"Fine!" Arizona shouts as her temper snaps. "You really wanna know? You couldn't focus on anything but the negative! You weren't satisfied with the going away party, you scoffed at the gifts the kids made me, you started fights with me over waffle irons and you practically jumped like a puppy when the Chief mentioned having big plans for you." Ticking each reason off on her fingers she finally takes a breath. "It was obvious, the last thing you wanted to do was go to Africa."
Suddenly feeling less justified in her anger Callie is forced to own up to the fact that she was passive aggressive about going to Africa. When she lists it off like that I guess I was really negative about the whole trip Callie regrettably admits to herself. Her guilt is short lived however, because that still didn't justify Arizona dumping her in an airport minutes before the flight. "You're right," she confesses in an eerily calm voice.
"I'm what?" Arizona says in bewilderment while her chest is still heaving from her rant. That was the last thing she expected Callie say.
"Everything you just said… you're right." Callie continues in emotionless tone. "I did all of those things because I didn't want move to Africa."
Completely unsettled at the Latina's tone Arizona carefully responds, "Ok?"
"I didn't want to go. My life was here. My friends, my family, my apartment, my research and yes even my freaking waffle iron." Callie explains as the anger slowly creeps its way back into her voice.
Seeing the storm that's brewing inside Callie, Arizona tries to placate her before it erupts. "I know and that's why I said you should stay here and –"
"No! No, you don't know!" Callie all but screams as she cuts off Arizona. "Everything was going to be here but you." Callie feels the tears building in eyes but she refuses to let them fall. "That's why I chose to go. I chose to go." She repeats emphasizing each word. "I didn't want to but, I chose to. I picked you over everything in my life… again. How couldn't you see that?" She questions as a stray tear slips down her cheek but Callie angrily wipes it away. "And what, because I couldn't be upbeat and perky about it you leave me! You freaking leave me standing in the middle of an airport!" Those words ring throughout the apartment as Callie takes a breath trying to stop the tears from coming.
Leaning towards Arizona, Callie's eyes narrow and she speaks with an intensity that crackles like electricity between them. "I wanted to be with you more than anything else. You were it for me and I was willing to give up everything, everything! To hop on a plane and fly half way across the world just to be with you." Pausing ever so slightly to take a breath Callie harshly says, "And you threw it back in my face."
I know this wasn't a happy chapter but I felt they needed to get the screaming out of the way before they could actually talk. I'll try to update soon but it may not be until after Thanksgiving. In the meantime please review and let me know what you thought. This was much harder to write so I'm nervous about posting it.