Chapter 12

Ups and Downs

"It's so beautiful!" Moka leaned against the window of the gondola she and Tsukune sat in, watching as they were haltingly raised into the sky. Though they had not yet reached the summit of their first rotation, they already had a very good view of the park and surrounding landscape, and the deepening purples and blues of the skies above contrasted exquisitely with the artificial brilliance of the park around them, which had found second life with the coming of night. Tsukune looked over Moka's shoulder as the ride again jerked to life, and the two shared a smile of appreciative wonder.

Finally sated with watching the splendor around them, Tsukune and Moka sank back into their seats. Tsukune blushed slightly as Moka leaned against him; he was glad that he had gotten into the ride first, as he would probably have nervously chosen to sit across from Moka, instead of beside her. Now, however, he found that he had unconsciously placed his arm around her shoulders, and when she turned to face him he was scared and thrilled by how close her face was to his.

"Thank you so much for this," Moka murmured, smiling up at him. "I've had an incredible day, really. I've wanted to do this for a long time…"

"Me too." Tsukune gave her a smile of his own, buoyed by an increasingly-eager giddiness. "We've never gotten to do this before; it was even better than I had thought it would be."

Moka nodded, looking away from him as the scarlet of her cheeks deepened. "I'm not entirely comfortable with the thought of you going on a date with Mizore and Kurumu, but right now…" She met his eyes again. "I would say that this is worth it."

Relief flooded into Tsukune, colored only by slight hints of nervousness and doubt. He had all but forgotten the other dates, and being reminded made him feel somewhat conflicted. Still, such thoughts could wait; it was important that he enjoy all the time he would have with Moka to the fullest. Nightfall meant that it would not be long before they would have to meet Mr. Cooper to return home, and their time together, and all the chances it offered, would be lost.

Again Moka looked away, this time fidgeting with the rosario she wore at her neck as she struggled to form the words she wanted to say. Tsukune started to ask if something was bothering her, but intuitively realized that she needed a moment to compose her thoughts. Instead he contented himself with tightening his arm slightly around Moka's shoulders, and she gave him an appreciative smile in return.

"Tsukune… I know that I agreed to the compromise, and I don't regret that," Moka's words sped up enough to make Tsukune somewhat question that last statement, "but… I worry. I know you care about me, and I really, really like you… but I worry about rushing things, and I worry about moving too slow, and I worry about Kurumu or Mizore taking you away from me. I worry about losing you, no matter what I do." As the Ferris Wheel turned, the lights of the park revealed the moisture collecting in Moka's eyes. "I don't want that, but I don't know what to do."

As Tsukune's arm squeezed her to him, Moka turned to face Tsukune, blinking away her nascent tears as she met his gaze. To her surprise, he was regarding her with a look a quiet, sad calmness, but his voice was even and strong. "Don't worry. Things are… complicated now, I know. And I don't know how things will turn out in the end. Still… no matter what, Moka, I won't leave you. I want to be by your side, always." Tsukune's determination barely overwhelmed his discomfort and the fading memories that had plagued him over the past nights, images of two other girls who were very important to him. "I still can't say that I completely understand my feelings, or what I really want, but I do know this… I love you, Moka." Despite the gibbering terror in his chest and a sinking, confused feeling of betrayal, all that showed through Tsukune's eyes was the glow of his resolute happiness.

Moka couldn't manage to hold back her tears now, and didn't bother to try this time. Instead she threw her arms around Tsukune and held to him desperately. "I love you too, Tsukune," she managed in a half-sob, and he hugged her in support as his brain fought to comprehend those words, or at least to preserve them for later consideration. As the Ferris Wheel lifted them again towards the sky, she raised her head, and brought her face towards his.

Tsukune was ready for this. So many times this had happened, Moka coming close to him, her lips only tantalizing inches away, only for her to veer to the side. So many times the soft brush of a kiss had been replaced by the piercing pain of Moka's bite. He had learned not too expect too much.

But, this time, Moka was not thirsty, and this time she did not veer to the side.

Tsukune had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Moka, or even to hold her like he did now. His imagination had utterly failed to offer a faint impression of what it would be like to feel the softness of her lips, to be surrounded by her scent, to lose himself in their contact. The Ferris Wheel, the vast landscape beyond, the entire world; all of it faded away as extraneous information that could only distract him from what was important. Time itself took a lunch break, leaving them an all-but-eternal moment to savor.

Slowly they drifted apart, and Tsukune marveled at the way that the light gleamed off Moka's eyes. They stared in mutual silence for a long time as the ride reached its zenith, and suddenly the words burst out of them simultaneously.

"Sorry, I-"

"I didn't mean to-"

The ride jerked to a stop, and the gondola rocked back and forth as its movement was abruptly halted. Caught off guard, the two fell forward into each other, both trying to catch themselves before they collided. Sitting back up, Tsukune chuckled self-consciously, raising one hand in apology. "Oops, I didn't expect that. Are you-" He glanced down at the thing he was holding, staring at the crucifix as if wondering how it had gotten there as an all-too-familiar burst of power set the gondola to rocking once again.

"I believe that is mine," Inner Moka stated icily, sticking out her hand but pointedly not meeting Tsukune's incredulous gaze. As he surrendered the rosario, the vampire placed it on her lap, reaching over and claiming the purse that her outer persona had brought along on the date. The vampire quickly dug to the bottom of the purse and claimed the item she had been seeking, lifting it aloft with a triumphant smirk. Only now, with the Belmont in hand, did she return the rosario to its place.

"Heh, I guess this means that it's your turn to be out," Tsukune laughed weakly, looking away as Moka lifted the edge of her skirt and began to wrap the whip around her thigh. His earlier nervousness had been resurrected, and had brought even more fear to the surface; he felt as though he had been caught red-handed in the midst of a crime he didn't quite understand.

"We were supposed to share this date, but someone got greedy," the vampire noted sharply, her eyes narrowed. "But this feels like a good time to step in, anyways. This is my body too, you know." Tsukune felt sweat begin to form on his forehead as he considered her words.

"I didn't… I mean, I only…" The door to the gondola opened, cutting off his stammering.

"Go on," Moka ordered, motioning towards the door. There was a ghost of a smile upon her face as he began to climb out of the gondola. "We have a date to finish, after all."

"Come on, boy, and win a prize for your pretty girlfriend. I'm sure she'd like to take home one of these stuffed animals; what girl wouldn't?"

Tsukune paused and offered the man running the darts booth a sheepish grin. "That's alright, but I'll have to pass. I'm sure that she doesn't really want-" He spared a glance towards the silver-haired vampire, who responded only by arching an eyebrow at him. "Ah, on second thought, I guess I can give it a try…"

As Tsukune stepped up to the booth, paying the weasely man behind the counter for three blunted darts, he allowed himself a moment to analyze how his date with Moka had changed after the rosario had come off. Though Inner Moka was, as ever, aloof and haughty, it was obvious that she was enjoying herself. She had taken him from booth to booth, sampling food and playing games, never stopping to speak. If she was angry at him for what he and her other self had been doing, she concealed it well. They had passed half an hour like that, constantly on the move, the vampire seeming both insatiably curious and reserved at the same time.

"Aw, come on," Tsukune lamented, his first dart rebounding off the balloon he had aimed at.

"Gonna have to throw harder than that," the man commented, and Tsukune gritted his teeth and launched another dart that quickly joined its comrade on the floor.

"Let me try," Moka suggested, holding her hand out.

"Sure, but this thing is rigged; the darts are completely dull and the balloons have hardly any air in them," Tsukune commented, dropping the dart into Moka's waiting palm. The vampire paused only a moment to take aim before letting the final dart fly.

Pop!

"Nice shot, cutie," the man smirked. "Beginner's luck, I'm sure. Here, you can choose any prize from the bottom row, or…" He offered her a predator's smile. "If you want, you can try for something better. Pay the price again, and hit all three, and I'll let you have any prize in the booth!"

Moka ignored Tsukune as he shook his head, instead glancing from the miniscule prizes the man had indicated towards the far more impressive specimens tied to the booth's upper beams. After a moment, she turned to her friend, and Tsukune was surprised to see a faint grin on her face. "At least let me pay," Tsukune yielded, hoping to salvage whatever shreds of pride he could.

The money quickly traveled from his hand to hers, and on to the man running the booth. The man flourished, producing three more darts and holding them out towards Moka. "These are lucky ones, I promise."

Moka eyed the rounded tips, and then turned her gaze back to the wilted balloons. "I'm sure." She held the first dart aloft, and took aim.

Pop. Pop. Thud!

Moka glanced towards the booth operator, motioning towards her final target, which had been fatally impaled but had been too deflated to pop properly, instead releasing its contents with a hissing sigh. "That counts, right?"

Paling, the man considered his options. "Well…" He reached up to the dart in question, trying to pull it free. It resisted his efforts, very firmly lodged in the board behind it. Grunting loudly, the man strained to remove it, but failed. "Ah… sure. Take your pick." Still the dart wouldn't budge.

As Tsukune stared at her in awe, the vampire pointed towards a colossal teddy bear that towered over its lesser kin. "That one." Leaving the stubborn dart in place, the booth operator grudgingly pulled down the massive bear and presented it to her, and she wasted no time in turning and thrusting it into Tsukune's arms. As he staggered under it, she almost succeeded in hiding her satisfied smile. "Something to remember this by. I hope you don't mind carrying it."

Tsukune smiled at her, somewhat embarrassed by the odd gift and pleasantly unsettled by Moka's good mood. "Not at all." He shifted its weight, and offered the disgruntled booth operator a farewell nod. "We should probably start making our way back towards the – Hey, wait up!" Tsukune hurried to catch up to Moka, who had sighted a shooting booth and was marching towards it. He sighed, but his exasperation failed to cover his genuine smile. Despite what he might have expected… he was still enjoying himself, and wasn't looking forward to his time with Inner Moka ending.

"Wait for me!"

"All that rushing, and he still isn't here." Moka sniffed, glancing regretfully back in the direction of the game booths she had been forced to abandon. Tsukune shrugged in apology, but that movement upset the delicate balance of Moka's stuffed winnings from the various booths she had visited. As he found a clean enough spot to place the heap of fluffy animals, Tsukune mused that the various people running the booths were probably glad to see them leave; Moka's determination and skill had upset more than a few of them, not to mention nearly emptying Tsukune's wallet.

Moka watched him arrange the pile of stuffed animals, suddenly introspective. It was time for their date to end, but both she and her other self had had very enjoyable times, though she was forced to admit her outer persona had gotten the better end of the matter. However, looking at it from a different perspective, the end of their date meant that it would soon enough be time for the other dates. She had not been consulted on this arrangement, and would have violently disagreed to several aspects of it; Mizore and Kurumu had taken advantage of the fact that she was sealed away. Still, she believed that she still had the advantage… it just remained to her to insure that it would stay that way.

"Tsukune," she started, and he turned to face her, a certain wariness in his expression. "After what happened today…" She paused, noticing the way his face had started to fall. "I will say that I enjoyed this evening, and that I wouldn't mind it if we did this again. I would… suggest that, as a matter of fact." She smirked at his shock. "Especially considering what happened on the Ferris Wheel."

"Ah, heh, yeah… Don't worry; I'd like to go on another date with you too." Tsukune said, smiling brightly. His grin dropped when Moka stepped closer to him, her eyes drilling into his.

"The agreement that we and the other two have is fine for now, but it won't last." Tsukune swallowed loudly, realizing that it wasn't the dates she was speaking of. She meant the compromise they had reached after the defeat of Mori Retsu, which had saved him from the need to choose one of the girls over the others. "Someday you will have to choose, and there's no way of knowing how soon that day will come." She stepped even closer, and the intensity in her eyes was almost frightening. "You may even have to choose between the two halves of me." Tsukune, enraptured by her gaze, failed to ask what she meant by that statement. "But, before that day comes… perhaps you and I will share what my outer self got to enjoy today." For Tsukune, the world was crimson eyes and the gleam of light reflecting off her pale fangs as she smiled, drawing even closer.

"Hey, you two! Sorry I'm late!" The two jerked apart, Tsukune's blush only slightly more obvious than Moka's, and together they turned to face Mr. Cooper as he trotted up to them. "I got caught up in traffic, and it took me a few extra minutes." He smiled obliviously, looking from one face to the other. "So, did you have fun?"

"Yes," Moka quickly said, glancing to Tsukune with a sly smile. "We certainly did."

"Good!" beamed Mr. Cooper. "Well, if you're ready, shall we?" He watched as Tsukune strived to pick up the heap of Moka's winnings, blinking in confusion. "Oh… do you need some help with that?"

As the two men secured their cargo, Moka walked on towards the car, smiling in triumph. She was not happy with what would come next, but at least she felt confident that, no matter what, she would not lose Tsukune without a fight. Stepping safely out of sight, she reached down to remove the Belmont from her leg. For now, she had had enough fun to relinquish control to her other persona.

But only just for now.

"Goodnight!" Tsukune yelled from just inside his bedroom, waving to the girls before placing the seal and closing the door. As he stepped towards the bed, he felt the dumb grin he had been restraining for the past hour finally begin to conquer his face. He fell forward onto the mattress, and the blanket sufficed to muffle his nervous giggling. The memories he had kept reined in finally washed over him, and he smiled madly into the covers as they flashed through his mind. Riding the teacups… the Lover's Tunnel… the Ferris Wheel…

The kiss…

Tsukune's euphoria was heightened by a realization he had come across during the car ride back to the Resting Place, as he and Moka had sat in the back seat and surreptitiously held hands: this couldn't be a dream, he'd never had a dream that good before. Things had gone better than he could have hoped, even after Moka's inner persona had emerged. And her last words to him…

A dampening coolness began to spread over his overheated emotions. Inner Moka's last words had been a pleasant surprise, but what she had said before that was… worrying. What had she meant about choosing between her two sides? It wasn't as if they were two separate people… or were they? He hadn't ever really given it much thought, but yes, they did feel like two different girls to him. Still, the thought of choosing between them was ludicrous.

Choosing… she had had much to say about that. And perhaps she was right. Now, in the throes of his ecstatic joy, Tsukune could once again imagine spending life alone with Moka, a life as normal as they would want. Dating… marriage… children… It was all possible, and he had to do was announce that he had chosen. With those words, he would have the future that he had wanted for a very long time, since not long after he had met Moka.

Perhaps it would be right to do that. Now, before he began to doubt himself again, before the other dates, before the other girls got involved. Tomorrow, he could step out and announce to the girls that he had chosen, that he had picked Moka to be the one girl for him. It would be so easy.

Tsukune reached up for the top of the blanket, tired enough to crawl into bed without changing. He would need to sleep first, but in the morning he would-

Tsukune paused as he heard the crackle of the paper. Blinking, he glanced up at his hand, and noticed the edge of the paper that had been placed under one of his pillows. He grabbed it and pulled it out, sitting up on the bed as he scanned over it. It was a short letter, addressed to him. Surprised and somewhat concerned, Tsukune began to read the note.

Tsukune –

I'm leaving you this note since I know you will be tired tonight, and since what I want to say would be better said tonight than in the morning, and since I won't be able to tell you what I want without something interfering like always. Today was your date with Moka, and I hope it went well, really I do. I could tell from this morning that you were excited, and happy, and that makes me happy too… almost happy enough to forget that you were going out with another girl.

But I'm scared, too. Tsukune, I know that you love Moka, and that she loves you too. That's why, once, I was willing to try to give up, for your sake. I see now that was a mistake, but I worry that things may come back to that someday. I'm happy now, and the thought that one day soon we will share a date thrills me more than you could know. Even as I watch you walk out the door with another girl…

But I worry- The note here was particularly messy, with several places scratched over - that I might lose before things get a chance to change. Before I get a chance. I know that you are close to Moka, and I worry what will happen when you two get to be alone together. Maybe that's why I've always interfered, always ruined the mood whenever I could. Because I was worried, and scared, and because I envied her.

I've said enough for now. I just want to remind you that I am here, and that I will always be there for you. I want you to remember me, even when you are with her. I just wanted you to know that- One letter, likely an 'I,' had been inked over here, with its replacement written in above it – we love you, too.

~M

For several long minutes, Tsukune sat staring at the letter, not thinking, not moving. Everything that he had been thinking before crumbled, and behind it he could see the truth of what he had been ready to do. He could feel Mizore's doubts and fears, and he realized what he would have done to her and to Kurumu, had he acted on his decision. Their friendship, their dreams, their happiness… he had been willing to sacrifice it all.

Tsukune clutched his stomach, feeling as if he would be violently ill. The letter drifted away from his fingers onto the floor, and he stared down at it with trembling eyes. He was going to go that far, after all their talk of compromises and fair chances… he felt so selfish, so callous. They loved him, too… and what of him? How did he feel? What was it that he truly wanted?

One by one, the lights of the Resting Place fell dim, save for one. The light of the largest bedroom stayed lit for much of that night, keeping watch over Tsukune as he sat in relentless thought, struggling to understand himself. It was well into the night before sleep took mercy on him, and he only just managed to kill that final light before he drifted off. Then the darkness reigned over the Resting Place, and all the dreams and nightmares it contained.

Author's Note: "As result of a misconfigured internal upgrade, 1/4th of our members experienced broken real-time stats for part of Jan 9th, all of Jan 10th, and part of Jan 11th," they say. RAGE!, I say. Speaking as an avid hits-watcher who released a chapter on said Jan 9th, I petulantly fume that I was deprived of my precious hits for those three days; I have arbitrary goals to meet here, people! Fix your crap!

This whine/rant brought to you by someone with too much time on his hands, and by someone who failed out of computer science due to incompetence and thus has no right to tell anyone to 'fix their crap.' But I digress. Rage.

Ahem, moving on. I was surprised to discover that writing Outer Moka in this chapter was easier than Inner Moka; the silver-haired vampire cost me a great deal of time in the revision process because she felt too harsh. Of course, it falls unto you to determine whether or not I succeeded in communicating their respective characters well enough, but hey, I gave it a heck of a shot.

Ah, Mizore, patron of the written word; I figured it would be best for her to write the note, since her introduction in the manga proves that she is fond of finding emotion in text, and thus may be good at communicating it as well, or so I say this time. I worry that the language there was too simplistic, but it would have had to be a rushed job, since it would have been composed after they returned to the Resting Place. Also, I've noticed I give Kurumu a lot of screen time, and it's harder with Mizore typically; she does tend to blend in, as a stalker and all. Personally, I'm glad I decided to include that scene; it was a recent addition to my plan.

Speaking of said plan: I'm torn as to what I will be including in the next chapter, since, while the dates are firmly established, the days in-between are a little less defined. Either a slice-of-life at the Resting Place, or a chapter I've been polishing since I started work on this tale, the action-packed re-introduction of a certain previous villain… sigh, decisions, decisions. Unless I go crazy over my job hunt over the next few days, I hope to have that work done within three to five days. Wish me luck.

Ah, and a final note, on release schedules. My thanks for the replies to my previous question; I've decided to go with an as-I-finish schedule, with a weekly deadline just in case. The reasons are thus: I tend to revise heavily as I write, so holding it much longer is actually more an annoyance than anything, as I tend to second-guess myself; plus, my previously-noted enthusiasm for feedback and hits-watching is piqued more by something I've recently finished than something that has languished for three days. Also, as this story is, and I wince at the understatement, friggen' huge, it is best that I crank out as much as I can while I can, so this project doesn't take too long to finish (a foolish dream, that). I hope to maintain at least a weekly deadline, however, since I work better under pressure. A glance back at the dust-covered antiques in my other FFN account proves that…

But, enough jabbering for now; I have more work to do! Since I have plans for this weekend, if the next chapter isn't up by Saturday, it will probably be Monday or Tuesday at the earliest, and I hope to avert that possibility. So, back to writing, and thinking…

And, eventually, to sleep.

~Wynn Pendragon