Author's Note: Helloo, everybody! I hope you're all having a great week and making steady plans for the approaching holiday season. My week's only been marginally better than last week, but also a lot worse than I imagined it would be. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter.
This chapter is dedicated to ramzasaur, who passed away tragically two days ago. She was a member of FF and creddiefans and an amazing writer. She will be sorely missed by all who knew and loved her.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or 17 Again. I'll roll the dice again on another day.
It was nearing evening time, the sun disappearing behind a wispy grey cloud, shrouded with swirls of pink and orange, meshing untidily with the blackness of the approaching night. It had been two days since Gibby and Freddie had tried to interrupt the proceedings of his and Carly's pending divorce with little to no success. Since then, Freddie had spent as little time indoors as he could manage. And true to his intentions, he was currently located in the doorway, aiming as many shots at the basketball hoop as he could muster.
Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could stall me
Gibby exited through the door to the patio one floor above and moved towards the railing, where he watched Freddie's progress for a few minutes, unbeknown to the former. Freddie was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a black short-sleeved shirt and white undershirt underneath with his trusty white sneakers on his feet as he continued dribbling the ball. He was barely breaking into a sweat as he circled the perimeter of the hoop, twisting and turning his body with graceful loops before allowing the orange basketball to leave his hand with a casual flick of his wrist.
And then came the rush of the flood
The stars at night turned deep to dust
The ball flew into the air effortlessly each time, sailing almost pathetically through the net with a lethargic swish. And that's exactly what Freddie wanted: a decisive pattern. One that wouldn't allow him to think about anything outside of its resolute borders.
Melt me down
Into big black armour
"Wow," Gibby declared aloud, breaking suddenly into Freddie's deep reverie.
"I haven't seen you practise this hard since high school," he mused pensively while watching Freddie's movements.
Freddie came to a stand-still and wiped moisture off of his forehead with the back of his hand.
"Yeah, well. If I wanna impress those college scouts, then I need to stay focused," Freddie answered frankly, hunching over slightly to make another calculated shot.
Leave no trace
Of grace
Just in your honor
Gibby furrowed his eyebrow in confusion at this pronouncement.
"Wait, you're not still trying to get a scholarship, are you? You should be careful, Freddie. You don't wanna get off the spirit path." Gibby replied cautiously.
Something in Freddie snapped when he heard this, causing him to throw the ball viciously against the garage door, creating a loud reverberating sound.
Once I wanted to be the greatest
Two fists of solid rock
"There's no path, Gibby! There's no path!" Freddie yelled angrily, stunning his best friend momentarily.
With brains that could explain
Any feeling
"I can't do it," he whispered dejectedly while hugging his arms tightly wrapped across his chest.
"I was never supposed to help Corrie, Matt and Carly. I just made things worse for them. My kids are better off without me! My wife is better off without me! Everyone is better off with me out of the picture, Gibby."
Lower me down
Pin me in
Secure the grounds
"It's time to move on," Freddie concluded resolutely, having controlled his emotions somewhat.
For the lead
And the dregs in my bed
I've been sleeping
For the later parade
Before Gibby could offer any words of encouragement, both he and Freddie glanced up at a sudden bright light coming towards them. Filled with curiosity, Freddie dropped his ball off to the side while Gibby made his way downstairs. The light in question belonged to the blinkers on a car as it crawled up slowly towards Gibby's driveway. When the engine finally died, both Freddie and Gibby were surprised when Spencer exited out of the car and shut the door behind him with a loud bang.
Spencer looked like he hadn't slept in days. Under the glare of the lights outside the house and the street lamp behind him, his eyes were bloodshot, his long brown hair dishevelled, his clothes crinkly and rumpled, the tan of a faint stubble line forming on his chin.
"Spencer?" Freddie and Gibby chorused in unison.
"Hey, guys. I hope I'm not interrupting," Spencer greeted with a nervous smile on his face.
"No, it's cool. What are you doing here?" Gibby asked curiously, worry tainting every syllable of his words.
"Actually, I'm looking for Freddie. Is he back from his trip yet?" Spencer inquired abruptly.
Both Gibby and Freddie shared a quick look with each other before gazing back at Spencer. What was going on? Why was Spencer looking for his soon-to-be brother-in-law?
"No, he isn't. He won't be back for a couple of weeks from what he last told me. Why do you ask? Is everything ok?" Gibby asked cautiously.
"Um, I'm not sure exactly. I'm sorry to drop by like this unexpectedly, it's just that I was hoping to talk to him in…person." Spencer explained, putting particular stress on the last word in his sentence.
Freddie was beginning to like this conversation even less as Spencer turned to stare at him momentarily, a furtively contemplative expression crossing the older man's features.
"You know what? I'll just give you two some privacy and head inside," Freddie announced swiftly, grabbing his basketball off of the concrete driveway and preparing to go back into the house to leave the two adults alone.
"Hold up a second, Felix. I'd like you to stick around for a moment. There's something I wanna ask you," Spencer interjected hurriedly, a strange amount of firmness evident in his tone.
Gibby said nothing in response, but watched as Freddie moved hurriedly to stand in front of Spencer once more, albeit unwillingly.
"Gibby, could you give us a moment alone?" Spencer asked quietly.
"Just to talk," he added gently when it looked like Gibby might have some objections.
Gibby glanced between the two men for a moment before relenting.
"I'll be inside if anyone needs me," he concluded slowly before heading indoors, leaving Spencer and Freddie to stare wordlessly at each other.
Freddie began rocking slightly on the balls of his feet while he waited for Spencer to break the awkward silence.
"So…what did you wanna ask me?" Freddie questioned softly, stealing a furtive glance at his brother-in-law.
"Well, what I wanted to ask you was…so Freddie's really out of town?" Spencer demanded rapidly, changing tact midway.
"Uh, yeah, he is. That's what my Dad tells me anyway." Freddie offered as coherently as possible, wondering where Spencer was going with this.
Spencer nodded at this before proceeding.
"So you haven't met Freddie at all since you first came to live with Gibby?" he pressed slowly.
"I've met him once or twice…in passing between different business trips. He seems like an alright guy to me." Freddie answered as stoically as possible.
"Yeah, he's the best. At least, he used to be." Spencer mused nostalgically.
"I mean, he sure has a great way with words…especially for those things he wrote down in that letter he left to Carly. You know, the one you read out in the courthouse two days ago." Spencer went on in a determined voice.
Freddie's palms were beginning to sweat insurmountably now. How long could he keep his poker face intact before he finally cracked under the strain?
"I know that Freddie's messed up a lot over time with Carly and with Corrie and Matt. But I know that he cares about the three of them deep down. And you really gave his declaration of love a lot more feeling too," Spencer continued.
He began circling cautiously around Freddie, catching the looks of nervousness that the young boy shot at him.
"Well you know. I've always been a fan of acting out…monologues." Freddie offered feebly, feeling a thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead as he spoke.
Spencer nodded again, as if he didn't really believe what he was hearing, which unnerved Freddie even more the longer the seconds ticked away.
"But that's just it, isn't it? You weren't acting the whole thing out, Felix. Carly showed me 'the letter', it was just a page with some directions to get to the courthouse scribbled on them. How could you remember Freddie's entire monologue?" Spencer questioned seriously.
"I have…photographic memory." Freddie offered with a weak smile.
"Maybe you do. But then I thought of something else. It just doesn't make any sense to me that Freddie wouldn't make it to the court proceedings if he really didn't want Carly to divorce him. The Freddie I know wouldn't have missed an opportunity like that to tell my sister that he still loves her. There's no business trip that would've kept him away." Spencer declared frankly.
"But he still sent you and Gibby to the court house instead of coming himself. I started asking myself whether he really was out of town like you said. And then you 'read' out that letter to Carly in the courtroom and that got me thinking too…"
It seemed like Spencer no longer cared that Felix was present, his chaotic thoughts taking on a mind of its own as he continued pacing along the driveway.
"It was the way you said the words, like you really understood what Freddie was trying to express. And I saw the way you looked when you left that courtroom, like you'd just had your heart ripped right out of you. And I kept thinking, 'He's just a kid. How can he already know what it's like to experience that kind of gut-wrenching heartache?'."
"And then the answer hit me when I was lying awake in my bed two nights ago."
Freddie desperately wanted to stop Spencer from figuring everything out right then and there. But even he was far too engrossed in hearing out the rest of Spencer's absurd conspiracy theory.
"What if you weren't who you said you were? What if you're not Felix Gibson, the illegitimate son of Gibby Gibson? I'm not saying that Gibby couldn't have a kid somewhere out there in the world; I mean, it's still Gibby we're talking about. But you seemed to just arrive out of nowhere, at exactly the same time that Freddie first left town."
"There were other things about your personality too that I've noticed over the past two months. There was this air of familiarity about you, like I'd known you for half of my life. And then there was also the way you interacted with Matt and Corrie. With Matt, you were always paternal and engaging; you were paternal with Corrie too, but in a way that was almost…disapproving, especially when you saw her hanging out with Reed. But mostly, it was the way that you looked at Carly. It was almost…wistful at times." Spencer concluded earnestly, his eyes locked on Freddie now.
Freddie could feel his heart thumping wildly in his chest now.
"Then I realised that it was almost midnight and all that thinking made me really hungry. So I got a snack, went to my room and started reading through some of my comic books to help me sleep. And that's when I found comic book 347 of 'The Time Traveller' series. That one's entitled 'The Spirit Guide'." Spencer stated dramatically.
Of course, Freddie knew exactly which comic book Spencer was referring to. It had been one of the issues that Gibby had shown him when his 'transformation' had first occurred. His heart was pounding so loudly, he was sure that Spencer could hear it.
"I don't know if you've read it before, but the protagonist gets into a collision in his space cruiser and ends up in a coma. And when he wakes up, he realises that he's been transformed from a middle-aged man into a young boy. The only way he can change back to his former self is to undergo a series of tests to help him build character and reform. And he is aided in this respect by a mentor…or a spirit guide." Spencer continued on in a cryptic tone, circling closer and closer around Freddie till they were just inches apart.
And then they were finally eyeball to eyeball, neither one of them making a sound for a few minutes.
"So my question is: are you who you say you are? Are you Felix Gibson?" Spencer asked softly.
"No, I'm not." Freddie finally relented, trying his hardest not to blink.
"Then who are you?" Spencer pressed seriously.
"My name…is Fredward Benson."
After making this grave pronouncement, Freddie was intensely surprised when Spencer began whooping loudly and doing a series of erratic movements, waving his arms around and flailing his legs about on the spot.
"Spencer? What are you doing?" Freddie demanded quizzically.
"I'm doing a victory jig because I was right!" Spencer exclaimed triumphantly while continuing his ridiculous dance.
Then he came to stand in front of Freddie once more and clapped the young man's head in his calloused hands.
"It really is you, isn't it?" he whispered rapidly, his eyes locked on Freddie's.
"Yeah, it's me, Spence." Freddie offered weakly.
Spencer emitted a high-pitched shriek and clapped Freddie's cheeks hard with his hand, almost sending the younger man toppling backwards in shock.
"I can't believe this! This is incredible! I mean…you look exactly the same as you did 17 years ago when you and Carly started dating! How did this even happen?" Spencer questioned eagerly, coming to stand in front of Freddie again.
"You remember that really bad storm that hit the city two months ago?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, I was driving back to Gibby's after I dropped Matt and Corrie off at home and Carly and I got into a fight about the divorce. The weather was really bad; I could barely see two feet in front of me even with the wipers going. Something funny happened to the radio and it lost frequency for a few minutes. Then I got to the bridge and I saw this old man standing on the edge, getting ready to jump. So I stopped the car, got out and wanted to run towards the railing to try and get him to come back down. I recognised him from earlier that day; he'd been at Ridgeway and I thought he was the janitor. He said some pretty weird things to me about having a 'do-over' in my life, I wasn't really paying attention at the time."
"But back to the bridge. I was standing across the bridge at my car and he was on the other side, smiling back at me. Then a bus drove past both of us and blocked my sight. When I looked back again, the old man was gone. I panicked, thinking he'd jumped, so I ran towards the railing to go and check. I couldn't see anything below me except the swirling of the rapids beneath the bridge. And then I saw my own face, my teenage face from a lifetime ago, swirling around in the water. It was like I was looking in a mirror. I must've leant too far over the bridge; next thing I knew, I was falling into the water and I went underneath the waves. I managed to get my bearings and swim back to shore before I collapsed into unconsciousness. When I woke up a few hours later, the sun had already risen and I decided to just go back to Gibby's and report the incident about the old man. But when I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror, that's when I noticed 'the change' I went through. I've been like this ever since." Freddie explained solemnly.
"This is unbelievable, Freddie. I mean, you get to be a teenager all over again. If I were ever reincarnated, I'd wanna turn into a bird." Spencer declared eagerly.
"Why?" Freddie asked in confusion.
"I'd be able to fly." Spencer answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Right." Freddie mumbled while rolling his eyes at the sky.
"I'm glad you didn't really disappear, Freddie. But I get why you had to keep your distance these past few weeks, sort of." Spencer offered graciously.
"Thanks, Spencer. But I still don't get it. How did you figure all of this out? Did you know the whole time? I thought I was so careful." Freddie lamented anxiously.
"Don't worry, you were. I wouldn't have thought about anything if not for your 'letter' in the courtroom. I've spent my time researching 'reincarnation' and 'transformations' on the internet and watching 'Galaxy Wars'. I've barely gotten any sleep for the past 48 hours." Spencer explained tentatively.
"You were watching 'Galaxy Wars' for two days?" Freddie asked quizzically.
"Yeah. Episode 541 to be precise."
"The one where Cadet Thompson gets turned into an old woman as part of her punishment for trying to overthrow the Nugullian Empire?"
"Exactly."
"Well, I finally get why you resemble Russell Brand now," Freddie noted lightly, his eyes sweeping over Spencer's dishevelled appearance.
"Oh, yeah. I sorta forgot to shave for two days." Spencer replied sheepishly.
"Yeah, I figured. Still, it's better than when you became obsessed with beating Sasha Striker's high score for Pack Rat." Freddie teased jovially.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I still wished I'd called her after I finished my Labradoodle sculpture though." Spencer mused wistfully, causing Freddie to laugh loudly at the memory.
"It's great being able to reminisce about all of the good times. This whole thing is really amazing. When Carly and the kids find out about this-"
"They can't find out about this, Spencer." Freddie interjected abruptly, his face taken on a decidedly fierce expression.
Spencer was taken aback by Freddie's sudden ferocity.
"What do you mean? You're not gonna tell them about any of this?" Spencer demanded incredulously.
"No." Freddie responded simply.
"Ok, but how else are you gonna convince them that you're not a bad guy, that you still care about them? You are gonna fight for them, right?" Spencer asked weakly.
"I want to, Spencer, you have to believe me when I say that. But I'm afraid it's too late." Freddie answered woefully.
"No, it's not. Freddie, it's never too late to fight for the people you love, you have to trust me on that." Spencer pronounced vehemently, his hands going to Freddie's shoulders and gripping them tightly, as if he wanted to shake some sense into the young boy.
"Freddie, they deserve to know the truth," he added more seriously.
"No, Spencer. What they deserve is a chance to get on with their lives, without me in it." Freddie returned forcefully.
"You don't mean that. You can't possibly mean that," Spencer stated hollowly.
"I do mean it. I've thought long and hard about this, and I really feel like it's for the best, for everyone." Freddie declared hoarsely.
"But you love Corrie and Matt, they're your whole world. And you can't honestly stand there and tell me that anyone else will love my sister as much as you do. You'd be lying if you did." Spencer reasoned heatedly, particularly on the last part.
"I do love Carly with all my heart, Spencer. And I love my kids. But they're better off without me. I can't give them what they need while I'm still…like this." Freddie responded with a woeful glance down at his teenage body.
"I don't know how long I'm gonna be stuck in this body. And it's not fair to them to give them half of what should have, which is a stable family environment." He reasoned swiftly.
"Why don't you let them decide for themselves about what they want? You owe them that much after everything." Spencer spat vehemently.
"I can't, Spencer. I'm sorry. As soon as I graduate from Ridgeway in two months, I'm gonna go as far away from here as I can manage. Spencer, you have to promise not to say anything to Carly or the kids about any of this."
"Freddie, I don't know if I can-"
"Spencer! Promise me!"
Spencer's shoulders sagged and he bowed his head in defeat.
"Alright. I promise I won't say anything," he conceded reluctantly.
"Thank you. This means a lot," Freddie murmured earnestly.
"Take care of my family for me while I'm gone, Spence. You're the only one I trust to do it," he added seriously, locking eyes with his brother-in-law as the latter made to walk back to his car.
"I will." Spencer replied without blinking.
"Just so you know, I'm only keeping your first promise till a certain eventuality happens." He added slowly, turning back to face Freddie once more.
"And what eventuality is that?" Freddie asked curiously.
"When you turn back to your old self. Then you can fill in the blanks yourself for Carly, Matt and Corrie." Spencer responded evenly.
"That day might never come, Spencer."
"I'm a firm believer in miracles. There's a spirit guide watching out for all of us up there."
With a small smile aimed at Freddie, Spencer finally took his leave of Gibby's house and got back into his car. Then with a quick turn of the key in the ignition, Spencer's engine roared to life and he was backing slowly out of the pristine driveway. And then he was driving back down the lonely road, leaving Freddie standing exactly where he left him.
Freddie emitted a loud sigh and hung his head. He knew that the end was almost in sight, but there was still so much left to do before he finally quit this place. And then it would all be in front of him: an endless road of possibilities, ones he certainly hadn't made provision for in these past two months.
But first, he had to tie up some loose ends.
Musical References:
1) "The Greatest" by Cat Powers
Author's Note: As promised, I quoted some Cat Powers for good measure in this chapter : ) I wanted to put in another song, but couldn't think of anything good to use; if I think of anything later, I'll add it then. For anyone who's watched "17 Again", you'll notice that Spencer's appearance in the chapter is a fabrication. I want to be able to incorporate more characters into this story to give my film adaptation a richer interpretation. There'll be plenty more of that next chapter and in the future chapters. The parts mentioning "The Time Traveller" and that episode of "Galaxy Wars" are also fabrications too. I hope you all have a great weekend, take care of yourselves : )