A/N: Out today, as promised. Thank you so, so much to the people who have left me such lovely reviews—you guys are great :)

Lesson Six: The Funnier, The Better

As anyone in a stable mental condition (no offense, Harry, mate) is well aware, one of the staples of sidekick-dom is humor.

Well if you hadn't known that, you do now. Don't you feel cleverer?

Now, as this is a subject that I consider myself an expert in, I'm going to seem more sure of what I'm saying. Don't be alarmed. It's been known to happen, even if the instances are few and far-between.

Here goes...

Being a sidekick is in many ways similar to being a banana. You're constantly in danger of being sliced up and served on a festive fruit platter as a delicious snack; you're the butt of a lot of jokes; and, no matter what, you and your best mate (an apple in this scenario, or some other breed of obscenely popular fruit) always end up stem-deep some sort of trouble, which for the sake of this extended metaphor, I shall refer to as a tart (not that sort of tart, get your minds out of the gutter).

However, indisputably, in addition to the obvious health benefits, bananas are probably the funniest fruits in existence (besides kumquats of course, but those are just freaks of nature; best not to speak of them). They're just effing weird (not to mention suggestively shaped—I mean seriously, they're asking for it). You, the sidekick, are also low fat and one of the funniest fruits in existence.

Erm, allow me to rephrase that, yeah? (Meanwhile, just pretend that never happened.)

If sidekick training were to come with a form of some sort, it would doubtlessly have a list of prerequisites stapled to the back. Thank Merlin it doesn't; I hate paperwork. You didn't really need to know that, did you? However, you should have by now gotten the general thrust of what tools you need to possess in your proverbial arsenal: that is, a fragrant potpourri (preferably not vanilla, as that makes my nose itch) of bravery, loyalty, and madness (shaken, not stirred), topped off with minimal frontal lobe activity, etc.

Basically, you need to be me.

Nevertheless, one of the most important skills you need to be a sidekick—or even a worthwhile human being, for that matter—is a decent sense of humor. In fact, the only place in the world besides History of Magic where I reckon a sense of humor's not a necessary part of existence is the Department of International Magical Cooperation. But then again, if you're working there, you're basically a lost cause anyway.

A Decent Sense of Humor (noun) - Not only the ability to identify and appreciate comedy when it's dancing in front of you in a three piece suit and a fedora (if this rudimentary skill is beyond you, I highly suggest hopping over to St. Mungo's and getting that checked out), but also the capacity to make up some of your own.

Synonym: Ron Weasley; Antonym: Prof. Binns

You've got a tough job: not only have you got to help save the world (or whatever your gig is), you have to make everyone laugh his or her arse off in the process. Given this tall order, it should be pretty blatant then that you need to be competent in telling your own jokes (good ones, mind you—especially if you ever plan on getting a girlfriend, but more on that later).

Not to be arrogant, but I've been rather successful at all of those points (saving mankind, being a laugh, and getting myself a girlfriend to boot). This is because, in addition to my charms, good looks, and intelligence, I'm also quite funny (you can stop now, Harry; that bit wasn't a joke). Hence, I am the designated comedian of our troop.

What's that make Hermione, then?

That's easy: she's the smart, pretty one. Obviously.

I thought I was the pretty one.

I can hardly breathe from laughing, Harry.

But anyway, whenever Harry's acting especially Harry-ish (refer to previous chapter for painful clarification), or Hermione is having all the good humor of a blast-ended skrewt in a wooden crate, it's my job to step in and lighten the mood. Sometimes, my wit can be dead useful for other things too, beyond heartening the spirits of others. I am very multifunctional. Who would've guessed?

Alternative Uses for Humor (or, Practical Application for Sarcasm):

1) I've inadvertently predicted a great many things using this comedic tactic (Sadly, when I actually try to do so—predict the future, that is—it never works out quite as well. That, in addition to other factors, such as lack of motivation, thoroughly explains my rotten Divination marks.)

2) When you're not using your humor to perk others up or foresee unlikely coincidences, it can be wicked helpful for relieving frustration.

Sure, you might've cracked a few knee-slappers in your time (OK, I said it, George… now cough up), but like with any talent, you need to hone your wisecracking skills. It's quite a lucky thing you have me here to teach you, eh? (Just nod and agree. I have a terribly fragile self-esteem.)

As always, you should first know what to avoid. Thankfully, these 'Percy-isms', for lack of a better term, are quite easily recognizable. I'll list them for you here.

What Not to Do:

1) Puns. If you want to impress someone with your knowledge of homonyms, have a nice chat with a three year old.

2) The same goes for any sentence involving the words 'your mum', 'your face', or any other random object that you can pair with a possessive pronoun. (These arrangements are only acceptable in very rare instances, and if and only if the speaker knows how to use them properly. Most don't. Use at your own discretion; it's your social life on the line.)

3) Your face (just thought I'd stick that in there). Ha ha. OK, I'm done.

4) Potions jokes. You know the kind I'm talking about.

5) 'Knock, knock's. No, just no.

6) Jokes that require a large windup for an unsatisfying finish. These really take the biscuit as far as annoyingness goes.

Other things you should avoid, if for no more reason than for the sake of your mental health:

1) People who tell these sorts of jokes, and think it's terrifically impressive (classic amateur's mistake: confusing naffness for comedic genius). Any of these poor excuses for humor are surefire signs that the failed joke-teller is trying to compensate for something, but is going about it in an altogether foolish manner. You're only embarrassing yourself.

2) Laughing at these sorry excuses for wit. It'll only make you look like a prat with poor taste.

Suggestive euphemisms (a personal favorite of mine), however, are condoned (and even encouraged). Viva innuendo. You'll find a great many opportunities for these in classes such as Divination ("Uranus") and Care of Magical Creatures ("Could you care for my magical creature?")

If you do manage to engineer a serviceable jest of your own, there's no need to make a song and dance about it. Doing so is downright poor thinking, not to mention pathetic. If the joke's a good as you think it is, chances are, people are going to laugh. If they're not, then either you're surrounded by a very unfortunate humorless bunch, or it's not all that funny and you look like an utter fool for being the only one in stitches.

As with Unforgivables, with sarcasm, you really have to mean it. Or at least appear to. That's where all the magic comes from; pasting on a straight face and spewing out irony. Usually this is used to mock (in either a nasty or affectionate way) idiocy or just to mess with people's heads (which is great fun, let me tell you).

Now, you lot have a go of it. Put what you just learned to practice.

All in all, if you make a concerted effort at it, soon you'll be telling jokes like the best of them. And when you're in a fix or some other miserable situation (eg. a tent of some sort, or in Divination class), it can really be a morale booster. Your friends will appreciate it.

That's awfully presumptuous of you.

Harry?

Yeah, Ron?

Bugger off, would you?

Sometimes, however, your mates are too damn irritating for their own good. Let them flounder. Don't waste your humor on the likes of ungrateful little berks.

A/N: Like it? Hate it? Tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is fantastic :) I've been pretty sick lately (just a cold, but it sucks nonetheless), but I hear reviews have healing properties... ;)

Only a couple more chapters to go! *tear*