Heaven is just like every anime fan imagined it. Pretty clouds, many Hitsugaya plushies, and all the yaoi fan fiction you could ever read. Amidst all of this boyxboy literature was a large throne made of british chocolate and awesome fan art. That throne belonged to none other than God. Next to that throne was another throne made of ramen and Naruto plushies for God's Bitch. Nearby,Mercenarywas standing and being forced to listen to God's ipod. One day, a guy named Light Yagami appeared before the throne. He had just died.
"Hi! I'm God!" God greeted him. "This is my Bitch!" she pointed over to her bitch, who was eating her ramen throne. "And that's my mercenary!" she pointed over to Mercenary, who waved with one hand and flipped him off with the other.
Light was so surprised and insulted that his eye twitched. "What…? …No… I'm God….." he said.
"What's wrong with him? I'm God!" God asked.
"He's just psychotic!" God's bitch replied.
Proving God's Bitch right, Light seemed to be having a mental breakdown.
"Shut up!" he yelled "If you're really God, then I'll just kill you with my notebook!" (HOLY SH** HE STILL HAS IT?)
~SILENCE~
"Ah yes. You and your handy dandy notebook. Just so you know, the second a writing implement touches you "uber" notebook I'll burn it with this convenient flamethrower…" Mercenary informed him.
"Woot! Hurray for weapons!" God cheered as she pulled an AK47 out from behind her throne.
"I want one! I want one!" God's Bitch begged. God gave her a giant iron mallet. "Woot!"
"Uh…" Light's eye twitched some more as he slowly raised his notebook.
Mercenary raised her flamethrower "Get ready to die you son-of-a…."
"Alright!" he yelled as he dropped his notebook and his pencil to the ground. Everyone stared at him in silence, until Mercenary set fire to the book. "What's wrong with you people! I'M GOD! Not you!"
"…not anymore, now that your notebook's dead…" Mercenary said quietly.
"…" he stared. "…I hate you all…"
"Well, we still need a Jesus…" God's Bitch suggested.
"Messiah." Mercenary corrected. "And it's actually a pretty good position. I mean, in Christianity, Jesus practically gets more attention than God. And we need a Messiah to protect our people…."
"No!" God yelled. "I'm NOT giving birth to him!"
"Pwease God!" God's Bitch whinned. "Can we keep him? Pwease, Pwease?"
"Fine…" she complied with the commands of her uke.
"…you know… you don't HAVE to give birth to him… Christianity's God was just bored…"
"Yay! Now descend upon Earth! My Son!"
A hole opened up in the clouds and "Jesus" fell to his untimely second death.
"Woops…" God said.
"…I think we need a new Messiah…" Mercenary said.