Oopsianity: Lent - Chapter 1

One day, in heaven, God was playing a rousing game of BS with her bitch.

"BULL SHIT!" She called out.

"God," Mercenary said. "Watch your language. This IS heaven, you ARE god, and there ARE children here =_=." She reminded.

"Exactly. I'm /GOD/. I can say what I want. I can't sin. And this game's called bullshit. What else am I supposed to say?"

Mercenary just sighed and let her continue her game. She sat in her throne, made of stuffed animals and tears, and looked at God's schedule. On that day was the word "Lent" in big, red letters.

"God!" She called. "It's Lent!"

"So what?" God's Bitch yelled back "BULLSHIT!"

"BITCH!" Mercenary replied impatiently. "Lent is a time where people have to give up something they like for 40 days."

"Why would anyone give up something for so long?" Bitch asked, finding the whole idea pointless.

"I don't know. To achieve a more heavenly perspective of life? To find meaning in something? I think God was high or something when she came up with it…"

"WAS NOT! _" God finally spoke up.

"Well, I'm gonna make all of you give something up."

"WHAT! NO!" God and Bitch cried in unison.

"Too bad. It'll teach you how to go without. I mean, REALLY, God you have the power to end world hunger, end war, and make the world a total paradise, but you leave the world in the state it's in while you live in the lap of luxury!"

"Ummm…" God thought "Well… I'm God…"

" *sigh* Bitch, I want you to give up ramen."

"NEVEEEEERRRR!" She wailed.

"YES! It's bad for your health and I think you would benefit from a break. Besides, I think your breath is permanently gonna smell like soy sauce…"

"Really? Awsome! But I don't wanna give up ramen! I Bite Chuu!"

"God… I think you should… give up…. sex…. "

"WHAT! NEVER!" God let out a high pitched wail.

"Well, I think I just lost most of my hearing." Mercenary held her ears tightly. "You're making humans all over the world give things up, I think it's only fit that you give up something of more… value…. to you."

"WHY! Even if I did give it up, I'd just get raped! I mean, there's vegetation everywhere! Bakura's gonna get what he wants!"

"Don't care… Go die… =_="

"WHAT ABOUT YOU!"

"…marshmallows…"

"NO! YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP SOMETHING IMPORTANT!" :(

"…like…"

"FINE! YOU GET SEX TO!" _

"FINE! FIRST ONE TO HAVE SMEX LOSES!"

"YOU'RE ON! LOSER HAS TO WEAR THAT SKIMPY OUTFIT IN YOUR CLOSET!"

"I WAS 4! IT WAS A BALLET COSTUME!"

"YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO WEAR IT!"

And so, a bet was made between God and her mercenaries. Whoever loses (has smex first) has to wear a tiny, white, black polka dotted, maid dress with a tutu. And let her lovers get a good, long look. Hmm… I'm the narrator now… right… so I can say whatever I want…. THERES A BABY IN THERE! *points to random pregnant lady on the street* *gets beat up by random pregnant lady* …shit…